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Today in Tabs: National Tabs Engagement Day

There’s a real fusion afoot.

Today in Tabs: National Tabs Engagement Day
[Prayer candles: Flickr user Tony Alter; Albert Einstein: via Wikipedia; Newspaper: Flickr user Elena]

Happy National News Engagement Day! Today is the day that our forefathers Jesus Christ and Albert Einstein set aside for Engaging With The News, when they met with Napoleon on Elba and determined the International Schedule of Bogus Holidays by which we still plan the bogus days and weeks of our bogus lives. David Carr engaged with the Washington Post, giving them a pat on the back and a really nice certificate for still existing:

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Great Jeorb!

Adrianne Jeffries is engaging with VICE‘s Motherboard, which is a big loss for The Verge. NYC phone booths have been engaging with your phone for a few months, which partly explains why phone booths even still exist. A few hours after the Buzzfeed report, the city said “lol whoops” and ordered them removed so they can be reinstalled within weeks after a token “review” process. #Brands are engaging with Ello, so I’ve already moved to Owdy.co, the only social network that “doesn’t let content get in the way of what truly makes for a good social experience: rushing to get your username before everybody else.

In Hobart, Elizabeth Ellen engaged with the alt-lit controversy in a personal essay so completely awful that even I would have politely ignored it except that Mallory engaged with it. Engaged with it real hard.

Sometimes it seems like people will never stop having opinions about Lena Dunham! Ross Douthat, who should stop having opinions altogether, thinks she is secretly proving reactionaries right. How can you literally call your own side of the political spectrum “reactionary?” We should be a lot more troubled by Ross Douthat than we are, and we are already really troubled. VICE’s Kaleb Horton tricked Douthat’s fellow reactionaries with the dastardly tactic of attributing a page of words to Dunham that was really obviously not by her. And finally, if you read nothing else in this graf, do read Jia Tolentino‘s review of “Not That Kind of Girl which is that best and rarest kind of Dunham Take: a thoughtful reading of the book itself.

Today in Tabs: “Why I Left New York” is already the most basic genre of personal essay, but Vogue‘s Jonathan Van Meter takes it to another level with an exemplar of the form that strays pretty far into unintentional self-parody. Blake Lively‘s artisanal pregnancy raises awareness that pregnant women literally must hold their wombs onto their bodies at all times lest they fall off and roll under the reclaimed barn wood picnic table. Pumpkin Spice Condoms were apparently Caitlin Kelly‘s fault, like so much else. World not yet replete with dicks, say scientists. CDC‘s Ebola playbook is apparently just: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯.

What do you think, Bij, got any good ideas on Ebola?

TODAY’S INTERN TAB, by BIJAN STEPHEN

There’s not much more elegant than Zadie Smith writing about Manhattan, especially when she’s using a Corona ad in Soho as her way into the island’s psyche. “Find your beach,” she says:

There’s no way to be in good faith on this island anymore. You have to crush so many things with your mind vise just to get through the day. Which seems to me another aspect of the ad outside of my window: willful intoxication. Or to put it more snappily: “You don’t have to be high to live here, but it helps.”

This weekend I went to a friend’s housewarming party. It was a sunny Sunday afternoon affair on a Brooklyn roof; people trickled in, ones and twos laughing and joining together to form groups little and large. I’ve always thought of roofs as a cousin to beaches—there’s no sand, but you can enjoy the view forever—and this one was particularly nice. We spun around and around that day, but still couldn’t spot Manhattan.

Did U Know: Kangaroos fight like white girls at the mall [via Jessica Roy]

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Today’s Song: Beyoncé released a video for “Flawless (Remix) ft. Nicki Minaj

~This tab, flawless, my tab, flawless, I woke up like this~

Today in Tabs was off yesterday, you didn’t miss it. We’re four days a week now, in accordance with my lifelong distaste for hard work. To get the tabs very slightly more than half of each week, subscribe by email and add kuro5hin.rusty@gmail.com to your contacts. Or you can read them on FastCoLabs where there’s embedded video and other world wide web type fillips of jouissance. Follow @TodayinTabs for tabs news and @rustyk5 for all manner of other garb.

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