Amazon’s emails are getting creepy.
“Your item is out for delivery!”
“We’ve delivered it!”
“You’re opening the box!”
“You look so happy!”
— Alex Pounds (@acreature) September 23, 2014
Who wants some really good news? Tough! Because I don’t have any. Instead I have the news that
ebola could soon become endemic in West Africa. By January, we can flip a coin and call it heads or 70% fatal hemorrhagic tails. Who knows! Who also knows what the Earth’s climatic future is like? There could be standing water in London by 2100, Alaska could be the new hipster mecca, but at least someone finally put a stop to that whiny polar bear. “Waah the ice is melting, boo hoo I can’t hunt seals…” Yeah sure buddy, get in the van. The way things are headed, Lonesome George is probably glad he checked out before the Galápagos’s Finest could arrest him too. If you’d like to salvage something from the day you couldn’t get anywhere in lower Manhattan, check out Hallie Bateman‘s live-sketches from the Climate March.
But enough bad news! Did you know we’re… oh, I guess we’re also bombing Syria. It’s surprising that after three and a half years of sitting out the Syrian civil war we seem to have entered it with massive airstrikes against Assad‘s most powerful enemies. That was… unexpected! Just the kind of “switch it up” surprise policymaking that Obama has also shown in his approach to “closing” Guantanamo Bay and “eliminating” nuclear weapons.
This Pitchfork review accuses #buzz band Alt-J of being clickbait somehow, so good to know that’s spreading. The creepy world of Instagram stolen-baby-photo role-play is still with us despite having been comprehensively doxed by Daily Dot last November. Crushing Bort and Blippo Blappo got an Esquire byline in their apparently still fruitless effort to make anyone hold human Xerox machine Fareed Zakaria accountable for his plagiarism. Alessandra Stanley defended herself in Margaret Sullivan‘s column by saying “I didn’t think Times readers would take the opening sentence literally because I so often write arch, provocative ledes that are then undercut or mitigated by the paragraphs that follow.” Her defense is she never thought anyone would believe the actual words she wrote. To be fair, this was a perfectly reasonable assumption given the past believability of words she has written. If only we could all be Paul Ford‘s “Perfect Writer,” but alas only I can be that.
Want to get some shade but don’t want to buy your own umbrella or tree? Easy. ShadeShare. Gazebo2Go. LiteBlockr. Lots of choices.
— drewtoothpaste (@drewtoothpaste) September 21, 2014
Emily Gould used the Alaska weed reporter story as a jumping-off point to remind us about the time she dramatically quit her job and speculate about why that may not have gone so well. If you are not Emily but still want to quit your job, this how-to guide may be slightly more useful.
The most surprising thing in this Jon Mooallem story about Larry Ellison buying the Hawaiian island of Lanai is that the island has almost always been owned by someone.
Additional security fence now in place at the WH to prevent any further fence jumping incidents. pic.twitter.com/a8rwaPmcYH
— Mark Knoller (@markknoller) September 23, 2014
Today in Conflict of Interest: Kate Losse‘s book The Boy Kings is the featured selection on Oyster this week! It’s a good review and a great book and you should read it. [Disclosures: Kate Losse is a friend. The Oyster editor who wrote the review, Kevin Nguyen is also a friend. I will probably get a free Oyster membership, although not for including this tab. I want my friends to succeed so I probably promote them in here more than would be strictly objective. I am a well-off straight white male American and therefore bad for both the human and natural worlds. I use more than my share of everything. These words are displacing the words of someone more deserving but less well connected. I frequently have uncharitable thoughts about people who are just trying their best.]
Speaking of people who are trying their best:
Wow, Bijan you have outdone yourself in pretentiousness today, which is saying a lot since yesterday you finished by writing in actual Latin. Semper ubi sububi.
Today’s Song: Prince, “Funkenroll“. Meh, tbh.
Today’s Other Song: New Kendrick Lamar! It’s called “i”. It is :fire_emoji: