The end of the year always provides a dizzying array of lists, from a rundown of deeply significant events in the news (Britney, anyone?), to a top 10 of truly meaningful things that changed our world (striking writers, anyone?), to movie critics naming their year’s best ("Norbit," anyone?). It should come as no surprise, then, that there is somebody in charge of choosing the Top Ten Most Memorable Quotes of 2007. That person is Fred R. Shapiro, editor of the Yale Book of Quotations.
Hey. Thanksgiving’s over. And you still haven’t gone out and done your civic duty by shopping for holiday gifts? You people make me sick. So what if nobody you know actually needs another gift certificate, pair of gloves or hot lather machine (remember those?), how the heck are they going to know you love them if you don’t for gosh sakes buy them something already?
And with that in mind, here’s a little holiday merchandise guide designed to streamline your present purchasing power (and your skill with alliteration, for that matter).
An Oklahoma company is causing a ruckus by running a Web site that offers various excuse notes to people who want to take some short-notice time off from work. For about 25 bucks, you can download a document that looks like it comes from a doctor, a court, or even a funeral home.
Any person who works too much knows that sports is one of the tried-and-true distractions into which we can siphon off our priorities. And now it’s baseball playoff season, so I’ve got plenty of ultimately unimportant stuff vying space in my brain pan.
Well, last night I had a strange dream. Without comment, I will relate the highlights of this dream now, as best I can remember it:
(WE HEAR THE LOW HUM OF A PACKED BASEBALL STADIUM)
As I post this, we are in the final week of broadcasts in which Bob Barker will be seen as the host of "The Price is Right." He taped his last show six days ago, and it will air Friday. Now, Mr. Barker is not a made-up person like me, CEO DAD, however he has appeared on television for 35 years, which makes him an honorary fictional character; someone through whom many millions of people have channeled their hopes, their dreams, and their ability to guess how much a can of spray-on cheese might set one back in the current economy.
When I’m not (literally) drawn into the panels of one of Tom Stern’s CEO DAD strips, I spend a lot of time hanging out, thinking about my lot as a fictional character. It stinks in a lot of ways. I don’t get to watch 60 Minutes or go to Cirque de Soleil, for example, but the cartoon universe is actually loaded with profound thoughts which I enjoy taking the time to review every once in a while: