May 14, 2009
09:48 am | 0 recommendations | Be the first to comment
Dynamic communication skills are one the keys to personal and professional success I discuss in Straight Talk for Success. If you want to become a dynamic communicator, you need to develop three basic, but very important skills: 1) Conversation; 2) Writing; and 3) Presenting.
Just a short post today because of a great quote from John Andrew Holmes that I came across the other day...
“Speech is conveniently located midway between thought and action, where it often substitutes for both.”
Good one John. If you get it, there’s not a lot for me to say. If you don’t know matter what I say isn’t going to help.
Too many people speak before they think. Too many others talk a good game, but aren’t very good at following through.
The common sense point here is simple. Successful people are dynamic communicators. Dynamic communicators have well developed conversation, writing and presentation skills. They also think before they speak. They make well thought out, cogent arguments. On the other hand, they do what they say they’ll do. They follow through on commitments. People know that they will keep their word.
That’s my take on the idea of “speech being conveniently located midway between thought and action.” What’s yours? Please leave a comment sharing your thoughts with us. As always, thanks for reading.
Bud
Recommend This If you liked this, let others know:
May 13, 2009
07:04 pm | 0 recommendations | Be the first to comment
Outstanding performance is one of the keys to personal and professional success that I discuss in Straight Talk for Success. If you want to become an outstanding performer, you need to do three things. 1) Stay on top of your game, by becoming a lifelong learner. 2) Set high goals. Do whatever it takes to achieve them. 3) Get organized. Manage your time, life and stress well.
If you want to perform at a high level you need to take care of yourself; you need to avoid the little nagging physical problems that can wreck your productivity. Headaches and backaches are two of my biggest productivity killers. Here are some of tips that I use to avoid headaches and backaches.
Headaches
Stress causes what are commonly known as “tension headaches.” I find that exercise and relaxation help me reduce stress. When I feel myself getting stressed, I walk away from what I’m doing and take a 15 minute break. This usually stops headaches before they get started.
Eyestrain is another cause of headaches. I have days where I sit at my computer for hours. I try to break up these days by doing non computer tasks for 15 or 20 minutes every couple of hours. This lessens my eye strain and helps prevent headaches.
Sitting in one position for an extended period of time (like at your computer) can also cause headaches due to muscles that tighten up. If you work long hours at a computer, take stretch breaks every hour of so.
I find that it’s best for me to avoid certain food and drink. I don’t drink alcohol and drink very little caffeine. I avoid MSG like the plague. This can be a problem for me as I like Asian food. I always ask for my food with no MSG. It’s a good idea to determine which foods cause headaches for you and cut them out of your diet.
Finally, irregular sleep patterns can lead to headaches. Try to get on a schedule. Go to bed and get up at the same time every day.
Backaches
Nagging backaches can really have a negative impact on your productivity. Here are some of my best ideas for keeping your back healthy.
Sit up straight. Keep both feet on the floor. This will help your posture and provide support for your lower back.
Keep your weight under control. I used to have a sore back all the time. Once I lost some weight, my back problems disappeared.
Make sure you lift properly. Bend at the knees, not your waist, when you have to pick up something. When you have to lift something heavy, keep it close to your body.
Stretch – especially before exercise. You will become more flexible and less likely to injure your back.
Wear comfortable, flat shoes with good arch support.
The common sense here is simple. Successful people are outstanding performers. Outstanding performers are very productive. Headaches and backaches hamper productivity. You can prevent headaches and backaches by being smart about how you live your life. Exercise frequently, eat well, sit up straight, take mini breaks during the work day.
That’s my take on how to improve your productivity by taking care of yourself. What’s yours? Please leave a comment sharing your thoughts with us. As always, thanks for reading.
Bud
Recommend This If you liked this, let others know:
May 12, 2009
11:02 am | 0 recommendations | Be the first to comment
Positive personal impact is one of the keys to personal and professional success that I discus in Straight Talk for Success. If you want to create positive personal impact, you need to do three things. 1) Develop and nurture your unique personal brand. 2) Be impeccable in your presentation of self – in person and on line. 3) Know and follow the basic rules of etiquette.
Being impeccable in your presentation of self is more than just dressing for success. People who are impeccable in their presentation of self treat the people they meet with kindness and respect. The other day, I got an email from my friend David Devlin. He sent me a great story about treating people with dignity and respect. It’s called “The Law of the Garbage Truck. Check it out…
Law of the Garbage Truck
One day I hopped in a taxi and we took off for the airport. We were driving in the right lane when suddenly a black car jumped out of a parking space right in front of us. My taxi driver slammed on his brakes, skidded, and missed the other car by just inches! The driver of the other car whipped his head around and started yelling at us. My taxi driver just smiled and waved at the guy. And I mean, he was really friendly. So I asked, 'Why did you just do that? This guy almost ruined your car and sent us to the hospital!’
This is when my taxi driver taught me what I now call, “The Law of the Garbage Truck.” He explained that many people are like garbage trucks. They run around full of garbage, full of frustration, full of anger, and full of disappointment. As their garbage piles up, they need a place to dump it and sometimes they'll dump it on you. Don't take it personally. Just smile, wave, wish them well, and move on. Don't take their garbage and spread it to other people at work, at home, or on the streets. The bottom line is that successful people do not let garbage trucks take over their day. Life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets. So...love the people who treat you right. Pray for the ones who don't.
Pretty cool story, right? Being a Pittsburgh guy, the fight side of my flight/fight reaction is over developed. By nature, I choose to fight. However, as the garbage truck story indicates, fighting is usually not very productive. It tends to ruin your day and day of the people with whom you come into contact.
More important, it identifies you as someone with poor personal impact. People who create positive personal impact don’t fly into a rage at the slightest provocation. They smile and go on about their business – just the taxi driver in the story.
The common sense point here is simple. Successful people create positive personal impact. People who create positive personal impact are impeccable in their presentation of self. They dress for success. And, more importantly, they conduct themselves in a manner that demonstrates they respect both themselves and the people they meet. They don’t pick fights or respond in kind to rude behavior. Instead, they smile and go on their way. They love the people who treat them right, and pray for those who don’t.
That’s my take on creating positive personal impact by keeping your cool. What’s yours? Please leave a comment sharing your thoughts with us. As always, thanks for reading.
Bud
Recommend This If you liked this, let others know:
May 11, 2009
01:11 pm | 0 recommendations | 1 comment
Self confidence is one of the keys to personal and professional success that I discuss in Straight Talk for Success. If you want to become self confident you need to do three things. First, become an optimist. Second, face your fears and act. Third, surround yourself with positive people.
Last Thursday, Michael J Fox hosted a one hour television special on optimism called “Michael J Fox: Adventures of an Incurable Optimist.” Did you catch it? I hope so, as he focused on the power of optimism and how optimists create their own good fortune. As you probably know, Michael was diagnosed with Parkinson’s Disease about 10 years ago. The disease pretty much ended his acting career, but not his life or optimism. He has created a foundation devoted to finding a cure for Parkinson and has established a goal of spreading the word about the power of optimism. The TV special is a follow up to his book Always Looking Up.
Suzanne McCarroll is a well know television personality in Denver. Recently, she had a battle with cancer. She survived and her cancer is in remission. She says that she learned that the little things that stress us and cause us to become pessimistic aren’t all that important in the greater scheme of things. Once she got her health back, she says she is “too blessed to be stressed” by many of life’s little, and big, annoyances – like the current economic crisis.
I am wearing a “Too Blessed To Be Stressed” T-shirt as I am writing this post. Suzanne has written a poem by the same name that captures her thoughts on optimism….
Too Blessed To Be Stressed – Suzanne McCarroll
I walked into work and everyone had a frown
My coworkers said the stock market was down.
Their 401 k’s were heading south
Causing them to be, down in the mouth.
At that moment I didn’t care about money
I was joyous, happy, optimistic and sunny.
Right then, I though little about my lack of wealth
For I had just been given a clean bill of health.
My pet scan results showed that I was cancer free
My retirement account was far less important to me.
A simple phrase I offer to you,
To cheer you if finances are making you blue.
It’s hard for a balance sheet to truly measure
The most important asset we should treasure.
Good health is what I prioritize now,
Not the volatile rise and fall of the Dow.
Good for Suzanne – for beating cancer, and more so for sharing her story of hope and optimism via her poem and T-shirts.
The common sense point here is simple. Successful people are self confident. Self confident people are optimistic. They realize that life throws a lot of stuff at you. The stuff isn’t important, how you react to it is. Michael J Fox and Suzanne McCarroll have chosen to react to the troubles life has thrown them in an optimistic manner. After battling cancer, Suzanne says she is “joyous, happy, optimistic and sunny.” Optimism is a choice. When you choose optimism you choose to take a proactive stance in creating the successful life and career you deserve. The Optimist Creed helps me choose optimism. I read it at the beginning of every day. I have a copy hanging in my office. I’ve made a .pdf of The Optimist Creed that you can hang in your work space too. If you want a copy, go to http://budbilanich.com.optimist/
That’s my take on optimism, self confidence and success. What’s yours? Please leave a comment sharing your thoughts with us. As always, thanks for reading.
Bud
PS: Last night I saw Fleetwood Mac in concert. In their encore they played Don’t Stop Thinking About Tomorrow – one of the most optimistic and positive songs ever written. Check it out...
If you wake up and don't want to smile,
If it takes just a little while,
Open your eyes and look at the day,
You'll see things in a different way.
Don't stop, thinking about tomorrow,
Don't stop, it'll soon be here,
It'll be, better than before,
Yesterday's gone, yesterday's gone.
Why not think about times to come,
And not about the things that you've done,
If your life was bad to you,
Just think what tomorrow will do.
Don't stop, thinking about tomorrow,
Don't stop, it'll soon be here,
It'll be, better than before,
Yesterday's gone, yesterday's gone.
All I want is to see you smile,
If it takes just a little while,
I know you don't believe that it's true,
I never meant any harm to you.
Don't stop, thinking about tomorrow,
Don't stop, it'll soon be here,
It'll be, better than before,
Yesterday's gone, yesterday's gone.
Don't you look back,
Recommend This If you liked this, let others know:
May 8, 2009
08:55 am | 0 recommendations | Be the first to comment
Interpersonal competence is one of the keys to personal and professional success that I discuss in Straight Talk for Success. If you want to become interpersonally competent, you need to do three things. 1) Get to know yourself. Use this self knowledge to help you better understand and communicate with others. 2) Build strong, lasting, mutually beneficial relationships with lots of people. 3) Resolve conflict in a manner that leads to creative solutions to disagreements and strengthens your relationships.
I have been asked to contribute three chapters to the forthcoming book 42 Rules for Creating WE by members of the Creating WE Institute of which I am a founding member. One of my chapters is entitled, “There is No Quid Pro Quo in WE.” In this chapter, I focus on how to build solid relationships by giving with no expectation of return.
Take a look…
WE is built on relationships; the idea that we are all connected, and that through a WE-centric, rather than a traditional I-centric approach, our collective wisdom grows and evolves. This kind of thinking creates stronger organizations and societies. It fosters mutual shared respect for the unique contribution every person is capable of making. Solid, lasting, mutually beneficial relationships are at the core of WE. Giving with no expectation of return is a great way to create these types of relationships.
This is a quid pro quo world: you do for me and I’ll do for you. While there is nothing wrong in reciprocating a good deed or a favor, there is a fundamental problem with quid pro quo. It is reactive not proactive.
Too many people wait for others to go first. They adopt the attitude, “When and if you do for me, I’ll do for you.” This scarcity mentality is not conducive to creating WE. When you come from a scarcity mentality, you focus on holding on to what you already have. This can prevent you from receiving what you might possibly get.
On the other hand, giving with no expectation of return comes from a proactive abundance mentality. When you give with no expectation of return, you are acknowledging the abundance of the universe. You are demonstrating faith that the good you do will benefit others close to you and the world at large – and that good things will come back to you.
Giving with no expectation of return is ironic. I have found that the more I give, the more I receive; often from unlikely sources. But that’s not my reason for giving -- and I hope it is not yours. The best reason for giving is the basic joy of making a difference in other people’s lives and in creating a WE-centric world.
I love the Liberty Mutual Insurance “responsibility” ads. They are a very visual demonstration of the ideas behind creating WE – especially giving with no expectation of return. You’ve probably seen them. They begin with someone going a little out of his or her way to do something that benefits others; picking up a piece of trash, opening a door for another person who’s hands are full. Another person observes this and goes out of his or her way for someone else. The cycle repeats several times during the ad. The message is clear. We are all better off when we help each other.
Giving without expectation of return helps you build strong relationships. Larry Agresto is a WE-centric guy. He says, “Truly successful people never compete, they network and leverage their relationships by providing value and giving more than they receive.”
In the end, giving with no expectation of return comes down to your mentality – scarcity or abundance. If you come from a scarcity mentality, you will live by quid pro quo, and perpetuate the I-centric status quo. If you come from an abundance mentality, you will give with no expectation of return and begin to create a WE-centric world.
I choose abundance and to take an active part in creating a WE-centric paradigm in my circle of influence. I agree with Winston Churchill who once said, “We make a living by what we get, we make a life by what we give.” When you give with no expectation of return you will get a good life. You’ll also get a better world; one in which we all look out for one another.
This is merely a sample of the kind of advice you will find in 42 Rules for Creating WE.
The common sense point here is simple. Successful people are interpersonally competent. Interpersonally competent people build strong, lasting, mutually beneficial relationships. Giving with no expectation of return is a great way to build relationships. When you give with no expectation of return you are living a life based on an abundance mentality, not a scarcity mentality based on the idea of quid pro quo. Giving with no expectation of return means that you are trusting that the good you do, and the help you provide others will be returned to you. I have found this to be true – often in very strange and unexpected ways.
That’s my take on building relationships by giving with no expectation of return. What’s yours? Please leave a comment sharing your thoughts with us. As always, thank you for reading.
Bud
Recommend This If you liked this, let others know:
May 7, 2009
10:26 am | 0 recommendations | Be the first to comment
Dynamic communication skills are one the keys to personal and professional success that I discuss in Straight Talk for Success. If you want to become a dynamic communicator, you need to master three basic, but very important, skills: 1) conversation; 2) writing; and 3) presenting.
Clear language is key to effective communication -- whether you are engaged in conversation, writing or presenting. The other day, I saw a quote from George Orwell, author of two of my favorite books, 1984 and Animal Farm. I still think that his words, “some animals are more equal than others” are some of the most amusing, sad, and truly prophetic words ever written.
Here’s what George has to say about clear communication…
“The great enemy of clear language is insincerity. When there is a gap between one's real and one's declared aims, one turns as it were instinctively to long words and exhausted idioms, like a cuttlefish spurting out ink.”
“…a cuttlefish spurting out ink…” George certainly had quite a way with words. But he was right. Insincerity is the enemy of clear language. Effective communication is sincere communication. Speak, write and present from the heart and you will communicate well.
If you read this blog with any regularity, you know that I am a big believer in the power of personal branding. And, while I suggest that every person needs to choose his or her unique personal brand, I think that integrity needs to be the cornerstone of any personal brand.
Sincerity and integrity go hand in hand. Dictionary.com defines sincerity as “the quality or state of being sincere, genuine, honest and free of duplicity.” The secondary definition is “honesty of mind or intention; freedom from simulation, hypocrisy, disguise, or false pretense.” People with high integrity are sincere.
I like what George Orwell has to say because it is true. When you are sincere, you are likely to communicate well and clearly – without using obfuscating (or taking my own advice, confusing) words.
I find that when I dig deep into long, confusing sentences and paragraphs, there is often nothing there. On the other hand, I find a lot of common sense in sentences and paragraphs constructed using common language.
The common sense point here is simple. Successful people are dynamic communicators. Dynamic communicators communicate well in conversation, writing and presentations. Sincerity enhances communication. Common words and straightforward language are the hallmarks of sincerity. When you are sincere, you can be straightforward. When you are straightforward you communicate effectively.
That’s my take on the power of simple language. What’s yours? Please leave a comment sharing your thoughts with us. As always, thanks for reading.
Bud
Recommend This If you liked this, let others know:
May 6, 2009
09:41 am | 0 recommendations | 1 comment
Outstanding performance is one of the keys to personal and professional success that I discuss in Straight Talk for Success. If you want to become an outstanding performer, you need to do three things. 1) Stay on top of your game by becoming a lifelong learner. 2) Set high goals and do whatever it takes to achieve them. 3) Get organized. Manage your time, life and stress well.
I saw an interesting quote from my favorite playwrights, George Bernard Shaw, the other day. Mr. Shaw was very successful in his time -- and after. He died in 1950 at the age of 94, but his plays – he wrote more than 60 of them -- are still produced today.
“I dread success. To have succeeded is to have finished one's business on earth, like the male spider, who is killed by the female the moment he has succeeded in his courtship. I like a state of continual becoming, with a goal in front and not behind.”
At first glance I thought, “I dread success, what a strange thing to say.” But as I read the entire quote, I got it. Mr. Shaw makes an important point – success is a journey, not a destination.
Once you achieve success in one endeavor, or reach one of your goals, it’s important to set a new goal and reach even higher – or to enter “a state of continual becoming.” Mr. Shaw crammed a lot of success into his 94 years. He is the only person to win the Nobel Prize for Literature and an Oscar.
I love the concept of “continual becoming.” About the time Mr. Shaw died, Abraham Maslow was creating his hierarchy of human needs. I’ll be brief here as I realize that you are probably familiar with the hierarchy.
The hierarchy suggests that as human beings, we have a series of needs that must be met before others come into play. Our most basic needs are physiological, things like our ability to satisfy our hunger and thirst, the ability to survive today. Once physiological needs are satisfied, human needs turn to safety and security, the ability to survive over the long term. Next, human beings have social needs, the longing for a sense of belonging and for love. Moving up the hierarchy, we come to esteem needs, things like recognition and status. Self actualization needs are at the top of the hierarchy.
In broad terms, Maslow defined self actualization as “being all that you can be.” Then he said that you can never be all you can be, because as soon as you reach one accomplishment, you will find that there is more to achieve. In other words, self actualization is “a state of continual becoming, with a goal in front and not behind.”
What does this mean for becoming an outstanding performer? Plenty. It means that you need to set high goals, and do whatever it takes to achieve them. Then you need to repeat the process again and again, day after day, week after week, month after month, year after year. Outstanding performance is a lifelong commitment to goal setting and goal achievement.
The common sense point here is clear. Successful people are outstanding performers. Outstanding performers set high goals and do whatever it takes to achieve them. Then they set higher goals and achieve them. This is what Abraham Maslow refers to as “self actualization” and George Bernard Shaw calls “a state of continual becoming.” In other words, successful people don’t rest on their laurels, they are constantly looking for ways to do more and be more.
That’s my take on the importance of continually setting and achieving high goals. What’s yours? Please leave a comment sharing your thoughts with us. As always, thanks for reading.
Bud
Recommend This If you liked this, let others know:
May 5, 2009
09:22 am | 0 recommendations | Be the first to comment
Positive personal impact is one of the keys to personal and professional success that I discuss in Straight Talk for Success. If you want to create positive personal impact, you need to do three things. First, create and nurture your personal brand. Second, be impeccable in your presentation of self – in person and on line. Third, know and follow the basic rules of etiquette.
People who create positive personal impact are good at networking. They know how to engage others quickly and leave a positive, lasting impression. Dressing well and paying attention to your appearance is a great start. However, great networkers know that looking good is only one piece of the puzzle. Here are some of my best common sense tips on how to create positive personal impact through networking.
Here are my four best ideas on creating positive personal impact when networking…
Stay focused on the person with whom you are in a conversation. Many people let their eyes wander – especially at networking events. When you do this, you are sending a message to the person with whom you are speaking that he or she is less important than someone else you might spot in the crowd. It’s not only polite, it’s good business sense to focus on the person in front of you. Exchange business cards before you move on to speak with someone else.
Listen and respond appropriately to people you meet. Maintain eye contact. Ask questions if you don’t understand what they say. Paraphrase what they say to make sure you understand. Above all, respond appropriately – don’t take the conversation in a new direction until the topic under discussion has been exhausted.
Build relationships with people you meet by being helpful. Take the initiative. Give them leads that may help them. Last week, Helen Whelan CEO of SuccessTelevision.com sent me an email letting me know about a pr opportunity. I thanked Helen and followed up on the opportunity. I also sent it to two people I know who may be better suited than me. Why? Because I wanted to strengthen my relationships with them – and what better way to build strong relationships that by giving something of value to other people.
Learn from as many people as you can. Everybody has something to offer. With some people you have dig a little more deeply than with others. Regardless, treat every conversation as a learning opportunity. The more you listen, the more you’ll learn.
The common sense point here is simple. Successful people create positive personal impact. Networking is a great way to create a powerful lasting impression for yourself. You will create positive personal impact in networking situations if you: 1) stay focused on the person with whom you are engaged in conversation; 2) listen and respond appropriately; 3) build relationships by being helpful; and 4) learn from as many people as you can.
That’s my take on using networking to create positive personal impact. What’s yours? Please leave a comment sharing your thoughts with us. As always, thanks for reading.
Bud
Recommend This If you liked this, let others know:
May 4, 2009
09:55 am | 0 recommendations | 1 comment
Self confidence is one of the keys to personal and professional success that I discuss in Straight Talk for Success. If you want to become self confident you need to do three things. 1) Become an optimist. 2) Face your fears and act. 3) Surround yourself with positive people.
Last week I did a Skype cast for members of an advanced placement class at my old high school. The students read Straight Talk and came prepared to ask me questions about it.
One young man sat way at the very end of one of the rows. Towards the end of the program, he got up from his seat and made his way to the computer and microphone in the middle of the room in order to ask a question.
From the way he hesitantly approached the microphone, I could tell that he was nervous. He sat down and squeaked out a question: “In your book, you talk about the importance of self confidence. How can I go about building my self confidence?”
I had to smile, because I could tell that walking to the microphone and asking that question was not easy for this young man. I said, “You’re on your way. You got up and asked a question. I could tell that this was difficult for you.” He smiled. I continued, “Facing your fears and acting is one of the most powerful things you can do to improve your self confidence. You just did that – good for you.”
It’s true. As you know, there are three keys to becoming self confidence: choosing optimism, facing your fears and acting, and surrounding yourself with positive people.
Becoming an optimist is more of a philosophical decision. You choose to live positively, and believe that things will be better today than they were yesterday. You can’t always choose the people with whom you surround yourself – especially when you are still in high school.
However, you can choose to look your fear in your eye and take action – just like the young man did when he asked me the question on self confidence.
You will encounter things that scare you every day. Fear can paralyze you into inaction. The more you face your fears and act, the more self confident you will become. When you act, one of two things will happen; you will succeed, or you will fail. Success will boost your self confidence. Failure will provide an opportunity to learn and grow – which should also boost your self confidence.
Mike Ditka, the famous American football coach says, “Failure is rarely fatal.” He’s right. It’s an opportunity to try again, only more intelligently.
The common sense point here is clear. Successful people are self confident. Self confident people face their fears and act. They don’t let fear paralyze them into inaction. If you want to become self confident, identify your fears and then do what it takes to overcome them. Procrastination is a good place to start. The next time you find yourself procrastinating on a job or task as yourself, “What am I afraid of here?” Once you identify your fear, you’ll be in a position to act on it and overcome it.
That’s my take on becoming self confident by facing your fear and acting. What’s yours? Please leave a comment sharing your thoughts with us. As always, thanks for reading.
Bud
Recommend This If you liked this, let others know:
May 1, 2009
10:02 am | 0 recommendations | 1 comment
Interpersonal competence is one of the keys to personal and professional success that I discuss in Straight Talk for Success. If you want to become interpersonally competent, you need to do three things. 1) Get to know yourself. Use this self knowledge to better understand others. 2) Build strong relationships with the important people in your life. 3) Resolve conflict positively and in a manner than enhances, not detracts from your relationships.
I’ve been blogging about my forthcoming book 42 Rules to Jumpstart Your Professional Success. The other day, I got an email from a friend asking if I have forgotten about Straight Talk. Not at all. In fact, here’s a little piece on listening that appears in Straight Talk for Success. It focuses on the importance of listening in becoming interpersonally competent…
I read a lot. I sometimes find great information in unexpected places. Tony Hillerman and Andrew Vachss are two of my favorite novelists. To my great sorrow, Tony Hillerman passed away last year. He wrote mysteries set on the Navajo reservation in the American southwest. Vachss writes tough-guy mysteries, most of them set in New York.
I was reading a Hillerman book called Coyote Waits and came across this passage:
Jacobs was silent for a while, thinking about it, her face full of sympathy. She was a talented listener. He had noticed it before. She had all her antennae out, focused on the speaker. The world was shut out. Nothing mattered but the words she was hearing. Listening was ingrained in Navajo culture. One didn’t interrupt. One waited until the speaker was finished, gave him a moment or two to consider additions, footnotes or amendments, before he responded. But even Navajos listened impatiently. Not really listening, but framing their reply. Jean Jacobs really listened. It was flattery, and Chee knew it, but it had its effect.
I have great respect for my books and usually don’t dog-ear them to mark a page. But I dog-eared this page. I knew I would use it when I was writing about listening.
What’s the message in the Hillerman passage above? Listen. Don’t interrupt. Let the other person finish. Don’t start deciding what you’re going to say until after you’ve listened to, and thought about, what the other person has said. Pretty good stuff to find in a middle of a mystery novel.
Andrew Vachss has another passage on good listening. Burke is one of Vachss’ characters. He is a tough guy, but listening is one of his strong suits. He says:
It’s not hard to get some people to talk; it’s listening that takes real skill. You can’t just shift to recorder mode until you confirm the channel is open and the signal is strong. Sometimes, they just need to tell you something important to them before they tell you anything important to you. It’s like uncorking a bottle of wine and letting it breathe before you have a taste.
Burke’s message is pretty clear, too. Focus on the other person. Let him or her take the lead. If you’re patient, you’ll get the information you want and/or need.
You might find it odd that I’m dispensing listening advice based on what I’ve read in mystery novels. However, one of Stephen Covey’s 7 Habits of High Effective People is, “Seek first to understand, then to be understood.” Hillerman and Vachss are saying the same thing – in a more poetic style. Listen and you will better understand others. When you understand others it’s a lot easier to build strong relationships with them.
The common sense point here is clear. Successful people are interpersonally competent. Interpersonally competent people build and maintain solid, long lasting relationships with the important people in their lives. Listening is key to relationship building and becoming interpersonally competent. Focusing on the other person – really paying attention to what he or she is saying – is key to listening.
That’s my take on interpersonal competence and listening. What’s yours? Who is the best listener you know. Leave a comment giving a shout out to him or her. As always, I thank you for using your very precious time to read this post.
Bud
Recommend This If you liked this, let others know:
