Funny Business

1. Amy Poehler, Saturday Night Live

The stat: Six days after AIG received an $85 billion bailout, executives went on a $400,000 retreat. Then the govern-ment loaned AIG another $37 billion.

The sass: “Oh my God, are you serious, Federal Government?! It’s like you gave your junkie cousin $100 for rent, and then you ran into him at the dog track and gave him another $37 billion!”

2. Jon Stewart, The Daily Show

The stat: If Rod Blagojevich winds up in jail, four of the last eight Illinois governors will have served time.

The sass: “Did you know — and this is true — that only 48% of the people who commit murder end up in jail? You are more likely to end up in jail if you become the governor of Illinois than if you become a murderer. Make the smart choice, kids.”

3. Jay Leno, The Tonight Show

The stat: This spring, Citigroup announced an $8 billion profit.

The sass: “That just goes to show you, you give a company $45 billion in government bailout money, and they’ll show you how to turn it into $8 billion. See, this is capitalism!”