Dear Melodramatic Job Quitters,
First off, congratulations. Everyone dreams of launching a smear campaign against a sexist former employer. Or emailing an office listserv about that overbearing manager who spends 19.7 hours a week playing Farmville. Or screaming “f–k you” to a loudmouthed customer, grabbing two beers, and then escaping the whole situation via giant inflatable slide.
But you—you actually did it. You stuck it to the man. Your story is emblematic of everything that sucks about working in America. (Our own Greg Lindsay has penned a pretty thoughtful piece on you.) You’re the lead story on Google News, and the top trending topic on Twitter. Legitimate publications are calling you a “folk hero.” You’re famous! And also, screwed.
See, here’s the thing about quitting your job in the most ridiculous way possible: People will find out—via Twitter, Facebook, traditional media, etc.—that you quit your job in the most ridiculous way possible. They’ll have a great laugh or two at your expense. Because, come on—lambasting the boss who called you a “Hot Piece of Ass”? Using a series of deadpan whiteboard messages? This is the stuff of workplace legend. (UPDATE: according to All Things D, the HPOA girl may be a literal legend — the prankster brothers behind theChive.com, where her story and photos appeared, won’t confirm her existence.)
But even if you are for real, your 15 minutes of fame will soon expire. When they do, you’ll have to convince employers—most of whom know you as a moderately famous asshole—that you’re a legitimate job contender. And chances are they’ll respond like this: “There are plenty of great people out there,” says Nick Corcodilos of AskTheHeadHunter.com. “Why would I waste time on someone who’d promote their own brand at the expense of an employer?”
Good luck! And thanks for the meme-ories.