First of all, let's set aside the big question until later: which cardinal is dope enough to be next pope? Let us start by examining which name the next Pontiff will take as his official moniker. John is front-runner, according to The Economist, and would be popular with both liberals and conservatives within the Roman Catholic church.
OS X users may already have The Pope App. Described as "Your way to all the information about the Pope," it's had five-star reviews, although there was one minor gripe about the webcam feature being disabled. It's conclave, man, that's how the Vatican works!
And now, let's look at the odds of the current runners and riders in the race for the top job. Angelo Scola, an Italian cardinal, is the current favorite, according to the Paddy Power website, although the current cardinal of Rome's chances may have suffered a setback with the news that the offices of politicians in his diocese were raided this morning by anti-Mafia police. Other names in the episcopal bonnet include Ghana's Peter Turkson, Brazil's Odilo Pedro Scherer, the U.S.'s Sean Patrick O'Malley, and Austria's Christoph Schonborn. You may favor nun of the above, however. The Guardian has a nice little interactive Pontifficator tool for you to spin the Papal wheel of fortune.
Paddy Power also has the odds on the new Pontiff's name. Not John, it says this morning, differing from The Economist. Try Leo. Then try Peter, Gregory, and Pius.
And of course, the rocky road to post-psephological papal ecstasy wouldn't be complete without the Twitter wisecracks.
This is a joke, right?
Dennis Rodman flies to Rome in hopes of meeting the new Pope: tmz.me/ZFCpTh— Digg (@digg) March 12, 2013
Oh, maybe it's not. This, though, definitely is one.
Jerry and Elaine discover George is an "abbreviation texter" with women. Kramer becomes obsessed with who the next Pope will be.— Modern Seinfeld (@SeinfeldToday) March 11, 2013
[Image by Flickr user dave_b_]