my dear friend, don’t take this the wrong way, but you’ve gotten old,
slow and even a little hairy these days. You take too long to boot up,
and you’re chock full of programs I never use. It’s time for you to
start trying again.
It’s time for you to get your sexy back.
I don’t want to leave you. We’re in this together, but it’s time for a
change. Not the kind of change where you go to the tanning bed and throw
on a sparkly shirt to distract me, à la Jersey Shore.
I’m talking about a real makeover, inside and out. Get back to the
gym, start a healthy diet, and reconnect with what you had so many years
ago when you were the only reasonable choice for most computer users.
Apple is making you look bad by giving users exactly what they want.
It’s why they completely dominate the press coverage. But there’s still
plenty of room for you. You cater to people who aren’t trying to be
hipsters, who are just trying to run businesses or surf the web at home.
The good news is that this still gives you 89% of the market, despite all of the press coverage Apple generates.
you need to do is get out there and grab the attention you deserve. If
I can be so bold, I’d like to offer you a 4-step plan to get your sexy
1. Build a Desktop App Store
apps are hot right now, but that’s not the game Windows owns. Windows
rules the desktop, so rock it. Become the best desktop app store around!
Right now, the Mac App Store is on top, but it’s not perfect, and
historically this is in your wheelhouse — so take it back. App stores
are where it’s at right now. Take a look at Evernote, or even my company, OfficeDrop. The Mac App Store has been vital to our success,
sure, but we would jump at the chance to give Windows users a similar
offering. Just remember this: apps — not preloaded software — drive
the market now, because users want the flexibility to choose exactly
which features they want. Which leads me to my next point…
2. Boot up Fast
Enough with the crapware!
You add way too much pre-loaded software. I’ll probably never even
touch most of it. But I also can’t just delete it because it might mess
up my systems directory or harm my computer somehow. I haven’t done the
research, but I would venture to guess that the #1 pain point for your
customers is how long it takes Windows to boot up. Slow boot up is
likely driving the heavy use of tablets; who boots their computer to
check the news or their email in the morning? It’s 2011, for Pete’s
sake! We aren’t mesmerized by the idea of computers anymore. We just
want fast and powerful. Lose all the bells and whistles and programs
that I didn’t ask for and won’t ever use. Trust me: less is more.
3. Integrate your other Successful Franchises
has some really cool products that do some really cool things!
Integrate them together and show off to everyone. Your Xbox 360 is overwhelmingly
the best selling game console worldwide and Ford SYNC is an awesome
in-car communications and entertainment system that is powered by
Windows (that’s you). On top of this you have a cloud offering called
Azure. iCloud lets Apple’s users send their pictures and music to the
cloud. Why can’t Azure be like an iCloud for Windows? Let users have
their pictures and songs in the car, on their Xbox and when they boot up
their PC! Make it easier for your Windows developers to distribute
their apps in all of these places. And facilitate the flow of data for
consumers between all of these awesome Microsoft franchises and Windows.
4. Launch the iPhone 6
kidding! Seriously, though, stay away from Windows Mobile. It’s like a
really old pair of acid-washed skinny jeans: it just doesn’t flatter
you and not worth your fixation. Walk away!
Listen, I know you’ve let yourself go. But it doesn’t have to be this way. You can
get your sexy back. There’s a market for what you do, if you’ll just
move into the future where you belong. You still have the power to
excite and please your customers. You just have to try a little harder.
So c’mon, Windows! Get your sexy on!