By Barbara Pagano, Elizabeth Pagano, Stephen Lundin
Mike Silvers had no idea his loud voice made employees cringe in discomfort. After growing up the oldest of six brothers and working in a steel factory for a while, speaking loudly became a sort of code in his DNA. At 48-years-old, however, as the head of the largest branch of the Vista Federal Credit Union, which serves all of Disney's 60,000 "cast members," Silver's loud voice made his employees think he was yelling at them, and this seemingly inconsistent miscommunication was causing some subtle discomfort among his team members that had affected his leadership effectiveness. Silvers came to realize this through a formal feedback process in which he asked his team how he could improve as their leader. Now Silvers and his team are so comfortable with asking for and giving feedback that his staff simply will give him a downward motion with their hands if his voice level gets too loud.
Through anonymous 360-degree performance surveys, Silvers realized a lot more about how his staff perceived him as a leader, and he learned that by changing what were genuinely unintentional bad habits, he could vastly improve his relationships and effectiveness. For example, when the lobby is packed with customers--Disney employees--and Silvers sees one of his service representatives working at her desk without a customer sitting with her, Silvers used to walk briskly to her desk and ask, "Are you ready to take another member?" Through his leadership coach, Karen Walker, a consultant with Atlanta-based Assessment Plus, Inc., who has a Ph.D. in psychology, Silvers learned that his staff felt he was micromanaging and that he did not trust them to do a good job.
"I talked with them, and we all came to an agreement," he said. "I told them, 'Okay, I'm going to trust that when a customer is in the lobby, and he or she is not sitting with you at your desk, it's because you're quickly finishing up paperwork from the last customer before inviting him or her over.'"
Silvers explained how letting go and giving them the decision-making power was difficult for him, and Dr. Walker concurred: "He's a real driver, and he's very enthusiastic about his work." However, Silvers managed to make the change, and in doing so, he saw an almost immediate decrease in the time between customers being serviced. "I showed by my actions that I trusted them, and production went up."
Asking for feedback, informally and formally (through surveys), became status quo for Silvers, and consequently, he believes that his relationships with his staff, his peers, and even his boss have improved. Increased assessment scores in a subsequent survey certainly seemed to confirm his progress.
When we discover how others perceive us, we are better able to align our intentions with reality and develop a plan for improvement. In order to learn and grown, we must have self-awareness, which, ironically, requires input from others. "The paradox of self-awareness is that one cannot become self-aware through self alone," says Deepak Sethi, director of executive and leadership development for the Thomson Corp., a $6-billion, 40,000-employee information publishing company.
Asking others for their opinions about something conveys respect. When the subject is you, you practice a key aspect of transparency and show others that you value them, increasing your respect and credibility.
In leadership surveys of 559 managers, 86 percent of 6023 of their followers and peers said that those leaders could improve at regularly asking for feedback.
Executive coach Tom Heinselman recalls a client, the head of executive development at a Fortune 100 firm, who would not agree to undergo formal feedback, even though all his staff and managers were doing it. Tom suggested that he should, too, if only to set the right leadership example. The client replied: "Tom, you obviously don't understand my role here. You see, I don't get feedback. I give feedback."
These "I'm better than you" messages can worm their way through an organization, devaluing the feedback process and destroying a culture's values that promote learning, professional growth, and transparency.
Other leaders fail to ask for feedback not because of hubris but because they simply do not see the point. "I don't ask because I'm sure that if there was something I needed to know, they'd tell me," the managing partner of an insurance firm once told me. Yet that same leader's followers confirmed that they would only do such a thing if they "didn't care about having a job the next day."
Ultimately, most leaders don't ask for input for two reasons: They're not sure that they want the answers, and they don't feel comfortable asking in the first place.
Why don't leaders want the answers that might reveal valuable information that is critical for future success? Their reasoning often stems from seven myths of feedback.
Perceptions may differ from person to person and may be opposite from how you see yourself. Feedback is not necessarily right or wrong. Remember that others are judging you against their own experience, context, and values.
Feedback is rarely offered in an attempt to fundamentally change someone's makeup. Most people think that this is impossible anyway. Usually people give feedback hoping that you will fine-tune certain aspects of your personality--not change it altogether. For example, someone might ask you to speak up more in meetings, but they likely will not request that you turn your quiet self into a member of the Osborne family.
Feedback is not a detailed analysis of your past mistakes. If you have made some--and all of us do--they likely came with some negative fallout. Formal feedback surveys actually can help you to gauge the extent and intensity of what people might be feeling as a result of your misstep. How upset is your team about your failure to deal with a particular underperformer? You might be relieved to find that the issue is barely a blip on their radar screens. Or you might learn that an incident is still stewing and that more patchup is necessary.
While asking for input requires confidence, humility, and a respect for others' opinions, it does not require you to respond with action steps that you feel are undesirable, uncomfortable, or impossible. I'll talk more about this later in this chapter.
There is almost always a discrepancy between the self we think we are and the self that is perceived by the rest of the world. In receiving feedback, you likely will get a picture of yourself that will be more accurate than the one you have now. And others' comments not only may surprise you, but they also may validate your worth far better than you do.
In my experience coaching almost 3,000 men and women, feedback that is spiteful and revengeful is as rare as having a fish jump in my kayak. (It happened once.) People generally offer a fair assessment of the behaviors they are asked to rate and thoughtful replies to questions posed. They often also express a warm regard for the person being assessed.
Actually, it might, but only in the short term. While you likely will not be squashed by a litany of your deficits and faults, you could be disappointed or angry about what you are told. Asking for feedback takes courage, and anyone who thinks otherwise is kidding themselves. In expansive, expensive corner offices, as well as in windowless cubicles, I've seen jaws quiver, knees jerk, eyes brim with tears, and more than a little defensiveness surface as I've reviewed feedback reports with leaders. In the long run, however, you'll be far better off knowing how you are perceived by people who are playing often critical roles in your future success.
