Work/Life: My Super Tuesday Campaign Promises
| posted by Tom SternCEO Dad’s Tuesday Tirade….
My daughter’s elementary school is holding a mock primary today. I guess it’s important to introduce children to the importance of choosing the most qualified candidate who was capable of raising half a billion dollars in campaign funds. As she left this morning, she very sweetly told both my wife and myself, “If you guys were running, I would totally vote for you.”
Once I got over my gush of sentimentality (and the reflexive competitiveness that reared its head when I thought about the adrenaline rush of hypothetically competing in a primary with my own wife), I realized that no one out there is campaigning on a work/life ticket. So, allow me to be the first.
If elected, I pledge the following:
--To impose a 12% work/life tax on anybody who stays in the office past 7:01 p.m.
--Conversely, a generous tax refund shall be given to any person who can show proof of having spent 24 hours doing absolutely nothing.
--To work to eradicate, and possibly make criminal, the use of Bluetooth devices in public places.
--All in-car DVD players will be dismantled and replaced with a screen that reads, “let’s talk.”
--Whatever date on which “Celebrity Apprentice” is finally cancelled shall be declared a national holiday.
--The word “money” shall be replaced with the word “mange.” (After saying phrases such as “can I borrow some mange?” and “I only work to get more mange,” priorities will shift by osmosis.)
--Finally, I pledge to stem the tide of rampant and unprecedented growth in the Starbucks sector. Ready access to exotic caffeine-laden beverages is destroying our every attempt to remain non-wired.
--Oh, and I promise to do something about Blackberries. Not sure what yet, but my people will get on it.
I’m Tom Stern, and I approved this message. What would your campaign promises be?
