The words in my title are borrowed from Joseph N. Welch, who is renowned for uttering them and others at the HUAC hearings led by the notorious Senator Joseph McCarthy. They seem appropriate for Mr. West.
I have read West's pseudo-apology. It's one of those "yes, but..." apologies that demonstrates his lack of self-awareness as well as indicates he is not really sorry. I take issue in particular with his line:
"I gave my award to Outkast when they deserved it over me. That's what it is. I'm not crazy yall (y'all), I'm just real."
Real rude, he must have meant. Nasty, even And very immature. Contrast that with the classy Beyonce Knowles inviting Taylor Swift to share the stage with her during her award. Could we feel the love any more than at that precious moment?
I hate to admit it, but West is just a product of what we've become as a society. Whether we're watching what passes for political debate these days or the unbelievable vitriol directed at individuals with whom we might disagree, to cable news and talk shows, the discourse is becoming unhinged. My father used to call it "diarrhea of the mouth." Though I don't think he could have imagined what would be coming out of people's mouths today.
In my speeches on persuasion, I mention the 3 critical skills that almost no one has anymore: Empathy, Courtesy and Apology (my Fast Company blogs here and here). By practicing these three things, maybe we could begin to bring back some decency.
Last Wednesday, I spent most of my day at a big sports arena, watching the likes of Joe Montana, Colin Powell, Rudy Giuliani, Laura Bush, and Steve Forbes each stand up and deliver a motivational speech. Then, that evening, President Obama gave his much awaited address on health reform to a joint session of Congress. It was a very good day. (Watch my video on the topic.)
I didn't know what to expect at the sports arena. Having only seen most of them in the context of politics or policy, I was expecting more of the same. I didn't get it. Instead, each one of these icons stood up to motivate the crowd. There was no overt political message.
This was a big audience -- the XL Center in Hartford was packed (it's a sports arena). The stage was positioned in the middle of the arena floor and looked like a boxing ring without the ropes. The men used the entire stage, walking around it, making sure to spend time with all 360 degrees of audience. Some used a handheld mic, others a lapel mic and still others a headset. The handheld worked best, picking up the deeper and warmer tones of the voice. The least effective was the lapel mic because it doesn't follow the mouth and can therefore lose volume when the speaker's head turns away.
They all told lots of stories -- personal stories from their personal and professional lives. Stories of growing up, family stories, war stories. All the stories had a point and all were very entertaining and, more often than not, funny. What was really striking, though, was the extent of their physical animation as they were telling their stories; they bent down, reached up, twisted from side to side. Their gestures were really big. Their stories were so much more effective as a result.
Laura Bush stood at a podium. I half expected it to rotate as she was speaking. She read from a script. As a result, she was not as effective as the others, but she was still good. She was warm and very funny. She also told stories that were great to hear about her life with her uniquely political family, about her daughters and about George. Laura Bush has also learned to capitalize on her presence, not only as a former first lady, but as someone who knows who she is and is comfortable with it. She looked great, by the way. They all did.
Later on, President Obama delivered his health reform speech. This was the best speech he has ever given. Obama knew the stakes were high, he knew he had a lot to overcome and he did.
So many things worked well: his voice, his posture, gestures and general countenance. It was also very well-written and rehearsed. We know he reads his remarks from a teleprompter. The rhythm was very tight. Obama, too, told several stories designed to support his points and make them come alive. There was an emotional component present that had gone missing since he was elected. This helped him be very persuasive. I believe his speech changed the tenor of the debate and, if he and his allies play their cards right, will help them to get the bill they want passed.
All these speakers are different, but all are successful in his or her own way. They are all leaders who recognize that oral presentation or public speaking is a leadership skill.
Here are the takeaways:
Develop your own unique style. You have one.
Take and command the stage like you own it.
Tell a lot of stories.
Make your stories come alive by moving your body and your hands. Make them big.
It was a very good day.
Ruth Sherman Associates LLC / High Stakes Communication / www.ruthsherman.com
I went organic the minute I moved into my suburban home 19 years ago. I didn’t want my young children playing on a lawn that looked great, but had hidden within it poisonous herbicides and pesticides. At first, the lawn and flowerbeds were shocked. Parts of the lawn became scraggly and thin and certain flowers died, never to return.
Within about 3 years, however, the lawn and flowerbeds began looking much more robust. Over the next years, I figured out how to take care of them, what made them happy, which plants were a good fit and which ones wouldn’t make it no matter what I did and no matter how much I may have wanted them.
Of course, the weeds pop up. In the lawn, the trick is having it be so healthy that it crowds most weeds out. In the flowerbeds, it’s about constant weeding and deadheading.
Crabgrass is one of the weeds that gets pulled; it’s ugly and will take over the lawn. In the spring, when the bright yellow dandelions are silhouetted against the dark green of the lawn, it looks beautiful. They are signs of lawn and garden health. They can stay.
I think we need to make the workplace more organic. To have a healthy work environment, you need to carefully tend to it. Leaders must have a passion for their business and also for their employees. They must make sure employees have what they need to do their jobs and help the company grow. There needs to be openness, which serves as the fertilizer for new ideas.
What to do about the employees who are talented but difficult? I think they’re like dandelions. Carefully managed, these workers can add great value. They can even be trained and cultivated to be more cooperative.
Managers must understand, however, that if an employee is not a good fit, is, perhaps, talented, but not talented enough to overshadow the difficult-ness, managing him or her will sap all time and energy. They are like crabgrass and have to go.
A perfect garden is not a healthy garden. Neither is a perfect workplace.
I got a tweet from André Rieu, the well-known violinist and Johann Strauss Orchestra conductor. He was aghast at Michael Jackson’s deathand felt what many did of course. Because André is a musician and performer, however, he felt an especially profound loss. So am I and thus, so did I. Jackson was a prodigious talent and his effect on culture is permanent. As Obi-wan said, “I felt a great disturbance in The Force.”
Michael was a huge force, a superb communicator and storyteller. After all, performing is all about communication, inspiring and moving audiences by generating emotional reactions through (customarily) voice, movement, appearance and content.
As Jackson was a leader in the pop music world, great business leaders are also great communicators who know their job is to influence, motivate and persuade. And giftedness is only part of the story. Great communicators work hard at it, just as Michael did. Following are some of the rules they follow to hone their craft and skill:
Passion: Michael was nothing if not passionate and great leaders are the same. Not just passionate, though, but able to SHOW that passion wherever they are and to whomever they come into contact with. Corporate culture wants to expunge passion from the workplace. Don’t let it.
Planning/Preparation: Years went into planning, preparing and executing shows of the magnitude of Jackson’s.While that is not necessary for most business communicators, the successful ones know that every contact with others is an opportunity – and they prepare for them all. It's also part of their business plan, their long-term strategy.
Practice: This is the magic bullet, the one thing that great communicators like Michael Jackson know above all else.For an upcoming show, he would rehearse and practice for weeks and weeks, many hours every day, every note, lyric and move coordinated to perfection. His goal was to mesmerize us. When you are mesmerized by a great business communicator, know that it’s no accident.
Dress & Adornment: This was part of Michael’s brand and it should be part of yours, too. Unfortunately, standards have gone way down in recent years. They're also confusing. But every great business leader I know creates a look. Think Steve Jobs in his trademark jeans and black turtleneck. It doesn’t have to be a suit or a dress, but it does have to be consistent with the image you want to project.
Creativity: Michael Jackson created a unique world of music and performance art. The great business communicators and leaders incorporate artistic flourishes into their outreach because art and creativity are one of the few ways left to differentiate. They try new things, create humanizing workplaces and environments for success. They are nontraditional and lead in unexpected and delightful ways.
Storytelling: Great songs tell stories and Michael Jackson was a consummate storyteller. Great business communicators are always collecting stories and incorporating them. Stories make communication come alive like nothing else.Stories you can tell occur every day. Don’t let them get away.
Precision/Execution: How in the world did Michael Jackson work that stage for 2 hours, everything perfectly synchronized? He was intentional and precise and he knew how to execute. He had as his goal to give his audiences a night to remember. The great business communicators are precise and intentional in their goals and executiion, too.
Rhythm: We know Michael Jackson had rhythm to spare. But, did you know great business communicators also have rhythm? It’s in their understanding of when to push and when to pull back. It’s in their public speaking when they pepper their talks with stories in just the right places, when they pause to let their audiences take in what they’ve said. Rhythm keeps things moving along.
Collaboration: Michael Jackson didn’t do it alone. He couldn’t, and neither can great business communicators. They need strong teams consisting of members whose opinions they respect and trust. MAJOR TAKEAWAY: The other half of communicating is listening, a critical communication skill that has become increasingly rare. Michael listened to his audiences.
Why is all this important? Because it fosters connection, the holy grail of communication.
Thank you, Michael Jackson. I’ll miss you.
Ruth Sherman Associates LLC / High Stakes Communication / www.ruthsherman.com
I’ve just gotten done reading a couple of new books. The first, Where to Go From Here, by Douglas Campbell III, is a primer on how to manage your business -- and yourself. To Campbell, the personal is one with the professional.
A well-known business coach, Campbell bills himself as “TheSuccess Coach.” He has worked with loads of business, mostly small to medium-sized, and acts as a one-man Board of Directors, helping them manage and grow. With an MBA from The Darden School of Business at UVa, he’s got thetechnical chops.
What I really like about this book is that it is filled with questionnaires, surveys and other “how-to-get-there-from-here” tools. They are introduced sequentially so that they each build on the ones that come before. There are also many examples taken from the author’s experiences that are very motivational and serve to let the reader know he/she is not alone.
Finally, at the end, after you’ve done the exercises, you should come out with a much better understanding of your strengths and weaknesses and, most importantly, whether you’re compatible with your chosen field and whether it makes you happy.
This is a very accessible read, logically laid out and itall makes sense. And if you don’t own a business, don’t let that stop you. It’s a book anyone can use to help find lifelong work that fits who they are.
Still throwing your hands up in frustration working with the latest people to enter the workforce? Then Bruce Tulgan’s Not Everyone Gets A Trophy isfor you. Tulgan writes knowledgeably about Gen Y-ers and how the older generations can work together with them productively and, ultimately, happily. The big secret Tulgan shares is that they just didn’t learn the things you and I did and so we have to teach them and help them along the way. Hmmm, doesn’t sound so different from any new generation entering the workplace. Nonetheless, based on my own conversations with those who manage these young people, there does seem to be some extra angst that is included in the package.
Tulgan provides numerous stories from the front.I have to admit that several of them made my jaw drop. It’s not that I’m surprised about the cultural differences between generations, but that some of these younger people are so unbelievably clueless and rude! Of course, I probably shouldn’t be surprised because this is ageneration that grew up socializing on the Internet. They simply never had enough experience and practice reading the nonverbal cues that are only available face-to-face or, at least, by phone. But, didn’t their parents teach them anything? As a matter of fact, Tulgan insists that Gen Y’s managers engage in “in loco parentis.”
Unfortunately for Tulgan, the current state of the economy puts these Gen Y-ers in the one-down position. Although companies are still hiring, and entry level positions are the most plentiful, there still is a recession on, so employers can afford to be much choosier than 9 or 10 months ago when this book was likely still being written. And, of course, there will be a recovery and a newly robust hiring market. So once you get past the first couple ofchapters, there are some very useful takeaways. Among these are providing context, being direct, and letting these new, inexperienced workers have some power and authority (as appropriate).
As the clever title implies, the author knows whom he’s dealing with. One of the subchapter headings says it all: “When You Are At Work, Everyone But You is Your Customer.” It’s that basic.
The singing sensation Susan Boyle who recently auditioned for Britain’s Got Talent, a Simon Cowell creation, has taken the world by storm.
I first got wind of this phenomenon when a friend of mine sent me the link last week. If you haven’t seen it yet, take a look at the YouTube video below, then continue reading.
I have written a lot about how the way physical looks, dress and adornment communicate significant information about us to others. That’s not the subject of this post. What strikes me is that with the endless fixation on news about Octo-Mom, or this or that celebrity’s latest missteps, we are moved by the story of Susan Boyle. Or the story of the Captain of the Maersk Alabama. Or the story of Captain “Sully” Sullenberger, pilot of the airliner that water-landed in the Hudson River. Here are ordinary people doing extraordinary things. Brave things. Average people going about their workaday lives who suddenly are seen as above average.
As my astute virtual assistant, Tassey Russo, told me, as we have gone about simplifying our lives in these difficult times, we also are more drawn to simpler narratives, stories of people who look threats and danger squarely in the eye and shoo it away. We have become exhausted by the negative energy on display almost daily by people who are cowardly, tone-deaf or utterly self-involved. Compare Ms. Boyle and the two captains to Maurice “Ace” Greenburg, the former disgraced CE O of AIG, who when testifying to Congress a couple of weeks ago, refused to accept any responsibility and blamed others for the company’s catastrophic straits. We’re looking for inspiration and motivation and these good people provide it.
They are the real role-models. Their self-worth is not inflated or measured by money and material things. Our admiration for the trappings of wealth and those who promote it is properly transferred to those who are modest and have an accurate understanding of their abilities; they know what they know, how to succeed in extremely difficult circumstances. They are truly deserving of our admiration.
Furthermore, we see ourselves in these people and secretly wonder if called upon, would we step up? We hope we would, but we question it. (They’re just like us. Or are they?) We are plagued by self-doubt because we’re somewhat out of practice; for too long, we have admired and emulated the wrong people for the wrong things.
These people are true leaders and heroes. There are many of them all around us. Let’s find and recognize them.
Ruth Sherman Associates LLC / High Stakes Communication / www.ruthsherman.com
P.S. And, Susan Boyle is a talented singer. I was a voice major in college -- I know what I know, too.
I was sitting next to my classmate, Chris, on Saturday morning. It was the last day of our fabulous 8-week FastTrac* Growth Venture course that is sponsored by a local non-profit, the Women’s Business Development Center. Just to be clear, Chris is a guy.
One of our state senators was there to deliver certificates of completion to each one of us, so we all had to stand up and do our elevator pitch. One woman mentioned that she was “in transition.” Chris got a funny look on his face. He turned to me and said, “In transition? What does that mean?”
I realized at that moment that we were experiencing a classic gender difference in communication; in fact, I had never heard a man say such a thing. Smiling, I said to Chris he didn’t know what it meant because he doesn’t attend any women’s networking groups (naturally). Then I defined it for him and asked him what men say. “I’m looking for a job or I need a job or I’m out of work,” was his response. How direct, I thought, no pussyfooting or beating around the bush. Of course, I also thought, what’s up with us women when it comes to speaking directly?
Women tend to be indirect in their speech and this can, at times, significantly weaken their efforts at communication. One habit is called hedging. Two examples of hedging are:
“I know you may not like this idea, but I would like to recommend_________.” “This may sound stupid, but I think we should try_________”
Well, that certainly sounds authoritative! The hedges are at the beginning of the statements. They immediately weaken what is being said. Translation: "I'm totally insecure and don't know what I'm doing." No matter how you're feeling, leave the hedge out. Start with the word, "I" after the comma.
Then we have qualifiers:
“I would kind of like to lead this effort.” “It’s sort of an ok idea.”
What the heck is she talking about? In the first statement, “kind of “qualifies the statement and not for the better. Leave it out and see what happens. Go ahead, say it out loud. Ahhh, that sounds much stronger. In the second example there are two problems, “sort of” and “ok.” Women must be able to express a negative view if that is what an idea deserves. Anything else guarantees confusion and worse: the work won’t get done.
And if a woman doesn’t learn to directly ask for a job, she might not get one.
Ruth Sherman Associates LLC / High Stakes Communication / www.ruthsherman.com
*FastTrac is a wonderful series of programs that are offered all over the country. If you are looking to start or grow a business, find a place to take this course. There is also a FastTrac program for technology ventures.
Just when I was beginning to think our national obsession with women's looks was over, we have the ongoing discussion about Michelle Obama's arms. In Sunday's New York Times, Maureen Dowd told of discussions with her fellow columnist David Brooks and quotes him as being unhappy about the fact that Mrs. Obama frequently goes sleeveless. Her appearance and choice of dress at the president's speech to Congress last month apparently put Brooks over the edge. Naming her arms "Thunder and Lightning" (naming her arms!), Brooks feels displaying these body parts is somehow unseemly and unbecoming of anyone inhabiting the role of First Lady.
Calling Laura Bush, Hillary Cinton and Barbara Bush!
Brooks needs to get a grip and the rest of the country needs to start looking at what goes on with women above the neck just as we are accustomed to doing with men. I didn't hear Brooks or any other male opinionator complain when the president-elect was photographed bare chested in Hawaii. That was clearly unusual and well out of the ordinary for a head-of-state. But choosing beautiful, sleeveless dresses as a problem? Give me a break.
Dress and adornment -- all the choices we make from clothing through accessories through hair and makeup -- communicate information about us. So what do Michelle Obama's choices communicate?
Confidence and self-assuredness: The woman knows she looks good and does what she can to enhance it.
Modern sensibility: I have not seen Mrs. Obama wear a boring suit once and thank heaven for that!
Willingness to take risks: Trying out new and even unknown designers naturally is her right and job as first lady; there is a bully pulpit aspect to it that is admirable.
Creativity: Her fashion sense is very different from what we've seen in the past. There is an art to choosing clothing. I admit I don't like everything she wears, but I will defend to the death her right to dress however she wants to.
Energy and vitality: The first lady is in vibrantly good shape, which conveys a level of energy necessary to get jobs done.
Connoisseurship: Mrs. Obama is an appreciator of fashion. She has a practiced eye, knows what she likes, yet is no fashionista.
Intelligence: We already know this, but the fashion term, looking "smart," never fit anyone better.
Change: She's advancing her husband's agenda by upending some closely held beliefs and traditions.
There is more, I'm sure, that I'm missing so would love to hear from readers. But I'll tell you this: I'd kill for Michelle Obama's arms. Even lifting weights religiously does not do the trick (perhaps, as has also been reported, she just does it more than I do). Furthermore, Obama's arms are not particularly muscular -- she's no Mrs. Universe -- they are slender, well-defined, smooth and contain no flab. In other words, they're very attractive and appealing.
Perhaps all the tongue-wagging is just jealousy. Whatever it is, it's time to stop. And it's well past time we got over our national obsession with powerful women's looks and the double standard it engenders.
Ruth Sherman Associates LLC / High Stakes Communication / www.ruthsherman.com
I was with a client last week, the CEO of a public company. I have known and worked with this person for about 10 years. Although the company is on solid financial footing, the current business climate has forced him to make some tough decisions including layoffs, elimination of the 401K match and everyone working harder with more worries, fewer hands on deck and fewer resources. So did this hardworking CEO take a bonus in 2008 because he “deserved” it? Nope. He asked for a significant cut. He didn’t want to and the board didn’t want him to. But he knew if he was asking his people to sacrifice, then he had to lead the way. Remember that word, “lead?” This man is a leader in word and deed. By acting in this way, he communicates to his staff, his employees, his shareholders and the public that he cares and that they’re all in this together.
He gets it.
In hearing and reading about the unbelievable selfishness and tone-deafness of the people in the financial services industry, as they earn and spend profligately in the face of billions delivered to them by taxpayers, I asked my client what he thought they were up to. He threw up his hands and shrugged his shoulders, saying, “Beats me.” It’s dumbfounding. It’s infuriating.
Naturally, the spin has begun. The $18 billion paid in bonuses this year were actually “commissions.” Okay, but commissions on what? Those banks and institutions lost money. Then we hear that if compensation is cut too drastically, the “best and brightest” will go elsewhere. Really? Where would that be? (And didn’t the so-called best and brightest get us into this mess?) The thing that bugs me the most, though, is the fiction that the people doing all the complaining (who are not in financial services) simply don’t understand how the compensation system works. Hmmm, they collected phantom profits for years, nearly destroyed our financial system (or perhaps have – jury is still out), caused hundreds of thousands of layoffs and decimated most people’s life savings. And now they want to continue earning a similar wage because why? Oh, I think we understand just fine, thank you.
And it isn’t only the financial fat cats who are sipping at the trough of public money. Obama’s Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner and HHS nominee Tom Daschle don’t get it either. I was incredulous listening to Geithner, an expert in finance for heaven’s sake, claim ignorance when pressed on why he didn’t pay certain taxes until his nomination was imminent. Well, I may be a music major, but I knew to pay my nanny taxes, Mr. Geithner, as well as the fact that I couldn’t claim overnight summer camp as part of our childcare FSA. It’s spelled out in easy-to-understand terms when you get your benefits information every year. And Daschle is just another revolving door politico. Neither of these guys is irreplaceable as we’ll find later on when they resign for “personal” reasons.
It’s time for President Obama to make good on his centerpiece campaign promise to undo “business as usual” and turn up the heat on these goofballs on behalf of us “little people.” I am so sick of lame apologies and slaps on the wrists. Why are some of the corrupt and greedy people who got us into this current mess not being prosecuted? And why were these politicians not booted out the minute their transgressions came to light? You work for us, Mr, President. The time for words is over and the time for action has begun.
What does this all communicate? That people with money and power are above the law. They are even above being made to pay for their mistakes while all the rest of us ensure they keep their jobs. That despite all the promises made by Barack Obama and his surrogates during the past two years, he’s just another pol doing “business as usual.” Boy, that was fast.
Where is the compassion, empathy? Where is the shame? Is there not a leader among them?
They just don’t get it.
Ruth Sherman Associates LLC / High Stakes Communication / www.ruthsherman.com
I watched the Caroline Kennedy fiasco with great interest. As a resident of the metro New York area, even though she wouldn’t have been my senator, she would’ve been looking out for New York City, which is practically a second home to me.
When it was first reported that she wanted the seat, my bias at the time was who is this woman, vaulting ahead of all these other hardworking pols, congresspeople mostly, who came up the old-fashioned way, no famous names, no independent wealth? I thought we were supposed to be done with dynasty politics. But then I heard some of her ideas. Like her unqualified support of gay rights including marriage. “I support all of it,” she said. How courageous when almost no politician, even one from the Northeast has the guts to say such a thing out loud. She was unfazed saying it, too. So I decided to give her another look.
Then she had her disastrous media encounters. I was so flabbergasted at her poor performance, I called her PR firm to tell them that unless she improved – and it had better be soon – her candidacy was a doomed. They ignored me.Too bad, because if she’d made a better impression, if she’d just learned how to speak well enough and field questions from the press, she’d be the Senator-designate today instead of Kirsten Gillibrand.
But then I thought, here is a really intelligent woman who has written or edited 7 books, lived an honorable life, quietly supporting charities with her time and treasure. Why do we force our politicians to be great public speakers? Bombasts, actually. That she has a soft voice should not be a disqualifier. Women’s voices after all are rarely described as booming. That she is quiet and shy does not make her a wimp. Maybe she’s thoughtful. Wouldn’t that be nice in a politician for a change?
The reality is that we expected Kennedy, who wanted to be a Senator, a very, very powerful position, to display authority, confidence and, well, power. Those things would have symbolized for us that she had the temperament and tenacity to fight for New York. And even though she probably would’ve made a good Senator, in the absence of any display of those qualities, it was hard to imagine her in the role.
Maybe after her trial by fire, she figured, “Who needs it?” Maybe she doesn’t have the so-called fire in the belly. But, I hope she’ll be back. Maybe she’ll run in 2010. And, Caroline, I’d be glad to help.
Ruth Sherman Associates LLC / High Stakes Communication / www.ruthsherman.com
