Are You Deciding On Purpose (extended interview)

The second hunger is to know and express your gifts and talents. The people I have met in my 30 years as a career counselor are always absolutely sure that they have some unique talent. They may not know what it is yet. They may not know how to express it. It may have nothing to do with how they earn a living or what they do at work. But they know that they have something within them that they have to contribute. And this feeling lasts throughout your lifetime: The healthiest seniors I've met continue to explore their gifts and abilities, long after they've left the workplace.

The third hunger is to know that our lives matter. Everyone wants to leave behind some kind of legacy, some kind of personal mark. It doesn't have to be great or magnificent. But human beings know that at one level, we each have a own unique thumbprint, and we all want to leave that print behind for others to see that we've been here. We can be successful, make a lot of money, reach a certain status, but it will be success without fulfillment. Fulfillment comes from feeding these three hungers.

4. Discover the four factors of every decision.

No matter what decision you're facing, the same four elements apply. First, discover how to live from the inside out. You absolutely have to start with yourself, not with the external demands of the situation. Second, discover your gifts. What is it that makes you unique? What song do you want to sing? Third, discover what moves you. Where do you find joy? A decision that connects with your own emotions is much more likely to succeed. And fourth, discover solitude. Go to a special place where you can find quiet. If it's the mountains, take the time to get there. If you can't go there, create a space in which you can find a similar peace of mind. In solitude, you're much more likely to deal with the first three elements of this process.

5. Answer the ultimate question.

The ultimate question is, What is your vision of the good life? In this culture, there's a tendency to talk about the good life in consumerist terms. It's all external. We measure the good life by the car we drive, the Scotch we drink, the designer brand we wear, the community we live in. In doing research for my books I ask people for their definition of the good life. Remarkably, I hear the same answer: The good life means living in the place where you belong, being with the people you love, doing the right work-on purpose.

You can boil it down to those four elements. You live in a place where you feel you belong. You're with people you love, and your relationships are working-including your relationship with yourself. You've got the right work: You're using your talents on something you believe in, in an environment that fits who you are. And you're doing it all on purpose: It fits your overall philosophy.

With all of those elements, you look at your life and work from the inside out. They're all about you as an individual, about creating meaning for yourself, rather than having the outside world create it for you.

6. Make every job search an in-venture and an adventure.

Looking for a job is so much a part of everyone's experience, and is so important to each of us, that not only is it worth talking about on its own terms, but it also relates to the much larger issue of personal direction. Start with a fairly simple fact: If you don't know what you're looking for, almost any job will look great. And if you don't know where you're going, a lot of paths will take you there. But if you do care where you work and where you're going, how do you assess what's right for you?

We all need good information to make good decisions. There are two parts to good information gathering. The first is internal-I call it "in-venturing." It means taking a long look inside yourself. For some people-particularly tough-minded, old-school businesspeople-that can be very difficult. This personal reflection stuff is not their cup of tea. They're not interested in it, and they're not comfortable with it. For others, it's not only part of who they are-they've built time for it into their life. By participating in programs such as Outward Bound, they try to live a more conscious, reflective life.

Whether you're comfortable with it or not, to make a good life decision, you have to answer some hard questions about who you are and what you want. I believe we all have answers to those questions-we all have mental maps that express our innermost sense of ourselves. In-venturing gives us the quiet and the time to discover those maps.

Then, after you know more about your map, you're ready for the second part of good information gathering: adventuring. Adventuring takes you out into the world, prepares you to find the people and environments that fit your needs, suit your talents, and match your map. Of course, in reality, you don't first do in-venturing and then do adventuring; they happen simultaneously.