Soul Proprietor

And the third is -- well, nothing. SmartRay could linger in the market, blessed with great technology but lacking anyone to use it. This, Tyler and his colleagues understand, would be the true path of failure. Tyler says he won't let that happen, hinting that, lacking an acquirer, he would shut smartRay down. "One of the most important options that anyone has," he says, "is to abandon something."

Back in Mancos, Colorado, Karen Robb has followed her son's travails closely. She's now working nights in a convenience store, running a little antiques shop on the side and posting her wares on eBay. Tyler sends her money regularly.

Robb has heard about the busted acquisition. She thinks about the precocious child who was always figuring out new ways to make money and the determined young man who wants so desperately to accomplish something -- and to do so on his own.

"God," she says. "I hope he gets there."

"I Have Got to Do This Again"

"For a long time, I did impression management, using different personae from different parts of my life as I thought the situation demanded," Tyler says. "At Harvard, I would tell classmates about my past, but there was always the question of how much to reveal.

"Then there was an inflection point," he continues. "I was 30 or 31, and I had just broken off an engagement to a woman I loved. And I said to myself, Who I am is an amalgamation of all of my experiences. I'm the boy in Colorado, and the investment banker, and the guy in the auto plant. That's who I am, and I like that person. And I tell you, that was one of the most profound moments in my life. I looked back on myself and said, Rather than trying to be this person or that, I'm going to be who I am, which is the collective result of all of these good things."

If a deal happens, Tyler, Playford, and Kidder will make money -- at least several million dollars each. The money isn't unimportant: All three have been living on the edge, financially, for a year and a half, and they'd like to live a bit better. For one thing, Tyler would like to buy his mom a nice home.

But for its founders, now, smartRay isn't about getting rich -- it's about credibility. They need to justify their investors' faith. They want their funders to take out at least twice what they put in, hopefully 5 or 10 times that. They live in terror of the alternative. Kidder thinks about having to confront his ex-girlfriend's father, among others. "It would be excruciating for me to make those phone calls," he says. "I just don't want to have to do that."

They must reward their employees' trust. The people who came to work for smartRay are smart and talented. They had alternatives. Tyler, Playford, and Kidder promised them a challenging, meaningful experience -- and offered them the possibility of a big financial payoff. They want to deliver on that promise. And they feel an obligation to their product. They want smartRay, the technology, to win -- to be used by millions of people around the world. That would be the real victory. If it were all that they took away from the past two years, it would be almost enough.

Of course, it's all or nothing. If the deal happens, then the product wins, the employees are happy, and the investors get paid. "And we," Tyler says, "get to do it again."

And this is the key: They all want to do it again.

They know that if they win, everything becomes easier the next time. They will have gained relationship equity with their investors and employees, some of whom will sign up for the next venture. They will have brand names -- the sort of standing in the marketplace that oils transactions. They won't have to struggle to get space, or computers, or coffee machines.

And they'll get bigger cuts of the action.

All three men want to take time off before throwing themselves into the next great thing. They are exhausted. More than that, they recognize that for the past 18 months their lives have been way out of whack. They have let things that are important to them slide. "The romantic-relationship side of my life has been a disaster," Playford says. "I just can't focus easily on relaxing outside of work." Kidder feels a keen desire to attain equilibrium, to rediscover his center. "I don't have a spiritual life. I haven't seen my family in eight months. My friendships are only with people I see at work. I have no hobbies. And I'm physically falling apart.

"That's the sacrifice I made, and it's okay," Kidder continues. "But you can only hold your breath and run for so long."

Even Tyler, the most driven of the three, recognizes that he must pull back. He toys with the idea of taking six months to travel to Asia and South America. He would like, someday, to pursue a PhD in mathematics or a master's degree in design, and to study foreign languages. During the few days when a deal for smartRay appeared imminent, he fantasized briefly about hiring a maid, a math tutor, and several language teachers. He wants to be a father, a statesman, and a teacher.