What do a bejeweled calculator and a childbirth teaching model made of yarn (and complete with placenta) have in common? They're all put to public shame on Regretsy, a blog that spotlights the ugly, poorly proportioned, tasteless side of Etsy.

$175

The only way to make a mink phone handset classier is to attach it to a gem-adorned rotary base designed for "a seductive bedroom boudoir look with a [sic] Moroccan influences."

Etsy Page

$65

With its fake grass and its flashy yet realistic flutter of butterflies, this lamp narrowly misses the so-camp-it's-awesome aesthetic by using too little sparkle glue.

Etsy Page

$ 4.50

If you're not careful when ordering, you might not end up with the "Little Miss Teapot Money or Coin Purse" that you wanted. Instead, like us, you end up with a crochet pattern to make one. So much better.

Etsy Page

$20

The devil is so in the details here, from the yellow foam hearts to the Etsy description of this phallic felt hat, which is "Pepto Bismal [sic] Pink and Turquoise Blue."

Etsy Page

$40 to $125

Bloody dolls with exposed musculature or sets of spiky teeth behind their eyes.

Etsy Page

$37

This hat tweaks the mount-beers-to-your-head idea with an eye towards helping your feathery friends. The trick: being okay with birds landing that close to your eyes.

Etsy Page

$45

A necklace with antique false teeth. Here's to hoping these teeth are, indeed, false.

Etsy Page

$4

Embroidered toilet paper. Because choosing between "ultra soft" and "ultra strong" wasn't difficult enough.

Etsy Page

Glasses with dangling tassels. The trick to these glasses is their dual function: shading eyes from harmful UV rays and shading your face from the grimaces of onlookers.

Etsy Page

$20

Chicken poncho. No matter how cold your chick is (a common problem), it'd probably rather scrounge for a nest than wear this hideous poncho.

Etsy Page

$1000

In a fine example of taxidermy, we have a Fish in a Squirrel Suit.

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