LittleBear's shyness makes him more appealing. Does shyness make people appealing?

I have a new puppy named Little Bear.  He hasshy moments that make my wife and I want to pick him up and cuddle withhim. 

I also have clients who are shy when they must demonstrate effective presentation skills in front of ahigh stakes audience.  I don't want to cuddle them, but I often feel drawnto what they're saying because of their authenticity and vulnerability. Their willingness to stand and fight for their equanimity in the face oftheir internal discomfort gives them a degree of personal appeal.

I also know many people who have worked to overcome theirnatural shyness, (a VP of R&D at Cisco; a Co-Chairman of a wealthmanagement firm) recognizing that their careers demand the ability to engagewith strangers in a sociable manner.

Brian Little, a lecturer in psychology and formerRadcliffe Institute Fellow, has specialized in studying the human personality. Little argues that we can “act out of character” if we are motivated by ourdeepest values to do so, and that “courage often means acting out ofcharacter."

Little says he is “wary of spurious genetic postulationsand claims of a genetic basis for fixed traits.” Another of psychology’spioneers, William James, asserted that our psychological traits are “setlike plaster” by age 30.

Little counters that James was “only 50 percent correct –we are half-plastered. There is a heavily genetic aspect to the first stratumof personality. But our brains evolved a neocortex, which enables us tooverride these biological impulses to act in a certain way."

In his book, Personal Project Pursuit,Little bucks the current trend of biological determinism in psychology. Heargues for the existence of “free traits”: tendencies expressed by individualchoice.

Furthermore, Little argues that traits do not exist in theabstract, but are evoked in important ways by our “personal projects.” Hedefines these commonsensically: personal projects are meaningful goals, bothsmall and large, that can range from “speak with confidence at thismeeting" to "transform the way we go to market, slowly.”

Individuals activate their free traits, expressing orstifling inborn tendencies, in service of “core projects” – the endeavorslinked to their deepest values.

"Out of love for our wives or kids or our professions,we enjoin ourselves to act ‘out of character,’” Little says. "For example,even though I’m a classic introvert, when I give a lecture for my students Iperform with great passion. Introverts, when they are ‘on,’ become pseudo-extraverts.Can you tell the difference between a born extravert and a pseudo-extravert?Usually you cannot.”

Because speaking well is important in most executivepositions, nearly half of American colleges and universities require a public speaking or communications course. Even universities without a requirement have put more emphaisis on speaking inclass, developing courses labeled "speaking intensive" in departmentsnot associated with class participation.

Some students are simply shy or experience stagefright;others are paralyzed in social situations.  In extreme cases, aninstructor might suggest a visit to university health services. Communication professors aren't equipped to provide counseling, and they makean effort to avoid talking about their students' feelings.  They don't tryto identify the root of a student's anxiety.  Instead, theyfocus almost exclusively on behavior.

Apparently, there's a whole population of students who gothrough their college career and don't get their degree because they can't bearto take public speaking.  I'm certain there is also a population ofprofessional people in the workforce who "drop out" of the climb upthe corporate ladder because of their fear of public speaking.

Some experts question whether it's really possible, ornecessary, to ease the anxiety of highly apprehensive speakers.  A newbranch of thinking, called communibiology, argues that the problem is one ofnature, not nurture.  "For most people, there is no solution,"says James C. McCroskey, a professor at the University of Alabama,Birmingham.  "Except maybe for gene replacement," he adds with alaugh.

A leading scholar in the study of communicationapprehension, he says forcing students to talk in public can becounterproductive.  His reasearch shows that students nervous aboutspeaking learn less if they anticipate having to communicate in class. Rather than paying attention, they fret about whether they'll be called on andwhat they will say.

That may be true, but learning to speak maybe indispensable to their future careers, so when should they learnhow to speak in public?  After school, when they get a job thatrequires them to speak?

It is my self-taught opinion (based on myenthusiastic, if spotty, reading of popular neurosciencearticles) that we can change and develop the structure of our brains bydoing certain things (e.g., meditating, or playing the piano.)   So Iwould ask Professor McCroskey, "If my neuroscience is right, wouldn't itbe better for the shy, and for the society that needs the clear expression oftheir considered opinions, if schools, universities, and businesses providedthe training and instruction to help them overcome their reticence?"

Can shyness be cured?  Maybe not, but it canbe overcome.  Should shyness be overcome?  Yes!  Weshould be able to put aside our shyness for projects that are close to our corevalues.  The benefits of being interpersonally skilled and effective onthe podium far outweigh the discomfort we experience learning the skills.

Sims Wyeth is a private speech coach in Montclair, NJ specializing in executive speech coaching and public speaking training in order to give accomplished people the knowledge and skill they need to become accomplished speakers. Learn more public speaking tips at www.SimsWyeth.com.