February 25, 2008
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Today is Monday, so this post is on self confidence.
I tell my executive coaching clients that surrounding yourself with positive people is a great way to build self confidence. I urge them to find a mentor, someone who can help them on their success journey.
An article in the December 2007 edition of Chief Learning Officer Magazine (www.clomedia.com) says it well. “In today’s competitive business climate, the need for continuous learning has never been greater. At the same time, the hunger for human connection and relationships has never been more palpable…Mentoring combines learning with the compelling human need for connection.”
The origins of the term mentor are somewhat cloudy, but the story that I have heard most often goes back to Homer’s The Odyssey. As the story has it, Mentor was the name of a family friend of Odysseus. When Odysseus left his family to fight the Trojan War, he entrusted the care of his young son to his friend, Mentor. Thus, the word “mentor” has come down through time to mean “guide, role model, or trusted friend.” Mentors are positive people because they help others prepare for the future.
Typically, mentors are older than the people they help. However, in this new world of technology, that is not always the case. Andy O’Bryan is one of my mentors. Andy is about 20 years younger than me, but he has some specialized knowledge that I lack. Andy is guiding me through the process of becoming more adept in the Web 2.0 world.
In most cases, however, you’ll be looking for a mentor who is older and has more life experience than you. Here are a few characteristics of what to look for in a mentor.
An effective mentor…
- Believes in the potential of people in general and you in particular.
- Is patient and tolerant.
- Is encouraging.
- Provides feedback in a positive, helpful manner.
- Is someone who is held in high regard.
- Sees the big picture.
- Is willing to help you learn by sharing his or her successes as well as failures and the lessons learned.
Who do you know who meets these criteria? If you know someone who does, latch on to this person. Learn all you can from him or her.
I believe mentoring is best done face to face. However, as with most things, the web is changing how mentoring is done. Recently, I signed up to be a mentor on iMantri.com, a social networking site that is designed to help mentors and mentees connect. If you’re looking for a mentor, you might want to check them out.
The common sense point to all of this is simple. Successful, self confident people surround themselves with positive people. Mentors, by definition, are positive people. Whether you do it in person, or on line, find yourself a mentor to help you on your journey of career and life success.
That’s it for today. Thanks for reading. Log on to my website www.BudBilanich.com for more common sense. I am not posting regularly on my www.CommonSenseGuy.com blog right now, as I want to concentrate on this one. It is still up though. Please don’t cancel your RSS feed as I will be posting there occasionally. And, you can still get a free ebook version of my book 4 Secrets of High Performing Organizations by visiting www.CommonSenseGuy.com.
I’ll see you around the web and at Alex’s Lemonade Stand.
Bud
PS: Speaking of Alex’s Lemonade Stand, my fundraising page is still open. Please go to www.FirstGiving.com/TheCommonSenseGuy to read Alex’s inspiring story and to donate if you can.
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February 22, 2008
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Today is Friday, so this post is on interpersonal competence.
In my work as an executive coach, I have found that interpersonally competent people share at least three things in common:
- Interpersonally competent people are self aware. They understand themselves, and as a result they understand others.
- Interpersonally competent people build solid, long lasting mutually beneficial relationships with the people in their lives.
- Interpersonally competent people are able to resolve conflicts with a minimal amount of problems and upset to relationships.
Today, I’d like to focus on relationships. To begin, I’d like to share a story about the importance of relationships.
A few months ago, I had a meeting with a potential client. I have known this guy for about 20 years. He was a new HR rep at the company where I worked prior to starting my consulting and coaching business. Now, he is a senior HR person with that same company and I am an executive coach.
A few weeks previous, we had a chance meeting. I followed up and asked if I could have a few minutes of his time to tell him what I’ve been doing recently. He said “sure”.
As we were chatting, he said something that really hit home. “When I was a young guy here, a lot of the people at your level didn’t pay a lot of attention to me. That wasn’t true of you. You were nice to me. I can remember you asking me if I’d like to go to lunch or dinner a few times. I was never able to make it, but I really appreciated you asking. Quite frankly, that’s the whole reason you’re here now. You treated me well many years ago when you didn’t have to.” I told him that I really didn’t remember those things. He said, “I do, and they meant a lot to me.”
There is a common sense point here. Interpersonal competence comes from within. Build relationships, and treat people well because it’s the right thing to do – not because you have something to gain from it. People can spot a phony a mile away.
I have identified four tips for building strong relationships.
- Help people feel good about themselves.
- Listen.
- Put yourself in their shoes.
- Ask for their help.
Here are some of additional thoughts on that build on these tips. If you use them, you will be able to build strong, lasting relationships with the people around you. A few of them overlap with the points I’ve made on becoming a great conversationalist – as interpersonally competent people do well in conversations.
- Work hard at relating well with all kinds of people. People who are different from you, might make you feel uncomfortable at first. However, they also have the potential for teaching you something you didn’t know.
- Listen well and demonstrate your understanding of others’ points of view. As questions if you don’t understand, repeat your understanding to make sure you got it right.
- Be a consensus builder. If you focus on where you agree with another person, you’ll find that it will be easier to resolve differences and come to agreement.
- Learn how to relate to all kinds of people. Focus on building mutually beneficial relationships.
- Put others at ease. Be diplomatic and tactful.
- Be warm, pleasant and gracious and sensitive to the interpersonal needs and anxieties of others.
- Be receptive to feedback.
- Take a deep breath when you are angry. Don’t blow up. Present your side of things in a measured tone of voice.
- Take responsibility for your feelings. Don’t blame others if you are unhappy.
- Be easy to get to know. Share your feelings. Be open about your personal beliefs.
- Be attentive to the needs of others. Listen actively. Set a goal of listening twice as much as you speak.
- Avoid judging and criticizing and preparing your response while the other person is speaking. Instead, focus on understanding what they are saying, and the emotions behind what they are saying.
- Show others the respect they deserve as human beings – listen to them and do your best to put yourself in their shoes. Respond to the feelings they share with you before responding with facts.
- Be humble, not a know it all. Apologize when you’re at fault. Give people credit when they are correct.
- Speak only when you have something to add to the conversation. Don’t make comments just to hear yourself speak. Refrain from stating the obvious.
- Look people in the eye when you are speaking with them. Ask questions to clarify things that are not clear to you.
- Acknowledge other people for their contributions and talents. Everyone likes to hear nice thing about themselves.
The common sense point here is simple, and a little zen-like. People can spot a phony. So, don’t just act in an interpersonally competent manner. Be interpersonally competent. Treat people with respect. Engage them. Listen to what they have to say. Avoid being judgmental and overly critical.
That’s it for today. Thanks for reading. Log on to my website www.BudBilanich.com for more common sense. I am not posting regularly on my www.CommonSenseGuy.com blog right now, as I want to concentrate on this one. It is still up though. Please don’t cancel your RSS feed as I will be posting there occasionally. And, you can still get a free ebook version of my book 4 Secrets of High Performing Organizations by visiting www.CommonSenseGuy.com.
I’ll see you around the web and at Alex’s Lemonade Stand.
Bud
PS: Speaking of Alex’s Lemonade Stand, my fundraising page is still open. Please go to www.FirstGiving.com/TheCommonSenseGuy to read Alex’s inspiring story and to donate if you can.
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February 21, 2008
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Today is Thursday, so this post is on communication skills.
Clear, crisp writing is an important communication skill. Successful people are able to get across their ideas in an easily readable way. I’ve been blessed. Writing has always come easy to me. I enjoy it. Studying Journalism in college helped too. There’s nothing like a critique from a Journalism professor to help you clean up your writing.
However, this blessing can become a bit of a curse. Because writing comes easy to me, I sometimes get lazy and don’t do a good job of rewriting. James Michener, a great writer, once said, “I’m not a very good writer, but I’m an excellent rewriter.” Rewriting is the key to good writing, just as James Michener, who wrote more than 40 books and won a Pulitzer prize, says. Let me repeat that. Rewriting is the key to good writing.
In yesterday’s post, I talked about the relationship between hard work and outstanding performance. Rewriting is the hard work of writing. All writing can improve. I have rewritten all of my books at least three or four times. Yet, I can open any one of them at random and find a better way to get my point across.
I’m not saying that you have to rewrite endlessly – just enough to make what you’ve written better. Often, I fall into the trap of beginning sentences with unnecessary words or phrases. I often will begin a sentence with these words, “To begin with…” I cut them out when I rewrite. It should be obvious when I am beginning a new thought.
“To tell you the truth,” or “To be perfectly honest with you,” are also sentence beginners that come up often; more so in conversation, but sometimes in writing. These phrases are a problem for two reasons. 1) They are unnecessary. You should tell the truth. 2) They put me on guard. When I hear “To be perfectly honest with you,” I assume what follows is going to be a lie.
My purpose in this post, however, is not to teach you how to rewrite, but to get you to realize that rewriting is the key to good writing. Read what you’ve written. If you’re honest with yourself, you know you can be more clear, more concise. Then do what you need to do to make what you’ve written more clear and concise.
Shaun Fawcett is a writing coach. You can find a lot of excellent information on his website www.writinghelp-central.com. Here is what he has to say about rewriting.
“No matter how much preparation I do, I always find that I can improve on the first draft. That’s partly because when I’m writing that first version, my main focus is to get the essence of my thoughts down on paper. At that stage I don’t worry about perfect phrasing, grammar or logic. My main mission the first time through is to make sure that I capture the critical words and phrases that form the core meaning of what I want to communicate.”
Shaun also suggests that one good way to begin the rewriting process is to read what you’ve written out loud.
“Some people who haven’t tried it may laugh when they read this, but it really works. At any point during the drafting process, but definitely at the draft final stage, read your report or letter to yourself “out loud”. It’s amazing what one picks up when they actually “hear” their words as if they were being spoken to them as the addressee. I find this helps me the most in picking up awkward phrasing and unnecessary repetition of words or terms.”
I agree with both of Shaun’s points. I always advise my executive coaching clients to “Write fast and rewrite slowly.” In other words, get your thoughts down on paper or the screen quickly, and then spend a lot of time refining what you’ve written to make sure it communicates exactly what you want to say.
Second, I find that reading out loud what I’ve written is a great way to make sure that my writing is user friendly. Most of the people who read what I write read out loud in their mind. In other words, it needs to sound good as well as look good.
The common sense point here is simple. Rewriting is the key to good writing. Rewrite everything you write once or twice. It will get better, I guarantee it. This goes foe e mails, as well as longer pieces. Also, follow Shaun Fawcett’s advice – write quickly, rewrite slowly; read what you’ve written out loud to see how it “sounds to your reader.”
That’s it for today. Thanks for reading. Log on to my website www.BudBilanich.com for more common sense. I am not posting regularly on my www.CommonSenseGuy.com blog right now, as I want to concentrate on this one. It is still up though. Please don’t cancel your RSS feed as I will be posting there occasionally. And, you can still get a free ebook version of my book 4 Secrets of High Performing Organizations by visiting www.CommonSenseGuy.com.
I’ll see you around the web and at Alex’s Lemonade Stand.
Bud
PS: Speaking of Alex’s Lemonade Stand, my fundraising page is still open. Please go to www.FirstGiving.com/TheCommonSenseGuy to read Alex’s inspiring story and to donate if you can.
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February 20, 2008
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Today is Wednesday, so this post is on outstanding performance.
Napoleon Hill was, and still is, a giant in the success field. According to Wikipedia, he “Was one of the earliest producers of the modern genre of personal-success literature. His most famous work, Think and Grow Rich, is one of the best-selling books of all time. Mr. Hill's works examined the power of personal beliefs, and the role they play in personal success. ‘What the mind of man can conceive and believe, it can achieve’ is one of his hallmark expressions.”
I subscribe to the Napoleon Hill Foundation’s (www.haphill.org) Thought For the Day. Yesterday’s thought was, “Only those who have the habit of going the second mile ever find the end of the rainbow.” This thought is a great jumping off place for today’s post.
I often make the point that hard work is crucial to outstanding performance and career and life success. A lot of people don’t want to hear this. You only have to look at the best seller lists. The 4 Hour Workweek is one of the most popular books out today. Timothy Ferris the author, is really talking about time management techniques – ways to help you work more efficiently, rather than working less. However, from what I can tell, lots of people buy the book in the hopes of not having to work hard, not to learn how to manage their time better.
I’m not bashing The 4 Hour Workweek. In fact, I use a lot of Mr. Ferris’ advice – the Pareto Principle and a Virtual Assistant are two that come to mind immediately. However, in the end, we have to work hard at, and be committed to, what we want to accomplish. In the words, of the Napoleon Hill foundation, we need to “go the second mile.” If you adopt some of the advice in The 4 Hour Workweek, you’ll have the time to go the second mile.
On the other hand, there is no substitute for being diligent in your work. Diligent is just another way of saying “work hard.” Here’s an example. If you’re a regular reader of this blog, you know that my new book, Straight Talk for Success, is at the printers. Getting it there involved a lot of hard, detailed work over the past several months.
After the book was written, I reread it. I decided that it would benefit from the addition of a Preface. So I wrote a Preface. Would the book have been OK without the preface? Probably yes. However, it would have been just OK – not great. My goal was to write a great book, so I spent several hours over the Christmas holidays writing a Preface.
When I got the galley proof copy back, I was really glad I did. The addition of the Preface made all the difference between an OK book and a great book (by my standards at least). To paraphrase the Napoleon Hill Foundation, by writing the Preface, I went the extra mile to get to the end of the rainbow. We’ll see if my effort pays off. I think it will.
Here’s another example, I was speaking with Peggy Murrah, Virtual Assistant Extraordinaire, the other day. I was telling her that I am planning on publishing my ezine, Common Sense every week, instead of every month like I do now. I told Peggy that I would like her to gather up my writings from each week, compile them in ezine format and send to my list every Monday. I said, “But this means that you’ll have to work on the weekend.” Her response – “Doesn’t everybody whose self employed?” Peggy is my kind of girl (gal, woman, or whatever the PC term for “guy” is). She is willing to work hard – to go the extra mile (work on the weekend) to do what her client (me) wants and needs.
The common sense point here is simple. Working smart is great, but if you aren’t willing to work hard and go the extra mile, working smart alone won’t help you become an outstanding performer. Outstanding performers work both smart and hard. They are willing to do the small things that others are not willing to do. That’s why they are outstanding performers.
That’s it for today. Thanks for reading. Log on to my website www.BudBilanich.com for more common sense. I am not posting regularly on my www.CommonSenseGuy.com blog right now, as I want to concentrate on this one. It is still up though. Please don’t cancel your RSS feed as I will be posting there occasionally. And, you can still get a free ebook version of my book 4 Secrets of High Performing Organizations by visiting www.CommonSenseGuy.com.
I’ll see you around the web and at Alex’s Lemonade Stand.
Bud
PS: Speaking of Alex’s Lemonade Stand, my fundraising page is still open. Please go to www.FirstGiving.com/TheCommonSenseGuy to read Alex’s inspiring story and to donate if you can.
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February 19, 2008
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oday is Tuesday, so this post is on positive personal impact.
A strong personal brand is one of the keys to creating positive personal impact. Shelly Banjo’s column in the Wall Street Journal Sunday, on February 17 was entitled Washing Your Web Face. Ms. Banjo said, “According to a December survey by CareerBuilder.com, 45% of employers use search engines and social-networking sites to research job candidates.”
I got to thinking about this and came to the conclusion that the web can enhance or detract from your personal brand. Successful people use the web to enhance their brand. According to Ms. Banjo, the first step is to, “Inspect what’s already out there…Review at least the first five pages of results from search engines including Google, Yahoo and MSN.”
Ms. Banjo goes on to quote Tom Drugan, co-founder of the online identity management firm www.Naymz.com. Mr. Drugan suggests that you, “Clean your space and wash your face…Remove anything on MySpace or Facebook you wouldn’t want your mother to see.”
Toward the end of the article, Ms. Banjo suggests creating profiles on LinkedIn, Facebook and Naymz.com. I have been a member of LinkedIn, Facebook and MySpace for some time. Yesterday, I joined Naymz.com in an attempt to see how well their service works. I’ll give it some time and see if my search rankings improve – then I’ll let you know.
She also says, “If you have an interest in, or work for a particular industry, comment on industry-specific blog posts, articles and book reviews and be sure to add your full name and a link to your profile…Consider buying your own domain name.” I have had www.BudBilanich.com for several years now. It is very helpful with Google searches.
I have two comments here. First. Ms. Banjo is correct. You need to pay attention to, and do things to enhance your web presence, just like you do your personal presence. People do use search engines to learn about you before they meet you.
Before she retired, Sylvia Montero was the Executive VP of HR for Pfizer Inc. She is a friend of mine. I have mentioned her in my blog posts. She once told me that a woman who was booking her to speak at a conference said that she googled her, and that my blog posts were among the first things to come up.
Second, use the web to build your personal brand. I wrote a chapter in a new book from Insight Publishing called One Great Idea. My one great idea was branding by blogging. In the article, I described how I use blogging to build my Common Sense Guy brand. You can read the article by clicking on this link http://bbilanich.typepad.com/branding_by_blogging/.
Even if you don’t want to write a blog, follow Ms. Banjo’s advice and comment on blogs relevant to your industry. In this way, you will develop a web presence as someone interested in industry issues.
Even though I have some pretty strong political beliefs, I don’t let them creep into my blogging. And, I never comment on political blogs. I do this because I don’t want to turn off potential clients whose political views are different from my own.
The common sense point here is simple. The web is the first place people look when they want to get a feel for the kind of person you are. Therefore, make sure that your web image is consistent with your personal brand. Spend time polishing it. You’ll be glad you did.
That’s it for today. Thanks for reading. Log on to my website www.BudBilanich.com for more common sense. I am not posting regularly on my www.CommonSenseGuy.com blog right now, as I want to concentrate on this one. It is still up though. Please don’t cancel your RSS feed as I will be posting there occasionally. And, you can still get a free ebook version of my book 4 Secrets of High Performing Organizations by visiting www.CommonSenseGuy.com.
I’ll see you around the web and at Alex’s Lemonade Stand.
Bud
PS: Speaking of Alex’s Lemonade Stand, my fundraising page is still open. Please go to www.FirstGiving.com/TheCommonSenseGuy to read Alex’s inspiring story and to donate if you can.
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February 18, 2008
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Today is Monday, so this post is on Self Confidence.
On Friday, this quote, courtesy of Chris Widener, popped up in my in box. “What worries you, masters you,” Haddon W. Robinson.
In my new book, Straight Talk for Success, I mention an article written by Jim Rohn entitled “Facing the Enemy Within.” Worry is one of the enemies Mr. Rohn suggests that we must all face and overcome. Here’s what he has to say about worry.
“The fourth enemy within is worry. We've all got to worry some. Just don't let it conquer you. Instead, let it alarm you. Worry can be useful. If you step off the curb in New York City and a taxi is coming, you've got to worry. But you can't let worry loose like a mad dog that drives you into a small corner. Here's what you've got to do with your worries: drive them into a small corner. Whatever is out to get you, you've got to get it. Whatever is pushing on you, you've got to push back.”
To me, worry and fear are both enemies of self confidence. They also are both normal, human reactions to difficult situations. Indecision and inactivity feed fear and worry. Action starves them.
My common sense prescription for dealing with fear and worry is simple. First, you have to identify those things you fear or that cause you to worry. Second, you need to admit to yourself that you are fearful and/or worried. Third, you need to accept the fact that certain situation make you fearful or worried. Fourth, and most important, you must confront your fears and worries and take action to overcome them. This is what Mr. Rohm means when he says to drive your worries “into a small corner.”
In April 1988, I left my very secure job with a Fortune 50 company to start my coaching, consulting and speaking business. Was I fearful? Was I worried? You bet I was!
I had thought and talked about being in business for myself for many years, yet I never had taken the leap. I hadn’t taken the leap because I had never worked through the four steps for dealing with fear and worry.
For many years, I had not identified the fact that I was truly afraid of and worried about failing in a business venture. Once I identified this fear and worry, it took me a long time to admit it to myself. I always thought of myself as being self confident and a bit of risk taker. I used the fact that I left a well paying job at the age of 30 to return to school full time. However, other than incurring some debt, there was very little risk in choosing to go to graduate school at Harvard. It was really a pretty safe thing to do. Starting a business, with a very small safety net was risky – and it scared and worried me.
Once I admitted that I was afraid and worried, I was able to accept this fear and worry. This acceptance was a good thing, because I now had to choose. Do I choose to live with this fear and worry that was stopping me from doing something I wanted to do? Or, do I choose to not let this fear and worry master me?
I chose the latter. I took action. I quit my job and started my business. They say that “ignorance is bliss.” In my case this is a true statement. In 1988, I had no idea of what it takes to succeed in business on my own. In fact, I often joke that if I knew then, what I know now, I might never have done it.
But that would have meant that I would have let my fear and worry triumph. I didn’t. I took action. And then worked liked hell to make sure that I would succeed. I drove my fears and worries “into a small corner” by hard work.
And, I proved to myself that action, does indeed, help you overcome fear and worry.
That’s the common sense point for today. Whenever you’re feeling worried or afraid, follow these four steps:
- Identify what scares or worries you.
- Admit to yourself that you are afraid or worried.
- Accept that you are afraid or worried.
- Take action to overcome this fear or worry.
These steps have worked for me, and they’ll work for you. After all, they’re only common sense.
That’s it for today. Thanks for reading. Log on to my website www.BudBilanich.com for more common sense. I am not posting regularly on my www.CommonSenseGuy.com blog right now, as I want to concentrate on this one. It is still up though. Please don’t cancel your RSS feed as I will be posting there occasionally. And, you can still get a free ebook version of my book 4 Secrets of High Performing Organizations by visiting www.CommonSenseGuy.com.
I’ll see you around the web and at Alex’s Lemonade Stand.
Bud
PS: Speaking of Alex’s Lemonade Stand, my fundraising page is still open. Please go to www.FirstGiving.com/TheCommonSenseGuy to read Alex’s inspiring story and to donate if you can.
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