Sidebar: Why Is It So Hard to Be Yourself?

Strong leadership begins with a clear identity -- knowing who you are and what your values are. But, according to Paul Wieand, many high achievers have distorted self-images: They either think too much of themselves, or they simply don't know who they are. As a result, they're seen as weak, phony, or untrustworthy. Why is it so hard for leaders to be themselves? Wieand offers three explanations.

Leaders resist soul-searching precisely when they need it the most. Psychological research has shown that by the time you reach your mid-30s, your identity solidifies, making change intolerable, Wieand says. Yet the new world of work demands that leaders learn and grow constantly. "In today's free-flowing team environment, leaders have to have a strong core -- values that they remain true to -- but they also have to be adaptive," says Wieand. To achieve a flexible-yet-resilient identity, he adds, you have to be willing to look inward.

At some point, strengths become liabilities. Wieand tells the story of a former client of his who, because he was a "nice guy" and a financial whiz, became CFO of his company. But, as CFO, he needed to make tough decisions. When being a good guy didn't achieve results, he just kept trying harder to be nice, and suddenly he was seen as too nice. "Most of us have become successful by developing a set of strengths and working around our weaknesses, but inevitably we push these strengths too far, and they become weaknesses," says Wieand.

Leaders tend to define themselves by their work, rather than by who they are. Intoxicated by success, says Wieand, people begin to think of themselves only in terms of their role at work. Thus they lose sight of their weaknesses, they don't tolerate criticism, and eventually they lose their ethics -- doing whatever seems expedient. "To be a great leader, you not only need a deep knowledge of yourself; you also need to accept your limitations," Wieand says. "If you do that, you can't lose."

Sidebar: What Are You Doing Here?

According to Paul Wieand, real leadership starts with authenticity. But how do "authentic" leaders -- people who lead with empathy and values, and without manipulation -- perform on the job? He outlines three guiding principles of authentic leadership.

Surround yourself with people who are at least as talented as you are. "You can grow and stretch some aspects of yourself," Wieand says, "but there will always be some parts of your personality that you will never overcome, no matter how hard you work at changing them." Authentic leaders accept their limitations and hire people who have the strengths that they lack. Equally important: These leaders invite their staff to speak candidly to them -- and the more brutal the candor, the better. "It's only human to be self-deceptive," Wieand says. "But if you have the emotional courage to pay attention to what stings the most, you'll know where your blind spots are."

Communicate with emotion as well as with logic. According to Wieand, the latest research in neuroscience shows that the brain's limbic system, which controls our basic emotions and impulses, is more powerful than the brain's neocortex, which governs our intellect. That's the reason why emotional memories often override logic: The limbic system processes stimuli and prompts us to react long before the cortex has even begun to filter that stimuli.

As a result, if you establish an emotional connection with your staff by exposing your vulnerabilities, you will find that people will respond much more strongly than they will if you appeal to their intellect. When a client of Wieand's, who was known for his fierce competitive spirit, confessed his failings to 25 of his top managers, he prompted a wave of confessions from them. Not only did his candor help strengthen the bonds he had with those managers; it also helped spread authenticity throughout the organization. "Those 25 people became more open with their staff," says Wieand.

Make sure your private conversations mirror your public ones. When Wieand was president of Independence Bancorp, he would make ingratiating speeches to the board, thanking members for their support, even as he was saying something different to his colleagues. "The board members knew that I was lying. So they learned to distrust me, and eventually that cost me my job," says Wieand. A sure way to seem inauthentic is to vary your message according to your audience. "It's only a matter of time," Wieand says, "before everyone sees through you."