Life/Work - Issue 31

My 18-year-old recently went off to college, so I haven't had many opportunities to try Galinsky's ideas with her. But after reading "Ask the Children" -- and despite misgivings about the answers I might get -- I started asking my 14-year-old a series of questions about how she felt I was doing as a father. One thing I learned is that I don't tell her much about my work. Another is that she rated my parenting skills higher than I did. But the most powerful thing Emily told me is that she feels that we don't spend enough time together. Hearing that did nearly break my heart -- and it fueled my resolve.

I've begun setting aside specific times to be with her -- including several hours yesterday afternoon when I should have been writing this column. (I decided that it was more important to walk my talk.) We've also established the ritual of Monday-night dinner -- just the two of us. Last week, as we were leaving a restaurant, I asked Emily whether she felt that we were spending more time together. It was a shamelessly leading question, but I still took exquisite pleasure in her answer.

"Yeah, Dad," she said. "And I really like it."

Tony Schwartz (tschwartz@fastcompany.com) is working on a new book, "What I've Learned So Far: Americans Talk about Life's Most Important Lessons." Contact Ellen Galinsky by email (egalinsky@familiesandwork.org), or learn more about the families and work institute on the Web (www.familiesandwork.org).