Lip Service by Ruth Sherman

10:02 am | 0 recommendations | Be the first to comment

Leadership: Listen Well and They'll Eat Out of Your Hand

It is well-known fact among communication professionals and scholars that listening is the most important and the most neglected communication skill. Of 4 skills that we use to communicate – talking, writing, reading and listening – listening takes the prize for getting the most use. Unfortunately, though it may be widely used, it is poorly used. Business leaders often lament the dearth of listening skills in their employees. They know that deals get done and money gets made when good listening takes place.

It’s understandable, really. Training in communication skills is scarce and when we do receive it, it usually focuses on speaking – how to be heard, how to present, how to give a speech, how to interrupt – the programs and book titles are numerous. So people climb all over each other attempting to be heard. Perhaps you have been in meetings where nothing is accomplished because they devolve into shouting matches with each participant trying to one-up the other. And it gets a little louder with each attempt. No one takes time to consider what has just been said, to pause, to reflect and after hearing differing opinions, offer a response. The competition to be heard overwhelms the meeting. And what passes for listening – which most people have come to believe is simply the absence of speaking – is a poor substitute for the real thing.

Becoming a good listener is a terrific way to gain attention and win people over, precisely because it is so rare to find someone who does it well. Human beings find great comfort in being listened to. When we find a good listener, we take notice; we advertise this fact when referring to the person or recommending them to others. We look for opportunities to be around this person. As Susan RoAne says in her book, What Do I Say Next? Talking Your Way to Business and Social Success, “No one goes around saying ‘I really like my doctor…You ought to use him. He doesn’t listen to me!'”* Listening well draws people in and enhances your charisma.

There has been a school of thought that listening is hard work. That it should be “active.” I think that while we should certainly consciously shut ourselves up and focus when someone is speaking to us, it’s not hard work. I love listening and while it’s not a passive act, I frankly find it to be relaxing and enjoyable. It is good break from speaking. I also find it to be tremendously rewarding because I learn so much. Listening to people is a marvelous way to find out things about them, about others, about the business and social universe.

Always strive for intent listening. This takes some discipline. To get there, try the following techniques:

• Give your full attention.
• Resist planning your answer while someone is speaking.
• Resist the urge to interrupt, except to ask for clarification.
• Leave your value judgments at the door.
• Don’t allow interruptions. Usually, whatever it is can wait.
• If your mind begins to wander, exercise discipline and bring it back. Ask the person to repeat anything you might have missed.
• After being introduced to someone, listen and try to remember the name. (Most of the time, we’re so focused on the impression we’re making that it goes in one ear and out the other.)

Good listeners are hard to find. It follows then that in a crowded, noisy world, being a good listener is a way to stand out. And since people like to talk about themselves above all, it's easy to find listening practice opportunities. Become a good listener and you’ll be amazed at the relationships you’ll be able to build and quickly. After all, people gotta eat – might as well be out of your hand.

*RoAne, Susan; What Do I Say Next/ Talking Your Way to Business and Social Success; Warner Books, 1997

Ruth Sherman • Ruth Sherman Associates, LLC • Greenwich, CT • www.ruthsherman.com

09:16 am | 0 recommendations | 13 comments

Leadership: What Are You Wearing?

There have been a couple of interesting articles lately in the Wall Street Journal on the topic of dress. One had to do how appropriate business clothing is defined differently in New York and Los Angeles and the other had to do with how Thomas Barrack, CEO of Colony Capital dresses when he’s in deal-making mode.

Choosing the right dress and adornment is a communication skill. If we’re smart, we can use our clothing choices to send important messages. Chief among them is that we fit in, we belong. According to the WSJ article, Mr. Barrack is meticulous when dressing. For example, he wears pocket squares in London but doesn’t wear overcoat in Paris, where men don’t wear them. In New York, he ties a scarf one way and in Italy, another so as not to be seen as an outsider. The article also mentions Donald Trump who tries to mirror what other people in a given situation are likely to be wearing. His aim seems to be to eliminate distractions.

A professor of mine in graduate school characterized dress and adornment as all the things you weren’t born wearing. All the choices we make from the shoes we wear to the color of our hair fit into the category. And it remains so darn confusing. I can remember a time when it was very clear what to wear to work: men wore suits, usually blue with white shirts and a striped tie. Shoes were polished and hair was cropped and neat. Women, as they always have, had many more choices, but suits were de rigueur and the main choice was whether to wear a skirt or pants.

Today, choosing what to wear varies widely from workplace to workplace and from location to location. Businesses want the clothes their employees wear to reflect the company values and services. For example, the creative fields (PR, advertising, publishing) have always allowed workers to dress a bit less formally and a lot more stylishly. This tells clients that they are daring, willing to test limits, not look like everyone else. This is what clients expect and want from such creatives’ work. Investment bankers’ choices tend to skew conservative. Even on casual days, the choices are limited to khaki pants and a button-down shirt. This type of dress says “safe” or "stable" just like clients’ investments. Likewise with attorneys, the keyword this time perhaps being “trust.”

Technology workplaces have still a different sensibility. Torn Ts, jeans, purple hair, nose rings. Sort of like creatives on steroids. Of course, that’s mainly the engineers and programmers. This type of style communicates intelligent, even cerebral, and unconcerned with surface issues. However, even at a technology company anyone who has to call on clients has some decisions to make. Can you show up for a high level meeting with the CIO at Deloitte wearing the types of clothing I described above? I don’t think so.

Then we get to leadership dress. I work with a lot of people, on the cusp of big leadership roles, who I have to send to a stylist or a personal shopper. The fact is, to look like a leader and to be seen as such both internally and externally requires a certain careful and polished style. For example, every business leader I know – man or woman – is well dressed. It isn’t cheap. Their dress and adornment, however, sends certain important signals: ready for serious business, strength and, frankly, success.

Bottom line, we should want to make a statement when we walk into a room, before we utter a word. That can go a number of ways. What statement are you making with your dress and adornment?

Ruth Sherman • Ruth Sherman Associates, LLC • Greenwich, CT • www.ruthsherman.com

09:31 pm | 0 recommendations | Be the first to comment

Leadership: How Obama Does It

It was widely reported that the Barack Obama for President campaign raised an astonishing $32.5 Million in the second quarter. I am not surprised and here's a little story as to one of the reasons why. A month or two ago, my friend Dave answered the phone of a colleague. Since the colleague was not around, Dave asked if he could take a message. What was that message? "Tell him Senator Obama called to say thank you."

Dave was stunned. Now I don't know how much this fellow contributed to Barack Obama's campaign but I have heard about people who received a call from the senator after having contributed as little as $100. Obama knows that this type of outreach pays back big time because the person who gets the call tells his or her friends, who tell their friends, etc. Soon, that $100 is multiplied exponentially. The result? $32.5 million in the space of three months.

We all know that Obama has charisma and writes soaring oratory that he then delivers beautifully. But he gets all the interpersonal stuff right, too. He seems to have a real instinct for it. It seems effortless. That's the way it's supposed to look. I would bet, however, that the Obama Show is as effortless as an Olympic downhill event. So how does he do it?

1. It's accepted as a best practice. A decision was made early on that this type of communication had the potential to put Obama's fundraising in hyper-drive.

2. There's a budget for it. Time and resources are expended.

3. It's recognized as a differentiator that gives Obama an edge over the other candidates.

4. There is a system in place to make it happen. It's not haphazard. Calling to say "Thank-you" and other high-touch outreach is part of the DNA of the Obama campaign.

5. It's delivered with warmth and sincerity by the candidate, himself. Ordinary citizens -- who form most of the electorate -- feel valued. When's the last time you felt valued by a politician?

Oh, and lest I forget, my friend Dave's colleague also contributed to Hillary Clinton's campaign. You guessed it: No call.

I don't know if Obama will eventually get the nomination or not. But what I do know is he has set the bar very high. This is powerful stuff.

Don't you wish Microsoft, Apple or other vendors who keep us on hold for the honor of buying their products would take a page from Barack Obama?

Ruth Sherman • Ruth Sherman Associates, LLC • Greenwich, CT • ruth@ruthsherman.com • www.ruthsherman.com

06:40 pm | 0 recommendations | 1 comment

Leadership: Aretha Knows Her Audience. Do You?

A few weeks ago, a friend of mine called and said she had an extra ticket to go see Aretha Franklin where she was going to be playing at a local theatre. It was a Wednesday night and generally, I don't go to music concerts during the week, but this was too good to pass up. The concert was scheduled to start at 8. Yeah, right, I figured. First were the warm up acts(s), then, if we were lucky after the stage was cleared and reset, Franklin would go on at about 10 p.m. I've been to a few concerts in my day. With a busy workday coming up, I drove my own car, figuring that if the concert went too late, I could leave before the end without inconveniencing anyone else.

So we got there a little before 8. Though I shouldn't have been surprised, the theatre was filled with people like me, baby boomers in middle age, many with white hair and the requisite paunch. It was, after all, the 'burbs. So eight o'clock rolled past, then 8:05, 8:10 and suddenly, the band came out and before any of us knew what was happening, there she was, in all her glory, Ms. Aretha Franklin belting out R-E-S-P-E-C-T. The crowd went wild. It was 8:15 p.m.

Ms. Franklin got all her biggest hits out of the way in the first 30 minutes…Think, Chain of Fools, Freeway of Love, Natural Woman…and 2-3 more of those crowd pleasers. She knew her audience. All great performers do. She talked to us, asked how we were doing, thanked us for coming out on a weeknight. She made a few jokes, bantered with the members of her band who were uniformly fabulous. We ate it up.

Her voice is still strong, that distinctive sound I'm certain would carry into the farthest reaches of the balcony even without being amplified. The high notes were not as solid or frequent, but who would expect that after nearly four decades of belting them out? Still, she saved a few for us and when she hit them, well, it was heaven. I was struck most by her artistry. She missed neither a note nor a lyric. Her movements were perfectly coordinated with her songs. A big woman, she was incredibly light on her feet, moving fluidly, dancing gracefully. She seemed completely at ease on stage, as if nothing would ever ruffle her (and her dress had a lot of feathers).

For me, and I'm betting for many of the others—hard driving, hard working types whose minds are never quite off work—it was a time of pure enjoyment with a total focus on pleasure. It was relaxing. At 9:45 p.m., she sang her final song of her final set. At 9:55, she sang her encore. By 10:00 we were filing out of the theatre, smiling all the way home, plopping into bed and dreaming pleasant Aretha Franklin dreams.

She knew her audience. All great performers do. Do you know yours?

07:02 pm | 0 recommendations | Be the first to comment

Leadership: The Immigration Bill--A Failure to Communicate

First, I have no opinion about the just-failed/just-revived immigration bill. Truth is, I didn't understand it well enough to have an opinion. I didn't understand it because it was never properly explained. I wanted to understand it, but did not have the time to research it. And, anyway, who can be trusted to give an unbiased explanation? I was hoping that one of the bill's many champions would take pity on us poor citizens and explain it. That did not happen. This is amazing to me because it seemed that for the month or so leading up to its initial failure, no one was talking about anything else. Now, all we hear is that it's back on, going to happen, but I still know nothing more about it than I did before.

It's odd, really. Because without a proper and easy-to-digest explanation the first time around, the rumor mill went into overdrive until it was impossible to know what was fact and what was fiction. Many citizens thought they did understand it, rose up in protest, made their calls to their representatives in Congress and paralyzed the legislation. But it seems to me that it's déjà vu all over again. The news is the bill has been changed, adjusted to address certain concerns. Maybe it's better and maybe it's worse. I just don't know.

It does not have to be this way. This is what happens when the people responsible for pitching an idea (President Bush and members of Congress) are so immersed in the details of the idea, over such a long period of time, that they forget the people that they are pitching to know virtually nothing about it. Or, they don't care whether we understand or not (I shudder to consider that possibility).

We've all been guilty of this type of tunnel vision. It happens to me all the time; I must constantly resist the temptation to assume that everyone in the world knows what I'm talking about. I live, breathe and eat what I do. My work is second nature to me. Therefore, it is difficult for me to imagine that it is not second nature to others.

It is a common communication faux pas and one that repeatedly comes up when I work with my clients. Often, I will observe them using the acronyms, slang and other shorthand that only insiders know, when they are pitching ideas to their clients or potential clients. When this happens, eyes start to glaze over which is bad enough. But what also happens in such cases is that the people who don't understand fail to ask for clarification for fear of appearing uninformed or stupid. The lack of dialogue and interactivity that could be used to enliven communication, build relationships and ultimately lead to money changing hands, instead leads to misunderstanding or worse, a decision not to do business at all!

I tell my clients when they are pitching something to their clients, they must put whatever they're speaking about into common terminology. Don't assume they already know. Don't worry about talking down or insulting someone's intelligence. The rule is that the least knowledgeable person in the room, whose agreement is essential to the project's success, must understand what is being discussed. They shouldn't have to work too hard to understand it, either. That in itself is an unnecessary distraction.

So, if someone out there in the President's office or the U.S. Congress is listening, please, PLEASE explain the immigration bill to us. We need to understand it. Otherwise, you can expect the phones to start ringing again and maybe, probably kiss this one goodbye, too.

Ruth Sherman • Ruth Sherman Associates, LLC • Greenwich, CT • ruth@ruthsherman.com • www.ruthsherman.com

09:49 pm | 0 recommendations | 1 comment

Leadership: The Big News About Small Talk

A client was complaining to me about how he hated going to his company’s social events. He felt that nothing substantive was ever discussed, work was pressing, and his time seemed wasted on discussions that centered on sports, leisure activities, or personal matters. This client was like many people who do not understand the enormous value of small talk. This may have something to do with the label. But small talk is anything but. This type of conversation is a rite that we all must pass through to get to the other, “big talk.”

Small talk provides a number of benefits:

• It allows people to feel each other out, with little risk.
• It provides opportunities to find common ground.
• It establishes comfort zones.
• It facilitates the move into “big talk.”

Deborah Tannen, who writes and speaks extensively about small talk, says

Many moments are spent in casual chat that establishes the friendly working environment that is the necessary backdrop to getting work done. It is easier to approach someone with a work-related issue if you are comfortable in each other’s presence and the lines of communication are open. A major way such working relationships are established is through informal, nonwork talk.*

For those of you who claim to "have no time" for small talk, know that that this attitude can be very off-putting. It conveys a level of self-importance that is discouraging and demoralizing.

But such people may just be taking a defensive posture. They may simply not know what to talk about. In that case, a good place to get subject matter is the newspaper and I mean a good, world newspaper. Such papers are filled with interesting information that is not limited to politics and government. They're all available online, too, so there's no excuse.

When we acknowledge how much we learn through small talk, how it helps foster the connection business thrives on, we can begin to imagine how cold and impersonal a workplace or social life would be if there weren’t any.

*Tannen, Deborah, Talking from 9 to 5: Women and Men at Work; Harper Paperbacks 1995

Ruth Sherman • Ruth Sherman Associates, LLC • Greenwich, CT • ruth@ruthsherman.com • www.ruthsherman.com

07:07 pm | 0 recommendations | Be the first to comment

"You're a Movie Star. Be Generous."

I actually had to say this to a client recently. The job was media training an actor who was about to go on a press junket to promote a new feature film. The studio brought me in because they were concerned the actor would not make a good impression. This is a critical issue because the more positively the public feels toward an actor, the more likely it is that they'll go to see the film. It's the job of selling.

Upon meeting this individual, it was not immediately clear to me that my recommendations would be accepted. My first clue was the refusal to be videotaped. This is typical with the Hollywood set. They really don't like to watch themselves. I have some sympathy because as painful as it is for us mortals to look at ourselves on video, it must be 10 times more difficult for people who are filmed for a living. Often, it's not much of a concern because the issues tend to be about what to say rather than how to say it.

In this case, however, I felt videotaping was critical because during my research, I had watched footage of this person's prior interviews. There were many problems including appearing fidgety, nervous, humorless and irritated. Unfortunately, my instincts were correct in that my recommendation to be videotaped was not accepted. So we had to do without.

We subsequently spent the next three-and-a-half hours dissecting the answers this actor would likely give to a variety of questions we anticipated would be asked by the entertainment press. As we progressed, I detected some loosening up and we got to the truth. "I don't like doing interviews." the actor said. "I've been doing this for a long time and I always get burned. No matter what I say, reporters twist it around and it comes out badly."

Now it's quite true that the Hollywood press has an insatiable appetite for dirt and gossip and there are reporters who are not honorable. Still, most of them are. They are looking for that one thing, especially elusive with film actors—connection. They want a good interview. They don't want to have to deal with a lack of enthusiasm. They don't want to have to pull teeth to get answers to their questions. They want to like the subject of the interview and have something resembling a conversation.

So if an actor walks in with an attitude, behaves like he or she doesn't want to be there and refuses to hold up his or her end of the conversation, the reporter can get miffed, turned off. The interview can become adversarial and it is less likely the profile will be positive. This is too bad because for a film to be successful these days, the press has to be on board. Studios have extensive marketing plans and a big component of those plans is having the actors, especially the stars, man the front lines. Most actors don't have a choice in the matter as press contact is stipulated in their contracts.

This is certainly not an easy job as anyone who has ever had details of his or her private life splashed across the front page of some tabloid knows. It's not the fun part. But it goes with the territory. With fame and fortune comes scrutiny. We can argue about whether there is too much scrutiny (probably) and too little privacy (definitely). Still, rising to the level of movie star is a pretty amazing accomplishment and an exceedingly rare thing. Reporters are just doing their job. As the media trainer, I have to say to actors, "You are in control. They only get what you give them. You're a movie star. Be generous."

It's true for the rest of us, too. We may not be movie stars, but they only get what we give them. Be generous.

Ruth Sherman • Ruth Sherman Associates, LLC • Greenwich, CT • ruth@ruthsherman.com • www.ruthsherman.com

07:04 pm | 0 recommendations | 1 comment

What The Arts Teach Us About Business and Life

There is a lot of talk these days about education, what we should be teaching our children so they will be successful. A consensus seems to have arisen that math and science should be more rigorously taught and that the United States stands to lose its business leadership role as a result. There is never, ever any talk about the arts – music, the visual arts, drama, writing – and what their place is in the education of our youth. Maybe that's because knowledge of and prowess in the arts are not included in any of the plethora of standardized tests that schools administer.

As a result, most people have tacitly accepted that if it's not tested, it's not taught or taught very little and never at the expense of another, "academic" subject. In the schools where the arts are a component of a well-rounded education, they tend to be worth only a small fraction of the credits that accumulate toward graduation, relegated to extra-curricular activities, take second-place to other curricula or are delivered privately, paid for by parents, if they can afford it.

According to Elliott W. Eisner, Professor of Education at Stanford, this presents a problem for business:

"The problems of life are much more like the problems encountered in the arts. They are problems that seldom have a single correct solution; they are problems that are often subtle, occasionally ambiguous, and sometimes dilemma-like. One would think that schools that wanted to prepare students for life would employ tasks and problems similar to those found outside of schools. This is hardly the case. Life outside of school is seldom like school assignments--and hardly ever like a multiple-choice test."*

Eisner cautions that the ways schools teach today robs students of their innate ability to think and solve problems creatively and flexibly, something arts education excels at.

"Creative thinking abhors routine. Routines may be good for the assembly line, where surprise is the last thing you want."*

Perhaps most importantly, the arts teach that qualitative evaluations can be as valid as quantitative evaluations. Questions such as: Is the work good? How do you know if there are no rules for judging it, or “correct” answers? are easily addressed by artists. Arts also teach about teamwork (think choral singing, band, orchestra, drama and other forms of group performing) and appreciating the different talents and strengths that others bring.

The arts provide opportunities for us to express ourselves through our feelings in media other than words or numbers. And it is such opportunity for expression that plays such a compelling part in our communication. Eisner says

"Neither words nor numbers define the limits of our cognition; we know more than we can tell. There are many experiences and a multitude of occasions in which we need art forms to say what literal language cannot say. When we marry and when we bury, we appeal to the arts to express what numbers and literal language cannot. Reflect on 9/11 and recall the shrines that were created by those who lost their loved ones — and those who didn't. The arts can provide forms of communication that convey to others what is ineffable."*

Most importantly, I think, the arts teach us how to play and thus, are about expressing joy. At work, we want to be around other people who can express their joy or at least their happiness or contentment.

But what kind of a message does it send when a company gives a standardized test to potential new hires, as if a test can give a company a full or even fair picture of a candidate? It's the same message the schools send when they test and teach certain subjects to the exclusion of others: that no matter how accomplished or talented you may be, some pursuits are not worthwhile, meaningless in life and in the world of business where only hard facts and the bottom line matter. Thus, you need not apply.

Is this the kind of world we want?

*Eisner, Elliot W. "Three Rs Are Essential, but Don't Forget the A -- the Arts" Los Angeles Times, January 3, 2005 Commentary

Ruth Sherman • Ruth Sherman Associates, LLC • Greenwich, CT • ruth@ruthsherman.com • www.ruthsherman.com

07:35 pm | 0 recommendations | 2 comments

What's Your Shy Q?

I'm in the process of researching a book on shyness. In particular, shyness in the workplace. This is a fascinating topic to me because I consider myself to be shy. According to studies, so does about 48% of the population. With so many shy people out there, we all can be sure that we are working with and around the shy, many of whom you would not suspect as such because they have managed to be successful despite it. These are the people one researcher labels "successfully shy."

Interestingly, despite the fact that our business culture values extroversion and places a low value on shyness, you won't only find shy colleagues in the back offices of America. The successfully shy inhabit every level of the organization including the executive suite. And the news from there is sobering. A CEO who identifies himself as shy has told me that the boasting culture of U.S. business has a significant downside: It reduces potential for global expansion:

"When you deal with other cultures, and you don't understand them and you are not open to how others work, you go in with a one-size-fits-all approach. You are dealing with other people who Americans don't fully know how to approach. I have seen this in our business repeatedly; our competitors have lost deals because they went in with guns blazing. They were not respectful and the people with whom they were hoping to do business just shut them down. They didn't want to do business with these Americans because they did not respect the protocols."

There are other considerations. Shy people tend to be more empathetic than the non-shy. They are considerably better listeners. They are focused on their work. The above-mentioned CEO told me he has many shy people who work for him and who are very good at their jobs:

"If you're talking a lot, you're not focused, you're not listening. I have met many shy people that were extremely smart. They are thinkers. They reflect. There is not enough reflection today. Business problems are complex and require deep thinking to come to the correct solutions."

Shyness certainly can have a downside. If, for example, a shy worker is not speaking to colleagues, if they're fearful about networking and interacting with others, they risk getting lost.

While there is no cure, shyness is manageable. Strategies include

• Involved Networking – Instead of just showing up, get involved by volunteering your time with an organization. This makes you automatically a member of the in-crowd and reduces your need to start up conversations with strangers.
• Stand up and present – many shy people are actually good presenters, more comfortable speaking to a group than to one person at a time. If this is you, take this ability and run with it because there aren't many good presenters, shy or not.
• Get a mentor or coach – Find yourself a mentor or hire a coach to bounce things off of. Shy people frequently have a distorted view of themselves and need someone to set them straight.
• Reach out – To coworkers, bosses and others in your business circle. Believe it or not, they may actually be waiting for you to make the first move.

Do you have a shy story or strategies to deal with shyness that you would be willing to share? If so, please let me know about it.

Ruth Sherman • Ruth Sherman Associates, LLC • Greenwich, CT • ruth@ruthsherman.com • www.ruthsherman.com

07:06 pm | 0 recommendations | Be the first to comment

Persistence Persuades: The Lost Art of Follow-Up

Have you ever wondered how some people get ahead in life? I know that I have. These people succeed in careers that they seem to have marginal talent for. They exist in every business, every profession. So how do they do it? They are persistent. They are focused. They don’t let setbacks derail their dreams. They never give up. And this stick-to-itiveness is incredibly persuasive. After a while, if you are still there, still pushing your wares, people begin to believe that you really are good, that you really can deliver, and they will give you a chance to prove it. Now just imagine the heights someone who is persistent and talented could attain.
Follow-up is a process by which you make contact with someone to reinforce and further an end. For instance, if I have just met with a client, I would follow up with a thank-you note or a letter that summarized the conversation and thanked the client for his time. Another type of follow-up is calling on a prospect and continuing to maintain contact, even if there is no need at any given moment. Follow-up is a lost art. It is so lost and so rare that people can stand out merely by doing it. Follow-up serves the following purposes:

• It let’s people know you care.
• It identifies you as responsible for the process.
• It keeps relationships alive and invigorated.
• It provides opportunities for new interactions.
• It plants seeds for new ideas.
• It shows a high level of commitment.
• It demonstrates self-confidence.
• It regularly reminds people you are out there and available.

Follow-up takes organization because you have to keep records. Today there is an enormous selection of contact management systems ranging from paper planners to software that does an outstanding job of keeping records, reminding users of appointments, and scheduling follow-up contact.

Many people resist regular follow-up because they don't want to be viewed as pests. There is a very fine line between following up and pestering, and it’s important to know where one ends and the other begins. A great deal depends on the relationship, the type of situation, the urgency, and the agreement you have with the follow-up party. When I am calling clients, I always ask them when a good time to follow up would be. The responses vary, but merely asking identifies me as taking charge. They can relax because they know I consider it part of my job. If I’m prospecting by making cold calls, the follow-up sequence usually ranges from one to six months, depending on the time of year, budgets, fiscal year, and other considerations. Some clients insist that they have no need for services and do not anticipate ever having a need. In those cases I ask if it’s all right if I put them on my mailing list so that I can send them articles I may have seen or keep them abreast of what I’ve been doing. I can count on one hand the number of times people have said no. So with that group the follow-up takes on a different look, but it is still follow up. By the way, for the few who are adamant about not being contacted again, they should be respected, and no further contact should take place. But a simple "no, not interested" means to me, "not interested now." In those cases, I will keep such people on my mailing list.

My persistence is working. I have had clients tell me that the way I follow up is the best they have ever experienced and that they appreciate it that I take this responsibility and don’t feel pestered or manipulated. This is gratifying to me because it takes so much effort and discipline. Nothing good is ever accomplished without persistence. Because so many people are not persistent and thus fail to follow up, it is a fantastic differentiator in a world in which differentiation is harder and harder to come by. As Thomas Edison said, "I have not failed. I have just found 10,000 ways that won't work."

Ruth Sherman • Ruth Sherman Associates, LLC • Greenwich, CT • ruth@ruthsherman.com • www.ruthsherman.com