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Work/Life: American Idol, Your Days Are Numbered
| posted by Tom Stern
- Even as the latest season of “American Idol” moves into its final weeks, I was on the fence about creating an “Idol”-themed blog for today. It seemed a little low-brow. Then I found an article on the show, by no less a reputable a source than the Los Angeles Times, which did a point-by-point analysis of the most recent contestants to be voted off the program. The piece was written with all the earnest gravitas of a graduate thesis on A Comparison of Modes of Duality in the Works of the 18th Century Romantic Poets; so if the LA Times can take this crap seriously, so can I.
- To that end, less of a term paper than, well, a pitch for a new televised talent show. The media is awash in ways for everyday citizens to have their fifteen minutes, but the field seems confined to endurance tests, singing ability, weight loss or a penchant for wife swapping. Not that one expects television to celebrate the deeper aspects of our humanity anytime soon, but it doesn’t mean they can’t at least put it on the back burner. Call it “Work/Life Idol.” In this show, contestants are judged for their ability to prioritize the things that really matter.
- A panel of celebrity judges (Stephen Covey, Dr. Wayne Dyer, and some third person culled from the pool of people who push self-awareness during PBS pledge drives) watch people in a variety of hypothetical situations try to choose the healthiest option in each case. One hopeful sits at an office desk taking an urgent call from their toddler who misses them, while that week’s guest star (Pauly Shore? Steven Seagal? Shannen Dougherty?) harangues them to get back to work. How long before the badgering makes them abandon their loved ones needs? The celebrity judges will weigh in on each entrant’s performance. And from what I’ve heard about that Covey guy, you don’t want him on your bad side. They say he makes Simon Cowell look like that nun who shows people around art museums.
- Elimination rounds include real-life decisions such as the “Bag-Of-Money-On-The-Left/Lasting Marriage-On-The-Right” Gambit, or the “Surgically Implanted Blue Tooth Challenge.” In the season finale, the semi-finalists go head-to-head with the Dalai Lama, who whispers arguments for obtaining eternal bliss into their ear while they try to close a multi-million dollar real estate deal with that week’s celebrity guest (Kevin Federline? Rob Schneider? A previous runner-up from “World’s Biggest Loser”?). Sorry, but we have to have a “real” celebrity guest in the season finale. Nobody is going to care about that Dalai Lama guy.
- Americans need time to adjust to new ideas. Maybe there is something horribly ironic about making a contest out of good work/life balance, but sometimes you have to break the system from within. And any other ideas for games or challenges on “Work/Life Idol” will be cheerfully accepted.
