- I was all set to write something satirical about Jenna Bush’s wedding over the weekend, certain that the President of the United States--a guy with one of the most overcommitted schedules in the free world—would fail to attend the ceremony, allowing me to launch into a diatribe about work/life priorities and indulge in a little political lampooning to boot. Well, the guy shows up at his daughter’s wedding after all, and so I had nothing to complain about, even though if he had any humility he would have ditched the nuptials and spent some time trying to get gasoline back to a buck-eighty a gallon. See? Maybe his priorities are a little skewed after all.
- Anyway, while getting over the notion that even a busy president makes time for his family, I began to channel surf in search of writerly inspiration. Before long, I hit one of those ads for Ameriprise Financial, wherein Dennis Hopper—he of “Easy Rider”/terminally-stoned slacker from “Apocalypse Now” fame—is urging his own rapidly aging demographic to plan for their financial futures.
- Of course, everyone who works too much sets their sights on their retirement. Those golden years when the forty years of stressed-out imbalance to which you’ve succumbed is finally righted by a non-specified amount of time engaging in leisure activities (golf seems to figure heavily) or perhaps even doing virtually nothing. Unfortunately, however, we will never live long enough to have as many years at last relaxing as we did digging ourselves an early grave. Of course, it’s obvious that Hopper was chosen to ease the boomers into their golden years because he represents the wild man we all wish we were prior to settling into a life of chasing paper. “Yeah, that’s right,” his ads seems to say to us, “I lived on the edge just like Dennis, and if being boring is good enough for him now, then it’s damn sure good enough for me.” In reality, of course, most of us very quickly settled into a life far more ordinary than that of a movie star, and we certainly didn’t get to make our money while also waiting outside the bedroom for Jack Nicholson to be through.
- Still, the message seems to be that it’s never too late to calm down and realize what’s really important. Unfortunately, the messenger chosen to deliver this wisdom is a bit off-kilter. When it comes to sage and solemn financial wisdom, I’ll take a John Houseman or a Sam Waterston. At least you get the sense that they are not currently in need of good investment advice because for a while there most of what they made was going up their nose.