How to Get Them to Show You the Money

Move from Your Values to Your Value

After you've come to terms with your own values, the next step is to understand your value in the world. What are your unique skills and talents? Are you irreplaceable because of those skills and talents, or could anyone fill your slot? To answer these questions, you need to do some research into your own performance -- and there are all sorts of tools that you can use. There are internal and external documents that address the issue of employee value, and sometimes you can get actual employee ratings. You can also get important information by talking and listening to other people: What is the market for your services outside your company? What are employees paid at other, comparable companies?

You also need to do research on the person you'll be negotiating with. What is his agenda? How much authority does he have? Is he attempting to impress his boss? What is his track record? Can you find out about previous negotiations that he has been in? What are his negotiating tendencies?

Next, assemble that information into a document that tells your story. Think of it as equivalent to the storybook that I create for a sports negotiation: My document details, say, a quarterback's efficiency rating -- his completed passes, his touchdowns versus interceptions -- as well as his team's overall performance. Your document could include charts that show how productive you've been: This is where sales stood the day I began my job, and this is where they stand today. That's the story of your personal performance. You could also discuss company goals and performance.

But remember: Make sure that this is a confidential document, particularly if it contains head-to-head comparisons and actual rankings. You don't want it to create problems with your coworkers. The important thing is to present a theory about why you merit a certain level of compensation or certain work situation. Your story should advance that theory.

Find Out the Other Person's Agenda -- and Embrace It

As you do your research, you must put yourself into the mind of the person you'll be negotiating with. You need to ask yourself a set of questions about his point of view: What represents a successful result for him? What will constitute a win for him in a negotiation session? How can you make him look better?

Find out the other person's agenda. And assume that he will be doing the same with you. You must come into a session with your homework done. Otherwise, you'll be showing the other side a fundamental lack of respect.

Practice Dealing with Fear

Most negotiating is tap dancing on the edge of an abyss. The reality is that this may be the best job for you, this may be the most money you will ever make -- and yet, if you allow fear to fill you with anxiety, it can paralyze you. So, in any negotiation, part of your mental preparation must be to deal with fear. Remember that walking away from a negotiation is always an option. You've got to ignore the fear that you may find yourself unemployed.

The best analogy is to the fear of death. It's inevitable that we're going to die. That's a fearsome prospect, an inescapable reality. And yet the only way to live well is to come to peace with that fact and not to let it haunt your every moment. Fear comes with the territory of negotiation. But fear needs to be managed, and it needs to be kept in perspective. One way to diffuse your fear is to confront the words that make you afraid, so that they lose some of their sting. Practice saying the words that are hardest for you to hear, or that are hardest for you to say: "If you won't take this proposal, then I guess we have nothing more to talk about." "I'm going to have to start looking for someone to replace you." Or, if you're trying to get up the courage to walk away: "Obviously this is not the place for me. I'm looking for a new job." Rid these words of their power to paralyze.

Whose Reality Will Prevail?

Ultimately, negotiating is all about whose concept of reality is going to prevail. You're facing an amorphous, confusing situation with dozens of variables. Whose vision will prove the most compelling?

In some cases, it's hard to know whom you're dealing with. Is an advertising executive simply one person in a big mass of people? Is he an easily replaceable part of a system that's been in operation for a long time? Or has he pioneered techniques that have opened up new profit centers? Has he changed the company's bottom line? Those questions reflect competing versions of reality.

Here's an example from the NFL. I recently finished a negotiation for Warren Moon, the quarterback of the Seattle Seahawks. Now, is Warren Moon a 41-year-old player who is hanging on by a thread and who is lucky to be employed in the first place? Should he be grateful for any money that the team pays him? Or is he a quarterback who was among the league leaders in completions and attempts last year? Is he a team leader who took a previously moribund group of players, united them, helped them have the best record that they've had in recent years? Is he a testament to the fact that talent can come at any age?

In our reality, Warren Moon is critical to the resurgence of his team. He makes the players around him better. And off the field, he is instrumental in selling season tickets, in filling the stands, in interacting with advertisers, and in generating ancillary revenue sources for the NFL and for his franchise -- in a way that no one else can. That's our version of reality.