I'm a Family Systems practitioner and hear this a great deal of the time in listening to folks tell me about their problems. Here's a couple of thoughts. First, leaders are often "triangled" into situations (emotionally) and asked to referee or render a judgment. Read the story about Moses in the desert and you'll get my drift. The challenge IS that the person coming to you is seeking leadership on your part to solve her problem (no on gets a problem they can handle - Ed Friedman - that's how we grow!) And being a leader is as much an emotional function as it is cerebral. The emphatic Very, Very, Very, Very Difficult modifier says the person seeking your assistance has a much lower threshold for pain and you are the greatest, latest fix. I would encourage the person complaining to throw empathy out the window and delegate her anxiety to the person in misery - as in challenging that person to take some responsibility for his or her own misery! You are about half correct in your assessment about dysfunction in the workplace being a systemic question, however, I disagree that it is not a people question because it is. It is a leadership quesiton and one that most leaders fail to answer by NOT taking a stand. The most important thing any leader ever does is take a stand and define his or her position. This is called self-differentiating behavior and is part and parcel of leadership. Regrettably many leaders don't take a stand and allow the most immature person within the system to hold everyone else ransom to their raves! If you are probing to discern what is broken in the system you will never come up for air because problems will suck the life right out of you. Conversely, turning this around or over, asking what is right with the system will yield greater results. When you focus on your strengths and the position of becoming stronger and better, you stand a much better chance of "fixing" the system than by being held captive to your problems, the problems with difficult and disgruntled employees, and a broken system. Actually, if your approach recognizes that the system is broken and/or a work in progress rather than assuming the system was whole and fine to begin with, you might stand a better chance of helping the person with the question. That old saying that says, "What Peter says about Paul always says more about Peter than Paul," reminds us that when we, as leaders, are confronted and confounded by these kinds of questions, Peter is really talking about his relationship with us, not Paul! I would also suggest that you consider changing lenses as well because I think a lot of folks go to work to be miserable (it's a general state of being for many) and cause misery (I have complete faith in the human condition). It may be more helpful to reframe your point in terms of toxicity instead of misery. The Response of the Organism to a Toxic Environment is a much more effective way to discuss and resolve systemic issues by immunizing one's self to the toxicity of others. Leaders do this by taking a stand. In conclusion, (and thank you for asking) a Leader leads others by making and taking well defined positions of authority and responsibility. The real trick is to NOT take too much resonsibility for the problems of others lest they become our own. I recommend reading the parable, "The Bridge," by Ed Friedman from his book, "Friedman's Fables." It's packed with practical and helpful wisdom for us all.

Jay, great, thoughtful response. I would agree...leaders need to take a stand, and that stand will best serve the system if he or she can remain positive, seeking growth, as opposed to a stand that reeks of victimization and blame. One might think taking responsibility is no brainer for 'leaders' and yet, in the real world those of us who work with leaders, know this is not the case. Leaders create the environment in which others reside....and consequently, it falls on their shoulders to create an environment where people can thrive.