Let’s take a close look at the concept of fear.

Not fun, you say? Fear isn’t your problem, you say? Are you sure? Or is that denial talking?

Like many people, I had
unconsciously run much of my life based on my fears. I was always
finding excuses for my self-defeating behavior, unfortunate
circumstances or bad things that happened to me.  I procrastinated and
blamed my failures on poor planning, someone else’s timing and someone
else’s issues.  No matter what happened to me, I decided it wasn’t my
fault.

Or was it?

At first glance, I really didn’t
want to take the responsibility for my own circumstances, setbacks and
failures.  It was much easier to blame someone or something else, and
looking inward didn’t feel very good at first.  Little by little, I got
used to the idea that maybe I made choices based not on solid
information, but instead based on fear.  Little by little, I got used
to the idea that maybe if I was making choices based on fear, I
actually had more control of myself than I thought – but negative
control.

“If I have control of myself and my choices,” I thought, “maybe it really is
my fault that things didn’t go my way, that I had failures along with
my successes. Maybe I allowed fear to creep into my conscious
thought.”  Even though it was uncomfortable, I stuck with that idea for
a while.  Eventually, I realized that while my fears had held me back
in the past, I could use that same energy to propel me forward.  And so
can you.

The first thing I did was to learn
to understand how fear felt in my body. You know, it’s that paralyzing
feeling, like when you’re about to do something for the first time, and
you’re procrastinating, afraid to speak in public for fear of saying
something silly, afraid of rejection, success, failure, humiliation and
a myriad of other things.  We all have fears – everybody. For me, fear
felt like a lump in my stomach, weight on my shoulders and general
heaviness.

So why was I so afraid?  It was a
good question, one I asked myself often. Though I wasn’t exactly sure
why, I was pretty sure it had something to do with my beliefs,
subconscious programming, and that most of it was pretty much untrue.
To be honest, most of the fear that I had, I made up in my own head. As
a result, other fears began to be realized – in part because I focused
so hard on what I was afraid of.

I had begun to pave the way for
prosperity in my future, all the while feeling a little bit nervous,
like something unexpected or bad would happen soon.  The fear of
success was stalking me, and one day it appeared in full force for me
to deal with in a way I would never forget.

The ringing of the phone that day
startled me.  I was deep in thought and I picked up the phone quickly. 
“Hello?” I said hurriedly.  The voice on the other end of the line was
my father.  He sounded sad, solemn and panicked.  “I need money,” he
stated simply. Next, he explained all the reasons that he needed the
money, his current situation, failed business and all of the reasons
that it wasn’t his fault.  If only he could have the money, everything
would be better in his life. It put me in an awful position. My
greatest fear had been realized – that success would change me in the
eyes of other people and that I would be looked upon as a money tree to
my family. My parents had divorced some years earlier, and I was afraid
my dad would start asking me for money. What would I do?

For the next few minutes, I listened to the story, the excuses and the blame coming from my father’s words. He wanted a lot
of money. Fear gripped me as I realized that I would need to be the
parent to my own parent, and I knew that if I gave in one time I would
be expected to give in each time he called. He had not learned to
manage his money and I  knew that whatever I might consider giving him
at that moment would be gone in an instant and more would be required
next time.  Throughout my growing up years, I had watched him request
money from family members and friends, and I saw what it had done to
destroy once beautiful relationships when promises were not kept.  His
financial mismanagement was a key factor in the stresses that
ultimately led to his divorce from my mother when I was 13. But this
was my father, and my love for him and our relationship went way beyond
this panicky moment.

I gently told him that while I loved
him, I was unable to give him what he requested at that time. He was
sad, but said he understood.  Shaking, I hung up the phone and realized
that I had once again overcome a great fear.  I had been thinking about
this fear of success and all of the horrible ways it could come into my
life.  In reality, what I made up in my mind was not the truth – I
discovered that the horrible fear I had about the circumstances was
actually something I had made up!  While the situation with my father
was unpleasant, it was certainly not nearly as bad as I had imagined. 
I learned a very valuable lesson – once I discovered my exact fear (in
this case, fear of success), and asked myself whether it was the truth
or whether I was making it up, somehow the fear loosened its grip.

I still use this method today when I
feel fear.  Writing this book, putting it out there for all the world
to see, was once a fearful obstacle for me.  I pictured people
laughing, ridiculing, and attacking my ideas.  I pictured terrible
humiliation, embarrassment and rejection.  Basically, I experienced the
whole range of fears. Then I got the first draft reviews back and the
feedback was positive, so I started to feel a bit more comfortable. 
When I asked myself “is this true or am I making it all up?” I realized
that through the power of my own imagination, I made it up.

So if you are reading this today, I
hope you feel the power of the words on the pages and know that
everyone – I mean everyone – goes through times in their life where
they are struck by fear.  Taking action in small steps (or sometimes in
large steps), letting go of the drama of the fear and realizing the power of your own mind is the true formula to break through fear and use it for success.

Sometimes, fear can paralyze your
waking moments.  During those times, I make what I call a “Personal
Promise.”  On the top of a sticky note, I write “What is the ONE thing
I will do today before I go to bed?” and then I write down one task. 
Some days, it’s a big task, and other days, eating lunch is grounds for
celebration. I have found this one little thing to be amazingly helpful
during those times when fear is trying to stop me from moving forward.
One tiny step at a time is all it takes.

Successful people have more fear
than most, because they are doing things that most people will never
try.  Consider these things as you pursue your version of success.

1. What fears are holding you back? 
Are they real or are you making them up? What beliefs are holding you
back?  Who gave you those beliefs?

2. If you are ready to release the
fears and give up the beliefs that are not serving you, practice the
exercise mentioned above. You will find that the shift can take place
almost immediately if you give yourself permission to let go.

3. Begin the habit of creating your own Personal Promise notes before you begin each day.

And celebrate your successes!

Excerpted from “The Accidental Millionaire”