Break in Before You Buy
Dust off the old hacking software, because Santa’s going to put you to work. You’ll have to crack an 80-word key (in a 2-point font) to visit your favorite online stores. And the FBI has just flagged your bank account. Hack the halls!
What’s a Mob scene without a Mob boss? Pay a visit to Boss Santa in the children’s department. Ask him for protection, revenge, or a pony. Just don’t forget to kiss the ring.
Shopping-Cart Destruction Derby
Take a break from the fun with this or one of our other casual games: Last-Item-Viewed Tug-of-War or Security-Camera Sharpshooting.
Force-Feedback Shopping Headsets
Create an immersive experience by piping in unmutable squeaky cart wheels and baby shrieks. Shoppers can scream bloody murder too … at the guy who just snared the last copy of The Beatles: Rock Band. “All you need is love, my ass!”
541-Click Shopping (patent pending)
Express checkout? Sure … once you solve the mother of all logic puzzles. Then one last challenge: cash-only payment. Agree to Terms and Conditions to get your identity stolen. Should have read it all, buddy!
Steal Items out of People’s Shopping Carts
Secure online shopping is a ghost of Christmas past. With this new feature, hard-to-get items are just five digital fingers away — pun intended!
With the help of Chance the Chimp and his Wonderful Wish Wheel, no one will ever buy you what you want again. Visit our Personal Smiler for help faking joy.
Don’t forget the real reason for the season: keeping our economy rolling. Let shoppers satisfy both their nagging impulses — frivolous purchases and homicidal rage — in one fell swoop.
RooftopComedy records live comedy every night of the year, with a global network of comedians satirizing everything from the boardroom to the bathroom. Go to fastcompany.com/rooftopcomedy every Friday for new RooftopComedy videos.