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Today in Tabs: No Its Becky

All meme’d up, nowhere to go.

Today in Tabs: No Its Becky
[Photo: Flickr user Eva Rinaldi]

Taylor Swift has been marketing her upcoming album brilliantly just by being Taylor Swift and doing Taylor Swiftish things like carrying her cat around, wearing clothes, and literally being a beautiful mutant human-heron hybrid. But real questions have been raised, such as what happened to Meredith? Why is Eric Holder resigning? How bendable is the iPhone 6+ really? And did De Blasio murder a groundhog, and if so will it be winter forever? As our foremost modern stork-woman, we look to Swift for answers to these and literally all other questions, and until she provides them she will have to remain banished to the cutie.zone.

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It’s the ultimate first world problem,” begins NYT First-World Problems correspondent Nick Bilton, in his ongoing quest to prove there is no issue too picayune for him to explore at excruciating length and with grim, relentless cuteseyness. The first-world problem this time is… you know what, who even cares? There will just be another one next week.


lemurs love lollipops

The headline “Five ‘No. 2s’ at The New York Times” somehow manages not to refer to either opinion columnists or actual poop. Fox News still your #1 platform for terrible human garbage. Businessweek does some fine (satirical?) data journalism with the Waka Flocka Flame blunt-roller story. “Julia Allison writes about things that are like Burning Man but are not Burning Man” is a sentence that is both true and composed entirely of things that are bad. Justin Ellis wrote about what happened to The Wire in Nieman Lab. Spoiler: according to Atlantic editor James Bennet, The Wire’s traffic was “substantial,” but only compared to sites that are very, very small. “How novel it would be to read Lena Dunham’s thoughts on the idea of failure… What if she had to settle for anonymity?” is the bizarre conclusion to this Washington Post review of her memoir. Sorry Lena, but apparently in writing your memoir about your actual life, you’re somehow doing that wrong too. The government of India‘s Maharashtra state made a vending machine that gives out cupcakes in exchange for likes on Facebook. Today in Tabs has obtained a secret diagram of how the machine actually works:


TABS EXCLUSIVE MUST CREDIT

Feminism Uncool. Goth teens fake. Beloved Author Not So Jolly. Pasta Intrusive. Story Covered Exhaustively.

Bijan is sick today, so I don’t know how this is gonna go, but here he is:

TODAY’S INTERN TAB, by BIJAN STEPHEN

I didn’t wear headphones on my commute to work today, out of some misguided urge to be present, to fully experience the day. I left my apartment to the smell of fall’s first rain; I thought about how it recalled the “frisson between the person I was then—in high school, as a freshman, on my way to a 7am soccer practice—and who I am now, someone who still enjoys the smell of rain in the morning, but someone for whom things have irrecoverably changed.” Which is what I wrote on my iPhone’s note-taking app, this morning on the 2.

And then I got to work and fired up Tweetdeck.

4chan‘s latest, terrible ‘prank’: Convincing West Africans that Ebola doctors actually worship the disease“, the headline went. 4chan does things like this for ‘lulz,’ which is something I used to believe in, as a 14-year-old freshman entering high school, as someone who was too consumed with his own pain to notice hurting anyone else.

The rain hasn’t changed, really, and neither has 4chan. I’m wearing headphones home.

That was scrawled in some sort of very dark crimson ink (??) on what appears to be a tear-stained page torn from a Moleskine notebook so I hope I transcribed it right. Feel better soon little buddy!

Today’s Album: The whole Gone Girl Soundtrack is up at NPR. That was quick! It’s moody!

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Today’s Song: B. Dolan dropped “Natural Born Trouble,” the first track from his upcoming House of Bees vol 3 mix tape.

~“They were careless people, Tom and Daisy- they smashed up things and creatures and then retreated back into their tabs or their vast carelessness or whatever it was that kept them together…~

Hey today is the one year anniversary of Today in Tabs! On September 25th, 2013, I tweeted:

and then Caitlin tweeted:

and then I wrote 140,000-something words in 188 installments over the next year and here we are! I can’t believe it’s been a whole year, it only feels like twenty! Here’s to another ye… mon… here’s to getting through the rest of this week!

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As always we’re on FastCoLabs and in your email, and you might want to follow @TodayinTabs. Or you might not!

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