I know there's been plenty of reportage  about the hilarity of dealing with offshore customer relations centers. But until you are actually trying to wring an answer out of a woefully ill-prepared live-chat support somebody, it's hard to fathom how embarrassingly bad the problem is. Witness this chat transcript from my wife's attempt to ask about an apparently critical part of our swank new HP Photosmart printer that our 11-month-old son ripped out. It's like one of those 10-minute conversations you have while travelling in a country where you don't speak the language just to ask where the bathroom is.
George Welcome to HP Total Care for Photosmart Products. My name is George. How may I assist you today?
Meg Hey george
Meg my son got to my printer
Meg and disconnected the guide for the print cartridges
Meg it is as plastic guide?
George May I have the Model number of your product please?
Meg oh sure - photosmart 7550
George How may I assist you today?
Meg The plastic guide wire for the print cartridge cradle was disconnected
Meg can i reconnect it - if so how?
George May I have Serial number and Product number of the product ? Serial number is a 10 digit alpha numeric number & Product number is a 6 digit number. You will find the Serial number and Product number on the rear side of the Product (Bottom portion) i.e., on the Bar code.
Meg serial number is XXXXXXXXXX
Meg product number is XXXXXX
George May I know the Purchase date of the product ?
Meg i don't have the exact date - but it was in november of 2004
George Meg, As it this wire is not the user replaceable part
George We don't recommend to attach the wire in the printer
Meg i don't understand
George I am sorry to inform you that , As we are experiencing the technical difficulties with our internal tools in checking out the Product (Printer) information in our database
George If you are not comfortable , You can call our Phone support technicians at 1-800-474-6836. They will replace the whole unit for you with a new one
George I realize how trying the situation is, and I certainly would like to assure you of our best services as your satisfaction is our primary goal.
George Also, The whole chat transcript will be mailed to your EMail address shortly for your further reference.
George Are you with me (Just for Confirmation) ?
Meg i am here
George I am sorry, If I sound unhelpful anywhere during our chat session.
Meg no problem - i just don't understand what you are saying
George I apologize for the inconvenience caused.
George Meg, I request you to call our phone support technicians
Meg i am on the phone with them right now
George I appreciate all your efforts in resolving the issue.
George May I disconnect the chat session with your permission now ?