Welcome back, I hope everyone had a good summer, and by “good” I mean I hope you didn’t get tear-gassed or beheaded. It’s 2014 and the bar is that low, so lets get started with
Today in Hot Garb: Teenage sartorial regret factory Urban Outfitters was recognized for its commitment to hot garb this week when it tried selling an apparently bloodstained and bullet-holed Kent State sweatshirt. These dudes were probably into it, but UO pulled the incredibly ill-advised item and “apologized” very quickly. This “mistake” follows literally dozens of similar “mistakes” because “troll the internet for outrage,” and “resell junk we bought at flea markets to idiots” form the two pillars of Urban Outfitters business model. In other hot garb news: this guy figured out that wearing really ugly pants is an acceptable substitute for having a personality in tech circles, and got a job at Google in a sort of double KO to the nuts of Silicon Valley douchebaggery. And as always, Bed Bath N Beyond is a House of Lies.
People say the second season of Today in Tabs is derivative, but let’s not forget the first season was derivative of Heidi Moore.
— Kevin Nguyen (@knguyen) September 16, 2014
Nick Denton seems to be walking back his original intention to make Kinja a platform specifically tuned for Matt Buchanan‘s vaping pleasure. Now he’s saying it’s for the independent blogger who needs to start “getting into the rhythm” and “taking the friction out” to achieve “intimacy at scale.” I’m all a-tingle. The Observer’s Rusty Foster correspondent Kara Bloomgarden-Smoke momentarily left her beat to report that Gawker is moving up to the Flatiron District where all the cool new media kids are. Once word was out, Gizmodo reported that the new Gawker Media offices would be organized around the hot new digital media concept of “metaverticals” and would consist of “a range of spaces that lead from personal to collective.” Meanwhile Denton told Matthew Ingram that he realizes Kinja has been terrible so far but this time it’ll be different.
Though the second season of Today in Tabs is more consistent and self-assured, it lacks the scrappy, try-anything genius of the first.
— Kevin Nguyen (@knguyen) September 17, 2014
Hey have you heard about GamerGate? No? Well please skip this whole graf and live the rest of your life in bliss. For those of you still reading, Cracked tells you all you need to know in a single paragraph’s worth of editor’s note, and then goes on to give you Zoe Quinn‘s “5 Things I Learned as the Internet’s Most Hated Person” as a bonus, which is not just interesting if you’re a gamer.
Today in the Worst People on Earth: Proud Ray Rice fans. Members of the Richard Dawkins cult. Brands. Brands. Catfish host Nev Schulman. Bad memoirist Nev Schulman. White dudes. Palins. Fareed Zakaria, who literally can’t live without plagiahol. Fox News, because every night guys, hosts are zeroing in on #benghazi.
The second season of Today in Tabs was doomed to disappoint, since it was not in every way like the first.
— Kevin Nguyen (@knguyen) September 17, 2014
Today in Wat: Molly Ringwald has a new advice column in The Guardian? Will Lena Dunham ever stop confessing? Can she really have killed all those people? 9/11 vs. losing your virginity? Is The Awl subtweeting Grendan here? If you think about it, death is just another way to start a new new life as a corpse. Government retiree has great sex.
Here in #TabsSeason2 we have a lowly intern who I will grudgingly allow to contribute a tab to each issue, so here is the first ever:
Intern’s Tab, by Bijan: When you wish upon a tab, nothing good happens; or, nothing good usually happens. Or I don’t know what I’m talking about because I’m the intern, or there’s not really a difference and nothing matters anyway. In today’s travels across the wide, hot-garbage-smelling expanse of the ‘net, I found salvation in the form of cats and the killer duo (#TabsSeason2) Killer Mike & El-P’s project Run The Jewels. RTJ’s second album (Run The Jewels 2) is due out on October 28; someone—and, as of this writing, 324 of their best friends—is kickstarting a cat version of the album. Like, re-recording the entire thing with meows. The internet is dead. Long live the internet! Dang.
Not bad Bij, but maybe tighten it up a little next time, ok Mr. Dickens?
Today’s Song: Rich White Ladies, “Wimbledon“
Today’s Questionable Cover: Miley Cyrus, “Babe I’m Gonna Leave You“
~I can hear tabs callin’ me back home…~
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