On December 11, at appromixately 10am, officer responded to loud music complaint at 1 Douchebag Way. Officer knocked at the door, where he was met with a blast of techno music, emanating from the living room. Resident answered the door (wearing a metallic tassled jacket and acid-washed jeans) dragging a vacuum cleaner with embedded iPod dock and built-in speakers. Officer asked if resident could please turn down the music, pursuant to several complaints from neighbors.
At that point, resident, in a heavy European accent, responded, “Whut ziss? Eet’s my vacuum cleanah! Allow me to show you! It plays MP3’s! Is excellent, no?! This music is progressive acid-reflux house, created by zee best D.J. in Berlin!!!” Resident explained that the Silence Amplified vacuum with the embedded iPod and neon underglow was created by ElectroLux, “and it
cost quite a lot of moneee, about 500 of your American dollahs.”
Responding Officer would like to testify to one count of Felony Assault with a Retarded Weapon.
Officer was assured that the latest product was just a prototype, probably a marketing gimmick to promote Electrolux’s Ultra Silencer Model. Nonetheless, Officer would like to point out that many, many other blogs seem to think the concept is a good one. A gimmick to promote a silent vacuum has instead just promoted a bullshit product. Which makes Electrolux look silly given their history of useless innovations–and this ham-fisted, murky marketing. Which is another crime altogether.