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Wanna Score? Dish the Rock!

By: Todd BalfTue Dec 18, 2007 at 11:59 PM
At Never Too Late Basketball Camp, it's never too late to learn to be a team player. If you want to win at hoops, it's not enough to have game -- you gotta have team.

Action Item: Hoops Conditioning

Few physical endeavors tax the human body in quite the same way as basketball. Unlike other cardiovascular sports, such as running and cycling, playing hoops requires a phenomenal amount of lateral cutting, quick pivoting, and explosive jumping. Greg Brittenham, the strength and conditioning coach for the New York Knicks, has put together a program that will prepare you for all of those moves.

Brittenham's "Complete Conditioning for Basketball," available in both book and video formats, includes tests for determining your current level of hoops fitness; a regimen for building abdominal and lower-back strength (your "center of power"); flexibility exercises; and drills that improve both basketball skills and general conditioning.

So take your pick: You can follow the coach in the video, or you can follow along with the book's 50 illustrations and charts. Either way, if you get on Brittenham's program, chances are good that your first winter-league game won't leave you feeling as if you'd been flattened by a truck.

Coordinates: Book: $15.95. Human Kinetics, 800-747-4457, www.humankinetics.com; Video: $39.95. Fever River Sports Productions, 800-932-2534, www.syskos.com

Sidebar: Hoops Nation

Looking for a fast break on your next five-day, six-city business trip? "Hoops Nation: A Guide to America's Best Pick-Up Basketball" (Henry Holt, 1998), by Chris Ballard, gives the lowdown on roughly 1,000 courts, rating them on everything from ambience to backboard quality. Here are three highlights.

Atlanta: Ballard calls it one of the five best pickup courts in the United States: The Run N' Shoot Athletic Center has seven full courts, a weight room, and a running track. Coordinates: $6 for a one-day pass. 1959 Metropolitan Parkway, Atlanta, 404-767-1522

Los Angeles: Immortalized in Ron Shelton's film, White Men Can't Jump (1992), the Venice Beach Courts boast ocean views and the world's best trash talk. The main court is flanked by four half courts, where three-on-three games rule. Coordinates: Near the Boardwalk, at Venice Boulevard and Pacific Avenue, Venice, California

New York City: Think of it as a hoops-only health club: Basketball City features six hardwood courts, electronic scoreboards, and a corporate-heavy clientele. The sign-in for pickup games is computer-monitored, so there's no jawing over who goes next. Coordinates: $25 for a one-day pass. Pier 63 at West 23rd Street, New York City, 212-924-4040

Sidebar: Hoop Talk

The quickest way to get shunned at a local court is to give a blank look when someone shouts, "Dish the rock, baby!"

"Forget about embarrassing yourself," says Jackie MacMullan, the "Inside the NBA" columnist for Sports Illustrated and a longtime connoisseur of trash talk. "Your ignorance of hoops vernacular may keep you from seeing the ball ever again." Here are MacMullan's picks for an abridged version of the hoops lexicon.

  • dish (dish), noun or verb: a good pass
  • drain (dran), verb: to swish a shot
  • hops (haeps), noun: good jumping ability, syn: talk to God, air time, rise
  • J (ja), noun: a jump shot
  • kicks (kiks), noun: basketball shoes
  • rain (ran), verb: to hit long-distance jump shots, syn: en fuego (on fire)
  • rock (raek), noun: a basketball
  • stroke (strok), verb: to shoot well
  • "bank's open": denotes the use of the backboard on a jump shot (as in, after draining a 15-footer off the glass, "Bank's open, baby!")
  • "break ankles": to fake out a defender by using a crossover dribble
  • "your world": informs a teammate that he can beat his man ("Take it to the rack -- it's your world!")

Sidebar: Hoop Wear

Hoops fashion goes through more changes than a supermodel at a Milan premiere. Here are the latest do's and don'ts, according to Chris Ballard, author of "Hoops Nation."

Basketball: Stay away from red, white, and blue ABA balls. "Bring a Spalding Ultimate Indoor ball [$57], and people will play with it."

Sneakers: Nikes and Filas command respect, but don't wear them on the street. "Sneakers should be carried into the gym and unveiled."

Shorts: No tennis shorts or Bermudas. Shorts should be extra-baggy and should drape down to the knees.

Shirt: "Wear your league jersey. At least it shows that you're on a team."

Socks: "Ten years ago, low-cut socks screamed 'wussy.' Now they're cool."

From Issue 21 | December 1998

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