It feels sort of odd to be writing to you while actually wearing you, but what can I say? I was sitting on the couch and didn’t want my shoulders to get cold. My wife said I should just put on a sweater, but can a mere sweater inspire pub crawls, knock offs, and even help save a largely mediocre Weezer album? I don’t think so. At least 4 million people side with me. They saw your rad infomercial and plunked down $19.95 thanks to that sweet buy-one, get-one deal. You’ve become a sort of ironic-hip icon.
But wait a second. Is it chilly in here or is it just you? It turns out my wife (and the Fast Company braintrust) were right: Consumer Reports just released a summary of your actual efficiency at warming people, and, sorry bud, it doesn’t look so good. Researchers found out that, after 10 cycles in the washing machine, your “ultrasoft thick luxurious fleece” shed like a “sandwich bag’s worth of lint.” Brrr. That sort of sucks. Maybe you should have taken that sage advice to upgrade to Gore-Tex when you had the chance.
Your move, Slanket.