Tale of the Wooden Gate

Jack DeVries was an expert at making gates for fences, but erecting
entire fences was beyond the scope of his expertise. For reasons
peculiar, he felt the same way about health insurance, and California Health Insurance agent Matt Lockard had a solution.

They were everywhere. Dotting the grasslands of California were
vestigial gates, the beginnings of fences, thousands of such ethereal
structures acting as portals to emptiness. These creations were made by
one Jack DeVries, an artist hailing from Modesto. One day the
quasi-celebrity strolled in to California Health Insurance agent Matt
Lockard’s office. “I was expecting you,” Matt said.

“I’ve heard of you,” DeVries said.

“And I of you,” countered perhaps the most celebrated California Health Insurance agent in all of Ventura.

The obvious question hung in the air. Why does DeVries do it? Leave
so much to the imagination, unfenced, leave gates constructed that
anyone could walk around in a few steps, and well, just enter.

The answers began pouring out of Jack DeVries’s gob, a trickle of
words that grew into a torrent. DeVries spoke of a fixation, a fetish
if you will, and perfection spent entirely with every detail tended to:
To Jack DeVries, the Devil was indeed in the details, trapped in the
gate. The artist’s only stipulation was that his gates be wooden.

It was then that Matt Lockard learned that the maker of stranded
gates felt similarly about insurance. “I need a plan that is like my
lovely gates,” the artist voiced in an odd creaking tenor that reminded
Matt of a gate opening wide enough to let a health insurance salesman
in.

Matt knew instantly what the man desired in his heart of hearts.
“Oh, you must want a PPO Plan,” he said simply, a bit like Yoda in that
movie.

Jack DeVries smiled a gate-like grin, and this time when he pursed his lips they made a creaking sound.

Matt Lockard had known immediately that a PPO bore a certain
similitude to the gates. Although without accompanying fences, these
unfinished structures were precisely perfect in every nuance, just as a
PPO tailored to Jack DeVries would feature the masterpieces of
physicians specializing in every aspect of a certain artist’s personal
health care.

“That’s exactly what I need,” Jack DeVries croaked again, “How did you know?”

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