Ahoy, me hearties! While most acceptable guidelines for magazine writing style may condemn opening a paragraph thusly, today all standards for proper English may be set aside, for it’s International Talk Like Pirate Day. Created by two friends in Oregon during a match of decidedly un-pirate-like tennis, the “holiday” calls for the punctuating of normal dialogue with such lively additives as “Aaaaarrrr!” or perhaps “pass the grog, ye bilge rats!” But while the observance springs from a romanticization of the golden age of piracy, recent developments in the Gulf of Aden off the Somali coast have cast the practice in a less favorable light, and the U.S. Navy SEALs recently left little room for doubt concerning their tolerance for the vocation, so just remember: have fun with the holiday, but keep it within reason. After all, dead men tell no tales.
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