Apple’s tablet, in development for so long it’s almost a fairytale, described online as “unicorn dust” and magic, is finally due today. Everyone’s trying to guess exactly what will be revealed. We’ve had a go, too. But we’re taking a different approach…
Following a music fanfare His Highness, Sir Steve of Apple will take center stage at 10 a.m. PST (1 p.m. EST, 6 p.m. GMT) in the Yerba Buena Arts Castle before his adoring crowd. Acknowledging the applause with a wave, and clad in the finest courtly blue jeans, Sir Steve will then address the populace.
And then with a swoosh he will reveal the Apple tablet. Which will be named the iTablet, or the iSlate, or the iPad or something completely different–a name his serfs have held in secret while they distracted us with false leaks. It will have a 10 inch screen, an aluminum back, two home buttons (that for the first time are optical rather than physical), be powered by an Apple ARM chip and it will be running an enhanced iPhone OS (a fact we know for sure, thanks to the loose flapping tongue of a McGraw Hill executive in the tavern last night.) It might have a camera (or two) built into it, and it could even have sophisticated speech control. It will cost you around $900 to $1,000 by itself–though there will be many in the audience hoping, with fingers crossed, that it’ll be less than this–and if you buy it with the ball and chain of a mobile 3G data provider already fitted, it’ll cost you maybe $200 to $300 less.
The crowd will go wild. Steve will demonstrate how powerful his latest creation is, and he will summon various experts to aid him in this task, possibly including executives from EA Games, and maybe a famous newspaper. Its powers as a gaming tool, creative machine, navigation aid, shared family data portal, video conferencing device and entertainment center will be quickly revealed–so much of this wonder will unfold in the coming weeks.
His enthusiasm will be evident throughout, and he may even upgrade his famous “boom” tagline to a “kaboom” one, such is his fervor.