Dallas is a beautiful town, I think. I wouldn’t know because I’ve been in a hotel conference boardroom with a speaker client doing a 2 Day Turnaround session to clarify her business message and clear her head. We’re knee deep in “stuff” and it’s a blast getting everything organized into a plan.
Just as I thought we were finished, she looked over at me, her eyes softening and said “Let me ask you a question. When you really want something, I mean REALLY want it, and you’ve tried everything to get it – visualization, inner work, negative beliefs, when do you know it’s just not going to happen and you give up?”
“I mean, I read your story about going to Alcatraz,” she continued. “You were in San Francisco for a very short time for a speech and you really wanted to see Alcatraz. You’d never been there.”
“Yes, I remember” I giggled, since she was telling me my own story, straight from the pages of The Accidental Millionaire.
“You only had one afternoon open so you decided to go to Alcatraz. When you got to the ticket booth, they were sold out for a week. Then, out of the blue, someone magically appeared with two tickets to Alcatraz and you got to go – that afternoon! I really, REALLY, want to make this happen for me.” she continued. “But every time I see a little bit of success, it just slips away. I know what I want, but it always seems to elude me. I’m really over the Law of Attraction – it just doesn’t work.”
“Hold on there,” I interrupted her The Law of Attraction works REALLY well, IF you understand one fundamentally important and very crucial distinction. Knowing what you want is only the beginning. Nothing happens until you DECIDE to have what you want.”
“Huh?” she said, cocking her head.
“Go back to Alcatraz. You see, I didn’t just want to go to Alcatraz, I DECIDED to go to Alcatraz. I did the most obvious thing to make that happen – buy tickets. When they were sold out, I used the Law of Attraction to find a different way. I never would have said to myself the way to get to Alcatraz is to walk into a T-shirt shop, notice a booth selling timeshares that was giving away two free tickets to Alcatraz if I viewed the presentation. Which is exactly what I did, by the way. Because I made the DECISION, possibilities opened up to me that I would not have noticed.”
“Waiting around for the Universe to deliver what you want is a waste of time. Using the Law of Attraction to attract things to you requires that you stop waiting around and DECIDE to HAVE the thing you want. Only then do you notice all of the abundance and possibility around you that will help you to reach that objective.”
“So wait a minute,” she continued, “I really want new hardwood floors. I’ve picked them out, found someone to install them, even saved up the money. Then something happened and I spent the money on something I probably didn’t even need. What happened? Why don’t I have the floors. I really want them!” she exclaimed loudly.
I smiled. “Because you didn’t decide to have hardwood floors. You had fun picking out the flooring, finding the people and saving the money. But you still had never said to yourself ‘I’m installing hardwood floors next year.’ Therefore, when something else came up and sounded good, you DECIDED to do that instead.”
“It’s like this,” I continued, her mouth now hanging open “If you’ve decided to lose weight and are presented with a plate of doughnuts, you’d probably choose something different. But if you hadn’t made the decision to lose weight, you might not give eating the doughnut a second thought.”
“WOW!” she exclaimed, jumping up from her seat, “I GET IT! THIS IS HUGE!”
“Yes, it is” I said quietly, allowing the moment to fully unfold.
“I didn’t make the decision to have the floors. I didn’t make the decision to be successful in my business. I was just waiting around for opportunities to present themselves, waiting for IT to happen and never defining IT!” she was on a roll. “From now on, I will make DECISIONS to have what I want. Thank you!.”
She hugged me tightly and it dawned on me that maybe I could revisit some decisions of my own (or maybe some non-decisions). Always learning and growing, I’ve made some new decisions recently and almost magically, quickly and effortlessly, the object of my decision has shown up in my face.
So what decisions do you need to make to have the things you want?
More money? DECIDE NOW to be a good money manager, salesperson, whatever.
More time? DECIDE NOW to spend your time wisely and evaluate every action before you jump in.
Better relationships? DECIDE NOW to have what you want in your relationship. Get real if it’s not working.
I think you get the idea. Leave a comment and let us know what you will DECIDE to have now.
Isn’t this fun?
Stephanie Frank
Founder and President of SuccessIQ University
Best Selling Author, The Accidental Millionaire
Book Stephanie to Speak or read what she has to say about achieving goals, leadership, peak performance, personal empowerment, persuasion and influence, productivity, creating systems, and time mastery on her blog web site: http://www.stephaniefrank.com
Yet for so many, stuck seems to be a state that is stubbornly present, even defeating in the lives of so many.
You know, the web site tweak that just has to be done before you
promote, the sales script that needs to have every word perfect before
you make the call, the distraction of finding something new to create
instead of focusing on the thing that’s in front of you. And the
worst of all – just not knowing what to do next.
It’s the Getting Ready to Get Ready syndrome.
And some of you have it… BAD!
I was talking with a client yesterday who is in a career
transition. But instead of hopping from one career to the next, he’s
making an interim stop as a consultant while looking for the next
path. With a possible job that fell through, he was stuck.
“I think I’ll install some new tools on my computer so I’m ready when the next opportunity comes,” he told me firmly.
“Really?” I asked. “How do you know the next job will need those exact tools?”
“Well,” he said, “it’s kind of like home improvement projects. You like to have a hammer around so you’ll be ready” he said.
“What if the roof caves in?” I questioned jokingly. “How is the hammer going to help you?”
He laughed quietly and said “Yeah, I see what you mean. But what do I do?”
And therein lies the problem. If you’re getting ready for the next
opportunity but you haven’t defined or even decided what you want, you
will never get the opportunity. It’s that simple.
“The first thing you must do is make a decision to get 1 consulting
job. Just one.” I told him. “Next, you must take imperfect action.
Start asking people about their challenges that you can help them with.
Be in conversation. It will lead to business. I guarantee it.”
We talked then for a while about what to say to people and how to be
in the conversation. At the end of our session, he was not only
unstuck, but actually excited about taking action – even imperfect
action – to support his decision to move forward with this part of his
transition.
No one is immune. Recently, I was trying to make sure that our 2-Day Tuneup
signature event was perfect. In fact, I was working so hard to make
sure the event was perfect that I almost forgot to tell you about it!
Just one more tweak to the website, one more segment of fun to get in
there, one more…etc. I was so engrossed in the “getting ready to get
ready” to tell you that I finally had to make the decision to stop
tweaking and start telling! Duh. But like I said – we’re not immune
and we’re all in the process called LIFE.
So what do you need to make a decision to stop doing and what will
you decide to start doing? I’m curious. Leave a comment and let’s get
the energy moving!
Stephanie Frank Founder and President of SuccessIQ University Best Selling Author, The Accidental Millionaire
Book Stephanie to Speak or read what she has to say about achieving goals, leadership, peak performance, personal empowerment, persuasion and influence, productivity, creating systems, and time mastery on her blog web site: http://www.stephaniefrank.com
Just finished watching the movie Peaceful Warrior. (If you haven’t
seen it, go grab a copy at the DVD store. It’s one you’ll want to see
more than once).
In the movie, Dan, the main character, has a very busy life. He’s a
young college student and athlete, bound for the Olympics, he trains
hard, plays hard and gets good grades. A certain feeling of uneasiness
comes over him about his life, something he’s never had before. He
seeks the counsel of a wise elder who begins to show him the way.
At one point in the movie, they agree to meet at a bridge
overlooking a shallow creek at the college for a lesson. Dan, in his
hurried world, totally forgets that he also has an athletic tryout at
the same time he agreed to meet his mentor. He tells his friend to
hold a spot for him at the gym, and sprints to the bridge. He catches
up with his mentor Soc (short for Socrates) who is leaning on the
bridge railing, quietly observing nature.
“Soc, I’m sorry,” Dan blurts out “I completely forgot I have tryouts in a few minutes. Can we make this quick?”
“Sure,” says Soc.
And he throws Dan over the bridge, into the water.
“WHAAAAAAA!” yells Dan, as he jumps up, soaking wet. “What did you do THAT for?”
“When you were falling, what were you thinking of?” Soc said quietly.
Dan stared blankly, unable to answer.
“NOTHING” said Soc. “You were totally in this moment. You weren’t
thinking of the tryout, you weren’t thinking of school you weren’t
thinking about anything except what you were experiencing, right here,
right now. Slow down. Be present. Look at everything going on around
you.”
“There’s nothing going on,” said Dan as he observed the people in the park.
“Look closer” said Soc.
Soon Dan began to notice things. Little things at first. The
lovers smiling and kissing. The dog grabbing a ball. Then, as he got
into the moment, he began to notice true beauty around him. The leaves
on the trees. The sound of the wind blowing. Laughter, insects and
even the sound of the water running in the creek.
Slowing down is an important part of speeding up. Do you spend time
in observation, totally in silence, or are you racing through life
trying to reach a destination?
My plan for this year is to slow down to speed up. Huge things are
happening for me that I’ll share in other posts, and in order to
receive those huge gifts (and realize my dreams), slowing down must
happen. I’m even going to show you how if you join me in the upcoming 2-Day Tuneup Retreat. It’s our signature event for 2010 and I know you’re going to love it.
So what do you think could happen for you if you slowed down a little bit?
Leave me a comment and let me know.
Stephanie Frank Founder and President of SuccessIQ University Best Selling Author, The Accidental Millionaire
Book Stephanie to Speak or read what she has to say about achieving goals, leadership, peak performance, personal empowerment, persuasion and influence, productivity, creating systems, and time mastery on her blog web site: http://www.stephaniefrank.com
It was a room filled with about 300 networking engineers. True
geeks, that’s for sure. I was there in the room to deliver a training
to these high-level engineers about a subject they all loved – TCP/IP.
As the training went on, I discussed protocol, troubleshooting,
hacking (oh excuse me, I meant to say “breaking down patterns to
achieve entry into a network”) ARP, RARP, PING and a hundred other
protocols. We talked hexadecimal and binary numbering systems, packet
loss and router tables. Exciting stuff when you’re a geeky engineer.
But something was missing.
You could see it in their eyes.
While they were excited about the material, I could just tell that
there were bigger things going on for these stoic (mostly) men and
women. They were in pain. They were dealing with big things in life –
divorce, stress, fear, worry and doubt about keeping their job, staying
up on technology and running their businesses and departments.
So I read them a story.
Picking up a Chicken Soup for the Soul book, I quietly read a
humorous and inspirational story with as much animation as I could
muster. The message hit them squarely in the heart – without hope,
there is no life. It was that small spark of hope in their eyes from
that tiny little story that my life changed that day.
Fast forward to today.
The Accidental Millionaire
is currently experiencing a new surge of activity. Why? People want
hope, purpose and passion in their lives. We crave it. But we don’t
know how to get it. It’s not taught in school, and I think that’s a
shame. That’s why I wrote the book.
You are here to learn and grow, to give your gifts to the world and
become the authentic, beautiful you that you are. We all are. I’m so
glad to be on the journey with you. (Sometimes it feels more like a
roller coaster though, right?)
So tell me this: as we head into the new year, what hopes and
dreams do YOU have that you are ready to fulfill? For me, it’s a much
bigger platform and I’m ready to receive that. What are YOU ready to
receive? Leave a comment below and let’s discuss..
Stephanie Frank Founder and President of SuccessIQ University Best Selling Author, The Accidental Millionaire
Book Stephanie to Speak or read what she has to say about achieving goals, leadership, peak performance, personal empowerment, persuasion and influence, productivity, creating systems, and time mastery on her blog web site: http://www.stephaniefrank.com
It was 3:30 p.m. on Sunday afternoon, and I was walking out of the
movie theater with a giant knot in the pit of my stomach. I had just
seen the movie “2012″.
After going in with much anticipation and knowing that I would need
to keep a strong mind to be able to stay positive in the midst of so
much chaos and negativity, I was astonished to find that in my own
mind, I had created a massive dose of anxiety and fear in my mind and
body. How could that be? After all, aren’t I some kind of new
thought guru that understands how thoughts can create emotion? Don’t I
have control of my own thoughts?
Apparently not.
The “what if” monster got me good. I found myself sitting in the theater, watching the Earth destruct in 2012 and thinking:
What if it’s true?
What if there is scientific data and I have been ignoring it?
What if everything I’m doing is for nothing?
What if the belief I have about 2012 being a spiritual new world is wrong?
What if I don’t see my family before then?
And the biggest (and honestly most selfish) thought of all:
What if I’m not one of the survivors?
I needed to come back to the present moment and I needed to do it
now. But I couldn’t. I decided to check it out a little more on the
internet, just to calm my nerves. Conspiracy theorists, propaganda,
predictions galore. (What was I expecting?) My nerves got worse as I
surfed. I really wanted to stop, but I almost couldn’t. It was kind
of like picking a scab and expecting a cut to heal. Finally, the
anxiety got to a point where I couldn’t ignore it.
And I did this to MYSELF!
“Get away from the Internet”, my own voice told me. “There is only this moment. The future hasn’t happened.”
“Yes, I know,” I said to myself “but what if…”
“STOP IT!”
Leaning back in my chair, I felt powerful just clicking the little X
to close the window on my browser. Predictions be gone. Whatever is
going to happen is going to happen (or not happen) and that’s just the
way it is. Have you ever felt anxiety over a situation and obsessed
about the negative outcome? Of course you have. But when you come
back into the present moment, set up a step by step plan and get into
action, there is no “what if”. There is only NOW.
What do you need stop worrying about and get into the present about
right now? Leave me a comment and let’s stay present together.
All is ok.
Stephanie Frank Founder and President of SuccessIQ University Best Selling Author, The Accidental Millionaire
Book Stephanie to Speak or read what she has to say about achieving goals, leadership, peak performance, personal empowerment, persuasion and influence, productivity, creating systems, and time mastery on her blog web site: http://www.stephaniefrank.com
Over the years, I’ve been doing a lot more life coaching (which I
absolutely LOVE) helping people over panic, anxiety, worry, fear and
self-confidence challenges, along with a host of other emotional and
mental challenges that keep you stuck and feeling alone.
I used to think that getting things done was all “mind over matter”,
but not now. You see, you already have inside of you all of the
resources you need to get what you want, change what you want and be
who you want. (I know, it’s sometimes hard to believe, but it’s true).
I’m on my way to Dallas in a couple of weeks to do two 2-Day Turnarounds
with a man and a woman who are both having mental and emotional
challenges around what’s next in their life and their career. Helping
them to see things in a different way, using a different perspective is
essential to be able to get out of the rut.
So what’s keeping you in the rut? Is it a consistent, persistent
negative thought pattern, negative emotion, physical or emotional
pain? Is it doing the same things that don’t work over and over
instead of admitting it’s not working and finding a new way? If you’re
saying to yourself “I know there’s something stopping me but I don’t
know what it is”, then there are a couple of things you need to do:
1. Know that you’re in charge. Yep, only YOU can control how you feel, think and act.
2. Consider a different perspective. What would you problem seem like from a “fly on the wall” perspective?
3. Rewrite your life. At some point, you made a
decision to have these problems, because you’re in charge. Go back to
the first time you can remember having it and ask yourself why you
needed it then and how it was serving you. (because it does have a
purpose, even if it feels negative).
4. Get help. It’s difficult to see the problem when you’re in the problem. Ask someone else for help.
So how have you been in charge of your emotional states and what
have you done to break yourself free from negativity? Leave a comment
below and let me know.
Stephanie Frank Founder and President of SuccessIQ University Best Selling Author, The Accidental Millionaire
Book Stephanie to Speak or read what she has to say about achieving goals, leadership, peak performance, personal empowerment, persuasion and influence, productivity, creating systems, and time mastery on her blog web site: http://www.stephaniefrank.com
Every year about this time, I start thinking about what my theme
word will be for next year. Then, in December, I will take the last 2
weeks and reflect, review and clean up whatever I need to in order to
keep thing rolling.
This year has definitely been a year of high-impact change. (Funny,
when I added that to our mission statement to help others create
high-impact change in the shortest amount of time, I guess I was really
talking to myself. Oh well, glad you’re here along for the ride!)
Coming out on the other side of massive changes in my life this year
has been a really wonderful, exciting and sometimes downright
terrifying experience. I’ve learned to love through breakups, illness
and course correction. I’ve learned to surrender and be in the moment,
listen to the Universal messages and be okay “being in the GOO” (as my
friend Sarah Robinson says).
Recently, I called several of our clients and asked “why did you
hire us?” Every one of them, from Executives to solo entrepreneurs,
said “Because something had to change and I didn’t know how”.
So why are we so afraid of change – even positive change? Here are some thoughts:
1. We don’t know for certain what the endpoint will be.
When new territory is crossed, we can only go one step at a time. Many
people find that very unsettling – not knowing the destination. Yet
step by step is the ONLY way to make progress.
2. Paralysis from fear. Trying to peek into the
future with certainty is a clear formula for anxiety, fear and
failure. No one is certain of the future. Tomorrow may not come. I
mean, you don’t go to bed every night terrified that the sun won’t come
up tomorrow, do you? Probably not. Yet, there is no guarantee.
3. We think it’s going to hurt. Making positive
change in your life is the only way to ensure success and happiness.
If you don’t make that change, you will be stuck in an unfulfilling,
purposeless life filled with regret at the end. No one wants that.
Your purpose is to make choices that make you happy, so if you’ve got
too much or too little of something in your life – something’s got to
change.
Have you started thinking about the changes you want to make – in
your relationships, health, career, life? What might your one word
theme be for next year? Mine is going to be FLOW (Follow, Love, One, Wisdom)
Leave a comment and let me know what you would like to change – it will start you on your way!
Stephanie Frank Founder and President of SuccessIQ University Best Selling Author, The Accidental Millionaire
Book Stephanie to Speak or read what she has to say about achieving goals, leadership, peak performance, personal empowerment, persuasion and influence, productivity, creating systems, and time mastery on her blog web site: http://www.stephaniefrank.com
Feeling like you can’t get it all done? Schedule Focus Time
every day. This is the time you are not to be disturbed. Turn off the
phone, shut down email and determine your biggest need for action at
this time. Then set your timer and get it done!
Tip #2
Tired of losing phone messages?
Start a new habit today. Get a small notebook and NEVER retrieve voice
mail unless that notebook is in front of you. When you get voice mail,
write down the person’s name, phone number and reason for calling.
Then schedule a time to make callbacks. Cross them off the list when
you are done and you’ll have a simple running record of returned phone
calls.
Tip #3
Too much to do every day?
Use this simple technique to determine a realistic schedule. Write
down everything you want to get done today. Then put a time estimate
on each task (make sure it’s not a multi-day project!) and add up the
time. Compare what you have to do with how much time you have
available and adjust to fit. Yes, some things will have to move to
tomorrow. At least now you’re in control.
Are you living your purpose? Do you know your mission?
“What am I here for? What is my
purpose, in this lifetime?” You may be asking yourself these
questions. More and more people are these days. There have been
hundreds of books written on this important and debatable subject.
Suppose I told you that your purpose
on this planet was to serve other people? What does that mean to you?
How does that make you feel? Does it bring up more questions in your
mind? Does it make you nervous? Or does it make you feel important?
I believe our purpose on this planet is to do the things that make us happy.
If you doubt the validity of this concept, consider the following:
Have you ever been to a restaurant where your waiter or waitress was
not happy working there? You can tell immediately and it affects your
experience for the whole meal.
The same goes for your personal life
with your spouse, kids or significant other, co-workers, etc. Did you
ever feel completely stressed out (because you weren’t making choices
that reflected your values) and yell at your kids? Did that make you
happy? Or them? Probably not.
If your purpose is to do the things that make you happy, then your mission is how
you do it. How you execute your mission is influenced by your
personality, your gifts, and your beliefs. Many believe that serving
others is the road to happiness. Doing something that contributes to
making the world a better place can give people a strong sense of
purpose, and often dictates their mission.
Follow these steps to learn your purpose and follow your mission –
Step 1 – Decide to Live Your Purpose
Look into your heart. What is the
thing that makes you happiest? Can you conceive of a life purpose which
is designed around that?
My purpose in life is to be happy.
In order to be happy, I must live congruently with my values and goals
and make good choices that honor my personal values.
When I honor my values, I am happy and living in integrity, which
fulfills my purpose and mission. It will do the same for you.
Step 2 – Decide to Live Your Purpose and Mission
Have you thought about it and come
to a conclusion about your purpose in life yet? And was your mission
revealed as a result? If you think about it for a while, it will be.
The secret of happiness is to live your purpose and the mission you’ve
adopted.
I made my mission in life to serve
others. In order to serve others, I must discover and gain knowledge in
the areas that interest me. Areas in which I may be able to pass on
knowledge to others with the same interests, but who have less of the
knowledge for which I’ve strived. By learning and doing things in which
I have interest, I am fulfilling my purpose and can best serve others.
Step 3 – Develop Your Gifts
What are your unique gifts? Ask yourself. Don’t be modest.
You are a special and unique human
being, and you bring something to this place that no one else can
bring. Your job is to discover those things that are uniquely your
gifts. For some people, their gift is obvious. Children who choose
early in life to play an instrument, dance, draw or develop some other
gift or skill may cultivate that throughout their entire adult life.
They seem to instinctively know their purpose and have clarity of
mission.
Many of us are not inherently born
with the focus or the ability to pinpoint exactly what makes us
special. Or perhaps we’ve been taught that to see ourselves as special
is tantamount to bragging, and unacceptable, so we’ve trained ourselves
not to recognize what makes us unique. We learned to reject the very
things that would have brought us the most pride, and possibly a life
direction.
Those who have not accepted or
recognized their gifts may fight to develop some skill that they think
will bring them better results, either personally, professionally or
financially. The truth is that when you discover your values, really
know yourself and develop the gifts that are congruent with your
values, you can find greater peace and energy in being happy. And, if
you choose to serve others, you’ll discover a constant inflow and
outflow of energy – energy that you both give and receive from those
you serve. That will create greater harmony and happiness in your life
than you could possibly have achieved through any other method.
I call this the four words that move
you forward. I find that most people have never really taken the time
to sit down and ask themselves this question, and then not only see
themselves with what it is they really want, but imagine their future
with no limits. Can you do it?
Now ask yourself – if you had a future with no limits…
What would your days look like?
Imagine you have no demands placed on you, and you too have the power of choice with you at all times. What would you be doing?
Where would you live?
Who would be with you?
What car would you drive?
Where would you travel?
What would you see?
What would your perfect day look like?
Don’t even try to tell me you don’t
have time to do this important exercise. I won’t buy it and neither
should you. That’s like trying to reach a destination without a map.
Your vision for your future is tied up in answering the question “what
do you want?” It is the beginning of your roadmap for success.
Once you have your vision in mind,
you need to take an inventory of where you currently are. Take a hard
look at your life — general, personal, financial, spiritual, community,
family, every area that’s important to you. Take a personal inventory
of each of those areas. Explore your strengths and weaknesses, and
determine what you are happy with, and what you are tolerating in each
area, that you might want to change.
To make an inventory, simply take out a notebook and start writing for each category. Rate yourself in the following areas:
General Personal Inventory
Family and Home
Financial Inventory/Career
Physical/Health
Mental/Emotional
Social
Spiritual
Now that you have the beginning of your personal inventory, ask yourself the following questions for each of the categories:
What things are going well for me right now?
What things are difficult for me right now?
What are my strengths? (What am I good at?)
What are my weaknesses? (What am I not so good at?)
What am I tolerating in this area that I no longer wish to tolerate?
What you want is the current status of your life basically laid right out in front of you.
What does a peak performer do next?
Having a clear and honest vision of where you are now, where you want
to go and what you want for your future, in your personal and
professional life, is a phenomenal and foundational first step. But
you can’t stay in the dreaming and visioning stage. The next step is to
make it real. And you can’t do that without a plan.
