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Today In Tabs: The Butter Slides In

You want the good news first, right?

Today In Tabs: The Butter Slides In
[Photo: Flickr user USFWS Headquarters]

The tides of ᴄᴏɴᴛᴇɴᴛ ebb and flow, and I can only collect whatever detritus is left behind. On… the beach. Which is Twitter? I guess? Let me just kick this metaphor behind the couch and zip up my tab suit and we’ll get started. A bunch of good things washed up today, and lots of them are in Matter. The internet’s Chief Doge Correspondent Kyle Chayka returns with the doge update I didn’t even realize we needed until I read it. Also today in memes, David Roth explores “Marine Todd and internet folk literature. Taffy Brodesser-Akner published her own report of that infamous Paula Deen cruise, previously covered by Caity Weaver in Gawker. More seriously, this listicle-style report on the Ebola outbreak in Liberia is a good example of the listicle form done well (which it can be because every form can be done well and used for good).

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BUT WAIT that’s all fine, and go ahead and read those things in a minute but first: The Toast just somehow hired Roxane Gay to run its forthcoming Roxane Gay vertical which will be called The Butter! Here’s Jess Zimmerman‘s extremely well-timed column about Gay’s book Bad Feminist. Setting aside a lot of obligatory we’re not worthy-ing from the Toast team, I’d like to point out that literally no other site is more worthy, and internet publishers of all kinds would do well to pair up this event and the Awl‘s recent ginger simul-poaching and draw some lessons about the relative merits of focusing on metrics vs focusing on quality and voice and letting good people get on with their dang work.

What else is good? There are still a few more things! The first Gone Girl movie reviews are in and Richard Lawson and David Edelstein both agree that it’s really good. Open source software might be doomed, and us along with it, but “How I Explained Heartbleed to my Therapist” is a good explanation why at least. The New Yorker‘s new animated cover is on point. They’re making a Black Mirror Christmas Special with Jon Hamm! Mapbox broke the emoji barrier! And… and…

And, I’m afraid, that’s it for the good news.

The Bad: Time‘s Ideas vertical is going hard after Thought Catalog‘s worst of the ‘net status lately. Recent steaming-hot takes include a Reason editor actually-ing Emma Watson and Camille Paglia being the worst kind of cranky Old. Dylan Byers throwing shade at Nate Silver is pretty delicious. Jeffrey Rosen gets a sit-down with Ruth Bader Ginsburg and asks her what the Canadian Air Force exercises are because he’s an idiot. Uber celebrated teachers being forced to scrounge for extra cash by driving for the would-be transport monopolist as a triumph of the “gig economy.” This is, as Matt Buchanan pointed out, sickening. Here’s Evgeny Morozov on the gig economy as a symptom of economic disaster in general. It might be time to just invade Ferguson. “Thug Kitchen” is food-blogging in blackface. Giant phone comes with smaller phone you can actually use.

Well that was a downer. What’s good Bijan?

TODAY’S INTERN TAB, by BIJAN STEPHEN

Dr/ake got an emoji tattoo, and nothing was the same; the A.V. Club is ON IT. Though they get their sourcing a little wrong (heads up, guys, @champagnepapi is a Twitter parody account, but @champagnepapi is his Insta) they do link to the (surprisingly good!) Tumblr that’s obviously sprung up in the 5 seconds since his ink dried.

Spoiler: It’s pics of ~Aubrey~, but with good ‘shops of ‘moji tats. Here’s his now-deleted take, courtesy of a screencap of his tattoo artist’s Insta:

“It will be a debate until the end of time…high five or praying hands…life is what u make it haaa”

&

“I pity the fool who high fives in 2014”

Me too, Drizzy. Me too. *prayer hands*

I didn’t understand a goddamn word of that.

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Today’s New Advice Columnist: is T-Pain, “the Heather Havrilesky of autotune.” —Kevin

Today’s Song: T-Pain, “Buy U A Drank (Shawty Snappin’)” because of course

~Talk to me, I talk back, let’s talk money, I’ll talk tabs~

If you’re having any trouble getting your Today in Tabs delivered by email, make sure you add “kuro5hin.rusty@gmail.com” to your contacts. It’ll help. Of course you could just read us on FastCoLabs where videos are embedded and C’s look like O’s! It’s up to you. We’re off tomorrow so you’re on your own till Thursday! I just want to tell you, good luck, we’re all counting on you.

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