You Have Got To Be Kidding Me! Right? by Ted Eleftheriou

Saw this billboard the other day for Holiday Inn Express (See Photo):

“Guest Rated #1 Shower”

They’re kidding… right? They mean to tell me that the showers at Holiday Inn Express are so good that their guests take the time to rate them? To say, "WOW? "R – i – g – h - t! I want Holiday Inn Express to produce the survey for me. I mean did it really have a question like:

1. On a scale of “1” to “10” where “1” stands for, “dust drips from the showerhead” and “10” stands for, “water comes out with such force that it rips the flesh off of you faster than a nuclear explosion,” please rate our showers.

And you know what? Even if their showers were better than the one… say… at my house… to date, I have never booked a hotel based on their showers… ever! EVER!!

I mean THAT’S the BEST selling point that Holiday Inn Express has to offer to try to L – U – R – E me… you… to their hotel?

So I grab a phone book (remember those?) and thumb through the yellow pages to look at other ads. Apparently, Holiday Inn Express isn’t the only one that… how do I say… MISSED AN OPPORTUNITY TO LURE ME IN! I submit the following TRUE ads for your review. My comments about each one follow.

Physician ad:

“Now Accepting New Patients Ages 16 & older.”

Huh? “Hey honey, I’m going to this guy for my hernia exam because I fall in his patients’ ‘age range!’”

Restaurant ad:

(In big letters) “Home Cooked Meals every Wednesday, at noon and evenings!”

Again… Huh? So what about the rest of the days they’re open? What kind of food do they serve then? Microwave burritos? Leftovers from Wednesday? TV dinners?

Dentist’s ad:

“One Stop Shop for all forms of Dentistry!”

“Hey honey, after my hernia exam, I’m going down to the “SHOP” to get that tooth fixed that I cracked when I ate that home cooked meal last Wednesday!”

Cremation service ad:

“We Are Not a Here Today Gone Tomorrow Cremation Society”

?

Attorney ad:

“Licensed to Practice Law in Florida Courts”

Since I live in Florida, that would be a good thing. I wouldn’t really want to travel to another state to have this guy fight my case.

Okay, one more. Motel Ad:

“D.D. Room Phones, Color TV, Carpet”

Anyone out there who can tell me what D.D. stands for? Okay, carpet, color TV, and room phones, may have been big draws back in… let’s say… 1879! “Park the horses, honey. We’re staying here tonight… they have carpets!” But in 2009? UGH!

YOUR AD:

What does your “ad” say (or not say) about what you have to offer? Your business? The services you provide? Does it focus on the MAIN WOW experiences of your business, product, or service? OR does it miss it?

And what about your resume (which is kind of… LIKE AN AD!)? Does it highlight all the great accomplishments in your career…? OR… does it just focus on your past job descriptions (yawn)?

“Guest Rated #1 Showers” may work for… well… actually… it doesn’t work for ANYBODY! So whether writing a resume, or an ad for your business, or creating a catchy “catch” phrase, find that thing… that one thing… that you sell or provide that will get people to say, “WOW’ and then let the world know!