Get a Life

You Can't Love Your Work If You Work with Jerks

Unhappy with your job? maybe the problem isn't what you're working on. Maybe it's whom you're working with. "People often overlook their environmental constraints," says Deborah Lee. "They tell themselves, 'If I just get more organized, if I strike a balance between work and home, I'll feel better.' But you can't ignore the people around you. Not only can't we control how other people behave - we can't control our emotional responses to their behavior. If you want more satisfaction from your work, you have to negotiate better relationships with the people you work with."

Most everyone has suffered from an arrogant boss or a duplicitous colleague. That's not the issue here. It's something deeper: Do you have the confidence to make choices - about the company you work for, about the projects you work on - based on the caliber of the people you'll be working with? Do you have the discipline to turn down a plum assignment if it would mean working with jerks?

Larry Smith, whose years of service in Washington required navigating lots of jerk-filled waters, argues that it's impossible to define satisfying work without considering the people you do it with. "A big part of succeeding is teaming," he says. "Any work that creates satisfaction requires partnering with someone else. That's why I establish filters for who I work with. That's not arrogance. It's confidence. If you've found the sweet spot in your work, you're good at it. And if you're good at it, you have the freedom to decide who you want to do it with."

Of course, freedom means making choices, and making choices means saying no. "I worked my way through graduate school as a house painter," Smith says. "When my wife and I arrived in Washington, I said to her, 'Let's put my brushes in the basement. If the people I'm working with don't like my counsel, or if I don't like what they become, I know I can always go paint a house.' That attitude has allowed me to work free of fear."

Unlike Larry Smith, Franc Casey doesn't advise politicians about military strategy or matters of state. But like Smith, he refuses to work with jerks. Casey had always worked for people who were wealthy and successful. Those were the people who could afford his talents. But back in the '70s, when he started, they were also real sailors. They cared about their boats and appreciated the quality of Casey's work.

Then the '70s became the '80s - and more and more of Casey's customers saw their boats as a possession rather than as a passion. "I just hated coming to work," he says. "I was either going to shut down my business or work only for people I liked working with. It was a simple choice, really. I decided to tell potential customers up front how I do business and what their involvement has to be. If they agree, I'm happy to work with them. If they disagree, there are plenty of other companies for them to do business with."

You Can Have Too Much of a Good Thing

Maybe you love you work. maybe you respect the people you work with. Still, there is such a thing as too much of a good thing. Consider this cautionary statement: "No one on their deathbed ever wished they'd spent more time at the office." We know what you're thinking: "If I see that line one more time, my deathbed's gonna look pretty good." In fact, in the last year alone, these notable figures have all uttered this all-too-familiar phrase: time-management guru Stephen Covey, personal-success guru Tony Robbins, President Bill Clinton, First Lady Hillary Rodham Clinton - the list goes on.

Question: If so many famous people are promoting this corrective to professional excess, why are so few of us listening? Why are we moving ever closer to our deathbeds with ever more regrets about how we spend our time? Because we're just businesspeople who can't say no - especially at work.

That's what David Nadler realized seven years ago. Nadler, 49, is one of the most influential management consultants in the world. He formed Delta Consulting Group in 1980. Since then, the firm has worked with senior managers at big-name companies such as Chase Manhattan, Xerox, and Lucent Technologies. Nadler has written or edited more than a dozen books on business and change. Business Week has labeled him "one of management's new gurus."

Nadler understands that success has its costs. "It's all-consuming to create a company," he says. "It's not just that you're always working. It's that you feel guilty if you're not working." But as Nadler got more and more successful, the costs seemed more and more severe. He built a thriving firm - at the expense of virtually all other activities. He was divorced twice. "I like the work I do," Nadler says. "I like the clients I work with. But gradually I realized that I had to put some balance in my life."