In business, irrational fears encompass everything from fear of rejection, fear of authority, and fear of criticism to fear of failure and even fear of success. Such fears keep us from being able to “just figure things out” and making the flip that can propel us in a good direction. Let me tell you a story to illustrate this point.
A good friend of mine, Tom, is one of the most talented sports agents in his business. Hard-charging, funny, and smart, Tom has a natural touch with his clients and is on the fast track toward senior management.
Unfortunately, Tom suffers from one of the business world’s most common irrational fears, a fear of public speaking.
On the surface, when you see Tom, this makes no sense. Why would he be afraid to talk in front of a crowd? He’s confident, articulate, and successful. But he is deathly afraid of standing alone in front of a crowd and speaking. The interesting thing is that he has no problem contributing as part of a panel or group. It’s only speaking solo that causes him to panic. No matter how many times he successfully speaks on a panel, no matter how many times he receives compliments and assurances on his performance, he still remains terrified to speak alone in public. It’s an irrational fear that is impacting his business goals, and he’ll never be able to find faith and reach his potential unless he can get over it.
To balance his scale, one that was tilting heavily in favor of fear, I gave Tom a positive variable for every negative fear.
Tom had three primary negative fears: (1) that people were judging him, (2) that he needed to be perfect, (3) that he would freeze and get stuck. Here’s a list of the balancing variables:
- Negative fear: Everyone is judging me.
Positive variable: People are self-interested.
People think that when they’re speaking in public, the audience is hanging on every word they say. That is just not the case. People are egocentric. Most people are actually thinking primarily about themselves. It’s human nature.
What most of the audience is probably thinking about is what they have to do later that day, or else they’re checking their BlackBerrys and looking for new email, wondering what they’re going to eat for dinner, or playing back in their minds the fight they had with their partner last night. So, I asked Tom, if you slip up, who cares? Most people won’t even remember it. You have to have faith that everyone is really primarily concerned about themselves and their own lives. It can free you from feeling that all their attention is on you.
- Negative fear: I need to be perfect.
Positive variable: Nothing’s perfect; accept it!
I also advised Tom, whenever he gets nervous, to remember the line “New York would be an incredible place if they just finished building it.” Meaning that it’s never going to be complete and perfect. Construction will never be completed in New York; the city is a constant work in progress. And so are all of us. We have to develop faith that others will value us as we are. People still love New York with all its noise and mistakes, and you have to have faith in yourself that others will love you and appreciate you even if you make a mistake now and again.
- Negative fear: I am afraid I will freeze and get stuck.
Positive variable: You can memorize your speech.
The last piece of advice was purely technical for Tom: When you are nervous about speaking in public, always look toward the back wall; it can’t make facial expressions to distract you. I told him that until he was more confident speaking, he shouldn’t try to make direct eye contact. I also advised him to memorize the beginning of the speech. It is usually the beginning of anything that is most difficult; if you memorize it and know it cold, you will feel much more comfortable.
The advice helped, and Tom seemed more relaxed on stage. Providing him with concrete positive
When overcoming irrational fear, balance the scale by adding a positive variable for every negative fear.
This article is an excerpt from Flip the Script: How to Turn the Tables and Win in Business and Life by Bill Wackerman, available now from Free Press.
[Image: Flickr user Nickb_Rock]