Natural Leader

In the same way, there are conversations that happen on an individual level that head somewhere, and then there are those that just spiral downward. A couple of years ago, I was talking to a colleague, and I was kind of whining about somebody I worked with who was being an ogre. And my colleague listened and then said, "Okay, I just have one question. What are you building a case for?" And I said, "Well, he's domineering, and I'm getting screwed over." And she asked, "Is that what you're committed to?" I said, "Uh, that would be no." And she didn't say another word.

I took out my Post-its and wrote this question: What are you building a case for? I stuck it to my computer. I was so quiet the next week. Whenever I went to open my mouth, I noticed that I was preparing to build a case for something. Now, if I were building a case for the transformation of gender equality on the planet, then okay, that's a conversation I want to have. If it were a conversation to whine or complain about traffic (about which I can do nothing), then I could either have that one or not have that one. If it were a conversation based on gossip or a rumor, then I wouldn't have that one. I became hyperaware that everything coming out of my mouth was building a case for something -- often, for something that I wasn't really committed to.

You talk about breakthroughs on a personal level as well as on a company level. How does that happen?

You start out with a commitment to acquire a competency. You want to be good at something, so you kind of existentially declare your commitment by saying, "I want to be something. I want to achieve something." Then you go into learning mode. As soon as you learn, you've got to practice. Only two things can come from practice -- failure and success -- and they both have to come before any real learning can happen. But we have a love-hate relationship with success and failure -- that is, we love success and we hate failure.

That's more of an adult phenomenon, by the way. When little kids are first starting to walk and to pick up and drop things, they're fine. There's no judgment associated with those things. Everything's an experiment to them. But by the time people get to be adults, they have almost no tolerance for failure. And that is a very, very dangerous context to have if you want to be a lifelong learner, because the only way to learn is through failure. That's another one of those "aha" moments: when you realize that people work in organizations that religiously try to reduce the risk of failure, when the only way to grow is through experimentation, practice, and risk.

To continue reading this article Click here