April 30, 2009
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Dynamic communication skills are one of the keys to personal and professional success that I discuss in Straight Talk for Success. If you want to become a dynamic communicator, you need to do master three basic but important skills: 1) conversation, 2) writing, 3) presenting.
Yesterday, I did a webcast previewing some of the ideas in my forthcoming book, 42 Rules to Jumpstart Your Professional Success. If you didn’t get a chance to listen live, you can find the audio here: http://www.brighttalk.com/dcemail_redirect/webcast/2704
I’m so excited about the impending release of 42 Rule to Jumpstart Your Professional Success (eBook in Late June, hard copy in Late July) I’ve decided to give you a sneak peek at one of the rules on communication.
Yesterday, I shared a story I heard from James Malinchak about how he set and achieved a goal of getting a college basketball scholarship. It was a powerful story that reinforced the point of doing whatever it takes to achieve your goal.
Rule 32 in 42 Rules to Jumpstart Your Professional Success is “Stories Make Presentations Come Alive.” Here it is…
Stories are a powerful way to communicate. We all learn through stories. I’ve come up with a simple three-step formula that anyone can use to create powerful stories that will help you make your point.
First, identify your truth – something that in your heart of hearts you know to be “true.” Second, think of the critical experiences you’ve had that have led you to this “truth.” Third, shape those experiences into a story that you can tell at the drop of a hat.
Here’s an example of how I have used this formula. It’s a real story I often tell in my talks.
“One of the things that I know to be true is that if I am going to be a good communicator, I must meet other people where they are, not where I would like them to be. Let me tell you how I know this.
“Several years ago, I had an assignment to conduct a team-building session for a manufacturing plant manager and his staff. The client was a friend of mine. I knew him well.
“I arrived at his office about 5:00 the afternoon of the day before our session. He said, “Do you have an agenda for tomorrow’s meeting?”
“I said, “Well, first we’ll do A, then B, followed by C. We’ll finish up with D.”
“He said, “Do you have an agenda?”
“At first, I thought he hadn’t been listening to what I just said, so I repeated myself: “First we’ll do A, then B, followed by C. We’ll finish up with D.”
“He said, “Yes, I know. That’s what you just said. Do you have an agenda?”
“At that point, it dawned on me that he was looking for a printed agenda. I said ‘No, but we really don’t need one. I’ve done a lot of meetings like this. It will go fine.’
“He said, ‘I’m not comfortable winging it.’ So we created an agenda using PowerPoint.
“The next day, the meeting went off without a hitch. We followed the agenda that I had in my head and he had on the PowerPoint slide. Everyone agreed that it was one of the best meetings of this type that they had ever attended.
“My client said, ‘It was a great meeting, but I still think we were lucky because we were winging it.’ That frustrated me, but I didn’t say anything.
“On the flight home, I thought about what happened. He thought we were winging it, and I thought we were following a well thought-out plan. The difference – he needs more structure than me. The piece of paper with the agenda was very important to him and his sense of order. To me, the paper wasn’t necessary, because I knew in my head what to do and how to do it.
“It became clear to me that if I want to influence not just this client, but anyone, I need to adapt my communication style to theirs. From that day on, I modify my communication style to meet the needs of the other person.”
As you read the story, you can see how I used my 1 – 2 – 3 formula to construct a story that I can use any time I want to help people see and learn the importance of using stories to make a key point.
The common sense point here is simple. Successful people are dynamic communicators. Dynamic communicators have mastered three basic skills: 1) conversation, 2) writing and 3) presenting. Stories enhance your presentations. They make them come alive for the people in the audience. They put a human touch on your presentations. It’s not hard to create and deliver great stories. Simply follow my 1 – 2 – 3 formula. This formula is a proven winner that will help you create and tell great stories.
That’s my take on how stories enhance presentations. What’s yours? Please leave a comment sharing your thoughts with us. As always, thanks for reading.
Bud
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April 29, 2009
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Outstanding performance is one of the keys to personal and professional success that I discuss in Straight Talk for Success. If you want to become an outstanding performer, you need to do three things. 1) Become a lifelong learner. 2) Set high goals and do whatever it takes to achieve them. 3) Get organized manage your time, life and stress well.
I take my own advice – especially when it comes to lifelong learning. I actively seek out people who know stuff that I don’t. (In my case, I don’t have to look too hard as I constantly amaze myself with what I don’t know.)
Last week I attended a boot camp for professional speakers conducted by James Malinchak. James is a great speaker and a master marketer – and he seems to know everybody who is anybody. I learned a lot at the camp.
James is a master storyteller. He told a story about doing whatever it takes to achieve your goals. When he was in high school, James decided that he wanted to get a basketball scholarship to a Division 1 school. Lots of people have this goal; not many of them are willing to put in the work necessary to achieve it.
James did two things. First, he decided to become an outstanding three point shooter. He took some money that he made from a high school job, bought a tape measure, some paint and a paint brush. He painted a regulation three point line on the playground court near his house in Monesson PA. He then spent hours perfecting his jump shot. This worked. His senior year he led his team to the PA state championship, making 75% of the three point shots he attempted during the season. If you know anything about basketball, you know that this is almost unheard of. I might not have believed it if I hadn’t seen a clipping in a college basketball publication attesting to it.
Second, and even more impressive for a high school kid, James chose 50 colleges where he would like to play basketball. He found the names and addresses of the coaches at those schools. His games were on Tuesday and Friday (just like when I was in high school in PA). Every Wednesday and Saturday, James sent the press clippings from the previous night’s games to the coaches of the 50 schools he had targeted. This was time consuming snail mail – there was no internet then. He couldn’t just shoot off an email with a link to the newspaper article.
James got a scholarship to the University of Cincinnati, a big time program. He might have become a pro, but he blew out his knee, ending his competitive basketball career. But don’t cry for James, he’s doing pretty well in his speaking and consulting gigs.
I’m telling you James’ story because it perfectly illustrates my second point about becoming an outstanding performer – set high goals and do whatever it takes to achieve them. James worked on his game. More important, he worked harder at making sure that the people who could help him reach his goal of becoming a Division 1 college basketball player knew who he was and how good he was. In short, he set a goal and did everything he had to do to achieve it. He brings this same passion and determination to his speaking and consulting work.
The common sense point here is clear. Successful people are outstanding performers. Outstanding performers set high goals. They also have a plan for achieving those goals. They work hard implementing these plans. In short, they do whatever they have to do – not want to do, or feel like doing -- to reach their goals. James Malinchak’s story is an inspiring one. He is the kind of guy who will succeed at whatever he tries because he does two things. He decides what he wants to achieve – and then he does everything he needs to do – and more to achieve it.
That’s my take on the importance of goals and the hard work necessary to achieve them. What’s yours? Please leave a comment sharing your thoughts with us. Better yet, leave a comment sharing some of your personal triumphs. We can all benefit from reading about them. As always, I thank you for taking the time to read what I’ve written.
Bud
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April 28, 2009
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The ability to create positive personal impact is one of the important keys to personal and professional success that I discuss in Straight Talk for Success. If you want to create positive personal impact, you need to do three things. 1) Create and nurture your unique personal brand. 2) Be impeccable in your presentation of self – in person and on line. 3) Know and follow the basic rules of etiquette.
While I encourage you to develop a personal brand that is unique to you, I think that every brand should be built on integrity.
Rule 15 in my forthcoming book 42 Rules to Jumpstart Your Professional Success is “Make Integrity the Cornerstone of Your Brand.” I’d like to give you a sneak peek of this rule in today’s post.
I’m doing this to not only give you a sneak peek at this rule, but to remind you that I am conducting a webinar tomorrow (April 27) at 1:00 EDT in which I will preview several of the rules in 42 Rules to Jumpstart Your Professional Success.
You can access the webcast by logging on to: http://www.brighttalk.com/webcasts/3792/attend
But for now, I want to share Rule 15 with you…
Make Integrity the Cornerstone of Your Brand
A unique and distinctive personal brand is a big part of creating positive personal impact. Your brand should reflect you and your uniqueness. However, there is one thing that I believe that should be a part of everyone’s personal brand – integrity.
According to Wikipedia, “Integrity is consistency of actions, values, methods, measures and principles.” Integrity and consistency are intertwined. People who are consistent in their actions are seen as people with a high degree of integrity.
I once saw a quote from Oprah Winfrey: “Real integrity is doing the right thing, knowing that nobody’s going to know whether you did it or not.” This is true. If you practice situational ethics – doing the right thing only when you’re in the public eye -- you aren’t really a person of high integrity, you’re just pretending to be one.
Besides, it’s hard to act one way in public, and another in private. So to be safe, resolve to act like Oprah. Do the right thing because it’s the right thing to do – not because you’ll get credit, or avoid getting into trouble.
John Maxwell is a well known business author. One of his books sends the same message. It’s called There’s No Such Thing As Business Ethics: There’s Only One Rule for Making Decisions. According to John, that rule is the Golden Rule: “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” In other words, do the right thing.
There’s a practical side to this too. Mark Twain once said, “If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.” In other words, if you’re always a person of high integrity, it’s easy to be a person of high integrity; there are no complicating factors – like remembering what you did or said in a given situation.
Polonius gave similar advice to Hamlet. “To thine own self be true, and it must follow as the day the night, thou canst be false to no man.” Roy Blackman, my father in law passed away a few years ago. This quote was his epitaph. It was on the program handed out at his funeral. Roy embodied it in how he lived his life. It was the only piece of advice he gave his grandson, Matt, as he went off to college.
Oprah, John Maxwell, Mark Twain and Shakespeare are all in agreement on one common sense point. If you want to become known as a person of high integrity – and I believe integrity is the cornerstone of any personal brand – act as a person of high integrity all the time – not just when it suits you, or when someone might notice.
Here’s a story to illustrate this point. Cathy, my wife was a flight attendant for 36 years. Seniority is a very important thing in the airline industry. It governs how you bid for trips, positions on the airplane and vacations – almost anything important to a flight attendant’s quality of work life.
Cathy was very active in her union. And seniority was one of the union’s most sacred principles. A few years before she retired, Cathy’s airline made a big push into the international market. International flight were plum assignments, they went to people with high seniority. However, the airline realized that it would be to their advantage to have some flight attendants who spoke the language of the country to which they were flying on these international flights. Most flight attendants in her airline spoke English only. The airline proposed putting two “language speakers” on each international flight. Many people, including Cathy, were upset with this arrangement as they felt it violated the seniority concept.
Cathy used to fly from the US to London. One day I said to her, “This whole language speaker issue doesn’t really affect you. You fly to London, there are no language speakers on those flights. Why do you care so much?” She said, “I believe in the concept of seniority. It doesn’t matter if I’m affected by language speakers. It’s the principal of the thing.” That’s consistency – and integrity in action.
The common sense point here is simple. Successful people create positive personal impact. A strong, unique personal brand is key to creating positive personal impact. While your personal brand should be uniquely you, integrity is one thing that should be common to all personal brand. In fact integrity should be the cornerstone of your brand. Do what you say. Under promise and over deliver. Become known as a person of integrity and you will be on your way to building a successful personal brand.
That’s my take on the importance of integrity to your personal brand. If you want to hear more of my 42 Rules to Jumpstart Your Professional Success log on to my free webinar on Wednesday April 27 at 1:00 EDT. Just go to http://www.brighttalk.com/webcasts/3792/attend and you’ll hear about more of my rules to jumpstart your professional success. As always, you have my deep and most sincere thanks for reading.
Bud
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April 27, 2009
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Self confidence is one of the keys to personal and professional success. If you want to become self confident, you need to three things. 1) Become and optimist. 2) Face your fears and act. 3) Surround yourself with positive people.
Last week, Alan Rowley, The Success Warrior, commented on one of my blog posts talking about how worry can turn to fear and paralyze us into inaction. His comment was so right on target that I asked him if he would write a guest post for this blog – something I do very seldom. Alan was gracious enough to agree. See what he has to say about “quieting the worry tornado.”
Most of us have been caught up in tornado of worry at some point in our lives. It happens when we think about changing something or taking an action outside our comfort zone. Thinking about doing something different than our past norm brings it on. The bigger the difference, the bigger the tornado. Changing jobs, starting our own business, taking a relationship to a new level, ending a relationship that no longer serves us, or giving a presentation when we have avoided talking in front of crowds all our lives can all bring on the whirling inside our heads.
Ironically, humans are caught between wanting things to be better and wanting things to stay the same. Like high and low fronts, where these two meet there is turbulence in our minds. We think about what we want and our brain immediately jumps in with some kind of objection in the form of a worry. That worry leads to another worry. That one leads to another and that one to the next. That one leads us back to some form of the very first thought we had, only this time it has gained power. As these same few thoughts circle around, they seem to gain momentum, and before long we have a gut-wrenching F5 tornado of worry spinning inside our head. Once it has reached that point, even thinking about what we really want, just in passing, can quickly bring up the tornado of thoughts and all the feelings that go with it.
Calming the storm inside your mind can be done rather quickly and easily. All it takes is a pen and a piece of paper. Sit down and start writing down all the different worries that you have about a particular choice or event. Your goal is to change every windy thought into one of concrete. I do mean all of them.
Some of them are going to seem downright silly when you go to write them. You’ll be tempted to not write them down because you realize that some of these “worries” could never actually happen.
That’s half the point of writing them down. The first half is just to get them out of your head. For most people, there is a very literal shift of thought from brain to paper. The ones that you write down will stop circling around in your head. The second half, the half about writing down worries that you now consider foolish, is to demonstrate to yourself just how many worries are created by your imagination with very little basis in reality. It weakens all future worry tornadoes because you’ll know, from doing this drill, that many of the twirling thoughts are complete fabrications of our imagination.
Consequently, all worries are based in imagination but some of them are more imaginative than others. Write them down. All of them. Show yourself that your mind is playing tricks on you.
When you think you have them all written down, sit quietly for another couple minutes and think about the event or decision and see if your mind will drum up a couple more worries for you to write down.
When you’re sure there is nothing left to worry about in your head, look over the list that you made. Go ahead and laugh out loud at the ones that are way out there. Cross each one off your list that just seems improbable now that it’s been put into words. If you’re like most people, this will wipe out most of your list.
When you’re done crossing off the unlikely, you’ll probably be left with 1 or 2 “actual” worries. Mere gusts pushing back against your desire to make a positive change where there used to be a raging tornado.
There are some techniques that you can use to diminish even these “real” worries but even without those techniques, you’ll find that you are now looking at the event or decision with a much clearer head. Worry will have given way to objectivity and the swirling thoughts will no longer be a distraction for you. You will be back in a mindset where you can go on with your daily life in a focused manner and be in a better mental place should you decide to tackle the tough decision that was once a confusing tornado of imaginative thoughts.
As always, I wish you success in all your endeavors,
The common sense point here is simple. Successful people are self confident. Self confident people face their fears and act. Worry can paralyze you into never facing your fears and acting. Alan Rowley’s suggestion about writing your worries on a piece of paper to see how foolish some of them are is pure brilliance. When you get your worries and fears down in black and white, they don’t seem as difficult – or worrisome – as they are when they’re in your head. Once you’ve cut your worries down to size, you can more easily face them and act.
That’s my take on Alan Rowley’s thoughts on how to quiet the worry tornado. What’s yours? Please leave a comment sharing your thoughts with us. Who knows, you may be the next person I ask to do a guest post here. As always, thanks for reading.
Bud
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April 22, 2009
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Happy Earth Day! I’m living a greener life today than I did one year ago. I hope you are too.
Outstanding performance is one of the keys to personal and professional success that I discuss in Straight Talk for Success. If you want to become an outstanding performer, you need to do three things. 1) Stay on top of your game by becoming a lifelong learner. 2) Set and achieve high goals. 3) Get organized. Manage your time, life and stress well.
I subscribe to the Mind Tools ezine. Yesterday I received an e mail from the Mind tools folks that posed an interesting and provocative question: “What have you learned today, Bud?”
This is a great question to ask yourself every day. The half life of knowledge is getting shorter and shorter every day. If you’re not learning, you’re not standing still, you’re falling behind. Lifelong learning is necessary for your personal and professional success. There’s no two ways about it.
I believe that my love of learning, and my lifelong pursuit of knowledge, is one of the keys to my personal and professional success. I am always learning, and always welcome opportunities to learn new things – whether directly related to my work or not.
What do you do to keep on learning?
I read – blogs, ezines books, magazines, newspapers. I have a huge collection of books on a variety of subjects. These books are the first place I turn when I am looking for information to post on my blog, when I am working with my executive coaching clients, when I am preparing a speech and when I am designing a training program. If I don’t find what I want or need in my books, I go to Google.
There are other things you can do to keep learning. Attend seminars. Join the major groups or trade associations for your industry. Attend their meetings and participate. Volunteer for committee work. Become known locally in your field. Take a class at your local university. Use your company’s tuition reimbursement program to get a free Masters degree.
If you want to become a professional success, your education should never stop. There are many ways to keep learning. Decide which ones work for you, and then follow through.
By the way, today I learned something about mastering my media image. This is important for me these days because recently I have been asked to appear as a guest on several podcasts, internet radio shows, webinars and on line videos.
I read a piece in Executive Leadership on managing media image. The author, Paul Argenti, presented some great suggestions on how to be a better guest on these types of shows. I had a basic understanding of a lot of what he had to say, but it was good to see his ideas presented in an easy to use, six bullet point format.
Again, what have you learned today? Try to learn (or relearn) something new every day.
The common sense point here is simple. Successful people are outstanding performers. Outstanding performers are technically competent. They remain technically competent because they are lifelong learners. Lifelong learning is a prerequisite for success in today’s highly competitive world. If you’re not learning, you’re not standing still, you’re falling behind. Make it a point to learn something new every day. You’ll be glad you did.
That’s my take on lifelong learning and success. What’s yours? Please leave a comment sharing your thoughts with us. As always, thanks for reading.
Bud
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April 21, 2009
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Positive personal impact is one of the keys to personal and professional success that I discuss in Straight Talk for Success. If you want to create positive personal impact, you need to do three things. 1) Develop and nurture your unique personal brand. 2) Be impeccable in your presentation of self – in person and on line. 3) Know and follow the basic rules of business etiquette.
I have a new book coming out this summer: 42 Rules to Jumpstart Your Professional Success. Over the past few weeks, I’ve been giving readers of this blog a sneak peek at what’s inside. Rule 11: Create Positive Personal Impact is an overview of some of my thoughts on creating positive personal impact. Here it is…
All successful people create positive personal impact. Positive personal impact is like charisma, only more so. People gravitate towards people with positive personal impact. When you create positive personal impact other people want to be around you. They want to work with you. They want to be your friend and colleague
People with positive personal impact develop and nurture their personal brand. They are impeccable in their presentation of self. They know and follow the basic rules of etiquette. If you master these three keys, you’ll be able to create positive personal impact.
I have a customer service model that I use with my consulting clients. It begins from the premise that after any interaction your customers R.A.T.E. you. The people in your life R.A.T.E. you too. You can use your R.A.T.E.ing to build positive personal impact. It works like this…
• R stands for Responsiveness;
• A stands for Assurance;
• T stands for Tangibles; and
• E stands for Empathy.
If you notice, only one of the four points in the model – tangibles – is what you actually do for, or deliver to, the people in your life. The other three are the emotional measures by which people judge you. These emotional measures are at least as important as the tangibles you deliver, especially when it comes to creating positive personal impact.
You have to deliver the tangibles. You must produce results. That’s the cost of a ticket to the professional success sweepstakes.
However, you have to pay attention to the other three factors – responsiveness, assurance, and empathy – if you’re going to make a positive personal impact while you’re performing. Let’s look at each of these three in detail.
Responsiveness. You have to ensure that the people in your life see you as someone who is willing to help, someone who understands what needs to be done and is willing to do it. Other people need to think that you will give them what they want, when they want it, and in a manner that they can use it.
Assurance. You have to be able to convey trust and confidence. People need to feel that you are going to deliver. To do this, you must be very knowledgeable about the people in your life and their needs and wants. You need to be clear on what you can offer them to help them meet their goals. You need to ensure that they are confident that you will do what you say you will do.
Empathy. The people in your life must perceive you as an individual who understands, cares about, and pays attention to their needs. To do this, you need to be willing to walk a mile in other people’s shoes. You have to demonstrate to them that you are aware of and sensitive to their unique and individual needs.
The common sense point here is simple. To create positive personal impact, you must do more than deliver results, look good, and act graciously. You have to be seen by others as a person who is responsive to their needs and requests. You have to build trust with these individuals, and you need to demonstrate that you understand their needs and issues.
That’s a sneak peek at Rule 11: Create Positive Personal Impact in my forthcoming book 42 Rules to Jumpstart Your Professional Success. I’ll let you know when it is available. As I’m still working on this book, I would appreciate your feedback in the form of a comment on this post. As always, thanks for reading.
Bud
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April 17, 2009
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Interpersonal competence is one of the keys to personal and professional success that I discuss in Straight Talk for Success. If you want to become interpersonally competent you need to do three things. 1) Get to know yourself. Use this self knowledge to better understand and communicate with others. 2) Build solid, long term, mutually beneficial relationships with the important people in your life. 3) Resolve conflict positively. Use conflict as an opportunity to strengthen your relationships.
Mike Litman is a friend mine and all around good guy. He’s a great coach who has taught me a lot about the business of coaching. Mike gave me a great tip on building my database – run solo ads on sites that have a large number of subscribers. Last week I mentioned to him that I was going to run a solo ad on SelfGrowth.com on Wednesday.
I made an offer in the ad, and because you read this blog, you are important to me, I’m posting that offer here. I hope you take advantage of it. Go to: www.BudBilanich.com/selfgrowth to claim the free gifts I offered on this ad.
Late Wednesday afternoon, I got an email from Mike that said, “What results did you get from your ad?” This email is a fine example of Mike’s interpersonal competence. He did something very simple, but that few people ever take the time to do. He remembered that I was doing something important for me last Wednesday (running a solo ad to build my database). He also took the time to send me an email asking how things went.
Even though we have a pretty strong relationship, Mike’s email made it stronger. By taking a few minutes to inquire about something important to me, Mike showed me that I am an important person to him. He used his common sense to strengthen our relationship.
The next time Mike is doing something important, I’ll be sure to be in touch – and I’ll be willing to help him in any way I can. That’s what a mutually beneficial relationship is all about.
The common sense point here is simple. Successful people are interpersonally competent. Interpersonally competent people build and maintain solid, long term, mutually beneficial relationships with the important people in their lives. Maintaining strong relationships requires a bit of thought and a willingness to reach out to other people – especially when they are involved with something important. My friend Mike Litman provided a great example of this when he sent me a brief email asking me about the results of a database building ad I ran the other day. He didn’t have to, but he did, because he wanted me to know that he values our relationship. Who are the people you need to get in touch with? Send them an email asking how they are doing. You’ll be strengthening your relationships – something interpersonally competent people make a habit of doing.
That’s my take on staying in touch with the people in your life. What’s yours? Please leave a comment sharing your thoughts with us. As always, thanks for reading.
Bud
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April 16, 2009
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Dynamic communication is one of the keys to personal and professional success that I discuss in Straight Talk for Success. If you want to become a dynamic communicator, you need to master three basic, but very important skills: 1) conversation, 2) writing, and 3) presenting.
I have a new book coming out this summer: 42 Rules to Jumpstart Your Professional Success. Rule 27 is about conversation skills: “Questions Make for Good Conversation.” Here is a sneak peek at what I have to say about questions and conversation in 42 Rules to Jumpstart Your Professional Success…
Effective communication, especially conversation, is an up close and personal endeavor. All of the great communicators I know are great conversationalists. As with most things, I have one great piece of common sense advice on how to become a great conversationalist. Listen more than you speak. When I am in a conversation, I try to spend about one third of my time speaking and two thirds listening. I have found that this ratio works well for me.
Most people like to talk about themselves. The best way to get people speaking about themselves is to ask a lot of questions. When you meet people for the first time, ask “get to know you” questions. You know the kind of questions I’m talking about here. “What do you do?” “Where do you live?” “Are you married?” “Do you have children?”
Listen to the answers and file away this information for future use. The other day I called on an old client. Prior to going to see him, I spent time thinking about what I knew about him from our previous conversations. Here’s what I remembered. We know several people in common. His son is a music major at Ithaca College. His company was recently acquired.
I prepared myself for our meeting by coming up with four questions. 1) How is your son doing at Ithaca? 2) Have you spoken to Jo (our mutual acquaintance) lately? 3) I saw Tom (another mutual acquaintance) the other day, have you spoken to him recently? 4) How are things going with your new company?
By asking these questions, listening, and adding follow up comments and/or questions, I was able to keep things moving for an hour. At the end of that time, I was in a good position to ask the two questions that were my main reason for the conversation. “How are things going with your team? How can I help you?” This was a sales call, after all.
My friend Debra Fine, author of the bestseller The Fine Art of Small Talk calls this “going deeper.” A couple of years ago, I interviewed her on my internet talk radio show. Here is what she had to say.
“Don’t be afraid to dig deeper. When you say to someone “how’s work” they’re going to say ‘pretty good’ or ‘good’ or ‘great’ or whatever. Dig in deeper, let them know you’re sincere with one more question, Say something like, ‘So, what’s been going on with work, Bud, since the last time we talked?’ Or if you say to somebody ‘how were your holidays,’ and they say ‘great,’ you can follow up by saying, ‘What did you do over the holidays that you enjoyed the most?’” Let them know you are sincere.
“We say to our friends, ‘How are you Bud?’ If you give a one word answer like ‘great,’ I’ve got to follow up with something like ‘Bud, bring me up to date – what’s been going on in your life since the last time I saw you?’ Now you know that I really want to know how you are, otherwise ‘how are you’ will end up meaning ‘hello.’ That’s all it means.
“By the same token you don’t want to become what I can an ‘FBI agent.’ That’s why one follow up question is important, but no more after that. “
Debra makes some great points about the power of questions in conversation. The key here is to ask questions, listen to what people have to say and respond appropriately. Then file away what you’ve learned. I recommend writing it down so you won’t forget. Review what you know about a person prior to visiting with him or her. This will help you prepare for the conversation by choosing the questions you want to ask.
The common sense point here is simple. Successful people are dynamic communicators. Dynamic communicators are good conversationalists. Good conversationalists use questions to keep conversations moving. They know that most people like to talk about themselves, their families, interests and jobs. Your initial questions will get you some information, but follow up questions will really help you go deeper into conversations. Follow up questions draw other people out – keeping them talking so you can get a better understanding of their wants and needs. They also demonstrate that you’ve been listening. This is important and helpful in building relationships because everybody likes to feel as if they are being heard.
That’s my take on the power of questions in conversation. What’s yours? Please leave a comment sharing your thoughts with us. As always, thanks for reading.
Bud
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April 15, 2009
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Outstanding performance is one of the keys to personal and professional success that I discuss in Straight Talk for Success. If you want to become an outstanding performer you need to do three things. 1) Stay on top of your game by becoming a lifelong learner. 2) Set and achieve high goals. 3) Get organized. Manage your time, life and stress well.
If you read this blog with any regularity, you know that I am a big fan of SUCCESS Magazine. I read it from cover to cover every month – and keep it as a reference. See last Friday’s blog post to get an idea of just how much I value the ideas in SUCCESS. If you’re not already subscribed, I suggest you go to www.success.com and do so right now.
The May 2009 issue of SUCCESS has a great piece by Earl Nightingale called “The 30 day Test. I remember listening to Mr. Nightingale when I was a kid. I loved his “Our Changing World” radio show. He had such a great voice and told such great stories.
Here is an example of his common sense approach to life and success from 1956…
“I want you to make a test that will last 30 days. It isn’t going to be easy. If you will give it a good try, it will completely change your life for the better. First, I want you to write on a card what it is you want more than anything else. Make sure it is a single goal and clearly defined.
“You needn’t show it to anyone, but carry it with you so that you can look at it several times a day. Think about it in a cheerful, relaxed, positive way each morning when you get up and immediately you have something to work for, something to get out of bed for, something to live for. Look at it every chance you get during the day and just before going to bed at night. As you look at it, remember that you must become what you think about, and since you’re thinking about your goal, you will realize that soon it will be yours.
“Each time a fearful or negative thought comes into your consciousness, replace it with a mental picture of your positive and worthwhile goal.
“For 30 days, you must take control of your mind. It will think only about what you permit it to think. Each day for this 30 day test, do more that you have to do. In addition to maintaining a cheerful, positive outlook, give of yourself more than you’ve ever done before. Do this knowing that your returns in life must be in direct proportion to what you give.”
I love this advice because it comes in two parts. 1) Visualize your goal. 2) Work really hard to achieve it. Too many people are great at the visualizing part and not so great at the hard work part. You need both – and probably more hard work – if you are to succeed. Earl Nightingale got it. I hope you do too.
The common sense point here is simple. Successful people are outstanding performers. Outstanding performers set and achieve high goals. Good goals are very specific and measureable. They focus on a single accomplishment. Your goals should become part of you. Carry them around with you. Think about them first thing in the morning, last thing at night and several times during the day. Thinking about your goals will help motivate you to put in the time and effort to reach them. A well stated goal is a great start, but it’s hard work that will ultimately result in achieving your goals. There are no two ways about it. You have to do the work if you want to achieve your goals.
That’s my take on Earl Nightingale’s 30 Day challenge. What’s yours? Please leave a comment sharing your thoughts with us. As always, you have my deepest and most sincere thanks for reading.
Bud
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April 13, 2009
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Self confidence is one of the keys to personal and professional success that I discuss in Straight Talk for Success. If you want to become self confident you need to do three things. 1) Become an optimist. 2) Face your fears and act. 3) Surround yourself with positive people.
The other day, I read an online newsletter written by Sharon Melnick. She made several interesting points about confidence.
- Confidence with help you be flexible. You will consider all alternatives and options.
- Confidence will help you follow through on ideas that you might otherwise talk yourself out of.
- Confidence will help you be persistent – and hold on you your vision for your life.
She’s right. Confidence is the foundation of all success. Without it, you will have a difficult time succeeding. You have to be optimistic, face down your fears by taking action and surround yourself with positive people
Elbert Hubbard, the author of “A Message to Garcia” (http://budbilanich.com/garcia) one of the best essays on personal responsibility ever written has some great things to say about facing your fears.
“The greatest mistake you can make is continually fearing that you will make one.”
Read that again. Those 14 words are powerful!
If you let your fear of making a mistake stop you from taking action, you will never take any action and your fear will ruin your life and chances of success.
In 1988 I was ready to start my coaching, consulting and speaking business. I was afraid. I was worried that I wouldn’t succeed. I had always worked for large companies. I wasn’t sure I knew exactly what to do to run a successful business. Nevertheless, I looked my fear in the eye, quit my job and moved forward. 21 years later, I’m still at it.
Fear is persistent. It doesn’t go away. It will wait for one of your weak moments and then it will strike. If you let it get the best of you, you’ll never move forward.
Fear most often manifests itself in procrastination. When I find myself procrastinating, I always ask myself, “What are you afraid of here, Bud?” Identifying my fear always help me defeat it. Once I identify what I am afraid of, I can take positive steps to move forward through my fear and on to success.
Make a list of your doubts and fears. Decide what you can do to overcome them. Then act. Take at least one positive action – not matter how small -- every day to overcome your doubts and fears. Even if these actions don’t work out as well as you hope, you will be on the road to overcoming your fears.
Remember procrastination feeds fear. Action cures fear. The choice is up to you. I choose action.
The common sense point here is simple. Successful people are self confident. Self confident people don’t let their fears get in the way of their success. They identify their fears, and then they take specific actions designed to help them move past them. Action is the great antidote to fear. It puts inertia on your side. Once you are moving forward, you are likely to continue moving forward. It’s the first step that is the hardest – and scariest. If you want to beat your fears, you need to take the first step, and then keep on going.
That’s my take on fear and self confidence. What’s yours? Please leave a comment sharing your thoughts. Also, please share your personal stories of triumph over fear. As always, thanks for reading.
Bud
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