I coach my twin boys’ 5th grade CYO basketball team, and I often look there for applications to business and leadership.  I don't always like what I find.

Last week at practice, just after competing in a pre-season tournament, I prepared "feedback sheets" for the kids to complete so I could gauge how their experience had been to that point, and whether there were things I could do differently to improve it going forward. 

Some themes…

1.       Theme: Less Intensity

Internal Process:  They must be joking.  No wait, one kid said I kick the bench.  Our league is more competitive this year!  And the games mean more.  And I’m only intense because I know the boys want to win.  Hmm.

2.       Theme: Less Yelling/More Explaining

Internal Process:  But the gyms we play in are so loud…I only have 90 minutes for practice…why don’t they do what they know they should do?...how many times do they want me to explain the same thing over and over? Oh!...Oh!

3.       Theme:  More Playing Time

Internal Process:  But...But!...Oh, who asked you little rats anyway?! (Um…you did, Coach!)

So I thought I was the feel-good coach of the year, handing out this survey, expecting ringing endorsements about my open-door policy, team-building principles and creative use of defense.  And along come 13 5th graders to tell me I’m Bobby Knight.

Result: 

I shared the sheets with my wife, Erin, who read them (laughing hysterically), and then asked what I was going to do.  So at the end of practice on Wednesday, I thanked them for their, um, candid feedback.  I shared the 3 themes, and took each one in turn, stating how I planned to address it.  I closed by asking them to point out when I repeat these behaviors in the future.  

As I started to close this ugly chapter in 5th grade CYO hoops, Riley spoke up, “But Coach, we like it when you yell at us.”  (I love you, Riley.)  I smiled, and said, “I know you do, Riley, but others don’t like it and neither do I.”  I vow change.