We’ve finally moved beyond the eco____, green____, nature’s ____, and over a decade later, we’ve finally stopped giggling like third graders every time we say “Prius” (which is a Latin word meaning “to precede” but sounds like, um, well, never mind). But with the coming of the Nissan Leaf, announced last week, we were befuddled. Really? Leaves are supposed to be what your sleek new fuel-efficient vehicle kicks up as you zip more responsibly through the streets. Right?
But it turns out Nissan’s electric vehicle is not the only offender when it comes to misguided green names. We dug up the ten worst and tapped two of our expert design bloggers, Valerie Casey and Stuart Karten, as well as design editor Alissa Walker to assess the damage.
AW: Created by two dads who couldn’t stand filth, but obviously couldn’t stand the English language either.
SK: This name could be worse. “OrganBaby” was their second choice.
VC: Sounds like a mild case of gangrene.
SK: My First Electric Car from Fisher Price comes with Tiny Tyke Tire Wrench and Snuggly Soft Safety Belt.
AW: It’s an electric car! It’s a dessert topping!
VC: Tru? Is this like the way “phat” actually means attractive?
AW: Actually it’s better than the old name of the lawncare company–TruGreen ChemLawn. That was really a mouthful.
SK: Two green thumbs down.
AW: I’m pretty sure this line of natural cleansers will be revealed as one of the Cylons on Battlestar Galactica.
VC: Can I buy a vowel?
AW: Made in part from recycled plastic, 70% of the entire phone can be recycled. But the name just makes me think of how much it will be to renew my cell phone contract.
SK: My only question for Motorola: Can we recycle it into an iPhone?
Sheep Poo Paper
AW: Paper made from “super-fresh sheep poo” collected in Wales. Hey, at least it’s not false advertising.
VC: But I’m a vegetarian…
SK: Sounds like a baaad idea.
AW: A biodegradable handset comes with a 40% corn-based plastic cover. But can you eat it if you get hungry during a long call?
VC: Iron John meets consumer electronics.
AW: Why name these natural beauty products “my essence”? If I wanted to smell like my essence I wouldn’t use theirs.
SK: Is this a new perfume from the estate of Mies van der Rohe?
SK: “Recycling is hard!”
AW: They diced up the fabric of reclaimed Barbie clothes and pieced it together into
freaky patchwork patterns fit for hobos. Why? Just BCause.
VC: No need to stick your finger down your throat to get Barbie’s figure, now you just need to look at the eco-outfit!
VC: An excellent laxative to pass your McMeal.
SK: As natural as the storylines on The Hills.
What green brands pain you to say, even if they are good for the planet?