New Work+Life Flex Normal by Cali Yost
February 9, 2010
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As we brace for the second wave snowstorm bearing down on the East Coast, I’m remembering an experience I had a few years ago at a major pharmaceutical company widely recognized for their work+life strategy.
As I presented a series of Work+Life Fit seminars to the employees and managers, snow began to fall. On that particular day, I was scheduled to facilitate one session in the morning and another after lunch. Midway through the afternoon session, a few inches of snow had accumulated and you could tell people were anxious to get on the road. Then the most amazing thing happened…_thumb.jpg "Fotolia_1211653_XS(2)")
A number of managers in the room stood up and asked their team members to meet them in a group. As the various teams gathered, you could hear everyone sharing how they planned to work the next day. Some would work remotely, others thought they’d wait until after rush hour and come in later, and a couple planned to take personal days if they couldn’t find child care for their very young children.
As the teams reached agreement and dispersed, the managers gathered together and opened their laptops in a circle and began to coordinate with each other. How would they conduct meetings that were scheduled? Some decided to cancel meetings while others converted theirs to webinars. One manager who oversaw a manufacturing facility sent emails to the plant foreman flexibly coordinating the staffing for the next day.
I watched in awe. Finally, the manufacturing manager saw my faced and asked me, '’Why are you smiling and shaking your head?” At this point, all of the managers in the room looked up. I responded, “Do you realize how much money you are saving by flexibly coordinating tomorrow’s work in anticipation of the snow?” You could tell they were a bit confused.
They didn’t see what they were doing as unusual. It’s how they flexibly managed their business and in their culture. So I pointed out, “See your competitor down the street? Do they use flexibility as easily and strategically as you do to maintain operating continuity even if it snows?” Another manager said, “No they don’t.” I continued, “Okay, so who’s open for business tomorrow and who isn’t?” Now they were smiling and shaking their heads, “We are.”
This group of managers knew that their company supported flexibility, but it was the first time they consciously realized how they were using it to meet a business need--staying open when nature strikes!
What about you and your organization? Will you be open for business, or not? Are you having coordinated conversations today about how everyone plans to work tomorrow, or if they plan to work? Or will you just take your chances?
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February 4, 2010
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Last week I co-presented a session at the Working Mother Flexibility Leadership Conference entitled, “Flexibility is the Answer When Rightsizing is the Question.” We explained how to use strategic flexibility (e.g. flexible scheduling, reduced schedules, furloughs, compressed workweeks, telecommuting) to manage costs and minimize job cuts in response to a business downturn.
In the presentation, I emphasized that it was important to focus on all of the broad benefits of strategic flexibility beyond just minimizing layoffs and managing costs. This includes increased engagement, healthier employees, expanded global client coverage, improved sustainability, and individual work+life fit. Why? Because the reality is, depending upon your vantage point, the same flexibility can be seen either as a blessing or a curse.
One person’s reduced schedule that allows him to care for his aging parent is another individual’s bitter recession concession that keeps him from working full-time. One person’s contract employment provides challenge and freedom, but to someone else it’s an endless series of “gigs” that they would trade in a minute for a full-time job with benefits
Employers and employees face a difficult conundrum. In today’s global economy, rapid change is reality. Business operating models need to respond more creatively and flexibly. The same is true for individual employee work+life fit. We need more flexibility to manage our work and lives but we also need to be agile in navigating a more flexible career path that could include periods of full-time employment, reduced hours, layoffs, contract work and career breaks.
How do we resolve the need for greater flexibility that both helps and hurts at the same time?
This stark dichotomy was presented in the recent BusinessWeek article, “The Disposable Worker.” The article’s title sets the tone from the outset—flexibility is “bad.” And for some of the people interviewed, it is negative. They do feel disposable. But for others, that same flexibility is what they want. They don’t see themselves as disposable, but as a “Flexible Worker.”
There’s the contract-based call center employee who works out of her home. She is paid by the minute and receives no benefits (bad), but is grateful for the opportunity because she lives in an area with high unemployment (bad or good?). She also has a great deal of flexibility to care for her three children, one of whom is homeschooled (bad or good?). Is she a disposable worker, or a flexible worker? Depends upon the perspective.
We also meet two white collar, contract employees. One is a marketing executive-for-hire who loves the challenge and flexibility of contract-based assignment work. The other is an attorney taking on overflow projects from other firms as he struggles to start up his own business after being laid off. He has no benefits and is not happy about his situation. Two people, the same flexibility. One loves it. One doesn’t.
And it’s not just individuals who can perceive the same flexibility from opposite perspectives. Countries can. At the start of the recession, I wrote a series of blog posts in Fast Company advocating a more flexible approach to downsizing that would minimize layoffs, retain talent and knowledge, and encourage innovation in preparation for a recovery (This series ultimately inspired the Flexibility Rightsizing Tool developed by a group of experts for AWLP/World at Work).
Unfortunately, most U.S. companies responded to the downturn with all-or-nothing job cuts. But Europe, particularly Germany and France, were much quicker to take a more flexible approach. And the benefits are beginning to show as presented in a recent New York Times article. Industries in these countries instituted work-sharing programs that cut hours and save jobs. Companies tolerated the associated lower profit margins, used experienced employees to create innovative new products that they believe position them to grow when the economy turns around. Contrast that to the impact of layoffs in the U.S. described in the BusinessWeek article where psychologists were brought in to two organizations because work had come to a standstill.
In other words, the same flexible response to the downturn that most U.S. companies rejected as bad, European countries embraced as essential.
So who’s right? The white collar worker who relishes the independence of her contract-based employment? Or the underemployed attorney who would like to work full-time for benefits? The quick to cut, higher profit margin U.S.? Or the quick to retain flexibly, lower profit margin Europeans?
Maybe it isn’t a matter of right or wrong, but what’s reality. Ten years ago, someone working on a contract-basis or at a reduced schedule would have been a “disposable” worker, but today these options are becoming part of an average person’s career path.
Then the question becomes, how do we need to prepare differently? How do we manage our personal finances to absorb these flexible shifts when they occur? How do we navigate the different flexible realities to get the type of work+life fit we prefer at a particular time?
Right now we are still locked in an outdated, “I’m not successfully working if I’m not employed full-time, in an office everyday” paradigm. Not so. It’s important to note the a lack of health care makes this process more difficult in the U.S. I consistently find it surprising that the greater flexibility of work hasn’t been a more prominent rationale for health care reform.
And it will be interesting to see which country’s economy does ultimately recover more quickly. Will Europe’s willingness to sacrifice profit for a period in order to retain talent and innovation trump the more profitable cut/hire rigidity of the U.S. response?
For employers, all types of flexibility in how, when and where work is done are foundational strategic levers for rapid response. This includes being able to staff up and staff down quickly. But perhaps an even more importantly how can they use of flexibility to develop and engage a motivated, innovative, healthy workforce? Same flexibility, broad impacts.
Greater work+life flexibility in the way businesses operate and individual’s manage their work+life fit is here to stay. The trick is to see both the positive and negative applications as part of the same whole, and adapt accordingly.
What do you think?
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January 20, 2010
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When I saw the movie, “Up in the Air,” I expected to be entertained but I wasn’t prepared for a powerful, multi-layered allegory about work+life fit.
Jason Reitman’s symbolism packed commentary puts up a mirror and challenges us to question key assumptions about work and life in today’s reality. But it also offers insights into what we can do differently as we move into an era where greater work+life flexibility will be the norm.
Here are a few of my takeaways. I would love to hear what you think if you’ve seen the movie.
(Spoiler alert—Stop here if you don’t want key points of the movie’s plot revealed.)
Insight #1: Some people really do like working all of the time. But we need to stop celebrating their work+life fit as the bar against which we are measured (and fail), and respectfully see their choices as the aberration that happens to work for them…for now.
At the beginning of the movie, George Clooney’s character, Ryan Bingham, genuinely loves his work+life fit. And it’s a fit that’s all work and no life. In fact, he likes it so much that he develops a series of motivational speeches extolling the virtue of the “baggage free” life to others.
The movie did a great job of showing how we collectively as a culture tend to romanticize Bingham’s fit. It’s glamorous—fancy hotels, honors clubs, first class seats. In fact, his speeches are so successful that by the end of the movie he’s asked to present at a large, prestigious venue. We want that life, but do we?
The role of work+life fit foil is played by Bingham’s junior-level colleague, Natalie. Initially when we meet Natalie, she seems to hold many of the same values as her more senior, experienced colleague. So it’s surprising when she begins to actively and forcefully challenge his work+life fit choices as she comes to terms, often painfully, with what she really wants personally and professionally.
First, she tries to get him to agree with and embrace her vision of a work+life fit that includes a partner and a family. Then, she attempts to take on his values and change herself to conform. But, it’s like watching someone put on a suit that doesn’t fit. Very uncomfortable.
In the end, she’s made him think differently, but he hasn’t fundamentally changed. Instead, she realizes that she needs to make herself happy and finds another job in another city.
Insight #2: Life eventually creeps in for even the most hard core “all work/no life” person, whether by choice or by force.
As was the case with Bingham, circumstances converged that made the lack of human relationships in his life suddenly untenable. He needed to change his previously very satisfying fit.
Yet, I find employers search in vain for the Ryan Binghams of the world. They fantasize about the all- work- forever employee, “I know it’s that next hire.” But even if they do find him or her, ultimately work will not be enough.
Employers need to let go of the fantasy that Ryan Binghams will fill their halls. Instead, they should create cultures and operating models in which real employees can be creative, innovative and productive while managing their fit that will contain both work and life.
Insight#3: Because even the most satisfying work+life fit will change, we need to do a better job preparing while maintaining the links to what really matters.
Relationships on the job and in your personal life will change. Industries and businesses that used to thrive and grow won’t anymore and jobs will be lost or altered. Yet most of the characters in the movie seem to be thrown by change when it happens, as if they never saw it coming.
When without warning Ryan Bingham finds himself dissatisfied with his frequent flier mile status, type of work, and no-strings-attached liaisons, he’s stunned and unprepared. The same is true for the legions of workers whom he fires for a living. When their industries and businesses can no longer sustain their jobs, they are just as stunned and unprepared.
In contrast, there’s Bingham’s on-the-road, periodic girlfriend, Alex. She seems to epitomize adaptability and flexibility in the face of change. Only late in the movie do we learn just how adaptable, when Bingham discovers she has a family. She responds to his shock with genuine confusion about what he doesn’t understand.
Her chameleon-like shifting between two realities raises red flags about how much adapting to constant change is necessary, and when does it cross the line. When do we lose ourselves and links to what is real and important?
Insight #4: “Success” takes on many forms. It’s not always clear who’s truly successful and who isn’t.
Right up to the end, Bingham is the epitome of “success” with money, prestige and a job. While the people he fires are depicted as devastated, emotionally and financially. Then, all of a sudden the tables turn.
Bingham is shown finally achieving a highly exclusive rewards status that gives him a special card and a chance to sit with the senior pilot. But, it means nothing. Around the same time, he learns that a person he fired committed suicide. He has no memory of her even though she told him of her intention to jump off a bridge in their meeting. His disconnection from all people is profound.
These scenes are followed by clips of the some of the individuals Bingham’s fired talking about their families. How much they love them. How much they support each other, and how much joy they give each other no matter the circumstances.
All of a sudden it’s not clear who’s successful, and who’s failed.
Insight #5: Sometimes finding a new fit involves big changes, and oftentimes small adjustments are enough.
Finally, I love that at the end of the movie Reitman resists having Bingham resolve his growing work+life fit dissatisfaction by making a big, grand change.
What we see is that he starts to make small adjustments. He assigns his miles to his sister and new husband so that they can take a honeymoon. He writes a personal letter of recommendation for Natalie who has made a big change and moved to San Francisco in order to find the work+life fit she wants. And, when told he’s going back on the road, Bingham inquires, “For how long?” A question he never asked before.
Then in the last scene, we see him staring at the departures screen in the airport. Will he take Natalie’s advice? Will he look at the board and just jump on a plane to any destination that looks interesting? I like to think he does.
I could have gone on and on, but “Up in the Air” presents work+life fit truths that deserve discussion. So tell me what you think. What did I miss?
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January 20, 2010
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(For a video wrap-up, head over to my Work+Life Fit blog)
Thank you for joining me for the "Work+Life Fit in 5 Days" Series here and on my Work+Life Fit blog!
The goal was to give real people, with real jobs and real lives the proven "how-to" basics to flexibly manage your work+life fit day-to-day and at major personal and career transitions. But that's not all...
In the new work+life flex normal, knowing how to strategically and flexibly manage your work+life fit is a skill set we must have. We need know how to partner with our employers to create work+life fit solutions that consider our needs as well as the needs of the business. And understand how to flexibly adjust our work+life fit not only when our personal realities alter, but when business realities change.
Yes, employers must create the space where mutually-beneficial flexibility can be discussed and thrive. But we need to know how meet them halfway, even if all of them aren’t us at the table… yet!
Bookmark this page and come back to it as needed! Flexibly and strategically managing your work+life fit is an ongoing, everyday process. The "Work+Life Fit in 5 Days" series is here to support you.
Entire "Work+Life Fit in 5 Days" Series:
Day 1: What is Work+Life Fit? / Seeing the Possibilities (Fast Company)
Day 2: Challenge Roadblocks -- Redefine Success: Money and Prestige / Advancement and Caregiving (Fast Company)
Day 3: Challenge Roadblocks -- Fear
Day 4: What Do You Want? / Your Internal Guidance and My Story (Fast Company)
Day 5: Creating Your Work+Life Fit Plan--Making It a Win-Win
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January 14, 2010
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We’re in Day 4 of the “Work+Life Fit in 5 Days” series of how-to basics, and today we’re answering the smallest and yet most difficult question, “What Do You Want?” This is your work+life fit vision.
We started, on the Work+Life Fit blog, by explaining why an initial picture of where you want to go is important. In other words, what do you want your final work+life fit to look like?
THE TOOLS
The three tools for tapping into your internal guidance and creating a powerful work+life fit vision include the mind (the fact-based information you need to succeed), the body (taking care of yourself physically), and finally the spirit-based tools. What do I mean by “spirit-based” tools and how do they help access your internal guidance which informs your work+life fit vision? That’s the topic of this Day 4 post.
Let’s start by defining spirit-related tools, and then look at some of the day to day practices you can use to access your unique internal guidance.
I’ve witnessed countless examples of work+life fit success over the last 15 years. In all cases, each individual did his or her homework (gathered the rational, logical data) but then followed their internal guidance and did what made sense for them.
I’m a living example. When I consciously began my personal work+life fit journey 18 years ago, for the first time in my life I followed my internal guidance (as well as gathered information and took better care of myself physically). It was the only way I was able to make my major work+life fit transition from corporate banker to work+life strategy consultant. I will share my story at the end of the post. Fun fact, Sue Shellenbarger of The Wall Street Journal played a big role at one point in my story. I am forever grateful to her to this day!
SPIRIT-RELATED TOOLS AND YOUR INTERNAL GUIDANCE
Excerpt from Work+Life: Finding the Fit That’s Right for You
“Again, spirit simply means understanding that which is uniquely you—your values, beliefs, and priorities, as you define them—and how they are expressed in your life as a whole, not just in work. And then using that understanding to create an imaginative insight into how you want work to fit into your life.
As the opening line of this book states, I believe that we are all put on the earth with a specific set of skills and talents that we are to use to fulfill our life's purpose in all areas of our life—not just work.
While I believe that the logical, head-based approach to your work+life vision can help you identify your skills and talents, only your spirit provides the context for how and where to use them to fulfill your life’s purpose. And this purpose can change, depending upon what stage of life you’re in.
By using the tool of spirit, your internal guidance will help you with the answers to those big life questions:
- Who am I, as a whole, not just as a worker?
- What is my purpose, not just at work but in my life as a whole?
- What do I love to do at work and in my personal life?
- What are my unique talents and gifts?
The answers to such questions form the context within which your internal guidance analyzes data from the mind and body. This is why spirit is such an important tool for creating your work+life vision. It considers all of who you are and not just your "work-self." Again, with the tool of spirit, you are able to dream and achieve much bigger things than your more limited logical mind could ever conceive.” (Click here for more and to print or download PDF).
PRACTICES TO ACCESS YOUR INTERNAL GUIDANCE
At the end of the excerpt from the book (above) is a list of practices you can test to help you connect to your inner guidance. They are called “practices” and not “one time events,” because they do require consistent use to work. They don’t need a huge investment of time and energy (see today’s Work+Life Fit blog post for more). These practices include: Reading inspiring books, meditation, journaling and reconnecting to something greater (e.g. nature, art, music, etc).
With each practice I introduce and I also share my initial fumbling experiences as a Type A, banker who thought all of this stuff was mumbo jumbo. You will find it amusing. I always giggle (compassionately) at myself when I reflect back on that time. It all seemed hard, but it really wasn’t. Just stick with it. Adopting all or even one of these practices will transform the possibilities for your work+life fit. I am a witness everyday personally and in my work.
Here are some additional resources I’ve encountered since the book was published that you may want to consider trying:
Judy Martin, of WorkLifeNation.com: Practical Chaos: Reflections on Resilience CD (You can hear a sample and download here); 5 Keys to Work Life Sanity ;Taking an Office Break to Meditate
Jonathan Fields – Career Renegade
Craving Balance.com (virtual coaching)
Pam Slim Escape from Cubicle Nation
MY STORY—From Work/Life Misery to Work+Life Fit (Excerpted from book)
“My journey took me from being a person who didn't even know her internal guidance existed to someone who never makes a decision, large or small, without first checking in with the wisdom of the “stillness within the silence.”
As I climbed the corporate ladder in my banking career, I seemed to have it all. By all external measures of success, I was doing well. But I was miserable. So I began the logical, head-based process of finding a new job because it was the only thing I knew how to do. I had offers from two other banks, and I even decided to go back and get my MBA in finance to become a corporate comptroller but backed out at the last minute.
You see, even though it never "felt" right, finance and banking were all I knew. Everyone I talked to about careers outside of banking only reinforced my doubts, telling me it was almost impossible to change careers. And besides, if I didn't work in the finance industry, what would I do? I had no idea what alternative career I wanted to pursue.
With my family and business background, I thought anything to do with spirit was just a bunch of mumbo-jumbo. That is until I became so unhappy with my career in banking that it made me physically ill—stomach problems, headaches, and anxiety attacks. I had exhausted all of the head-based approaches that I knew of to solve my work/life conflict. I was at the end of the line and was willing to try anything—even things that I thought were a little flaky.
Out of this newfound openness, I learned about various practices to access my internal guidance. I started reading spirit-related books, meditating, journal writing, and connecting to something greater than myself; all things that I had never done before.
Eleven years ago, if you told me, as I sat in the bank, that I would be reading spiritual books, meditating for 15 minutes daily, keeping a journal, and reconnecting to something greater, I would have said you were nuts! They were certainly not activities in which professional businesspeople like me engaged. Ironically, of course, businesspeople like me need these activities even more than monks.
And after a few months of consistently using the mind, body, spirit tools, I began to notice that I felt more peaceful and aware during the day. I felt more present and I paid closer attention to conversations or experiences I had. And I began to understand the information, or data, these conversations and experiences offered.
It was at about this time that I had my life-changing conversation with the CEO that I described in the introduction. Also, I realized I had amassed a six-inch-thick folder of work/life-related articles in my desk. But I still didn't know what all of this meant for my vision. Then one day, I finally understood.
As part of my morning routine at the bank, I ate my bagel, drank my coffee, and read The Wall Street Journal. Those of you who read the WSJ know that periodically they publish a special fourth section entirely devoted to one particular topic. On this morning, the WSJ’s Sue Shellenbarger devoted the entire fourth section to the field of work and family.
I sat at my desk in plain view of everyone well past 9 o'clock, devouring every word. When I had finished, I walked over to my boss’s desk, sat down, pointed to the work/family section, and said to her, “This is what I want to do.” She politely, but haltingly, responded "Well ... okay." I knew this was the vision that my internal guidance had for my work+life fit.
Now, from a purely logical perspective, this made no sense. But because I was reading, meditating, journal writing, and so forth, I had slowly started to understand what my internal guidance sounded like, and it was saying, "This feels right." Now, people sometimes ask me "What do you mean 'you knew' it was your internal guidance? What did that knowing feel like?" The following words most accurately describe the feeling: clarity, focus, and peace.
For a moment, I had a sense of clarity and focus that this was it. Everything else in the room seemed to disappear—people, sounds, everything. It was so powerful; I can still feel it today. But, as powerful as it was, it wasn't scary or anxiety-producing. In fact, that's how I knew it was different from the other paths I thought were "it," such as taking the other banking jobs or getting an MBA in finance.”
Have you had an experience or experiences like mine? Did you internal guidance give you a powerful picture of what what your work+life fit might be someday? Or maybe it’s a little glimmer, but getting clearer. What does it look like? Is there a practice you follow?
Entire "Work+Life Fit in 5 Days" Series:
Day 1: What is Work+Life Fit? / Seeing the Possibilities
Day 2: Challenge Roadblocks -- Redefine Success: Money and Prestige / Advancement and Caregiving
Day 3: Challenge Roadblocks -- Fear
Day 4: What Do You Want? / Your Internal Guidance and My Story
Day 5: Creating Your Work+Life Fit Plan--Making It a Win-Win
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January 12, 2010
01:40 pm | 0 recommendations | 1 comment
On Day 2 of the “Work+Life Fit in 5 Days” series of how-to basics, we’re challenging work+life fit roadblocks. It’s important to know how to see, avoid and challenge the roadblocks related to success, fear, resistance and in-the-box-thinking before you begin the process of creating your work+life fit plan.
We started on the Work+Life Fit blog by defining and challenging the Success Roadblocks related to money and prestige that can trip you up unless you flexibly redefine success to match the fit you want to pursue.
Now, let’s identify and challenge the Success Roadblocks related to advancement and caregiving before they derail you.
Advancement—Redefining Success
Excerpt from Work+Life Finding the Fit That’s Right for You
“Advancement=Success. Advancement is one of the cornerstones of our personal and cultural definition of success. As part of the FWI/Whirlpool New Providers Study, 1,502 women were asked “What makes you feel successful at work?” The answer with the highest percentage of responses by far was “quality of work/doing a good job/doing job right or well,” with 51% citing it as their top measure of success. How do we gauge how well we’re doing our job? By whether or not we advance—whether or we’re given higher ratings, bigger titles, bigger offices, more money, more responsibilities, better projects,etc.
It’s not surprising then that the idea of plateauing or even stepping back is difficult, especially if you’re a Type-A person who is used to always grabbing for that next rung onthe ladder. If you aren’t advancing, you must be failing. Right? But this belief is built on myth. Avoiding the red flags and roadblocks caused by an attachment to advancement requires dispelling the following myths…” (Click here for more and to print or download PDF)
Takeaway Action Steps to Redefine Success Related to Advancement:
There are three lanes in the Work+Life Fit highway—fast lane, stop at the side of the road, and the “slower lane.” We need to use them all. We pursue, yet resist, life in the fast lane. When we are overwhelmed and feel there’s no other choice, we look for an off-ramp with the promise of being able to find an on-ramp someday. We’ve limited our choices to an all-or-nothing highway. I’m either in, or I’m out.
But in today’s reality there’s no guarantee of staying in the fast lane forever. On-ramps are rare, if not non-existent; therefore, taking a career break really means stopping at the side of the road. To stay on the highway, means using the “slower” lane.
In this new era, over the course of a career, we will flexibly move, voluntarily and involuntarily, back and forth among the fast lane, the shoulder and increasingly, the slower lane.
What I love about this imagery is that even if you are pulling over into the slower lane you are still moving forward, just at a different pace. Making the decision to not take a promotion, to take a pay cut to save your job, to take a lower level job in a new industry, to give up some of your responsibilities, to become a project-based consultant or to reduce your schedule doesn’t mean you are off the highway or moving backward. You’re still in the game, just in a different lane for a period of time.
We need to recognize that the theory of spending time in the slower lane doesn’t sound so bad, until you look back over at the fast lane. What’s happening? Someone is passing you by. That can be very difficult if we hold on to our traditional, rigid standards of success. Moving among all three options means managing our expectations so that we are satisfied when we find ourselves reducing our momentum. And then, when the time is right, pulling right back over into the fast lane.
Directly challenge common advancement related myths:
Myth#1: I need to be advancing or I am failing
Reality: You can plateau at, or even step back from, your current professional position and still consider yourself successful.
Myth #2: Once I stop advancing, I can never advance again
Reality: You can start advancing any time you want.
Myth #3: If I have a work+life fit that differs from the traditional, in-the-office, 9-to-5, fulltime work schedule, I can’t advance.
Reality: You can advance even if you have a schedule that changes where, when and how you work. It’s a matter of whether you want to take on additional tasks and responsibilities that often go along with advancement.
Caregiving—Redefining Success as Parents and Elder caregivers
Excerpt from Work+Life: Finding the Fit That’s Right for You
“Work-related definitions of success are not the only ones that cause problems. Personal definitions of success, especially those related to the quality of caregiving, whether it’s caring for children or an aging parent, can cause just as much difficulty,particularly for women.
From the time women are very young, our families and our society dictate what it means to be a “good” mother to a child or a “good” daughter or daughter-in-law to an aging person. For many women, the only role models of motherhood populate two extremes: Either women who devoted all of their time and energy to caring for their children or women who devoted most of their time and energy to work. What if a young mother finds the 100% work extreme unappealing? She naturally defaults to the only other role model she knows--100% mom. That becomes her definition of success, which is then reinforced by our culture’s definition of a good mother.
Again, I believe that as more women (and men) become inspired and empowered to pursue an in-between, more moderate way of creatively combining work and their personal lives, beliefs will change both personally and culturally. But for now, this is the reality for many…(including fathers and elder caregivers). ” (Click here for more and to print or download PDF)
Takeaway Actions Step to Redefine Success Related to Caregiving:
Mothers, redefine what it means to be a “good” mother on your terms based on your unique reality and not on the 100% caregiver or worker model that may not apply. Really challenge what a good mother looks like for you personally. Not what your mother says it is. Not what the media says it is. What do you say being a good mother looks like to you, based on your unique work and personal realities that are unlike anyone else’s. Here are some of my favorite resources broadening the conversation about what it means to be a “good” mother:
Fathers, redefine what it means to be a “good” father on your terms based on your unique reality, and not on the 100% provider model that may not apply. Does being a “good” father mean you are giving everything to providing for your family all the time? Really challenge what a good father looks like for you personally, given your unique circumstances. Not what your father did. Not what your friends and the media say you should do.
This is a very difficult issue for fathers today. And the pressure of the conflict shows up in the research. Men, and especially married working fathers, are reporting the highest levels of work+life fit conflict. Even higher than married working mothers. Check out Jonathan Fields’ compelling blog post, “Daddies, Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be Strangers.”
Elder caregivers, spend time thinking about how you expect to care for your aging relatives and ask them their expectations. Make sure they align. Previous generations often cared for their elders at home. Is that your mutually-agreed upon expectation? Clarify what success as a caregiver looks like before you are faced with an eldercare challenge.
What are some of the advancement and caregiving roadblocks you’ve encountered as you flexibly manage your work+life fit? How did you avoid or challenge them? Share your tips!
For the first part of the Day 2 segment, “Success Roadblocks: Money and Advancement,” click here to go to my Work+Life Fit blog.
Entire "Work+Life Fit in 5 Days" Series:
Day 1: What is Work+Life Fit? / Seeing the Possibilities
Day 2: Challenge Roadblocks -- Redefine Success: Money and Prestige / Advancement and Caregiving
Day 3: Challenge Roadblocks -- Fear
Day 4: What Do You Want? / Your Internal Guidance and My Story
Day 5: Creating Your Work+Life Fit Plan--Making It a Win-Win
Want more?
• Order the book: in print or on Kindle at Amazon.com
• Sign up to receive a weekly email of blog post highlights and/or the RSS feed in the upper right corner of my Work+Life Fit blog.
• Follow me on Twitter @caliyost
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January 11, 2010
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(For the kick-off explanation of the “Work+Life in 5 Days” Series, and for the first part of Day 1—What is Work+Life Fit? go to my Work+Life Fit blog)
About three months after the worst part of the recession hit, I spoke to a group of formerly employed mothers who were hoping to get back into the workforce. Many of the women in the audience had not planned to re-enter the job market, but unexpected changes in their financial realities forced them to take the leap. As I listened to their stories, almost every one of them said the same thing to me, “I loved my time with my children, but I wish I’d known there might have been another way I could have kept working and had some flexibility. I just didn’t know there was any other option besides quitting.” They didn’t see the possibilities.
Excerpt from Work+Life: Finding the Fit That’s Right for You: 
“When faced with work/life conflict, it’s easy to become extreme in your thinking about how to resolve it. It can indeed seem like you have to quit or walk away from an opportunity without asking for a change, no matter how small. However, the reality is very different. Hopefully, by now you understand that there are an infinite number of ways to creatively fit work into your life. Considering all of the options that lie somewhere in between the two extremes of all work and no work represents a new, more moderate ‘in between’ way of fitting work into your life.
The trick is to choose a work+life fit that suits not only your work and personal realities, but also your comfort level. The beauty of having so many choices is that you can start out small and then, once you’ve tested the waters, perhaps make an even bigger change…” (Click here from more and to print or download PDF)
Takeaway Action Tips:
Watch Your Language! The choice is not “all or nothing,” but the black and white language we use to describe our own work+life fit choices and the choices of others reinforces it even though the reality is actually full of gray. That doesn’t mean that you can’t step away from paid work for a period of time, but it is not the only choice. Unfortunately, the language our culture and especially the media uses to describe work and life is extreme, and often inaccurate. The excerpt highlights a number of examples where the language and an individual’s work+life fit don’t match. There’s the “stay-at-home dad,” who actually works from home editing operas, or the “stay-at-home mom” who actually ran her husband’s construction business for years.
Small Changes Make Big Difference. Don’t dismiss the power to improve your work+life fit with small shifts in how, when and/or where you work and manage your life. Many examples in the book describe big work+life fit changes such as telecommuting two days a week, or working three days a week, but the same steps apply to small adjustments that can have a big impact. For example, leaving once a week an hour earlier to get to an exercise class doesn’t sound like much, but it can make an enormous difference.
If You Can’t Have the Fit You Want Right Away, Start with Incremental Changes. Maybe you really want to work from home two days a week. You would be less distracted and get more work done. Plus, you wouldn’t have a 1-hour roundtrip commute. But in this environment, you’re afraid to ask because your boss has never had an employee work virtually. Therefore, you decide to start by presenting plan to work from home one day every other week (twice a month) for three months. Then you’ll review the plan with your boss, and if all is well, propose increasing to one day every week.
Always See the Win-Win for You and the Business. The flexibility you need to manage your work+life fit can be a huge win for your employer. But you’re going to have point out how it’s mutually beneficial. For example, if you work from home, you could be more productive and get more work done. If you shift your hours to come in earlier and leave earlier, you can provide live customer service to clients in Europe. If you reduce your schedule to three days a week, your manager saves a portion of your salary. Remember, partnering to help you flexibly manage your work+life fit is good business. Put the benefit to your employer front and center.
Yesterday’s Work+Life Fit Role Models No Longer Apply, but They’re Very Powerful. We Need to Create New Role Models for Today’s Reality. This is a tough one. Whether you are a new parent looking for examples of how to flexibly manage work and your new role as a mother or father, or you are approaching traditional retirement age but want to keep working, it’s natural to look for role models. Unfortunately, you aren’t going to find many. First, twenty years ago, work itself was different. Technology has transformed our ability to work much differently than the previous generation did. Second, demographics have changed. More mothers work because they want to and have to. Fathers have different expectations about their involvement, by choice and necessity. More retirees are living longer and don’t want to or can’t afford to just play golf. Work+life fit decisions people made in the past weren’t wrong, but now, we need to create our own role models.
For the other part of today’s “Work+Life in 5 Days” segment, click here to go to my Work+Life Fit blog--What is Work+Life Fit? (Day 1)
Entire "Work+Life Fit in 5 Days" Series:
Day 1: What is Work+Life Fit? / Seeing the Possibilities
Day 2: Challenge Roadblocks -- Redefine Success: Money and Prestige / Advancement and Caregiving
Day 3: Challenge Roadblocks -- Fear
Day 4: What Do You Want? / Your Internal Guidance and My Story
Day 5: Creating Your Work+Life Fit Plan--Making It a Win-Win
Want more?
- Order the book: in print or on Kindle at www.Amazon.com
- Go back to my Work+Life Fit blog and sign up to receive a weekly email of blog post highlights and/or the RSS feed in the upper right corner of the blog.
- Follow me on Twitter @caliyost
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January 4, 2010
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My first post of the year was going to be my predictions for 2010. But prognostication is a tricky business, especially this year when so many variables are in flux. I decided to take another tack and focus on what I could control—my actions. Specifically, what actions in 2010 would achieve the results I wanted to see personally, professionally and culturally? Even more specifically, what three words best embodied those conscious actions?
Three words? My inspiration for this word-based approach came first from Seth Godin’s recently released free e-book, “What Matters Now.” It is a compilation of 50+ experts from a variety of industries and disciplines musing on a single word that’s important to them. Then, I came across Chris Brogan’s “My 3 Words for 2010” blog post. It turns out he has been picking three words to guide his efforts for the coming year since 2006 and has found it very powerful.
Following their lead, my three guiding words for 2010 are “Help,” “Thank You” and “Reach.”
“Help”…Preemptively
I’ve always tried to be helpful, but honestly my helpfulness was, more often than not, reactive. If someone said they needed help, I would readily provide it. Then, last year I began to wonder, “What if I offered my assistance proactively, before people asked?” It started with Jonathan Fields, a career author/blogger, who signs on to his Twitter account (@jonathanfields) everyday, “Morning, great people! Who can I help today?”
Even though I’d never met Fields, who is a “Dad, husband, author of Career Renegade, lifestyle entrepreneur, marketer, and blogger,” when his question popped up on my Twitterfeed each morning, I found it made me think differently about my day. I’d ponder for a moment, “Yeah, who could I help?”
Then I turned thought into action. I began to test “preemptive” helping. Most people responded to my unsolicited offers of help with surprise and, “Thank you so much. I can’t think of anything right now but I will let you know.” I realized that unprompted, sincere offers of help are so rare that they caught people off guard. But it felt great to ask, so I decided to continue, “How can I help you?”
I didn’t appreciate the lasting impact of this simple question until my friend, the Authentic Organizations management expert, CV Harquail told me what happened after I asked her, “How can I help?” a couple of months earlier.
Because CV is not only smart but very generous, it was easy at the end of our lunch two months prior to say, “How can I help you?” While clearly surprised, she thoughtfully considered my offer and asked for my input on a couple of issues. She thanked me. I loved our conversation, but didn’t give it much further thought. However, to CV, my question had become, “Cali’s killer question” (not realizing at the time that Jonathan Fields was the original inspiration).
It turns out that after our lunch, CV decided she would begin to ask others, “How can I help you?” because it had meant so much to her. But she wasn’t prepared for the intense reaction she experienced after posing the question to a longtime colleague whom she hadn’t seen in awhile. Toward the end of their visit, she said to him, “How can I help you?” As she recounted to me, “He stopped. You could tell he was shocked. And then he began to tear up and said, ‘No one ever asks that question.’ He was visibly moved and stunned by my offer.”
I’m not the only one motivated by Jonathan Fields’ daily offering of service on Twitter. Alexandra Levit, author and Wall Street Journal columnist wrote a piece entitled “A Habit of Generosity,” mentioning the power of Fields’ daily missive. I couldn’t help but wonder what the world would be like if all of us started our day by asking how we can be of assistance. Perhaps grown, successful businessmen would no longer be brought to tears by the simple question, “How can I help?”
So, wonderful readers, “How can I help you?” in 2010? I really want to know.
“Thank You”…Concretely
Service (“help”) and gratitude (“thank you”) go hand and hand. One of the people who have shown me that link more clearly is Anita Brick. While her day job is Director of Career Advancement Programs at University of Chicago’s Graduate School of Business, one of her personal passions is encouraging others. A concrete method she uses to express her gratitude is the simple, yet powerful, thank you note.
Periodically, over the five years I’ve known Anita, a beautiful note has arrived in the mail thanking me for the work I am doing and encouraging me to continue on. Each time, it has meant so much. And I am not alone. She does this for an amazing list of individuals in many different industries, undertaking many different endeavors. She has a strong vision of what the world would look like if we all took the time to encourage each other with very specific, periodic “tokens of appreciation.”
For the past couple of years, I’ve wanted to follow Brick’s lead because I’ve personally experienced the power of her active thanks. And over the past six months I’ve tried to say “thank you” more consistently. But this year, I’m going to put pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard) and make it a point to appreciate the many people I admire and encourage them to continue on their path.
To whom did I send my first note, written on the special cards I bought specifically for my new “appreciation” practice? Ms. Anita Brick. Thank you, Anita. You can follow her on her Encouragizers blog and on Twitter at @Encouragizers.
Readers, thank you for joining me in the ongoing conversation about what it means to live, work and grow a business in the new work+life flex normal. I look forward to taking it to the next level with your in 2010, which bring me too…
“Reach”…Widely
While productivity numbers and profits are growing, the research related to the reality of what it actually looks like to work, live and run a business is pretty grim:
- 40% of employees in a recent Workforce Institute/Harris Interactive “Productivity Drain” poll said their productivity was negatively impacted by layoffs. Of those 40%, 66% said that morale has suffered and people are less motivated, and 64% report that there’s too much work and not enough people to do it.
- Watson Wyatt/World at Work’s 2009/2010 U.S. Strategic Rewards Survey found:
o 41% of employees think changes the business made has had an adverse impact on quality/customer service.
o 44% of employees said there’s been a negative impact on productivity.
o 79% of employers said there’s been a negative impact on employee workloads.
o 64% of employers felt employee work-life balance has been adversely impacted.
o 69% of employers said cost-cutting made managing work-related stress worse. - Career Builder’s 2010 Job Forecast Survey of employers painted an equally dismal picture in terms of potential relief from increased hiring. Sixty-one percent of employers said there would be no additional hiring, and only 20% said they would increase headcount in 2010. This is an increase from 14% in 2010, but still most employers won’t be hiring full-time employees.
So, what do we do? This is where “reach” comes into play. Change happens when there’s enough pain to look at new ways of operating. According to the data, there’s serious pain out there. But, what do we do differently? That’s what this blog, my Work+Life Fit blog, and my Twitter stream are about. Presenting cutting-edge, innovative strategies for people, leaders and business to achieve sustained, long-term success in today’s reality where flexibility in work and life is the new normal. But, I need to extend the reach of this message and the information in 2010.
To that end, I am asking you to help spread the word:
- Encourage people to sign up for my Work+Life Fit Blog’s RSS feed (which also includes my Fast Company blog posts).
- Follow me on Twitter @caliyost.
- And send me all of the great research and good ideas for new ways of working and living that move us beyond the self-defeating and limiting short-term approaches that no longer apply. I will share them.
Old and tired thinking will continue to be the default way of operating until new strategies take their place. Something has got to give.
Real, sustainable, long-term growth is only going happen through innovation and engagement. That requires a flexible, motivated, committed, globally-focused workforce and an equally flexible, customer, employee, globally-focused business model. But we need to reach as many leaders and individuals as possible and show them “how.”
Help, Thank You and Reach. My three words for 2010. What are yours? If you need some help getting started, check out Chris Brogan’s “My 3 Words for 2010” post. Happy New Year!
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December 16, 2009
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Why do you work? As we emerge from the rubble of the Great Recession, more people from a variety of sectors and in different stages of life are searching for a more meaningful “why” behind the work they do.
Paying the bills continues to be important, but there’s a growing awareness that work needs to be about more than money. As we have seen, the money either isn’t going to be there in the amounts it was before or it can disappear in an instant. Here are some of the discussions about and resources supporting the movement to find paid work with greater meaning that have come to my attention over the past week.
Looking for an Encore Career? The guide to finding work that matters by Encore Careers
As they approach traditional “retirement,” many Baby Boomers want to work and make money but they also want their work to have greater purpose. Following its recently announced Encore Opportunity Awards, Civic Ventures paves the way to a purpose-driven job with its excellent new guide, “Looking for an Encore Career?”
According to Marci Alboher, Senior Fellow with Civic Ventures, the core tenents of an Encore Career are 1) continued income, 2) personal meaning, and 3) social impact, “This generation is looking to change the world in this next phase of their lives. They are returning to the values of Kennedy, and they are interested in service, giving back and having impact.” Many of areas in which people have launched successful encore careers have also seen some of the greatest job growth: social services, government, education and green jobs.
Alboher and I agree that everyone should begin their “encore planning” as early as possible because this is the new vision of retirement. And much of the planning for an encore career can, and should, be done while you are still working in your primary job. You can chart the winding path of research, informational interviews, conferences and trying out different options. When the moment arrives to make the transition, you are ready.
And you don’t necessarily need to wait until retirement. The Encore Career guide is an excellent resource for anyone in any stage of life looking for a purpose-driven job. In fact, I realized after reading the guide and talking to Marci that I started my encore career in 1993 at the age of 29. That’s when I left banking, went back to school and entered the work+life field. For the past 16 years, I’ve made money (albeit initially less than I made as a banker), found personal meaning and have had social impact. I need to start planning my second encore!
Finding Meaning in Your Current Job – Authentic Organizations Blog
As CV Harquail points out in an insightful post on her Authentic Organization’s blog, you don’t have to leave your current job to find more meaning. In “How Job Crafting Can Get You Closer to Authentic Work,” Harquail, a former Darden b-school professor, explains how the revolutionary concept of job crafting (also outlined in a recent Time Magazine article) can help everyone build more meaning into their existing work,
“Job crafting is the practice of (re-)shaping the job that you are expected to do so that you can enlarge the parts that are important to you. Through job crafting, an employee can take on new activities, new responsibilities, and new relationships, making the job so bigger (or smaller), more interesting, more useful, and overall more closely linked to their strengths and interests.”
Harquail not only outlines the key principals of job crafting but then offers three “how to” get started steps as well as a link to a job crafting tool.
THEN, in another post, “A Job Crafting Example: The Pink Glove Dance,” she shares an inspiring, concrete example of job crafting in action that I just loved!
For those of you who aren’t familiar with video, “The Pink Glove Dance,” it features employees of a hospital—doctors, nurses, lab technicians and janitors—wearing pink gloves and dancing to a song in order to raise breast cancer awareness. Harquail pays particular attention to the janitor in the video, and cites academic research that studied ways janitors in hospital settings added meaning to their work by talking with patients. Inspiring.
After reading both of these posts on job crafting and viewing “The Pink Glove Dance” video with that concept in mind, you can’t help but begin to see how more meaning can be built into every job.
Other Noteworthy “Work with Meaning” Highlights:
- In a speech at West Point, GE’s chief executive, Jeff Immelt challenged the “meanness and greed” of business leaders, “We are at the end of a difficult generation of business leadership … tough-mindedness, a good trait, was replaced by meanness and greed, both terrible traits. Rewards became perverted. The richest people made the most mistakes with the least accountability.” He continued with a call to action for a different model of leadership.
- I participated in a virtual retreat “Catching up to the Future that is Already Here,” sponsored by WorldatWork and the Alliance for Work-Life Progress. One of the participants, Annette Byrd from GlaxoSmithKline talked about the company’s innovative program that helps employees align their personal mission statement with the mission statement of the company and their job.
Whether through an encore career, job crafting, a powerful CEO discrediting the greed of an era, or a company encouraging the link between personal and corporate mission, the movement for work with meaning is growing. What do you think? Do see examples of people searching for more meaning in the work they do as part of the new work+life flex normal?
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December 2, 2009
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We spent Thanksgiving with my cousin and her husband, who is moving into the advanced stages of Alzheimer's. Over three days, I watched in awe as she patiently and lovingly cared for her partner of 23 years even though most of the time he didn’t recognize where he was or whom he was with.
Over the past few years as his disease has advanced, my cousin has worked full-time and cared for him at home. She’s done this with the help of a group of outside caregivers, but at great cost. Right now their hours are 8:00 to 5:30 pm everyday, which costs her $800 per week, after taxes.
Fortunately (if you can call any part of this story fortunate), because he is fifteen years older and had already retired, his pension covers most of the costs. But she must work to pay for everything else. No one knows how long this situation could continue and she wants to keep him at home as long as possible. Although he is severely impaired cognitively, he’s in great health physically. She must earn a living, plus work reenergizes her. It gives her the deep reserve of patience and understanding that caring for him requires.
As the debate regarding health care reform rages on, and state budget crises make headlines, I often think about my cousin and the millions of other caregivers (65.7 million according to recent MetLife study) who currently or will care for an adult family member. Why? Because the outcome of these challenges will profoundly affect access to the already minimal level of affordable eldercare support that exists. No one seems to be talking about it, and we need to.
Over the years, I’ve blogged about my personal, eye-opening experiences with elder care, as well as the realities of others. I come back to the same questions I originally asked in a post I wrote in July, 2008 about caregiving-gone-very-wrong,“Heartbreaking Reminder—There’s No Elder care:”
Over the years when I’ve brought up the challenges facing parents trying to find child care, more than a few people have commented, “Well, if you can’t care for your kids don’t have them.” Okay, let’s assume for a minute that argument has merit (which I don’t think it does) and explains why child care should be the problem of individual parents rather than the broader community. How does that argument hold for elder care? “Well, if you can’t care for your parents don’t have them?” We don’t have any choice in having parents. We all have them. And increasingly the responsibility to care for an ever-growing number of aging adults is going to fall to all of us. Where are we going to turn for support and help so that we don’t find ourselves making the same misguided, perhaps desperate choices as Theodore Pressman?
Are we as a country and as individuals prepared for the reality of elder care? Do we truly understand how little support is out there, and are we planning accordingly?
I wrote that post just before the worst of the financial crisis began to challenge already strapped state Medicare and Medicaid budgets. At the time, I’d asked an elder care expert where she thought the support would come from and how it would be paid for. She responded without missing a beat, “Medicare. We’ll demand it.” Well, we can demand all we want. But you can’t get blood from a stone. A recent story in The Washington Post reports many states are already cutting the daily reimbursement rates for adult day-care centers. These are critical, relatively affordable supports for individuals who are providing elder care at home but need to work.
What should we be doing? Here are a few thoughts, but I very much welcome the insights of my colleagues who specialize in elder care related issues, so please comment:
- Add “elder care” to your career and financial planning radar screen if it’s not there already. And the sooner, the better. Often when I ask parents about how they plan to pay for college and save for retirement they’ll say, “Oh, we’ll have 15 or 20 years after the kids are in school full-time when both of us can work and save.” Really? I rarely, if ever hear, “…assuming we don’t have to care physically and/or financially for our aging parents or another family member.” But that is a very real possibility, and you need to factor future elder care obligations into your planning up front, especially women. Women can seriously jeopardize their future financial security by voluntarily assuming all family elder caregiving responsibilities. That’s why I was glad to read in The Wall Street Journal about creative ways families are starting to compensate members who are providing care. Families need to talk and plan collectively much sooner than they do.
- Before an elder care crisis hits, learn how to develop, propose and implement a work+life flexibility plan that considers your needs as well as the needs of the business. Don’t wait until you are in crisis mode, and fall into the “all or nothing,” work-or-no work trap. As my cousin’s story illustrates, most likely you will need to work and want to work. And, there are countless, flexible ways to work and manage your life. For many elder care givers, just having the day-to-day flexibility to come in a little later now and then, or to work from a parent’s house periodically makes all of the difference. A step-by-step, easy-to-follow process for creating a mutually-beneficial work+life flex plan that has the greatest likelihood of being approved is in my book, “Work+Life: Finding the Fit That’s Right for You (Riverhead/Penguin Group).
- Be aware of how budget cuts and health care reform is going to affect the adult care resources and reimbursements in your area, especially if you don’t have long-term care insurance. This is definitely something I am trying to follow but I have to admit it’s been difficult to determine within the broader context of reforming health care. Bottom line: From what I can tell (and again I may be wrong, so elder care experts correct me), more care—including end of life, palliative care—is being moved out of nursing homes and hospitals and into the home. What that means in terms of reimbursements for home-based caregivers, I can’t tell, but it does mean that more of the coordination of care and most likely the expense of care will fall on families.
I applaud all of the wonderful adult caregivers like my cousin. As I watched her at Thanksgiving, I was reminded again that more and more of us will find ourselves in this role as baby boomers age over the next decade. We need to recognize that fact. We need to be educated. And we need to be much better prepared than we are--mentally, professionally and financially. What do you think? Is future adult care on your radar screen? If it is, how are you preparing? If it’s not, why?
Related posts:
“Elder care, An Inevitable Work/Life Issues,” (12/3/07) My guest blog for Marci Alboher’s New York Times, Shifting Careers Blog
“Heartbreaking Reminder—There’s No Elder care” (7/16/08) Fast Company
“Who’ll Care for Aging Adults? Big Question, Few Answers (6/11/09), Sloan Work and Family Network Blog
The New York Times’ The New Old Age Blog
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