Saw this billboard the other day for Holiday Inn Express (See Photo):
“Guest Rated #1 Shower”
They’re kidding… right? They mean to tell me that the showers at Holiday Inn Express are so good that their guests take the time to rate them? To say, "WOW? "R – i – g – h - t! I want Holiday Inn Express to produce the survey for me. I mean did it really have a question like:
1. On a scale of “1” to “10” where “1” stands for, “dust drips from the showerhead” and “10” stands for, “water comes out with such force that it rips the flesh off of you faster than a nuclear explosion,” please rate our showers.
And you know what? Even if their showers were better than the one… say… at my house… to date, I have never booked a hotel based on their showers… ever! EVER!!
I mean THAT’S the BEST selling point that Holiday Inn Express has to offer to try to L – U – R – E me… you… to their hotel?
So I grab a phone book (remember those?) and thumb through the yellow pages to look at other ads. Apparently, Holiday Inn Express isn’t the only one that… how do I say… MISSED AN OPPORTUNITY TO LURE ME IN! I submit the following TRUE ads for your review. My comments about each one follow.
Physician ad:
“Now Accepting New Patients Ages 16 & older.”
Huh? “Hey honey, I’m going to this guy for my hernia exam because I fall in his patients’ ‘age range!’”
Restaurant ad:
(In big letters) “Home Cooked Meals every Wednesday, at noon and evenings!”
Again… Huh? So what about the rest of the days they’re open? What kind of food do they serve then? Microwave burritos? Leftovers from Wednesday? TV dinners?
Dentist’s ad:
“One Stop Shop for all forms of Dentistry!”
“Hey honey, after my hernia exam, I’m going down to the “SHOP” to get that tooth fixed that I cracked when I ate that home cooked meal last Wednesday!”
Cremation service ad:
“We Are Not a Here Today Gone Tomorrow Cremation Society”
?
Attorney ad:
“Licensed to Practice Law in Florida Courts”
Since I live in Florida, that would be a good thing. I wouldn’t really want to travel to another state to have this guy fight my case.
Okay, one more. Motel Ad:
“D.D. Room Phones, Color TV, Carpet”
Anyone out there who can tell me what D.D. stands for? Okay, carpet, color TV, and room phones, may have been big draws back in… let’s say… 1879! “Park the horses, honey. We’re staying here tonight… they have carpets!” But in 2009? UGH!
YOUR AD:
What does your “ad” say (or not say) about what you have to offer? Your business? The services you provide? Does it focus on the MAIN WOW experiences of your business, product, or service? OR does it miss it?
And what about your resume (which is kind of… LIKE AN AD!)? Does it highlight all the great accomplishments in your career…? OR… does it just focus on your past job descriptions (yawn)?
“Guest Rated #1 Showers” may work for… well… actually… it doesn’t work for ANYBODY! So whether writing a resume, or an ad for your business, or creating a catchy “catch” phrase, find that thing… that one thing… that you sell or provide that will get people to say, “WOW’ and then let the world know!
STORY ONE: SEBASTIAN Our fifth family member is a guinea pig named Sebastian. When we adopted him our kids hoped he would play tag, catch balls tossed to him, or find him among stuffed animals during a game of hide-and-seek. When the movie, “G-Force” came out, they were sure that Sebastian was a member of an elite group of guinea pigs on secret government missions.
But that was then. It wasn’t long before they realized that Sebastian’s favorite activities were eating, sleeping, and trying to run away when picked up (that’s kind of like tag… isn’t it!?!). They would take him out of his cage, place him on the floor and watch as he spent his entire time trying to get back INTO the cage. No matter where they placed him, Sebastian always found his way back to his cage.
This went on for months until one day… while out of his cage… he ran the other way… under the dining room table… away from his domain. Of course our family, short of dressing in lab coats, experimented and found that Sebastian had indeed gotten over his fear of being out of his cage… fear of change… fear of leaving his comfort zone. And just when all was going well… a hawk came down out of nowhere and carried Sebastian away! Just kidding! He’s safe and sound and looking buff from all his activity.
STORY TWO: MADISON ROSE Then there’s our 8-year-old daughter Madison Rose. My wife and I decided it was time for us to move to a new house to cut down commute time and rejoin civilization. One night we gathered the kids and told them our plans. Our son Grayson took it pretty well, however Madison Rose cried for an hour and forty-five minutes! She pleaded not to move. She loved our house. She loved her room.
We took the kids with us house hunting and while Grayson found the good in every house, none met Madison Rose’s expectations. “This one’s too small… this one smells funny… this one has lousy carpets… this one has a weird person living next door (she might have been right on that one!). It was her way of saying, I don’t want to move!
Until…
…we came to this one house…
…and like Sebastian…
…she went in a totally different direction.
She walked into one of the bedrooms and said, “this is the room I want.” Then she picked out a location for her doll house. Then she saw that this house had a POOL IN THE BACK YARD!! Game over!
Madison Rose loved it. She went from not wanting to move… to… she couldn’t wait to be out of the old house. The first night in our new house she said, “This house feels right. Comfortable. Like we always lived here. I LOVE IT!”
CHANGE Change is difficult. Isn’t it? Fear of the unknown. Fear of failure. Fear of leaving the comfortable in exchange for something that’s… well… not (at least at first)! But without change we’d stagnate, live dreary uneventful lives, and perhaps miss out on something better.
The best time to change? When you’re not forced to. Losing a job, running out of money, diagnosed with high blood pressure. Those are “forced change” situations. But perhaps the warning signs were there all long and a little bit of change could have prevented them. The company you worked for was laying off people in your department, but you felt safe because you had seniority. Spending $800 a month in cell phone usage, $300 a month in cable bills, and a $1000 a month in car loans may have contributed to financial crisis. And all those excuses of why you couldn’t exercise or eat right resulted in being overweight, and now having to take blood pressure medication.
Don’t wait for these forced changes to take place. Be on the look out for opportunities, take heed of the warning signs, and be proactive in your pursuit of positive change.
Gotta run. I think I see Madison Rose trying to teach Sebastian how to swim in the pool!
I stopped by Publix the other day to buy a sandwich for lunch. Their deli has great sandwiches and the turkey breast sandwich is out of this world! Even though I had never been to this Publix before, I was greeted by Betty (saw her nametag) like I was her favorite customer. “Hi!” she beamed. “Good to see you! What can I make for you today?”
I placed my order and watched as she went to work on my sandwich as if the bread was a blank canvas. A work of art was being created right before my eyes. I complimented her about how great the sandwich looked. Yeah, it looked that good!
She replied, “Why thank you. When my husband and I retired, we decided to travel all over country. But after a year of doing so we got tired of life on the road, so we settled down in Florida. I decided I wanted to work a few hours a week, not for the money, but to do something I’d enjoy doing. Something that didn’t feel like work.
“My husband asked me what it was that I loved to do. And as silly as it sounds, I told him I’m good at and love making sandwiches. So here I am. I’ve been doing this for seven months now and I love it. I get to talk to and meet new people, like you, every day while making them a sandwich that I hope pleases them. What wouldn’t I like about this job?” Hard to argue that.
This lady found purpose, success, and happiness, making... of all things... sandwiches. She enjoyed people, and in her little way, shared some of that enjoyment in the simple act of making them the best sandwich possible. What better illustration of success? And I must say, perhaps it was the conversation I had with her, but I swear, that was one of the best sandwiches I ever had!
Second Story:
I’m waiting in line at Wal-Mart (sometimes the shopping takes less time than the checkout process… but that’s a story for another time.), when this gentleman behind me gives me a nod and a, “How are you today?”
I reply, “I’m fine. Thanks for asking. And how are you today?”
“I’m great!” he replies… as if he was hoping someone would ask. Then he proceeds to tell me about his life.
“I’m one of the fortunate ones who got to retire early. I worked at (company name withheld) when I got sick and it was determined that it was directly related to the job. They took out 21-½” of my colon and now I have to use a colostomy bag. BUT, I receive $5000 a month in tax free money… FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE! And I get full medical benefits! How lucky am I?” I’m thinking lucky? This poor guy. Then he continued.
“Soon as the money started rolling in, I divorced my wife and now my goal is to be with as many women as I can. I own three boats, a new house, and I just bought a new truck. I can buy anything I want!” Huh?
Almost teary eyed, he goes on, “It’s like I won the (insert expletive here) lottery!” He repeated it again, only louder as if I didn’t hear him the first time, “THE (bleeping) LOTTERY! I can’t believe my good fortune.”
He went on to tell me about how he would… ahem… be with women and all the toys he had. All the time I’m thinking, if the lady in front of me has an item that needs a price check… I’m just going to run out the door. But seriously, I was thinking that this man gets a second chance in life and this is what he’s doing with it? What type of legacy is he creating? But then again, I guess he reallydidn’t care.
How about you? How do you define happiness? Success? How do you answer the question: “Why do I matter?” (Translated: LEGACY)
10. Create a Resume that Stinks: Don’t proofread your resume. Allow misspelled words, use poor grammar, create a confusing layout, print it on copy machine paper, and make sure the words are hard to read by using an ink cartridge that is just about out of ink.
9. Don’t Send a Cover Letter: Never send a cover letter with your resume. Ever! If you do send one, you run the risk that the company will call you for an interview. Don’t take that chance.
8. Send Your Resume via the Wrong Method: If the recruiter asks for your resume to be e-mailed, then fax it. If she asks for a hard copy sent via the U.S. Post Office, e-mail it to her. And if she asks for it to be faxed, then FedEx it. After all, you don’t want to be like everyone else who followed the instructions. You want to stand out! And stand out you will!
7. Misspell the Person’s Name: Nothing says, “I could care less about you,” than misspelling the person’s name who is receiving your resume. If they have a difficult name like “Eleftheriou” they should be used to having their name misspelled, right? No biggy! And don’t bother wasting your time finding out the recruiter’s gender. If the person’s name is Pat Johnson, address him or her as: Dear Mr. or Mrs. Pat Johnson. Better yet, avoid using their last name altogether and write, “Hi Pat!” Even better yet, go generic: To Whom It May Concern:
6 Only List Family Members for References: Seriously, who knows you better than your own family? Proper “Reference Page” etiquette is to always list the name first, then their title. For example, write: “John Carpenter” then beneath right the title: “Dad.” Not the other way around. And if you want to sound even more immature, use: “Pops,” “Daddy” or “Dadda” for the title. Listing about three to five family members should be enough to get your resume thrown out.
5. Number 10: It’s worth repeating. And whatever you do, don’t hire Blueprint 4 Resumes to write your resume. Those guys will write you a killer resume that will LAND YOU INTERVIEWS!
4. Write Your Resume in Chronological Order: Knowing that many recruiters may not read through your entire resume, begin with the job you started right out of high school with, (i.e., Bun Steamer at “Weenie Hut Junior”) and end with your current position (i.e., Electrical Engineer for NASA). This should lessen your chances for an interview by quite a bit.
3. Add Perfume or Aftershave to Your Resume: If you’re lucky, the person receiving your resume will be allergic to the fragrance and discard your resume immediately. At the very least, the smell will irritate the recruiter enough for him to throw it out… way out!
2. Use Personal Style When Writing Your Resume: Regionalism will go a long way to unimpress a reader. Write things like, “Y’all fixin’ you be needin’ som-un to git-r-done soon?” And if you’re from the Bible belt, you have to go with King James Version, “O most holy recruiter. Lend me your ear that thoust may hearest me when I utter thy words, ‘Callest me for thine interview.’”
And the Number One way To NOT get a Job Interview
1. Don’t Send Your Resume. Period: If you don’t send it, you can’t possibly get an interview, right? Heck, at the very least, wait until the deadline for submissions has passed. Maybe it’s fear, maybe it’s laziness, but whatever the reason, nothing guarantees no job interviews like making sure that no one outside of your four walls knows that you are looking for a job. In the meantime, enjoy the four walls... while you still have them!
Okay, now if you DO want to land a job interview, just do the opposite and you should be good to go!
I lived in Los Angeles where it wasn’t uncommon to see an unfortunate soul at the end of a freeway offramp with a sign that read: “Will Work for Food.”
What if you had a sign (If you’ve read my last post you’ll see that I’m on this “sign” thing lately) that read: “Will Work For Free?” Better yet, let’s change it to read: “Will Work for Donations.” How would you do? Would you make any money?
That’s how charities survive. That’s how National Public Radio (NPR) survives. Their “cause” or product is exceptional enough, relevant enough, important enough, and worthy enough of our donations (translated: hard earned money).
What if you told your employer: “Hey, starting now I don’t want to be on the payroll anymore. However, I will accept donations based on the quality of my work or the value I add to this organization.”
Would you bring in HUGE donations with the performance and product you currently provide?
Would you need to change… no… more importantly, would you be WILLING to change if needed?
What would your coworkers, customers, managers, etc… say about you if asked, “What do you think I should pay Ted this week based on his performance, service and teamwork?” What would that amount be?
And hours invested doesn’t count. Hours are hardly an indicator of how much value one brings to a customer or organization. NPR probably doesn’t receive donations based on the length of a broadcast, but based on the relevance and impact it has on the listener: “Hey, I loved the seven-hour broadcast on the history of the aglet (click here for def.). Here’s my donation for $700; one hundred dollars per hour.” Probably not going to happen.
With so much competition in the work place and business world today, make yourself valuable… WAY VALUABLE!! Work for free! Work for donations only! Okay, don’t tell your boss or customers that, but adopt that mindset. The mindset that you will only get paid based on the value you provide.
During a horrific battle in 1793, a 24-year old captain had to establish an artillery battery that was in such an exposed position and so close to the enemy that he couldn’t find any soldiers to man it… even under direct orders. It was suicidal.
But this young officer knew that this artillery position was crucial to the outcome of the battle. Undeterred, he had an officer make a sign with large, bold letters and placed it on the battery for all to see. The sign read:
“THE BATTERY OF THE MEN WITHOUT FEAR”
The outcome? Men competed (as in: C O M P E T E D) for the honor of being known as men of courage… men who would be part of this fearless group. The battery was manned day and night, bringing victory to the French over the British Royal Navy at the “Siege of Toulon.” And as for the captain? Historians attribute this act of genius as the beginning to his illustrious career. Maybe you’ve heard of him… Napoleon Bonaparte.
Notice Napoleon didn’t threaten his men? He appealed to them – to their sense of pride and their desire to be seen as men of courage. I’m going to take some liberty here and guess that these men probably went from, “Thanks, but I think I’ll pass,” to “We’re going to bomb the ‘doodoo’ out of those guys!!”
How about you? Do you have a “sign?” What motivates you? Money? Fame? Being part of an elite group? …Fear?
Perhaps you haven’t given it much thought, but if you’re currently facing a battle in your life, it’s time to identify the “sign.” YOUR “sign!” The one that can motivate you toward victory. What is that “sign?” I don’t know. And if you don’t, perhaps start by reading books, listening to CDs or mp3s, and seeking guidance from others. And once YOU do find your motivation, why not… well… make a sign? Write it in BIG, bold letters and place it where you can see it… often! Perhaps even multiple signs in multiple locations.
Like Napoleon’s men, it might be scary and seem like the odds are stacked against you, but focus on minimizing the downside of what could go wrong and instead focus your attention on what could go right. And don’t be afraid to fail. Persevere through the battle regardless of what obstacles (enemies) may lie ahead. Commit that you’ll be courageous enough to confront them.
Now go be victorious! Hey, and drop me a note to let me know how it goes? Carry on.
This past weekend I met with a good friend at where else…? Starbucks. We chatted for a bit about our families, the economy, weather, and as usual: golf.
As we’re getting ready to leave, and like countless times before, he says, “You know we really need to get together and play golf one day.” And like countless times before I ask him to pick a day, for which he responds, “Oh… well… if we were to play you’d probably have to give me like 500 strokes! Let me take some lessons first and maybe next time. Besides my clubs are still in the attic. But hey, I can hit 300-yard drives on my kid’s Tiger Woods Playstation game!”
Sorry. That doesn’t count. Hitting a ball 300-yards on a video game is not really hitting a ball 300-yards… is it? I mean, there’s no ball, no club, and you use your thumbs for crying out loud! We’ll never play together. For two years I’ve heard about his clubs in the attic…about giving him 500 strokes… about taking lessons first.
And it finally dawned on me; it’s much safer for him to talk about golf and beat Tiger Woods on Playstation than it is to actually put forth the effort and play real golf on a real golf course. As a result, living in “Pretend World” robs him the opportunity of playing in the real world. He settles for an AVERAGE experience, when he could be enjoying a WOW! experience. Playing abilities aside.
In life, many of us fall into average complacency. We become armchair quarterbacks shouting at the TV. We settle for the 17” monitor, 300-yard drives on our Tiger Woods video game system where virtual crowds applaud us. And we’ll wait in line outside Best Buy before Christmas in hopes of getting selected to give them money for a much coveted Wii console so we can get Wii-Fit in the privacy of our own 10’ X 12’ cell… I mean room.
Some people say it’s okay to aim for average. They even encourage it. “The higher you aim the further you fall,” they advise. I don’t buy it. If I had a life-threatening ailment, I wouldn’t take a chance on an average doctor to treat me. If I was being falsely sued and taken to court, I wouldn’t hire an average attorney to represent me. If I was told that a pilot with average flying abilities was flying the plane, I wouldn't risk my family's safety on "average flying abilities" by having them get on board.
Here, I have one for you: If you were a recruiter, would you ask your administrative assistant to give you only the AVERAGE resumes that were received for the job you posted? Seriously, would you? By the way, how is your resume?
So I pull into a gas station to… well… get some gas for the car. While there, I go inside to get four waters for the family. Choosing bottled water is becoming a lot like picking out toothpaste at a grocery store. The choices are endless. Spring water, filtered water, purified water, imported water, water with vitamins, water with electrolytes, diet flavored water (what!?), carbonated water… endless. So I pick out my water based on a system that I’ve developed over the years: PRICE.
Eventually I find what I’m looking for… bottles with the bright orange “99 cents” stickers on them. But wait! On the shelving below the bottles are more orange stickers: 2/$2.22. I pause for a second to make sure my brain is registering correctly. I can buy one bottle for 99 cents or two for $2.22!? Surely a mistake. I head to the cashier to pay.
I watch the prices on the customer monitor as the girl behind the counter scans each bottle: .99… .99… special 2 for $2.22... Wait!
Me: “Excuse me. The bottles are marked 99 cents each and two for $2.22. It costs more if I buy two.”
Her: “Yeah, they’re on sale when you buy two.”
Me: (????!) “Yeah, but it costs more for two.”
Her: “No. They’re on sale.”
Me: “But they’re not really on sale because it costs more if I buy two. If I buy these four waters, I’m going to pay 48 cents more than if I bought them at 99 cents each.”
Pause.
Her: “Do you want the waters?”
Me: (sigh) “No thanks.”
Typically, recruiters and hiring personnel spend about 15 – 20 seconds scanning resumes. If your resume is unorganized, cluttered, and hard to read (like trying to select bottled water) the reader may give up and toss it on the reject pile. Good resumes have lots of “orange stickers,” meaning that they’re well written, well organized, and easy for the reader to find key points relevant to the job position.
However, in addition to “orange stickers,” accuracy of content, spelling, format, and grammar (99 cents for one or two for $2.22) are a must. And don’t just rely on your computer’s spellchecker. One resume I saw had, “PROFESSIONAL SUM MARY” in one of the headings. Spellchecker missed the unwanted space in the middle of the word, “summary” because “sum” and “mary” are valid words on their own.
Be diligent on the document that you’re sending out to represent you. Read and reread your resume package and when you’re done… have someone else read it as well. Don’t let a hiring professional leave the store (translated: schedule an interview) without buying the goods (translated: you).
Now, you wouldn’t have two tens for a five would you?
Each of our children has their own jar. Whenever they perform some act of kindness, complete a chore that is required of them, or do something unexpected and/or extraordinary, they receive a little plastic token to add to their containers. My wife and I decide what is token-worthy AND how many. Putting their dishes in the sink after eating may earn them one token… while sharing the last ice cream sandwich with their sibling without being told to, may earn them three.
Each token represents ten cents. Our children can use this money any way and whenever they would like. Sometimes, they save for something fairly costly, while sometimes they’ll use ten tokens to purchase something in the dollar section at Target.
Oh… did I mention they could lose tokens as well? A mean-spirited act may cost them big time. Not stopping to look before running across the street after being told numerous times to do so… well that could cost them all their tokens and the jar itself!
My wife says that I have a tendency to focus too much on subtracting tokens… times when they misbehave… rather than focusing on catching them doing something right, thus adding to their tokens. Perhaps she’s right… which got me thinking about how I view life in general.
Recently, I read in a book, “When attempting something new, ask yourself, ‘What is the WORST thing that could happen if you failed?’” You may have heard something similar to that statement before. But…
With my new POSITIVE outlook on life, I decided to reword that statement into an affirmative one: “When attempting something new, ask yourself, ‘What is the BEST thing that could happen if you SUCCEEDED?’”
Some immediate answers came to mind: The BEST thing that could happen…
is that I’d prove to myself that I could do it.
is that I’d conquer my fear of failure which would give me the confidence of trying new things more often.
is that I’d accomplish something new that could benefit my family and me (I’m not talking just monetary).
is that I could be outrageously and wildly happy and successful.
is that I’d be doing something that perhaps was what I should have been doing all along… let’s call it my life’s purpose.
Are you stuck in a rut? With your career… career search… or just life in general? Take a different approach. Listen to the way you speak to yourself. Watch the way you react when faced with problems. Take what you do now and start looking at life through a different lens. A positive one.
For you Seinfield fans out there (and those that are not) I leave you with this hilarious video clip that demonstrates my point. Watch it... and I just may add a token to your jar.
4-bbl carburetor, 305 (5.0-liter), V8 engine; coil-sprung MacPherson struts up front and live axle with coils in back; Cherry red exterior with gold-metallic trim; custom gold-detailed aluminum wheels; T-tops; velour seats; fully electronic instrumentation featuring a bar-graph tachometer and a digital speedometer; stalk-mounted cassette/radio with five-band equalizer on the center console; and dashboard with overhead control console that looked like a fighter plane cockpit (see picture above). After hours of haggling on price… my wife and I signed the papers and became the proud owners of a two-year-old 1984 Camaro Berlinetta in mint condition. We found cool. Or did we?
Two months after our purchase, while pulling out of an underground garage I scraped the front end against a cement pillar. A month after that a film prop truck backed into it creating a foot-long crease on the back end and soon afterwards a garbage truck swerved into my wife’s lane side-swiping the car.
One morning my wife found our car on wooden blocks; the custom wheels and tires… gone. The cost to replace them? $1,005.00. The deductible on our insurance? $1,000.00. Our license plates were stolen (we were sure the plates would be used on a get-away car for a bank robbery), and attempts on our T-tops, car bra, and tires became a common occurrence.
The fuel pump broke filling the underground garage of the apartment building we lived in with gasoline. We stressed at the thought of what one spark could do. The car frame broke under the driver side… apparently a common problem among Berlinettas. The alternator, generator, radiator, air-conditioner, digital display, and the engine itself all needed repairs or replacement… constantly.
Our dream machine was spending more time in garages being repaired than on the road being enjoyed. We poured tons of money into it but never seemed to be able to keep up with the newest calamity. We began to suspect that the previous owner got rid of it because it was possessed.
The final straw however happened while driving a friend home on the freeway. In mid-conversation… BANG!!!! I watched in disbelief as shards of tire ripped up the side of the car stripping off the door handle along with all the side molding. The rear tire exploded, yet somehow the steel belts in the tire kept it inflated long enough for me to pull over, most likely saving our lives.
Later that week, we drove into a Saturn dealership, got $500 for the “Camaro from Hell” and bought a new Saturn SC coupe, which we enjoyed trouble-free for years.
So what does this have to do with you and your career?
First, like our Camaro, if your efforts are not working… your resume is not producing job interview opportunities… and your interviews are not landing you job offers… perhaps it’s time to stop trying to maintain or “fix” the old and try an entirely new approach to developing your personal brand. Redo your resume format. Try a new approach to finding job opportunities. Rethink the answers you give during interviews. Hire Blueprint 4 Resumes to help you (had to throw that plug in there... but you should).
Second, if you’re stuck in a bad work situation, a place that doesn’t appreciate the efforts that you are putting forth… well guess what? You have a choice. A choice to try something different. A choice to ask for a meeting with your manager and express your concerns to him in a civil, proactive way. A choice to… if all fails… look for another job. I’m not suggesting you quit on the spot (that would be reactive), but it doesn’t hurt to have a plan B.
Yes, there comes a time that if your current efforts are not producing desirable results… it might be time for CHANGE. My wife and I really, really wanted to hold on to that Camaro. But all our efforts… our expensive efforts… couldn’t better the situation. Sometimes you just have to get rid of the old and give yourself a fresh, new start. In the long run, you’ll be glad you did.
