Nonsense At Work by James McIntosh

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Nonsense At Work

Absence makes the evil thought:

As I watch happy families rushing around collecting presents like squirrels gathering nuts, it is clear to me that money is not the root of all evil.

But then I remember the unhappy families, the ones forced by circumstances beyond their control to be spectators to this year’s shopping frenzy.  That’s when I know George Bernard Shaw was right when he said that the lack of money is the root of all evil.

More than 50 years ago Frederick Herzberg warned managers about this evil.  His research showed that money in itself does not motivate.  Rather, it is the absence of money in the form of a good salary that demotivates.

Herzberg was wrong, sort of.  The absence of money doesn’t just demotivate.  The way our economy is structured, the absence of money makes one desperate.  And as I watch happy families spending freely, I cannot help but think a few evil thoughts.

I’m James McIntosh at nonsenseatwork.com

Listen to the radio version of Absence makes the evil thought (10 most recent radio files)

© 2009 James Henry McIntosh

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Nonsense At Work

Expecting rewards from the jolly fat man:

It’s that time of year again and you’re wondering whether you’ve been good enough to expect a reward from the jolly fat man in the corner office.

Ah, but there’s a catch to the idea of ‘to expect’.  The word ‘expectation’ has two meanings:  likely-to-happen and ought-to-happen.  In organizations, likely-to-happen often outweighs ought-to-happen.  In other words, your boss knows what behavior is required, but believes that inappropriate behavior is more likely to occur.

This can cause a vicious cycle. Your boss’s expectation of how you will behave can determine how he or she treats you.  In turn, that treatment will affect how you respond, which then reinforces your boss’s expectation.

Some bosses would prefer inappropriate behavior as an excuse not to reward you, but that’s not the bad news.  The bad news is that whatever reward you expect, it’s not necessarily based on your real performance.  But maybe, in your case, that’s the good news.

I’m James McIntosh at nonsenseatwork.com

Listen to the radio version of Expecting rewards from the jolly fat man (10 most recent radio files)

© 2009 James Henry McIntosh

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Nonsense At Work

Don’t listen to your customers:

I have been heard to shout loudly that you must listen to your customers.  However, like all of us, I have a dark side.  My dark side is very aware that you should not always listen to your customers.  Surprise, surprise, your customer is not always right.

There is a catch.  It takes insight to know when they are wrong and guts to go against what they think they want.  As Henry Ford pointed out, if he had listened to his customers he would have built a better horse and buggy.

And then there’s the guy who realized that customers did not want an overnight package delivery service because they could not imagine that it could work.  That guy gave us FedEx.

Market research and customer relationship management help us to learn about and learn from customers.  And yet, sometimes success comes from not listening to them.  But be warned, not listening does not mean ignoring.

I’m James McIntosh at nonsenseatwork.com

Listen to the radio version of Don’t listen to your customers (10 most recent radio files)

© 2009 James Henry McIntosh

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Nonsense At Work

Suicides at work:

Have you seen any good suicides at work lately?  I guess not.  It’s just another difference between the French business model and the American model.  While Americans tend to kill their bosses and co-workers, the French kill themselves.  For example, since 2008, 24 workers at France Telecom have committed suicide, blamed on trouble at work.

Something is obviously wrong in the work place and it is no laughing matter.  At this time of year these problems become even more noticeable at home.

Thanksgiving can be joyful if you are surrounded by family and friends happily sharing in much to be thankful for.  It can also be a very depressing time if you have little left to be thankful for and no one around to help share that pain.

Please spare a thought for those in pain.  Even a mere thought can be enough to stop them adopting the American or French model of dealing with pain at work.

I’m James McIntosh at nonsenseatwork.com

Listen to the radio version of Suicides at work (10 most recent radio files)

© 2009 James Henry McIntosh

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Nonsense At Work

Mr Retailer, break down that door!

Here’s one for all you retailers out there busy preparing for Black Friday.  Mr Retailer, break down that door.

I have always wondered why I don’t like the open-air shopping malls so prevalent here in the USA.  I’m somewhat embarrassed to admit that it took a banker to point out the obvious reason.  The doors to the shops are always closed!  How uninviting.

On the other hand, when a shop forms part of an indoor shopping complex, its door is always open to any one strolling by.  How welcoming.

It’s seems such a small thing, I know, but think about it.  Would you make the effort to push open a heavy door unless you were really set on going inside?  Of course not.  Closed doors make us hesitate.  It comes from being taught to always knock before entering.

Is that what you want, customers who hesitate at your closed door? I thought not.  Listen to your customers and break down that barrier.

I’m James McIntosh at nonsenseatwork.com

Listen to the radio version of Mr Retailer, break down that door (10 most recent radio files)

© 2009 James Henry McIntosh

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Nonsense At Work

Boost their energy to keep your job:

Do you still have a job?  If so, let me guess.  You are working harder and doing more, because a few of your colleagues have been fired.  (Now that more work is trickling in as business improves, no new hires are happening.)

Welcome to the era of doing more with less for longer.

Let me make two nonsense sounding predictions.  Whenever two or more applicants have roughly the same qualifications, skills and experience, the one with more energy will get the job.  Managers have finally realized that without energy, your experience, skill, and knowledge are pretty much useless.

Second prediction.  Being able to work for longer was important yesterday.  Being able to work smart as well is valued today.  What will be crucial tomorrow is how you go about working harder and smarter.  Your attitude.

You see, your attitude affects other people’s energy, not just your own.  If your attitude boosts their energy, you will be valued.

I’m James McIntosh at nonsenseatwork.com

Listen to the radio version of Boost their energy to keep your job (10 most recent radio files)

© 2009 James Henry McIntosh

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Nonsense At Work

Trust in paint for protection from stupid texters:

Let me tell you about one of the most amazingly powerful things found in our modern society.  No, no, it’s not technology or weaponry.  It’s something that has been around for a long, long time.  It’s actually pretty low-tech.

It’s the strip of paint in the middle of the road that keeps that car speeding in your direction from colliding head-on with yours.  A strip of paint.  Every time I drive a car I marvel at its power.

And then there’s that red light that some how manages to get numerous moving vehicles to stop without them all ending up in a pile of scrap metal.

Now for something even more amazing.  It is the social experiment being conducted to see whether that paint and that light are powerful enough to counteract the stupidity of texting while driving.  A dangerous experiment, but perfectly legal.

To which I say, like Charles Dickens, the law is an ass.  It is beyond nonsense.

I’m James McIntosh at nonsenseatwork.com

Listen to the radio version of Trust in paint for protection from stupid texters (10 most recent radio files)

© 2009 James Henry McIntosh

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Nonsense At Work

Legally spreading illness:

Here’s a fun question for you.  What is the quickest way to legally spread swine flu in the USA?  You don’t know?  Here’s a clue.  It has to do with people you interact with every day.

The answer?  Make it difficult, if not impossible, for people who already have swine flu to stay home.

Do you realize that people who interact with the public, people in the services sector, are among those millions of Americans who don’t get paid if they don’t go to work?

Hey, it’s all legal.  It’s part of capitalism and a free society.  No work no pay.

The problem, of course, is this terrible law, the law of unintended consequences.  Force sick people to work to maintain the holy grail of productivity and we end up with a sick society in more ways than one.

Nothing shows clearer how sick our culture is when sick people come to work.

I’m James McIntosh at nonsenseatwork.com

Listen to the radio version of Legally spreading illness (10 most recent radio files)

© 2009 James Henry McIntosh

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Nonsense At Work

Don’t waste a nonsense moment:

Have you heard the one about the 6 year old Cub Scout who was so proud of his scout eating utensil that he took it to use at school?  He got 45 days in a disciplinary school all because the practical tool included a little knife.

And then there’s the third grader who was expelled for a year because she brought her birthday cake to school.  The problem?  Her sensible grandmother had packed a knife to make it easier for the teacher.  What did the teacher do?  She first cut the cake and then called the principal.

Both were wasted nonsense moments.  You see, nonsense moments are opportunities for teaching and learning.  Sadly for the little kids, the people in charge don’t understand that.  That’s why they turned the teaching moments into punishment moments.

Nonsense is born when places of learning frown upon common sense.  And nonsense is perpetuated when you don’t encourage the opposite at work.

I’m James McIntosh at nonsenseatwork.com

Listen to the radio version of Don’t waste a nonsense moment (10 most recent radio files)

© 2009 James Henry McIntosh

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Nonsense At Work

Playing hard to get

Should you or shouldn’t you play hard to get when trying to make a sale or hoping to land a job - that is the question.

I once landed a good job because I played hard to get, by accident.  I wasn’t sure about the job and so I turned the tables on the interviewing executives.  I grilled them about why I should take the job.

I’m not sure that strategy will work too well in today’s economy.  This brings me to a story send to me by a UK executive.  She recently came across a man at a conference who said that he wouldn’t sell her his products unless she could correctly answer 20 questions!

Although he appeared pleased with his negative sales pitch, he sold nothing.  He was playing hard to get on purpose.

Playing hard to get can work.  But only if I already know that you are one of the few who have what I want now.

I’m James McIntosh at nonsenseatwork.com

Listen to the radio version of Playing hard to get (10 most recent radio files)

© 2009 James Henry McIntosh