April 10, 2009
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Interpersonal competence is one of the keys to personal and professional success that I discuss in Straight Talk for Success. If you want to become interpersonally competent, you need to do three things. 1) Get to know yourself. Use this self knowledge to better understand others. 2) Build long term, supportive and mutually beneficial relationships with the people in your life. 3) Resolve conflict positively. Use conflict as an opportunity to strengthen, not weaken your relationships.
The May 209 issue of SUCCESS Magazine arrived in my mailbox the other day. It’s a great issue that features a lot of successful women. The “From the Archives” column featured a 1977 piece on Carol Burnett, for my money the greatest female comedian ever. Cathy is a Carol Burnett fan. I gave her the article. Two days later I went looking for the magazine as I wanted to use it to write a blog post. Cathy hadn’t realized that I wasn’t done with it. She had trashed it. Fortunately we recycle. So I went right to our paper recycling bin and dug through it to find my precious copy of SUCCESS. It was there and dry. What a relief!
I really love SUCCESS. Every issue is full of great information, advice and motivation. If you’re not already a subscriber, I suggest you go to www.success.com and subscribe. You’ll be glad you did.
The May 2009 issue has an article about Patrick McGovern, founder of International Data Group, a $3 billion company that he founded in 1964 using the $5,000 he got from selling his car as start up money. Patrick shared his success strategies in a sidebar to the article. Three of them are closely tied to my message in Straight Talk: optimism, lifelong learning and building relationships by helping others succeed.
Here’s what Mr. McGovern has to say about helping others succeed…
“The key to any business success is making someone else successful, so always look for ways you can help other people succeed.”
These words embody the ideas behind interpersonal competence. When you help others, you help yourself. The more you can help other people succeed, the more they will want to help you succeed. This is a win/win situation, and something that interpersonally competent people do well and regularly.
If you read this blog with any regularity you know that I am a big believer in building relationships by giving with no expectation of return. I believe that there is no room for quid pro quo in strong relationships.
This is a quid pro quo world: you do for me and I’ll do for you. While there is nothing wrong in reciprocating a good deed or a favor, there is a fundamental problem with quid pro quo. It is reactive not proactive. Too many people wait for others to go first. They adopt the attitude, “When, and if, you do for me, I’ll do for you.” This scarcity mentality is not conducive to building strong relationships. When you come from a scarcity mentality, you focus more on holding on to what you have, rather than helping others – and yourself – get more.
On the other hand, giving with no expectation of return comes from a proactive, abundance mentality. When you give with no expectation of return, you are acknowledging the abundance of the universe. You are demonstrating faith that the good you do will benefit others close to you and the world at large – and that good things will come back to you.
Giving with no expectation of return is ironic. I have found that the more I give and help, the more I receive; often from unlikely sources. But that’s not my reason for giving and helping and I hope it is not yours. The best reason for giving and helping is the basic joy of making a difference in other people’s lives. Do that and the rest will take care of itself.
I love the Liberty Mutual responsibility ads. They are a very visual demonstration of the ideas behind creating WE – especially giving with no expectation of return. You’ve probably seen them. They begin with someone going a little out of his or her way to do something that benefits others; picking up a piece of trash, opening a door for another person who’s hands are full. Another person observes this and goes out of his or her way for someone else. The cycle repeats several times during the ad. The message is clear. We are all better off when we help each other.
In the end, giving help with no expectation of return comes down to your mentality – scarcity or abundance. If you come from a scarcity mentality, you will live by quid pro quo, and find it difficult to build long term supportive and mutually beneficial relationships. If you come from an abundance mentality, you will give with no expectation of return and begin to create strong relationships.
I choose abundance. I agree with Winston Churchill who once said, “We make a living by what we get, we make a life by what we give.” When you give with no expectation of return you will get a good life and strong relationships that will see you through difficult times.
The common sense point here is simple. Successful people are interpersonally competent. Interpersonally competent people build strong relationships with the people in their lives. You can build strong relationships by helping others succeed. Go first. Forget about quid pro quo. Pay it forward. Do what you can for other people and you’ll build strong relationships that will help you become a personal and professional success and live a fulfilling life.
That’s my take on relationship building by helping others succeed. What’s yours? Please leave a comment sharing your thoughts. If you have experienced positive karma by having one of your good deeds repaid in an unlikely manner, tell us about it. As always, thanks for reading.
Bud
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April 9, 2009
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Dynamic communication skills are one of the keys to success that I discuss in Straight Talk for Success. If you want to become a dynamic communicator you need to master three fundamental skills: 1) Conversation, 2) Writing, and 3) Presenting.
Of these three, presenting seems to cause the most angst among people. Recently, I discovered a great electronic newsletter: Presentation Xpert. I was impressed with the quality of the content. I got in touch with John Quincy, the editor. He asked if I would like to submit an article. I did and it was published in the March 2009 issue. You can see it here: http://editor.ne16.com/he/vo.aspx?FileID=76d3538d-18b1-4b66-9492-03300049c6ad&MemberID=371437847&MailID=8868823
There’s a lot of other content in this issue, I urge you to read it in its entirety and to subscribe.
The common sense point here is simple. Successful people are dynamic communicators. Dynamic communicators excel at three basic communication skills: conversation, writing and presenting. Presenting to a group is a gut wrenching experience for many people. As I discuss in my article in the March 2009 issue of Presentation Xpert, presenting is a process like any other. And like any other process, it can be broken down into a series of steps. Follow the steps and you’ll do a great presentation – you’ll even be able to control your nerves.
That’s my take on presentation skills. What’s yours? Please leave a comment sharing your presentation triumphs and mess ups. We can all learn from one another. As always, thanks for reading.
Bud
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April 8, 2009
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Outstanding performance is one of the keys to personal and professional success that I discuss in Straight Talk for Success. If you want to become an outstanding performer you need to do three things. 1) Stay on top of your game by becoming a lifelong learner. 2) Set and achieve high goals. 3) Get organized. Manage your time, life and stress well.
Lifelong learning is important because the half life of knowledge is getting shorter and shorter. If you don’t keep learning, you won’t even keep up, you’ll fall behind in the knowledge that you need to become an outstanding performer.
My best suggestion for becoming a lifelong learner is simple. Read. Read technical journals. Read trade magazines. Read business publications like “The Wall Street Journal”, “Business Week”, “Fortune” and “Forbes.” If you think they’re too stodgy, read “Fast Company.” Read your company’s annual report. Read your competitors’ annual reports. Read your local newspaper and “The New York Times”. Read news magazines like “Newsweek” and “Time.” Read business and industry blogs. Read books. Reading is the best way to stay up with what’s happening in business, in your industry and in the world.
There are other things you can do to keep learning. Attend seminars. Join the major groups or trade associations for your industry. Attend their meetings and participate. Volunteer for committee work. Become known locally in your field. Take a class at your local university. Use your company’s tuition reimbursement program to get a free undergraduate or Masters degree.
But there is one other very powerful way to keep learning. Pay attention to the people in your life – and not just those from whom you think you can learn something. Pay attention to everybody. The other day I came across a quote from Galileo, the father of modern astronomy…
“I have never met a man so ignorant that I could not learn something from him.”
I love this quote because it makes a great point about the importance of lifelong learning, it also reinforces the worth of each person.
We all have our strengths -- things we do well – and our weaknesses – things we don’t do well or need to learn to do. If you’re humble enough to admit to your weaknesses, you can learn a surprising amount of things from a surprising amount of people. A little humility can really help you learn.
The other day, I was in my local bike shop. They employ several mechanics, most of whom – both men and women – are heavily tattooed and pierced. I was watching one of the mechanics deal with an upset customer. From what I could tell, the customer was making some pretty ridiculous demands – and not in a pleasant way.
I was wondering if the mechanic was going to smack him with a wrench. I would have been tempted to do so if someone was treating me in such an obnoxious manner. Instead, he stayed calm and listened. He made sure he got the facts of the situation correct. He explained the store’s responsibility and the customer’s responsibility in this situation. By the time he was finished the customer not only agreed with him, he apologized for his behavior.
While I try to not judge people by appearances, I probably would not look to learn something about customer service from a 25 year old guy with tattoos and piercings. (My prejudices are showing through here I’m embarrassed to say.) Yet, because I watched I really learned something about how to resolve conflict. In two words, I learned to “stay calm.” That’s what this young man did.
The common sense point here is simple. Successful people are outstanding performers. Outstanding performers are lifelong learners. You can learn from everybody – if you keep your eyes open and are humble. Pay attention to what’s happening around you. If you do, you’ll be surprised at the useful information you can pick up in some unlikely situations and from some unlikely people.
That’s my take on being humble to learn. What’s yours? Please leave a comment sharing your thoughts with us. As always, thanks for reading.
Bud
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April 7, 2009
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Positive personal impact is one of the keys to personal and professional success that I discuss in Straight Talk for Success. If you want to create positive personal impact you need to do three things. 1) Develop and nurture your unique personal brand. 2) Be impeccable in your presentation of self – in person and on line. 3) Be polite. Know and follow the basic rules of etiquette.
No matter how polite you are, you are likely to encounter rude people. A truly polite person will not respond in kind. Last week I did a post in which I mentioned P M Forni’s great little book The Civility Solution: What to Do When People Are Rude. I highlighted his eight rules for a civil life.
In this post, I’d like to focus on what Mr. Forni calls “The Terrible Ten;” a list of what his research shows are the top ten rude behaviors. Take a look…
1. Discriminating in an employment situation.
2. Driving in an erratic or aggressive way that endangers others.
3. Taking credit for someone else’s work.
4. Treating service people as inferiors.
5. Jokes and remarks that mock another’s race, gender, age, disability, sexual preference or religion.
6. Aggressive behavior or bullying.
7. Littering (including trash, spit and pet waste).
8. Misusing handicapped privileges.
9. Smoking in designated non-smoking areas.
10. Using cell phones of texting during conversations or meetings
Which of these drive you crazy? Which of these are you guilty of?
Sometimes I drive a little too fast, but in large part, I think I am not guilty of these terrible ten. I work at being the opposite of many of them. I never litter, and often pick up “clean” – paper, soda cans or cups -- pieces of litter than I find. Pet waste is a pet peeve of mine, but I don’t carry plastic bags to pick up after pets whose owners don’t do so.
I go out of my way to treat everybody I meet with respect. Service workers appreciate this. I can tell from the surprise on their faces that not enough people do the same. I fly a lot, and often get upgrades. I’m often shocked by how curt and rude people are toward flight attendants. Of course, Cathy my wife, was a flight attendant for over 30 years. I’ve heard some pretty crazy stories.
Smoking in non smoking areas is another one that drives me crazy. Bans on smoking are common these days. 20 years ago that wasn’t the case. Elevators were one of the first places in which smoking was banned. I remember getting on an elevator that was clearly marked “No Smoking in the Elevator” and encountering a guy who was lighting up a cigarette. I said to him in a polite way, “You know you’re not supposed to smoke on this elevator.”
His answer was so bizarre that I remember it to this day. “You think that just because you’re a big guy, you can push me around?” I guess in his mind, the best defense was a good offense. I just said, “No. I’m not trying to push your around. I just was telling you that the sign right there says ‘no smoking.’ I would appreciate it if you would put out your cigarette.” He said, “you can’t bully me.” By that time, we were at his floor and he got off the elevator, giving me a one finger salute.
I’m sure you have just as many stories about these “Terrible Ten” as I do, so I won’t bore you with any more of my stories.
Mr. Forni suggests that the best way to deal with rude behavior is to act assertively, not aggressively. When you are assertive, you stand up for yourself and your rights in a manner that doesn’t demean or diminish the other person. That’s what I was trying to do by pointing out to the fellow that smoking wasn’t permitted on the elevator, and by telling him that I wasn’t trying to bully him with my size, but merely asking that he not smoke in a very confined space.
Often, being assertive works. Sometimes it doesn’t -- as my elevator example shows. However, even when being assertive doesn’t work, it is still better than being aggressive or abusive. Don’t call names, don’t get physical with people to get your way. Try your best to politely get them to change their rude behavior. If you’re not successful, so be it. Don’t sink to the other person’s level. It never makes sense to combat rudeness with rudeness.
The common sense point here is simple. Successful people create positive personal impact. People who create positive personal impact are polite. They respond to rude behavior in an assertive, not aggressive manner. Stand up for yourself in ways that don’t bully or demean other people. Be clear about what you would like, but do it in a civil polite way. As my grandmother used to say, “You get more flies with honey than vinegar.” A polite request is often the best way to get someone to stop his or her rude behavior.
That’s my take on how to deal with rude people, what’s yours? Please leave a comment sharing your thoughts with us. As always, thanks for reading.
Bud
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April 6, 2009
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Self confidence is one of the keys to personal and professional success that I discuss in Straight Talk for Success. If you want to become self confident you need to do three things. 1) Choose optimism. 2) Face your fears and act. 3) Surround yourself with positive people.
These days when I speak to people about optimism, I always get a few comments like, “How can I be optimistic? I’m worried about losing my job – or I have lost my job.” “It’s tough to be an optimist today; just look at the economy.”
I agree. Things are tough right now. However, getting into a doom and gloom mood is not likely to help them get better anytime soon. I choose to focus on the bright side. When I start to get down, I always go back to The Optimist Creed. I have a copy hanging next to my desk. If you want a copy that you can frame and hang in your workspace, go to http://budbilanich.com/optimist.
Last week, I came across two articles in the Denver Post on Optimism. The first was called “Wearing Optimism on Your Sleeve.” It was a story about “no complaints” bracelets, designed by Will Bowen, a pastor in Kansas City. He also has written a book called A Complaint Free World.
The no complaints bracelets are made of purple rubber. You wear them on your wrist. When you find yourself complaining, you switch the bracelet from one wrist to the other. The idea is to stay positive and optimistic by controlling your thoughts. Instead of complaining about a situation you don’t like, ask yourself what you can do to change it. These no complaints bracelets are a wearable version of The Optimist Creed.
Will Bowen really gets it when he says, “One reason people complain is to remove themselves from responsibility. They are the town crier, and now they’re done. They don’t have to take an active role in fixing the problem.”
He’s right, complaining may seem like action, but it isn’t. You’ve got to act.
That brings me to the second optimism story I saw last week. It was called, “Reporter Puts Optimism First—and On a T-Shirt.” Suzanne McCarroll is a TV reporter in Denver. She has just completed a chemo therapy regimen to treat breast cancer. She is now cancer free. She says her cancer experience, “made me appreciate what a nice life most of us have. If you’re healthy, there’s a world of opportunity to get back on track.”
When she meets people who are complaining about a setback in their lives, she gives them a T-shirt that reads: “Too Blessed To Be Stressed.” Suzanne is right too. Most of us are blessed in many ways. We just forget about our blessings when we get stressed. I like her idea. The next time you are feeling stressed, take a minute to think of how much you are blessed. This will help you regain your sense of optimism.
The common sense point here is simple. Stuff happens; good stuff, bad stuff, all kinds of stuff. The stuff isn’t important. How you react to it is. Successful people are self confident and optimistic. They choose to react to tough stuff in a proactive manner. Will Bowen suggests wearing a bracelet that you move from one wrist to another when you find yourself complaining. Suzanne McCarroll, a breast cancer survivor, looks to her blessings when she gets stressed. I read The Optimist Creed. The important thing is to choose to react positively to the negative stuff in your life. This will build your self confidence and give you the strength to do what you can to change negative situations.
That’s my take on optimism and personal responsibility. What’s yours? Please leave a comment sharing your thoughts with us. As always, thanks for reading.
Bud
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April 3, 2009
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Interpersonal competence is one of the keys to personal and professional success that I discuss in Straight Talk for Success. If you want to become interpersonally competent, you need to do three things. 1) Get to know yourself. Use this self knowledge to better understand the people around you. 2) Build strong, lasting relationships with the people in your life. 3) Resolve conflict in a positive manner.
Interpersonally competent people have strong characters. Chris Peterson and Martin Seligman have developed a list of 24 character strengths that they say “exist and are valued in cultures around the globe.” In other words, these are universal character strengths. They call their framework the VIA (Values in Action) Classification of Strengths and Virtues. Take a look…
Strengths of Knowledge – Related to acquiring and using new information
• Creativity
• Curiosity
• Love of learning
• Perspective (wisdom)
• Open-mindedness
Strengths of Courage – Related to maintaining will power in the face of opposition
• Bravery
• Persistence
• Integrity
• Vitality
Strengths of Humanity – Centered on relationships with others
• The capacity to love and receive love
• Kindness
• Social intelligence
Strengths of Justice – Supporting the best possible interaction among a group
• Citizenship
• Fairness
• Leadership
Strengths of Temperance – Those that protect from excess
• Forgiveness/mercy
• Modesty/humility
• Prudence
• Self-regulation
Strengths of Transcendence – Those that form connections with a larger whole
• Appreciation of excellence and beauty
• Gratitude
• Hope
• Humor
• Spirituality
This is a very interesting list – and a great guide to interpersonal competence. If you embody these 24 strengths you are likely to be able to build solid lasting relationships.
In which of these are you strong? In which of these do you need some work?
Here are my top three strengths:
• Curiosity
• Persistence
• Hope
On the other hand, I need to work on these three:
• Open-mindedness
• Self-regulation
• Gratitude
How about you?
The common sense point here is simple. Successful people are interpersonally competent. Interpersonally competent people understand themselves. If you’re wondering how to better understand yourself, the Values in Action Classification of Strengths and Virtues is a great place to start. Take out a sheet of paper list the 24 strengths – Creativity, Curiosity, Love of Learning, Perspective, Open-mindedness, Bravery, Persistence, Integrity, Vitality, Capacity to Love, Kindness, Social Intelligence, Citizenship, Fairness, Leadership, Forgiveness, Modesty, Prudence, Self-regulation, Appreciation of Excellence and Beauty, Gratitude, Hope, Humor, Spirituality -- down the side. Create three columns: 1) A real strength for me. 2) I’m OK at this. 3) I need to work on this. Put each of the 24 strengths into one of the three columns. Use your strengths to help you build relationships. Work on making those in which you are just OK a strength, and on those on which you need to work to the point where you are OK.
That’s my take on the Values In Action Classification of Strengths and Virtues and how you can use it to become more interpersonally competent. What’s yours? Please leave a comment sharing your thoughts. Better yet share your top and bottom three as I have done above. As always, thanks for reading.
Bud
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April 2, 2009
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Dynamic communication is one of the keys to success that I discuss in Straight Talk for Success. If you want to become a dynamic communicator, you need to develop three basic skills: 1) conversation, 2) writing and 3) presenting.
Email is a written communication skill. Unfortunately, many people don’t seem to understand that the basic rules of writing and courtesy apply when using email. My friend Lydia Ramsey recently wrote a great article on email communication and etiquette. She has graciously allowed me to reprint it here…
"bvEmail: Be Brief, But Not Abrupt
How many e-mail messages do you receive that are not personalized in any way? The sender goes straight to the message without ever acknowledging you by name? The communication ends just as abruptly without a signature. The assumption, of course, is that your inbox will reveal the sender's name
While e-mail is meant to brief and to the point, it is not intended to be impersonal. E-mail has become the cold call of today's business world. Would you make a cold call without a greeting or an introduction? Would you make a cold call without attempting to establish a relationship? The answer of course is ‘no.’ So why would anyone send e-mail without a personal touch?
I often receive messages through my website. I never cease to be amazed at how many people fail to address me by name. They ask a question or request information and proceed to close without leaving their name, contact information or a kind word.
Business is built on relationships and first impressions. If you want to grow your business using the internet, keep in mind that your e-mail messages still require courtesy and cordiality.
Begin by using the person's name, add warmth to your message and close with your name and contact information.
A businessman recently cited an e-mail incident that turned him off and cost the other person a significant piece of business. He was requesting information and suggesting future business opportunities with the recipient. The reply that came back to him had a subject line that read, ‘Attached.’ That was it! There was no greeting, no message, no words of appreciation, no explanation of the attachment and no closing.
I leave it to you to decide if he opened the attachment or if he engaged in any follow-up.
Here is one example of how the reply should have been composed:
Dear Mr. Chase:
Thank you for your interest in my programs. I have attached the information you requested. Should you have any questions, please feel free to contact me by phone at 843-224-4233 or by e-mail at ssmith@bigbusiness.com.
I look forward to hearing from you.
Warmest regards,
Sam Smith
Big Business Inc.
Many of us have reached a point where we will do anything to save time; but if we lose business in the process, are those few extra minutes we gain worth the price we pay?"
The common sense point here is simple. Successful people are dynamic communicators. Dynamic communicators have well developed conversation, writing and presentation skills. People often forget that the rules of courtesy that govern other written communication also apply to email communication. If you want to write emails that communicate and build relationships follow Lydia Ramsey’s advice. Be polite, begin with the other person’s name and end with a brief signature like “All the best” or “Warmest regards” and your name.
That’s my take – and Lydia Ramsey’s take on email etiquette. What’s yours? Please leave a comment sharing your thoughts with us. As always, thanks for reading.
Bud
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April 1, 2009
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Outstanding performance is one of the keys to personal and professional success I discuss in Straight Talk for Success. If you want to become an outstanding performer you need to do three things. 1) Stay on top of your game by becoming a lifelong learner. 2) Set and achieve high goals. 3) Get organized. Manage your time, life and stress well.
In the past week or so, I’ve come across the same unattributed quote several times…
“There is no elevator to success. You have to take the stairs.”
I wish I knew who first said that because I’d love to have a conversation with him or her. The hard work that taking the stairs implies is necessary to reach your goals and to become an outstanding performer.
In Smile & Move, Sam Parker suggests you become an outstanding performer by starting early and going long…
“Starting or leaving on time – whether it’s at work, a meeting or at an event – is what’s expected. And if we do only what’s expected, we can be fairly sure we’ll rarely enjoy any special result.
“A couple of quick questions…Of the 20 or so days you work each month, how many times do you start earlier than what is expected of you? How many times do you work longer hours than are required?
“To start early and go long sends a message of purpose, commitment and respect to others and yourself – and assures better results over time. To be even one minute late, or rarely be challenged ending your day on time, send a completely different message.”
I know this might seem contrary to the advice in The 4 Hour Work Week. But I believe that starting early and going long are keys to high performance and success. Neither Sam nor I suggest that you should always be the first one in the office and the last to leave. However, a little bit of extra effort pays off in the long run. Coming in 30 minutes early or staying 30 minutes later can give you the time it takes to do an excellent, not acceptable, job on a project. It can give you the time necessary to take on and complete extra work that can help your company – and get you some recognition.
In The Slight Edge, Jeff Olson suggests identify specific dreams and goals and then answer three questions for each dream and goal.
- What price will I have to pay to achieve this goal?
- What is my plan for achieving this goal?
- What one simple daily discipline will I incorporate into my life to achieve this goal?
Often the price you have to pay and the daily discipline you’ll need to incorporate into your life is taking the stairs by starting early and going long.
The common sense point here is simple. Successful people are outstanding performers. Outstanding performers set and achieve high goals. If you’re going to set goals, they might as well be high. If you’re going to achieve high goals, you need to “start early and go long.” Starting early and going long means that you will have to pay some price and incorporate some discipline into your daily life. If you’re willing to pay the price and act in a disciplined manner you will not reach, you’ll exceed your goals.
That’s my take on hard work and paying the price of success. What’s yours? Please leave a comment sharing your thoughts with us. As always, thanks for reading.
Bud
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March 30, 2009
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Self confidence is one of the keys to personal and professional success that I discuss in Straight Talk for Success. If you want to become self confident, you need to do three things. 1) Become and optimist. 2) Face your fears and act. 3) Surround yourself with positive people.
Mentors are positive people by definition. It takes a positive person to give of himself of herself to help another learn, grow and succeed.
The term “mentor” comes from The Odyssey. Odysseus entrusted the care of his son, Telemachus, to Mentor when he set out to fight the Trojan War. The best mentors will help you learn and grow by sharing their knowledge and wisdom with you. In this way, you can benefit from their experience without having to suffer the consequences of gaining that experience firsthand.
You’re never too old to benefit from a mentoring relationship. I am 58 years old and I am working with a mentor 20 years younger than me. I’m working with Mike Litman because he has specialized knowledge I don’t have and I can accelerate my learning, by taking advantage of his knowledge and wisdom.
What makes for a good mentor? A good mentor…
M Motivates you do accomplish more than you think you can.
E Expects the best from you.
N Never gives up on you or lets you give up on yourself.
T Tells you the truth – even when it hurts.
O Occasionally kicks your butt.
R Really cares about you and your success.
I don’t know about you, but anyone who motivates me, expects the best from me, never gives up on me or lets me give up on myself, tells me the truth, kicks my butt when I need it and really cares about me is a pretty positive person. I want as many of those kinds of people in my life as I can get. Mike Litman is one of those people. That’s why I rely on him.
You can enhance your self confidence by mentoring others. It’s never too early to become a mentor. We all have something to give. The sooner you begin giving the better. If you’re in college, you can mentor high school students. If you’re a recent graduate, you can mentor others still in school.
Mentoring is a great way to serve others. The more you serve others, the more confidence – and success – will come your way. Besides that, you’ll find that you’ll grow by mentoring. As you reflect on your life experiences and distill them into some nuggets that you can share with others your knowledge will become wisdom.
Focus on the person you are mentoring. Its’ not about you – it’s about him or her. Accept him or her for who he or she is. Help him or her proceed at his or her own place. The best mentoring relationships are guided by the person being mentored.
Mentoring should be a positive experience for both of you. Never treating someone you are mentoring as incompetent or incapable. Rather, think of him or her as someone lacking in experience who needs guidance – exactly where you probably were when you were in his or her shoes. Don’t criticize. Help the other person think through the consequences of his or her behavior and to identify more positive ways of handling difficult or troubling situations.
The common sense point here is clear. Successful people are self confident. Self confident people surround themselves with positive people. Mentors, by definition, are positive people. Find people to mentor you whenever you are engaged in a new activity. Give back by mentoring others. The more you surround yourself with positive people, the more self confident you will become. By being a positive person, you will help others build their self confidence.
That’s my take on mentoring and self confidence. What’s yours? Please leave a comment sharing your thoughts with us. As always, thanks for reading.
Bud
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March 26, 2009
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Dynamic communication is one of the keys to personal and professional success that I discuss in Straight Talk for Success. If you want to become a dynamic communicator, you have to master three basic skills: 1) conversation, 2) writing, and 3) presenting.
Conversation skills are really important for success. If you are a good conversationalist, you can speak to anyone at any time. This can be really helpful in building a solid network of contacts on whom you can rely as you move through your life and career.
People tell me that I’m a good conversationalist. I like to hear that because I work hard at conversation. I really listen to what other people have to say. And, I’m lucky because I genuinely like meeting and speaking new people. But listening well and liking people isn’t always enough.
Here are some of the tips that have helped me in my quest to become a good conversationalist.
- Be honest. When you’re honest, you don’t have to remember what lies you told to what person. Honesty, besides being the best policy, makes your life easier.
- Be humble. Braggarts generally don’t fare well over the long run. Remember the old saying “lions don’t need to roar”.
- Be courteous. It cost you nothing, and it can mean everything to the other person. Courtesy also helps you get what you want. You really do get my flies with honey than vinegar.
- Look at the person with whom you’re having a conversation. People like it when you look them in the eye. They trust you more.
- Use a person’s name when you are in conversation. Everybody likes to hear their own name.
- Let people finish what they are saying. When you interrupt, you run the risk of annoying the other person; but more importantly, you run the bigger risk of missing something important that he or she has to say.
- Keep your cool. Any fool can get upset and angry. It takes a real lady or gentleman to handle difficult situations calmly and with aplomb.
- Be responsible for yourself. No one can make you angry. No matter what another person does, you can always choose to act in a civil, forthright, constructive manner.
- Build and nurture relationships with other people. Extend yourself. Show some initiative, introduce yourself to people you don’t know, engage them in conversation.
- Work hard at relating to all kinds of people. People who are different from you might make you feel uncomfortable at first. However, they are the people from whom you are likely to learn the most.
- Listen well and demonstrate your point of view. Ask questions if you don’t understand. Repeat your understanding to make sure you got it right.
- Be receptive to feedback. Thank the other person for his or her feedback. Use it as you see fit.
The common sense point here is simple. Successful people are dynamic communicators. Outstanding communicators are great conversationalists. If you want to become a great conversationalist, you need to develop a genuine interest in other people and what they have to say. You need to listen well and respond in an appropriate manner. Being honest, humble and courteous are important if you want to become known as a great conversationalist. You can build a strong foundation for your personal and professional success by learning and practicing a few simple common sense conversation skills.
That’s my take on conversation skills and success. What’s yours? Who are the great conversationalists in your life? Leave a comment telling us why they are so good. I really appreciate all of the comments I receive. As always, thanks for reading.
Bud
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