The Leading Edge by Mark Goulston

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The Leading Edge - "You gotta love the bastards!"

Sean Brawley is an "ego less" coach. That means it's much more important to him that his clients succeed than that he be right. I could learn a thing or two from him in that area.

Anyway, we were recently speaking and I was telling him how when I coach leaders to be the best that they can be, that my "non-negotiable" goal is for the people who have worked under them look back at the end of their careers and say that the best time in their career was when they worked for that leader.

My models for such a leader are Pete Carroll of USC and John Wooden of UCLA, whose players have not only said the best years of their career were when they were coached by these great men, but who on occasion have even forgone an early entry into the NFL after capturing a Heisman Trophy (think Matt Leinart) to play another year.

Coincidently, Pete Carroll wrote the forward to The Inner Game of Tennis by Timothy Gallwey, the methodology Sean uses in his coaching (find out more about The Inner Game Coaching Conference).

Sean shared an anecdote about another such coach, Red Auerbach, who coached the Boston Celtics to 9 NBA championships, who when asked the secret to being a great coach said chomping on his ever present cigar: "You gotta' love the bastards!"

And how do you know whether you are that kind of coach? Auebach offered perhaps the best criteria: "You know it when many years later your players keep calling you back to tell you about their families, their careers and their lives."

Auerbach was right. I am honored to have Warren Bennis mentor me and that is exactly what I continue to do with him. As Warren is now a bit older, the line forms to the rear of others doing the same thing.

How many of the people that have worked for you do that? What do you need to do differently so that they will? Maybe YOU just gotta' love the bastards!

08:59 pm | 0 recommendations | 5 comments

The Leading Edge - Real Men Don't Eat Quiche or Like Hillary

What is Hillary's Man Problem?

There is a lot written about her not being tough enough for men plus a variety of other reasons. I think there is something else possibly going on. Men -- and there are lots of them -- whose swagger is fueled by bravado, ego and bullsh*t don't like it when a women sees through it all and sees them for the immature fools that they sometimes are.

This may explain why so many men do not take their wives to functions where they are worried that she might roll her eyes to the ceiling every time he is acting boorish, pontificating or in other ways embarrassing himself that he is not aware of, or if he is doesn't seem to care.

Perhaps men, Republicans and "good old boys" who are used to bullsh*ting each other or posturing with each other and where the unspoken contract is to not call each other on it are very uncomfortable with a woman who can see through it.

Even if she doesn't say anything judgmental, they will believe that she is thinking those things and this can inhibit them in their "boys will be boys" play...and many men do not take kindly to being so inhibited.

Here's Hillary's dilemma. If she acts as if those things don't bother her (when we know from biographies of some private spats with Bill when he demonstrated those qualities) when it appears that they do, then she is lying. On the other hand, if she does admit to those things bothering her, than she is being a controlling, judgmental bitch raining on a man's parade.

This dilemma may not just cost her with men, but also with women who want to know who the real Hillary is.

Some of those "real" moments came out during the New Hampshire primary (which I believe were authentic vs. scripted) and her victory there may have been a vote for her being authentic, because when it appeared she was, voters -- male and female -- were able to temporarily dropped their guard, their distrust and when they did that, she won.

So perhaps the best advice for her might be: "Come out, come out whoever you are, because if you do, you will probably turn out to be not as bad as people are worried you are and not as good as people hope you are, but you just might turn out to be real enough to get elected.

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The Leading Edge - Heath Ledger, Your Children and You

As I recently wrote on my peoplejam.com blog:

If you haven't got time for your child's pain,
make the time;
You can pay (attention) now,
or you can pay (the consequences) later.

Heath Ledger dead at 28. We have no idea if Heath Ledger's death involved drugs at all, but because of the early speculation, it has given me pause to think of what I am going to say below.

If it does in fact turn out to be drug related, perhaps we should be surprised that even more young adults and adults do not fall prey to drugs. In all likelihood, many more are under their spell, but they don't quite go over the edge or are not famous enough to be "newsworthy."

What is the real appeal of heroin and cocaine, or their lesser evil counterparts, alcohol/marijuana and amphetamines/speed? Are they a way for teens and young adults to escape or merely cope their lives or is there something else going on?

When young children and pre-teens step out into the world and fall on their face, they look back to their parents to be comforted by a mom and pumped up by a dad. If the connection is done in the right way that is neither too overprotective/indulgent, critical/abusive, nor absent/neglectful, but rather is guiding/supportive, that child will internalize that response from what psychologists refer to as a "caring surround" and call upon it when they hit a wall later on in life.

If that child didn't have a supportive/guiding relationship with their mom and dad and instead had either the overprotective/indulgent, critical/abusive or absent/neglectful one because their parents were divorced, self-involved, or so in need of the comforting and pumping up themselves, the child has nothing to internalize to buttress its ego against the slings and arrows and raging hormones of everyday life as an adolescent.

What if you're an adolescent or even a pre-adolescent stepping out into the world without an internalized protective screen? (Think of it as analogous to going out into a blazing hot sun without sunblock). What if in the midst of your uncertainty you discover uppers like cocaine or prescribed stimulants that you can borrow from friends that make you feel stronger and more confident than you actually feel? And what if like Icarus you're flying too close to the sun on those uppers and your wax wings begin to melt throwing you into a free falling panic and you discover downers like heroin, alcohol, marijuana or prescribed downers like Xanax to ease the fall?

When adolescents who may not have the optimal connections with parents discover that they can medicate themselves and create those "parent-like" connections with drugs to pump them up at one end and soothe them at the other, they have suddenly created the emotional family they never had. Initially they feel they get to control those connections squeezing out dollops of false confidence and false comfort from those drugs upon demand, not unlike what they were able to do in the womb when their physiological wish was their mother's command as she satisfied those needs across her placenta.

One reason the drug problem is so difficult to solve is because children who have discovered this new "family" where drugs take the place of real comfort and encouragement and where they get to feel "whole" are reluctant to go back to feeling like the emotional orphan they were when their pain was never responded to. Their lives feel complete as long as their drugs are available. And when they can't get those drugs they go into withdrawal and go from complete to brittle in the blink of an eye.

How can we break the powerful attachment between teens and drugs? That fit between distress and the drug that takes it away are very strong. It's an uphill struggle fraught with frustration on both sides. The one thing we can offer that drugs cannot is understanding the pain our children feel and a willingness to feel it with them so they don't feel so alone in it. We may not be able to remove the intimidation of an overwhelming world, but we can reduce their aloneness in it.

To these emotional orphans who have substituted drugs for the caring they never had, we can offer understanding and hope. In order to do this, we need to create the feeling in each addicted child's mind that someone really cares. That there is real love and deep concern for them from another human being.

This will not be easy. Often what teens need most, they want least. We as parents need to persevere and realize that "teens doth protest" too much when it comes to receiving guidance from us. Parents need to pick those moments when teens seek their input—and they will—rather than forcing unsolicited advice down their throats when they least want it. A caveat to keep in mind, the more you offer unsolicited advice to pre-teens and teenagers, the less they will seek input from you when they really need it. It's less important what you tell your children then what they tell you. And they won't tell you anything if they experience you as everprimed to push unwanted input on them.

Patience and perseverance are not easy to find in a too-busy-to-listen world, but the more parents can summon it up in interacting with their children, the greater the protective benefit later on.

And the benefit? One night when that child needs comforting or boosting, maybe they'll call you or turn inside and hear your comforting and encouraging voice instead of calling their drug dealer.

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The Leading Edge - A Regret Free Career and Life

Regret is what happens
when you’re busy making plans…
that you never follow through on.

(with appreciation and regrets to John Lennon)

Ah…a life with no regrets. Is it possible? Yes, if you utilize Macro Strategic Planning, a 6 step process created by entrepreneur and wealth advisor, Bruce Wright, founder and owner of MacroStrategicDesign.

Step 1: Vision – clearly see the life you want to be living vs. merely wanting to feel happy without any vision for creating it

Step 2: Commitment – primed to take action, which you will do when your vision is compelling and convincing to you over a period of time without continually jumping to other ideas

Step 3: Goals – milestones on the way to that vision you will reach 1 month, 3 months, 6 months, 1 year, 3 years, 5 years down the road

Step 4: Strategies – plans you will follow to reach those goals

Step 5: Tactics – actions you will take to make those strategies effective

Step 6: Tools – items that will give you the opportunity to execute your strategy

After I learned it, I realized that I achieved all of my major accomplishments in life by adhering to these 6 steps without being conscious of them. Had I known about this template for turning dreams into reality, it would have saved me a lot of time…and hassle.

If this topic speaks to you, catch my video interview on creating “A Regret Free Life" on Karen Salmansohn’s Sirius radio show, “Be Happy, Dammit."

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The Leading Edge - Why I switched to Hillary Clinton

I ran into Chelsea Clinton today (1/12) at the Farmer’s Market at Santa Monica’s Third Street Promenade.

In a sweet, sincere voice she said, “I hope you’ll support my mom.” I had been undecided between her mom, Barack Obama and John Edwards. To be honest I was leaning away from her mom toward the other candidates, but in a few moments of looking into Chelsea’s earnest eyes, it became clear to me why I have now switched to Hillary for President. It was the same earnestness I sensed in Hillary in New Hampshire.

Regarding Hillary vs. Barack Obama I thought, “On Inauguration Day would I want someone who could hit the ground ready to run this country or someone who would hit the ground needing to learn how to run this country?”

I thought of JFK who when elected, hit the ground needing to learn how to run this country and how not trusting his instincts led to missteps at the Bay of Pigs. It was only in the crucible of the Cuban Missile Crisis that JFK turned to his own “true North” and helped America dodge a bullet while we teetered on the brink of nuclear war. If JFK were alive today and were given the choice between a President ready to take control on inauguration day vs. one who needed to get up to speed, I believe that even he would choose the former, probably knowing that its not wise to leave so much to chance.

As much as I appreciate Obama’s freshness, newness and passion, I am not eager to put a President in the driver’s seat, who needs to get up to speed to do what’s best for this country. I also know first hand how much experience has helped me develop judgment in my professional and personal life and that there is no substitute for it. I think the best ticket -- if egos could be put aside and replaced with collaboration to do what's best for this country -- would be Clinton-Obama ’08 and ’12 (where Barack can learn all he doesn’t know now to prepare him for the presidency) and then Obama-someone he can mentor ’16.

With regard to John Edwards who I met briefly at a focus group last year, as attractive and appealing a candidate is, I get the sense that he is more about winning (you can take the boy out of the litigator, but you can’t take the litigator out of the boy) and more transactional than transformational.

I felt that way about Hillary until her near tears moment in New Hampshire. Some will wonder whether that show of emotion was calculated and insincere. I do not agree. In that moment I saw her shedding the mantle of her handlers, possibly including even her husband, and letting an earnest desire to help our country push out from behind all the egos and politicking that had eclipsed it.

With regard to the Republicans, I am inclined to select a Democrat, because I think since 9/11 and the Internet, America is sorely in need of a paradigm shift and to look at the world through vastly different eyes. Regardless how many of the Republican candidates may want to distance themselves from the present administration, none of them will be able to look at the world with sufficiently different eyes to see the world anew so that America can become who and what it needs to become to restore its luster in the world community.

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The Leading Edge - For Crying Out Loud Hillary

She cries, she wins. What's going on?

Prior to Hillary Clinton's crying episode, we knew more about her experience, than about how to experience her.

When she cried and showed vulnerability, she demonstrated more accessibility than fragility.

We want and need out leaders to be accessible or as Bill George describes, "to be authentic," because if we can't get where they're coming from, we have difficulty believing that they'll be able to get where we are coming from.

And if we believe they don't get where we are coming from, we are hesitant to let them take us where they would like us to go.

What is going on here is that people are more drawn to experience near language (i.e. which gives you an emotional experience as soon as you hear it) than experience distant language (i.e. which you need to think about first). Part of the reason for that is that most people's minds are already overloaded with things they already need to think about and it's tough to find the additional bandwidth to do that (that's why I used to be able to remember two page poems and now I can't even remember a telephone number without writing it down). Another part of the reason for that is that we have heard people be so convincing and turn out wrong and we have also had many occasions when we thought we knew something and we turned out wrong. That causes us to doubt and distrust pure logic, because we believe facts can be manipulated.

So as a result many people more often trust what they feel than what they think. The unfortunate thing there is that feelings are just as easy to manipulate as facts.

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The Leading Edge - How Committed Are You to Keeping Your New Years Resolutions

Want to see if you're really committed to keeping a New Year's Resolution?

Step 1: Think of someone in your life who cares about you that you most respect.
Step 2: Go to him, tell him you'd like his assistance and ask him one positive behavior you could start doing and one negative behavior you could stop doing that would increase his and other's respect for you.
Step 3: Repeat back to him those behaviors to make sure you heard him accurately.
Step 4: Ask him if he would be willing to send you an email in two weeks and then a month later to see if you've kept your commitment (after a month's time, there's a good chance it will become internalized and then you ask for another pair of behaviors to improve upon).
Step 5: Thank him and ask him how you can return the favor to him.

The extent to which you will do this is directly related to your true commitment to change. If you hesitate, then you are more ready for change than you are ready to change and you're not going to change.

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The Leading Edge: How to Increase "Buy In"

Getting more from you people begins with "buy in." If you want to increase it make sure you keep the following in mind (these are the results of an interview with me by ABC News "Working Wounded" reporter, Bob Rosner).

Does it make sense, feel right, and is their job doable? The best motivation killer is to feel that what you're doing doesn't make any sense, is wrong, and undoable. That's why it's so important to take the time to find out how your people really feel about their jobs and your company.

Do you get ongoing reality checks? How exactly do you make sure that they think the job makes sense, is the right thing to do, and is doable? Don't wait for them to come to you. Check in with them constantly -- not only in meetings, but also in one-on-one conversations and e-mails.

Do you take into consideration their other commitments? Most of us have a full plate -- kids, parents, civic commitments, etc. Rather than thinking that the job is the only thing in a person's life, it's helpful to find out what else is going on. For example, if someone is juggling their schedule because of kids, it probably will mean a lot if you give them flexibility in when they have to show up for work. The more flexible you are, the more buy-in they'll undoubtedly give back in return.

Do you ask for their opinions on the top opportunities? There is an old saying, "You paid for my hands, you got my brain for free." It's fascinating how seldom most employees are asked to use their brains. Ask employees to get out their crystal ball to identify opportunities for your organization.

Do you ask for their opinions on the top obstacles? As tough as it is to ask about opportunities, it's even tougher to ask about obstacles. Why? Because obstacles are messy and much easier to disregard. Chances are, if you take the time to ask, you'll learn something from their responses.

Are you an active listener? If location, location, location is the mantra for retail, then listening, listening, listening should be the mantra for anyone trying to be a better leader.

Increase your people's buy-in and they'll haul your organization out of the rubbish to an entirely new level.

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The Leading Edge: Iowa, Presidential Candidates and the CPI Index

The endorsement of Hillary Clinton and John McCain by the Des Moines Register should come as no surprise if you look at the candidates through the lens of Clarity, Preparation and Integrity. These are three key components to respect-ability. When perception of these qualities goes down, so too does our respect.

Individuals who have clarity are neither confused nor confusing when it comes to who they are and what they want. They are very clear in the goals they have set for themselves and understand what they need to do in order to make those goals a reality. If you have ever had the chance to work for or under an individual who has that clarity, you would probably agree that they are self-assured, exude positive energy and make great leaders. On the other hand, if you've had the misfortune to work for an individual who is confused and/or confusing in terms of what they envision, they exasperate or at the very least frustrate you and as a result command little if no respect. Typically, that type of person stands for nothing and when you discovered it, you lost respect for them that you never got back. People who possess clarity trigger our admiration.

Individuals who properly prepare do not shoot from the hip. They think long and hard about what they want to accomplish and how they will get it done. They have a plan and they execute. By doing their due diligence on the front end, they are better prepared to leads others to a positive result. By being properly prepared, they understand that even if they get knocked off course they will be able to get back on track and pick up where they left off. People who are prepared have experience, but more importantly learn from it. Those that are not prepared have no idea what their course might be and as a result when they get knocked off, they simply cannot come back because there is no plan to climb back on to. Prepared individuals bring solutions to problems. Unprepared individuals seemingly make excuses, blame or "whine" without a constructive solution. Individuals who are prepared are self-assured, exude energy and are the people that most people want to be around. People who are prepared inspire confidence.

Individuals who have integrity are the type of individuals we all want to be around! These are the individuals who do what they say they are going to do. They are the leaders who stay the course no matter what the circumstances might be because they are committed to a vision that rests soundly or core values dedicated to serving and enriching the common good. We all have come across those who talk a good game but when the "rubber meets the road," we find that their substance is weak or nonexistent. In contrast, high integrity individuals have the judgment to know the right thing to do, the character to stand up to those who don't do it and the courage to stop those who won't do it. In life, we all have opportunities and challenges. It is easy to stay the course when things are going well. It is when we hit a pothole in the road that throws us off course that really tests our mettle and our commitment to ourselves and to those around us. Most people want to know that a leader will be there when the chips are down. Integrity is everything! You can spend a lifetime building it and it only takes one situation where you did not live up to your commitment to tear it down. On the other hand, people with integrity are not perfect and do make honest mistakes. But when they do, they don't lie or pass the buck. Rather they take full responsibility for them and then take corrective action to not repeat them (think J.F.K. and the Bay of Pigs). Reputation and integrity are the foundation of the good leadership. Those, who hold that dear, will not tolerate anyone who lacks integrity. People with integrity engender trust.

Now that we have defined clarity, preparation and integrity, how do our current presidential candidates stack up? What is their "CPI Index™"? On a scale of one to 10 measure each on these values -- 1 being" negligible" with 10 being "outstanding" – how do they measure up?

If we look at prior elections and prior candidates, the ones who were elected were perceived to have a high CPI index. Those with a low index fell by the wayside. Bill Clinton was perceived as being high in clarity and preparation and his (personal vs. professional) integrity mainly came into question after he had one and half terms under his belt. Al Gore was perceived as being prepared and having integrity, but alas, he just didn't come off as clear as George Bush in 2000. John Kerry was perceived as being somewhat prepared on issues, but lacked clarity and was perceived as having "flip flop" integrity issues. Howard Dean seemed clear and to have integrity, but in lacking self-awareness of how he could turn off people, he was unprepared. George Bush possibly prevailed in both 2000 and 2004 because he was perceived as being clear and in having integrity (especially with regard to doing what he said he was going to do). And if he was perceived as being unprepared, he was perceived as being advised by people with a lot of experience and expertise (a la Ronald Reagan another high in clarity, high in integrity president).

Part of the reason for the incredible enmity toward him now is for his perceived lack of integrity as more and more information comes forth regarding decisions and policies.

As we consider the current cast of candidates from both parties, it is difficult viewing them as possessing a sustained high CPI index. On any given day any one of the qualities can appear to be lacking.

That said, it should come as no surprise that the Des Moines Register has endorsed Hillary Clinton and John McCain. McCain's CPI index is probably the most consistently high of all Republican candidates. However his insistence on focusing on what Americans need to do instead of what they want to do without having the requisite J.F.K. persona and idealistic youth population to challenge us to: "Ask not what our country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country," may in the end do him in.

Clinton may be lacking in clarity and integrity in the eyes of voters, but her integrity appears to be more about the maneuvers to get elected, more than what she will do once in office given in respectable record as Senator. Compared to other Democratic candidates she is perceived as off the charts in preparation especially with her husband as confidante and advisor at her side. And detrimental as his flawed personal character may appear, it pales in comparison with George Bush's perceived flawed performance.

One person who embodies these qualities and has a high CPI index is Clint Eastwood. His high level of clarity, preparation and integrity engender deep admiration, confidence and trust. All of this adds up to immense respect which leads to his having his independent projects financed by a tight fisted community that would not green light any other director that wanted to do similar movies.

Unfortunately for us, Clint Eastwood may have the qualities to make him a great leader and who knows maybe even President, but he also possesses the common sense to not want the job. Too bad, because America can certainly use a President that could "Go ahead and make our day!"

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The Leading Edge: Why Sell When You Can Enroll

The less compelling your value is to your customer or client (because it's more about you getting what you want and need vs. giving them what they want and need), the more convincing you have to be to keep them from smelling a rat. Conversely, the more compelling your value proposition the more likely that you'll be able to enroll customers/clients and the less need to sell them.

The more you get where people are coming from and take them where they want to go, the more likely they are to let you take them where you want them to go, if your service or product truly adds value.

If your service or product doesn't honestly add value to your customers/clients, you either have to select different customers/clients or change what you sell.

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