Has it really been 15 years? It seems like you arrived on the prescription pain-killer scene just yesterday. But now that we think about it, we realize there have been at least a decade’s worth of embarrassing celebrity scandals involving you and your friend oxycodone. Rush Limbaugh was probably your most famous foil, but we can’t forget Jack Osbourne (’03), Winona Ryder (’02), or OJ Simpson (’06), to name a few.
Now the FDA is planning to make it even more difficult for doctors to prescribe you to their patients. They say you’re just too darn addictive, not to mention dangerous. According to a Canadian study published yesterday, you’ve increased the number of opioid-related deaths five-fold in the last 10 years or so. And, according to the study’s authors, most of those overdoses were unintentional. Apparently, you’re not good for our livers either.
Sure, you’re not as dangerous as morphine (there’s only so many times we could ignore people calling you “hillbilly heroin”). But, at least for the time being, maybe it’s better if we don’t see each other anymore, not even as occasional friends. We hope you understand it’s nothing personal. We certainly had some good times.