Outstanding performance is one of the keys to success that I discuss in Straight Talk for Success. If you want to become an outstanding performer, you need to do three things. 1) Stay on top of your game by becoming a lifelong learner. 2) Set and achieve high goals. 3) Get organized. Manage your time, life and stress well.
The other day I saw a great quote from Gandhi on line…
“Live as if you are to die tomorrow. Learn as if you are to live forever.”
Both sentences are some great common sense advice for personal and professional success. “Live as if you are to die tomorrow” is especially relevant to becoming interpersonally competent, another of the keys to success that I discuss in Straight Talk.
“Learn as if you were to live forever” is great advice for anyone interested in becoming an outstanding performer. The half life of knowledge is getting shorter and shorter. If you don’t keep learning, you won’t even keep up, you’ll fall behind in the knowledge that you need to become an outstanding performer.
Thomas Carlyle once said, “What we become depends on what we read after all of the professors have finished with us. The greatest university of all is a collection of books.” He lived in the 19th century. If he were alive today, he might have amended his statement to say, “The internet is the greatest university of all.” It’s true. So many of the great books, as well as other career and life success information, are available on line. The important thing is to keep learning – how you do it and where you get your information is secondary.
I have a huge collection of books on leadership and personal and professional success. I also subscribe to several blogs and have bookmarked many websites that cover these subjects. These books, blogs and websites are the first place I look when I am gathering information to post on my blog, when I am working with my executive coaching clients, when I am preparing a talk or when I am designing a training program.
As you’ve probably guessed, my best common sense suggestion for becoming a lifelong learner is simple. Read. Read technical journals. Read trade magazines. Read business publications like “The Wall Street Journal”, “Business Week”, “Fortune” and “Forbes.” If you think they’re too stodgy, read “Fast Company.” Read your company’s annual report. Read your competitors’ annual reports. Read your local newspaper and “The New York Times”. Read news magazines like “Newsweek” and “Time.” Read business and industry blogs. Read books. Reading is the best way to stay up with what’s happening in business, in your industry and in the world.
There are other things you can do to keep learning. Attend seminars. Join the major groups or trade associations for your industry. Attend their meetings and participate. Volunteer for committee work. Become known locally in your field. Take a class at your local university. Use your company’s tuition reimbursement program to get a no or low cost free degree.
I began this post with a quote from Gandhi. I’ll end with one from Albert Einstein…
“Wisdom is not a product of schooling but of the lifelong attempt to acquire it.”
The common sense point here is simple. Successful people are outstanding performers. Outstanding performers stay on top of their game by becoming technically competent. They remain technically competent by becoming lifelong learners. In my opinion, books and the internet are the best way to keep learning; but there are many other ways to do so. Decide which ones work for you, and then follow through. The key is to keep learning. As Gandhi says, “Learn as if your were going to live forever.”
That’s my take on success and lifelong learning. What’s yours? Please leave a comment sharing your thoughts with us. As always, I appreciate you taking the time to read this blog.
Self confidence is one of the keys to success that I discuss in Straight Talk for Success. If you want to become self confident you need to do three things. 1) Become an optimist. 2) Face your fears and act. 3) Surround yourself with positive people.
It’s March Madness time in the US. The NCAA men’s and women’s basketball tournaments are great to watch. It’s really fun to see the enthusiasm and effort of the young men and women who are competing.
As in most years, there were some surprises in the first round of the tournament. I enjoyed the Siena College victory over Ohio State the most. Siena is a small liberal arts college near Albany New York. It has a total enrollment of about 3,000. Ohio State is one of the largest universities in the US. It has a total enrolment of over 60,000. I bet there are some dorms at Ohio State that have more residents than the total number of students enrolled at Siena.
None of that mattered last Friday night. Siena beat Ohio State 74 – 72. It took them two overtime periods to do it, but they did it. The Saints, as Siena is called were losing by 11 points at one point in the second half. They demonstrated the power of optimism. They refused to quit. They believed in themselves. And they won a hard fought victory.
This is a great story in and of itself. However, Ronald Moore’s story is even better. Ronald is the Siena point guard. As the first overtime period was winding down, he found himself with the ball and Siena trailing by 3 points. At that point he was 0 for 4 in three point shooting in the game. He shot and made a three point basket that sent the game into a second overtime. Then he did it again! With 3.9 seconds remaining in the second overtime, and Siena losing by 1, Ronald made another three point shot to win the game.
Ronald Moore made his last two three point shots attempts after missing his first four. That takes some guts. He hadn’t made a three point shot in over 44 minutes of play, yet with the game on the line, he made not one, but two, three pointers to win the game. Talk about facing your fears and acting…
Ronald demonstrated the power of optimism by his willingness to take the shots he needed to win the game. Good for him -- and for Siena. Their win on Friday night gave them the opportunity to play Louisville, the number 1 seed in the entire tournament on Sunday. They played a gutty game yesterday too, and lost in the end. They played with optimism in their heart. They walked off the court yesterday with their heads held high.
The common sense point here is clear. Successful people are self confident. Self confident people are optimistic and willing to face their fears and act. The entire Siena College basketball team, demonstrated a strong sense of optimism Friday night. They never quit – even when they were down by 11 points in the second half. Ronald Moore shook off the failure of four straight missed three point shots to make two three point shots to tie the game and send it to a second overtime and then win it. Take a lesson from Coach Fran McCaffery and the Siena players, the next time things get a little tough for you. Keep your head up. Keep playing. Don’t be afraid to do what you need to do to win.
That’s my take on self confidence and the Siena victory over Ohio State in this year’s NCAA men’s basketball tournament. What’s yours? What is your favorite March Madness memory? Please leave a comment sharing it with us. As always, thanks for reading.
Interpersonal competence is one of the keys to success that I discuss in Straight Talk for Success. If you want to become interpersonally competent, you need to do three things. 1) Get to know yourself. Use this self knowledge to better know and understand others. 2) Build solid, long lasting, mutually beneficial relationships with the important people in your life. 3) Resolve conflict in a positive manner, one that will enhance your relationships.
I came across a great eBook last week, The Luck Factor. I was struck by one of the principles on page 5: “Lucky people build and maintain a strong network of luck.” As I read more about the network of luck concept, I realized that it has a lot to do with what I call creating positive personal impact and with relationship building. Building a network of luck has three components: meeting a large number of people, being a social magnet and keeping in contact with people. Take a look and see for yourself…
“Lucky people dramatically increase the possibility of a lucky chance encounter by meeting a large number of people in their daily lives. The more people they meet, the greater opportunity they have of running into someone who could have a positive effect on their lives.
“Social magnets attract others because, without realizing it, they exhibit the types of body language and facial expressions that other people find attractive and inviting. Lucky people exhibit exactly the same pattern of behaviors. Upon reviewing video tapes of interviews with (self described) lucky and unlucky people, we found that lucky people smiled three times as much as unlucky people, and engage in far more eye contact. The lucky people also tended to engage in three times as much open body language as the unlucky people.
“Lucky people are also effective at building secure and long-lasting attachments with the people they meet. They are easy to get to know and most people like the. They tend to be trusting and form close friendships with others. As a result, they often keep in touch with a much larger number of friends and colleagues than unlucky people. This network of friends helps promote opportunity in their lives.”
The common sense point here is simple. Successful people are interpersonally competent. Interpersonally competent people build strong relationships. According to The Luck Factor, strong relationships help you make your own luck – and success. It’s not difficult to make your own luck by building relationships. Just do three things: 1) say hello to people, initiate conversation; 2) act in an inviting manner, make eye contact, display open body language and smile; and 3) stay in touch with the people you meet, turn contacts into relationships.
That’s my take on The Luck Factor and interpersonal competence. What’s yours? Do you have any stories to share about how chance encounters turned into lucky relationships for you? If so, please share them with us in a comment. As always, thanks for reading.
The life of a business traveler, especially one like me who travels to New York City regularly, appears glamorous at first glance. People always ask me if I’ve eaten at famous restaurants like 21 or the latest hot spot they’ve read about in Travel and Leisure.
Most often when I’m in New York and don’t have a business dinner, I dine on Chinese food delivered to my hotel room from the Cottage Noodle Shop. I’ve never even been in this restaurant, even though I have eaten their food at least 100 times. I am particularly fond of the Cottage Noodle Shop’s Hot and Sour Soup, Vegetable Dumplings, and Lo Mein. If you’re ever in New York, check them out. They’re in the 40’s on Ninth Avenue.
Once when I ordered from the Cottage Noodle Shop, my fortune cookie read, “Your talents will be recognized and suitably rewarded.” I was happy with this fortune, but it made me think about exactly how to get my talents recognized and rewarded.
My talents, your talents, everyone’s talents will be recognized and rewarded if we develop and use our communication skills. Dynamic communication skills are one of the keys to success that I discuss in Straight Talk for Success. There are three types of communication skills critically important for career and life success: 1) Conversation skills; 2) Writing skills; and 3) Presentation skills. You need to develop each of these skills if you want to have your talents recognized and rewarded.
Communication skills are not just for entrepreneurs. Here’s an example of how my communication skills helped me get noticed when I was working for a very large company in the 1980s. One day I happened to get on an elevator with the president of the largest and most profitable division in the company. I was going to be conducting a workshop at his division’s upcoming national sales meeting. I introduced myself to him and told him that I was looking forward to his sales meeting. We chatted briefly in the elevator and for a few minutes when we got to the lobby. He invited me to his office to talk some more. As a result of that conversation, I became an internal leadership consultant to him and his leadership team.
Dynamic communication skills are important for building your professional network. Networking is an important but often overlooked communication skill. It is helpful when you are looking for a job, but it is even more important when you are happy with your situation. All people who are a personal or professional success build and nurture strong networks.
Networking is an important skill. Successful people have large networks. They have people they can call to help them. They know they can call on these people because these people know they can call on them. That’s the real secret of networking – look to help others, not just to find out how they can help you.
Writing is another necessary tool that helps get your skills noticed. When I was in high school, I was the editor of my yearbook. To raise funds to cover the cost of our yearbook, we sold ads. There were a lot of factories in the town where I grew up. In the past, the yearbook staff had never approached these factories to place ads in the yearbook. I wrote sales letters to all of the plant managers. We got several full page ads from those letters.
One of the plant managers wrote back, asking if I would come to see him. I got dressed up in my one and only suit and went to his office at the appointed time. When I arrived, his secretary buzzed him to let him know I was there. I heard her say, “No, sir, he sent a student.” When I walked in to his office and introduced myself, he was surprised. He told me that my sales letter was so well written that he thought I was the teacher who was the yearbook sponsor.
Two years later, I was looking for a summer job after my first year of college. The market was tight. I called this man. He remembered me, and I got a job.
Presentation skills may present the biggest opportunity for getting your talents noticed. As I have always worked in training and development, I had to develop and hone my presentation skills at a young age. This wasn’t too difficult for me because I never suffered from stage fright. I used to compete in speech contests when I was in high school. I was the emcee for my high school talent show. I was on the radio in college.
Just a few months ago, I did a talk for a local chamber of commerce. As it so happens, the Sheriff’s department is a member of this chamber. The Sheriff himself happened to be there that day. He liked my talk. About a week later, I got a call from his training office. The Sheriff asked him to get in touch with me to conduct some supervisory training for their sergeants. I never would have gotten this business if it weren’t for the notice I received from a talk at that chamber meeting.
The common sense point here is simple. Successful people are dynamic communicators. There are a few common sense points associated with becoming a dynamic communicator. Become a good conversationalist by listening. Take an active interest in other people and what they’re saying. Show them you’re listening by asking appropriate follow up questions to what they say. Write in a manner that communicates well. In general, this means, being clear, concise and easily readable. The best way to make sure your writing is readable is to read it aloud before sending it. Finally, preparation is the most important key to doing a good presentation.
That’s my take on communication skills and personal and professional success. What’s yours? Please leave a comment sharing your thoughts with us. As always, thanks for reading.
Outstanding performance is one of the keys to success that I discuss in Straight Talk for Success. If you want to become an outstanding performer, you need to do three things. 1) Stay on top of your game by becoming a lifelong learner. 2) Set and achieve high goals. 3) Get organized, managed your time, life and space well.
I have blogged about Smile and Move, the great little book by Sam Parker before. I was rereading it the other day and I was struck by what Sam had to say in the introduction.
His daughter and niece were operating a lemonade stand as part of a community service project. According to Sam, the two girls seemed to have a “less than positive and energetic approach to serving their customers.” When he asked them why they were running their lemonade stand they said, “to get our community service hours for school, and to raise money for cancer.”
This prompted Sam to give the girls a little lecture…
“These people are stopping to be served lemonade because they might be thirsty but also so they can help you help people with cancer. They’re your customers and they have places to go but they’re giving you their support, their time and money. You need to approach them happily, with a smile. And then you need to move quickly to get them their drink so they can enjoy it and move on. You’re not doing them a favor. They’re doing you a favor. They don’t have to buy lemonade and they don’t have to buy it from you. You need to smile and move, girls.”
That was the genesis of the title of his book – and some great advice for becoming an outstanding performer: smile and move.
Sam says that we smile by…
• Being awake.
• Being thankful.
• Being approachable.
• Complaining less.
• Smiling, really.
We move by…
• Starting early and going long.
• Going beyond expectations.
• Having a sense of urgency.
• Being resourceful and resilient.
• Having no excuses.
I love the smile and move philosophy. It’s at the heart of becoming an outstanding performer and a personal and professional success. It’s a philosophy that makes sense. Smile – treat others with respect, enjoy what you do; move -- work a little longer, go beyond expectations and you’ll become an outstanding performer and a career and life success.
In The Slight Edge, Jeff Olson presents a simple to understand model that shows how your philosophy of life is the starting point for your personal and professional success.
Your philosophy creates your attitude. Your attitude creates your actions. Your actions create your results. Your results create your success.
In other words, if you adopt the smile and move philosophy, you will create a positive attitude. This attitude will lead you to the willingness to take the actions you need to succeed. These actions will lead to positive results that will create a high level of performance – and personal and professional success.
Paul J Meyer says the same thing in different words…
“Whatever you can vividly imagine, ardently desire, sincerely believe and enthusiastically act upon must inevitably, come to pass.”
The common sense point here is simple. Successful people are outstanding performers. Outstanding performers adopt a positive mental philosophy – like smile and move. This positive mental philosophy will help you create a driven attitude. This driven attitude will lead you to the willingness to take the actions you need to succeed. These actions will lead to positive results that will create a high level of performance – and personal and professional success.
That’s my take on using the smile and move philosophy as the foundation of your personal and professional success. What’s yours? Please leave a comment sharing your thoughts with us. As always, thanks for reading.
Happy Saint Patrick’s Day to all my Irish (and would be Irish) friends – especially my wonderful wife Cathy.
Positive personal impact is one of the keys to success that I discuss in Straight Talk for Success. If you want to create positive personal impact you need to do three things. 1) Create and nurture your unique personal brand. 2) Be impeccable in your presentation of self – in person and on line. 3) Know and follow the basic rules of etiquette.
As I was standing in line at the bookstore at Denver International Airport yesterday, a small book caught my eye. I made an impulse purchase – and I’m glad I did. Best-Loved Chinese Proverbs by Theodora Lau is full of wisdom on how to live a successful life and build a great career.
I came across this gem on page 71…
"The superior man does not think himself so. His humility is what sets him apart."
I like this quote because I think that humility is an important building block of any personal brand. A healthy, realistic self image is key to a strong personal brand. Remind yourself of this the next time you are out performed (and you will be) and when you out perform others (which you will as well).
Don’t let yourself feel inferior just because you fail at a task or are not good at something. On the other hand, don’t let yourself feel superior because you succeed at a task or are good at something. Keep things in perspective.
I once saw a quote from Herb Elliot that sums it up quite well. In case you don’t know Herb Elliot, he was the world record holder in the mile run from 1958 to 1962. He said:
"To be a world-record holder in the mile, a man must have the arrogance it takes to believe he can run faster that anyone ever has at the distance; and the humility it takes to actually do it."
To me, the dichotomies in this quote – arrogance and humility – capture the essence of self confidence and realistic self image. Arrogance: ego, belief that you can accomplish the goal you set for yourself. Humility: the willingness to do the work necessary to reach your goal. Both are present in successful people.
David Halberstam’s book The Education of a Coach is a biography of Bill Belichick, head coach of the New England Patriots and one of the most successful pro football coaches today. In describing Mr. Belichick, Mr. Halberstam says:
"Bill Belichick is not without ego – far from it. His ego is exceptional, and it is reflected by his almost unique determination. He likes being the best and wants credit for being the best, a quiet kind of credit. But his ego is about the doing; it is fused into a larger purpose, that of his team winning. It was never about the narcissistic celebration of self that television loves to amplify."
If you reread the above quote, you’ll see that Mr. Halberstam echoes Mr. Elliot’s thoughts on arrogance – the will to be the best and the belief that one can be the best – blended with humility – the doing, the hard work, the focus on the ultimate goal.
The common sense point here is simple. Successful people create positive personal impact. A strong personal brand helps you create positive personal impact. In order to create a strong personal brand you must have a balanced self image. Arrogance plus humility equals a balanced self image. Arrogance is the self confidence that gives you the belief that you can accomplish the goals you set for yourself. Humility is the willingness to do the work necessary to reach your goal. I find that humility – the willingness to do the work – is the more necessary of the two. The Chinese proverb at the beginning of this post is true – “The superior man does not think himself so. His humility is what sets him apart.” The humility to do the work necessary to succeed is what can set you – and your personal brand apart.
That’s my take on the importance of humility in creating a strong personal brand. What’s yours? Please leave a comment sharing your thoughts with us.
Interpersonal competence is one of the keys to success that I discuss in Straight Talk for Success. If you want to become interpersonally competent, you need to do three things. 1) Get to know yourself. Use this self knowledge to better understand others. 2) Build long term, mutually beneficial relationships with the important people in your life. 3) Resolve conflict positively. Use it to come up with creative solutions to problems and to enhance your relationships.
The other day I saw an interesting “Ask Amy” column (yes, I do read the advice columns they contain a lot of common sense). A grandmother wrote asking a question about electronic gadget etiquette. It seems that she had lunch with her college aged grandson. He was texting during their meal. She thought this was rude. Her grandson said that speaking on a cell phone would have been rude, but he was only texting. He said he was very good at multi tasking – in this case listening to her and carrying on a conversation while he ate and texted.
Amy responded, “Sending and receiving text messages while with a companion at lunch is the same as reading a magazine or writing a postcard at the table. There is nothing wrong with doing these things solo, but your companion shouldn’t have to watch.”
Amy is right on. I debated on whether I should this example in a post on creating personal impact, communication skills or interpersonal competence. It certainly fits in all three categories. I chose to use in a post on interpersonal competence. You cannot build relationships by paying more attention to your electronic gadgets than you do the person or persons who are right in front of you.
You build strong relationships by attending to other people. Attending means that you are present. You give the other person your undivided attention. You listen to what they have to say. You respond appropriately. You avoid distractions. You shut off your cell phone – you take no calls and you don’t text. You don’t keep checking out the cute guy or gal sitting two tables over. You demonstrate your respect for the person in your presence by blanking out distractions and concentrating on what he or she is saying.
When you do this, you build relationships with people you’ve just met, and you enhance your relationships with people you already know. Strong relationships are an important key to becoming a personal and professional success.
The common sense point here is simple. Successful people are interpersonally competent. Interpersonally competent people build strong relationships with the people in their lives. Strong relationships enhance your potential for becoming a personal and professional success. You can build strong relationships by being attentive to the people in your presence. Shut off your cell phone, don’t text, read the newspaper or magazines. Concentrate your attention on the person in front of you. Show him or her that you care about what he or she is saying. Treat him or her as if he or she is the most important person in the world – because he or she is at that moment. He or she is the person who has taken time from his or her busy day to have a conversation with you. Return the favor.
That’s my take on texting at the lunch table and success. What’s yours? What are some of the annoying things that people have done to you? Please take a minute and share your story in a comment. Thanks for reading.
Dynamic communication is one of the keys to success that I discuss in Straight Talk for Success. If you want to become a dynamic communicator, you need to master three basic communication skills: conversation, writing and presenting.
Yesterday I was on line and saw a quote from Stephen King – “Any word you have to hunt for in a thesaurus is the wrong word. There are no exceptions to this rule.”
Stephen’s words apply to each of the three basic communication skills. Whether you’re in a conversation, writing an e mail or report, or making a presentation you will communicate better if you use simple, every day, commonly understood words. I always suggest using the smallest possible word that communicates the exact point you want to make.
I take pride on my vocabulary and sometimes like to show it off. For example, at my niece’s college graduation party I gave her a copy of Straight Talk. I told her that I hoped it would help her as she began her career. I also said that I tried for an “avuncular hip” tone as I was writing the book.
My niece is a smart young woman. She graduated cum laude. But when I said the words, “avuncular hip,” she looked at me and said, “What does that mean?” I responded, “Avuncular means uncle like. I was trying to come across as a hip uncle in the book.” She said, “Why didn’t you just say that?”
Good question. The best answer is that I was just showing off. Everybody knows what “uncle like” means. Not everybody knows that “avuncular” means “uncle like.” This is what Stephen King means when he suggests not using words that others will need a dictionary or thesaurus to understand. Showing off your vocabulary is not a great way to become a dynamic communicator.
As I’m writing this, I’m reminded of an IBM commercial I saw recently. A guy walks into a large, dimly lighted conference room where he sees no tables and chairs and about twenty people lying on the floor. He says, “What are you guys doing?” Someone answers, “We’re ideating.” He says, “What’s that?” Someone responds, “Coming up with new ways of doing things.” He says, “Why don’t you just call it that?”
Interestingly enough, the word ideating sounds a lot like a made up word to me. I expected spell check to flag it. It didn’t. So I guess I am behind the times on some of my business jargon. Even so, I think saying that you’re “Coming up with new ways of doing things,” is much more clear than saying that you’re “Ideating.” But what do I know?
The common sense point here is simple. Successful people are dynamic communicators. They are good conversationalists, clear writers and effective presenters. If you want to master the basic skills associated with conversation, writing and presenting begin by choosing your words carefully. Avoid those polysyllabic -- I mean big – words that show off your vocabulary but get in the way of effective communication. Successful people communicate in everyday, straightforward language.
That’s my take on language and effective communication. What’s yours? Please leave a comment sharing your thoughts with us. As always, thanks for reading.
Self confidence is one of the keys to success that I discuss in Straight Talk for Success. If you want to become self confident you need to do three things. 1) Become an optimist. 2) Face your fears and act. 3) Surround yourself with positive people.
As I’ve mentioned before mentors, by definition, are positive people. They are willing to give of themselves to help others succeed. The April issue of SUCCESS Magazine has a great article on mentors and mentoring.
SUCCESS is my favorite print mag. If you’re not already a subscriber, I suggest that you go to www.success.com and do so. Every issue is jam packed with useful information on how to become the personal and professional success you deserve to be.
The SUCCESS article points out that most successful people – from Bill Gates to Luke Skywalker – have mentors. The term “mentor” comes from The Odyssey. Odysseus entrusted the care of his son, Telemachus, to Mentor when he set out to fight the Trojan War. The best mentors will help you learn and grow by sharing their knowledge and wisdom with you. In this way, you can benefit from their experience without having to suffer the consequences of gaining that experience firsthand.
I have been fortunate to have had several mentors in my life and career. All of them shared several characteristics. They all…
• Were willing to share their wisdom, knowledge, skills and expertise.
• Had a positive outlook on life. They helped me through tough times and showed me how to find the opportunity in the difficulties I was facing.
• Were genuinely concerned about me and my success. In addition to be knowledgeable, they were empathic.
• Really knew what they were doing. I respected them for their knowledge and skills.
• Kept growing themselves. All of my mentors were curious and inquisitive. Sometimes the roles were reversed. They asked what I was reading, and then read the books themselves – so they could learn and we could discuss the ideas.
• Gave me direct, constructive feedback. They held me to high standards. They congratulated me when I met their expectations. They corrected me when I failed to do so – but in a manner where I learned what not to do the next time.
• Were respected by their colleagues. Choosing someone who is highly regarded in his or her field or company is one of the best ways to identify a mentor.
• Sought out and valued the opinions of others. My best mentor always told me to listen most carefully to the people with whom I disagreed – in that way I might learn something. And, he was right.
Here are some of the tips I gleaned from the SUCCESS article on how to get the most out of a mentoring relationship.
• Work hard to build a trusting relationship with your mentor.
• Make meeting with your mentor a priority.
• Demonstrate trust in your mentor.
• Set goals for your mentoring relationship.
• Review your goals and progress towards them frequently in discussions with your mentor.
• Follow through on commitments you make in discussions with your mentor.
• Ask your mentor for feedback – both positive and negative.
• Take this feedback to heart and use it to help you meet your goals.
• Ask questions in discussions with your mentor. Listen actively to his or answers.
• Use the differences between you and your mentor – in perspective and style – to your advantage.
• Be willing to take risks to use the advice you get from your mentor.
• Seek networking opportunities – for both you and your mentor. Identify opportunities from which you both can benefit.
The common sense point here is clear. Successful people are self confident. Mentors can help you become more self confident and to become a personal and professional success. Do you want to find a mentor? Just look around you. Who are the people you admire and want to emulate? Watch what they do, and do the same. If you want to create a mentoring relationship, all you have to do is ask. Go to the people you admire. Tell them that you hold them and their judgment in high esteem and that you would like to learn from them. Ask if you can impose on their time to get answers to your questions and the advice you need. Everybody likes sincere flattery. I have never had anyone turn me down when I’ve asked this way.
That’s my take on how positive people like mentors can help you become more self confident and successful. What’s yours? Have you had any mentors in your life and career? Give them a shout out by leaving a comment telling us how they helped you. As always thanks for reading.
Dynamic communication skills are one of the keys to success that I discuss in Straight Talk for Success. If you want to become a dynamic communicator, you need to master three skills: 1) Conversation; 2) Writing; and 3) Presenting.
I’ve been looking over the transcripts of my old internet radio show. I had some pretty interesting guests who said some pretty interesting things. Debra Fine, author of the best seller The Fine Art of Small Talk was one of my guests. We discussed how to become a good conversationalist.
Here is part of what Debra had to say…
Bud: What are some icebreakers or conversation starters that shy people – or anyone—can use to get a conversation going?
Debra: Don’t be afraid to dig deeper. When you say to them “how’s work” they’re going to say “pretty good” or “good” or “great” or whatever. Dig in deeper, let them know you’re sincere with one more question, “So, what’s been going on with work, Bud, since the last time we talked”, or if you say to somebody “how were your holidays” and they say “great”, “well, what did you do over the holidays that you enjoyed the most?” Let them know you are sincere, when you are sincere, when you have the time.
We say to our friends, “how are you Bud?”, “great”, you got to follow up with something like “Bud, bring me up to date – what’s been going on in your life since the last time I saw you?” Now Bud knows I really want to know how he is, otherwise “how are you” means “hello”. That’s all it means. My own husband will walk into the house and say “how was your day” and I’ll say “pretty good” because my guess is my husband doesn’t really want to know how my day is and this is my second husband, Bud, okay? And he doesn’t want to know. But if he digs in deeper, I’ll know that he was interested.
Okay, so that’s just one tip. We don’t want to become FBI agents, that’s why that one following question is important, but no more after that. You don’t want to do one of these numbers, “Bud, what do you do?” So, what’s your answer to that, Bud?
Bud: Well, I’m a consultant, speaker, and right now, an internet radio show host.
Debra: And, Bud, it sounds like you have an accent from back east, so what part of the country are you from?
Bud: Pittsburgh.
Debra: Look at what just happened. I said “what do you do, Bud” and you said consultant, etc. and I said it sounds like you have an accent, like you’re from back east or something and you responded to that. I became an FBI agent. That was the point of that little shtick. If you’re going to start with “what do you do,” stay on topic.
Bud: You make a great point here. People get uncomfortable if you jump around in conversations because it gets them off balance, they don’t know what’s coming next. So if you begin a conversation by asking somebody about their job or career, ask a follow up question about their job or career. I think this is tremendous advice -- making sure that you follow up with a question that’s on target, not something that goes off in another direction.
Debra: And I’m saying to you to make it an open-ended question. “Tell me about it, describe that for me, how was that like for you, how did you come up with that idea?” Everybody’s got to use an open-ended question if at all possible so you can open up the conversation. Do we have a couple more minutes for another tip?
Bud: Yes we do.
Debra: Okay, let’s talk about the most common response to the question, “what’s been going on in your life?” Do you know what most of us say to “what’s been going on?”
Bud: Not much.
Debra: Exactly. That’s exactly right. We say “not much” or “nothing.” And I bet you would have said “not much” if I asked you that question because that’s what first came out of your mouth just now when I asked that, and yet you told me I believe during a break that you’re going to New York tomorrow.
I think there’s a lot going on and “not much” is just a bunch of bologna, right? And that’s how it is for all of us. We’ve all said “not much” and what we really mean is “there’s so much going on, I can’t possibly think of what it is so I’ll just say not much”. That’s what we mean. There’s just too much going on to think of what to say.
Now, if you’re just walking down the hall and don’t have time to stop and chat, a one-word answer like that is fine and dandy. But, if you’d like to connect at an annual conference when someone says to you “what’s been going on?” Please have an answer. It doesn’t have to be an elevator speech, just an answer, “well, we just introduced flex time at our company and that’s been a huge burden, but I feel like we’ve seen the worst of it, and we’re going to get through it.”
Now I have something to talk about with you, flex time. Like, how did you set it up, how does that impact you? Do you get three days off a week? I mean, give me something, it doesn’t have to be mooshy, it doesn’t have to be about your divorce. Just give me something.
If you said to me “Debra, how have you been?” I might say “well, I became an empty-nester this year and it’s really been a whole new experience, and not a sad one, a good one and I’ve really enjoyed it.” Now, did I brag about my kids, no. Did I go on and on about how perfect and gorgeous and wonderful they are? Absolutely not. I just let you know something about myself that I’m willing to talk about. If you’re not interested, you’ll go “oh, Debra, good for you, let’s talk about that contract…what do you think…?” You don’t want to chit-chat, that’s fine. Let’s get down to the business at hand.
Bud: I think that’s really great and that you’re absolutely right. The point you’re making here is that if you do go to an event and you’re somebody who is not naturally able to roll things off the tip of your tongue, be prepared, because somebody’s probably going to say to you, “what’s going on, what’s happening?”
Debra: Yes, and you get something else when you do this Bud. You become a three-dimensional person. If you sell insurance, then you’re a sales person who sells insurance. But if I ask you “how was our weekend?” and you say “it was pretty good, we went to the theater and saw Dr. Doolittle and it wasn’t as bad as all the reviews said,” you just became more than an insurance salesman, you became a human being in my mind. By saying that you went to a musical you became three dimensional. You are not just a sales person, you are now a human being. Human beings go to shows called Dr. Doolittle.
Does that make sense? “How was your weekend?” “I worked in the garden, I played on my volleyball league, I finished a good book, I’m finishing my basement.” That’s all you have to say. You don’t go on and on about it. Just give me a sentence.
Bud: A small bit of self-disclosure can be helpful and make it easy. Let me try to summarize… (A) When you enter a networking situation, put yourself out, introduce yourself to somebody. (B) When somebody introduces themselves to you, be three-dimensional. Do a little bit of self-disclosure. Be willing to say something about yourself.
Debra: Right.
Bud: One last thing, what do you do when all of a sudden there’s dead silence in a conversation?
Debra: Well, you better be prepared. The worst time to think about something to talk about, Bud, is when there’s nothing to talk about. So my rule for myself, and I wrote a book about it, is if I’m going to take you out to lunch and you’re a customer or client, I’ve got two to three things in the back of my head ready to go just in case we have nothing to talk about. Maybe it’s current events. Maybe it’s something I already know about you. You have a wife, her name is Cathy, she used to be a flight attendant. Do you understand? Have some questions in the back of your head, to be able to keep conversations moving when there’s that huge awkward silence. You’ve got to be prepared. It’s not a big deal to be prepared. It takes one whole minute. It’s not like a Yoga class.
That’s some great common sense on becoming a great conversationalist from Debra Fine, author of The Fine Art of Small Talk.
The common sense point here is clear. Successful people are dynamic communicators. Dynamic communicators are great conversationalists. Great conversationalists know how to begin conversations and keep them going. Questions are a great way to open conversations. Use open ended, not yes or no, questions. Follow up with a comment or a question that follows in the same vein. When someone asks you a question, become three dimensional by being willing to disclose something about yourself as a person. If you know who you are going to be seeing, think back to the last time you saw that person. Think about what you discussed. Keep these things in the back of your mind. They can help you prevent awkward silences in your conversation.
That’s what Debra Fine and I think about conversation skills. What do you think? Please leave a comment sharing your thoughts with us. As always, thanks for reading.
